She attempts to continue the small conversation, “Where are you coming from?”
Water, I think. I remember a lot of water.
The woman leans in, examining my face. “Do you remember your name? Are you lost? I think you’re lost. Who are you?”
Her last question causes me to react instantly with conviction, “Ivy Harris.” I take my answer as the truth, though I don’t know where it came from.
“Ah, Ivy Harris! Pleased to meet you. I’m Gertrude Olivia Davenport.” She reaches out to shake my hand and I respond in kind. Her grip is firm, warm, and gives me a feeling of appreciation though we don’t know each other.
“Nice to meet you too.”
A blue and gray bus arrives. It stops before us with the high-pitched squeal of its brakes, then the airbrakes release a heavy sigh of relief as it parks. An advertisement spans the length of its side. It’s an image of a group of friends with their arms over each other’s necks—five guys and five girls. They’re smiling and laughing, not a care in the world. Even the visually rolling storm, moving as if it’s real, behind them doesn’t discourage their moods. Along the bottom, it reads in large print, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE! In the bottom, right corner is a logo of a heart inside a simple square with rounded corners. Directly below it says, LOVE, indicating the name of the clothing line. The bi-fold doors of the bus slide open. It’s dark inside. I can hardly make out the driver’s features, though his teeth gleam with a friendly smile and a wink.
The two people behind us skirt the bench and make their way to the bus. I stand as Gertrude does, something compelling me to get on the bus as well. She spins on me, cocking her head to the side with curiosity in her countenance. “Where are you going?” she poses sweetly, a soft smile gracing her beautiful face.
I stammer, “I… I… On the bus?”
Gertrude’s smile widens. She rights her head as it shakes methodically from side to side, “Silly girl. You’re not welcome where we’re going. You’re not finished yet.”
A warm gust of air hits me from the open door of the bus. The urge to get on becomes stronger. I consider Gertrude. I’m confused and hurt. But I need to go with you, I whine internally.
Void of aggression, she slams a flat palm into my chest, “Go!” The force is dizzying, sending a flash of light to my eyes. I stumble back. She doesn’t stop. Gertrude hits me again with her flat hand, “Go!” This time, her hand sends a jolt of electricity into me. I fall into a bright illumination growing from behind me.
The bus stop disappears.
The rain stops.
I can breathe again.
Chapter 19
I wake with a gasping breath, wide-eyed and flailing as strong hands grip my wrists, restraining me. Words float on the air, meaningless figments of my imagination. I don’t know where I am. All I know is I feel as if I had been drowning and I can finally breathe again. I’m fastened tightly into a solid form, cocooned from making any movements. I hear a deep voice, feeling it vibrate against my ear, “Ivy, it’s ok.”
I know that voice. I freeze. “Jack?”
He holds me at arm’s length to search my face. “It’s ok. You’re safe.”
My focus bounces between his beautiful green eyes, full of anxiety and creased with worry. I begin to cry. I don’t know exactly why. My emotions are overflowing with grief, regret, gratitude, and alleviation. Jack pulls me back into his arms, smoothing my hair away from my face and down my back. He rocks me back and forth, until my tears dry. Then he holds me for a long time.
The door opens, and my body jolts away, my wings popping out defensively. Solas stops inside the door, surprised, eyes glassing over. I instantly feel ashamed and tuck my wings back. “Sorry,” I tell him. “You scared me.”
He approaches with caution. “Are you… How do you feel? Do you remember anything?”
I shrug once. “I’m alright now, I guess. I didn’t know where I was when I woke up.”
“But you feel alright?” Jack surveys, searching my eyes closer.
I nod. “A little out of sorts, but I’m fine now.”
Jack and Solas share a look. I ignore it. Solas repeats, “Do you remember anything?”
I roll my eyes with a snort. “Of course, I do.”
He implores, “Can you tell us what happened?”
My brows wrinkle. “The Darkness inside me was overtaking my essence. It needed to be balanced.” I address Jack, “Part of my essence was innately of the Darkness. Dominions wanted me to prove my loyalty to the Light after I attacked Michael. They wanted the Darkness inside me expelled. All of it… I forfeited it.”
My top eyelashes kiss the apples of my cheeks as I recall, “I was taken to the same room Jack died in. They said the distress would help coax the Darkness. We joined hands, and I began to search for my essence. Once I started purging, it was like I couldn’t stop. The Originals used their own abilities to boost the purge. It was violent and smelled horrible.”
I collect myself, then open my eyes. I admit, “I exhausted all my energy and passed out.”
They’re silent a moment, allowing the intensity of the events to settle. Solas quizzes, “What about after that?”
“What do you mean? I was asleep, then woke up here.”
“Did you dream or have a vision?” he pushes.
I squint, leaning forward a bit as I concentrate. Finding nothing, I chirp, “Nope. No dreams. No visions.”
Jack challenges, “Are you positive? Your body was here, but your essence was not.”
I scrunch my face. “Like I was in the Veil?”
Jack affirms, “Yes, but you weren’t there. Alice checked.”
I claim, “I don’t understand where I was then. I don’t remember anything else.” They leave it at that. My stomach growls in irritation. I clasp a hand over it. “I’m starving. Can we go get something to eat?”
Jack rises from the bed to join Solas, “I’m sure you are. You’ve been out for three days.”
My brows climb, “Wow! Really?”
He reaches out a hand to help me from the bed, “Really.”
Solas hastens, “Before we go, you should probably know some things have changed since your essence was… cleansed, for lack of a better word.”
“What kind of things?” His hesitation worries me as he looks to Jack for help. “Is it Alice? Is she alright? Is Evelyn ok? What about the Griff—”
“Everyone else is fine,” Solas interrupts. “The changes are your features.”
I have the urge to feel my face for deformities. Jack chuckles at the look on my face and takes my hand, “It’s nothing bad, just different.”
Solas doesn’t appear amused with the situation. He nudges his head towards the bathroom, “Go, take a look.”
I run to the bathroom, examining myself in the long mirror. Jack and Solas’ reflections frame the doorway behind me. Then I notice the change. My eyes match. No longer is one green. They are both violet now. I peer closer to the mirror, pulling my eyes wider to be certain. I right my posture, dropping my hands away, “They’re the same.”
Jack pulls my attention, “That’s not all.”
As I look to him, the edges of my wings catch my eye. They are no longer black as midnight. I spread them wide, inch by inch, until they are at their full extent. Their feathers reflect a rich purple, darkening to a dark eggplant shade at their tips. “Oh, wow,” I whisper with astonishment.
Jack compliments, “They’re beautiful.”
I smile tightly at his reflection. Solas flashes a glare at him before approaching me, “Still beautiful.” The closer he gets to me; a prickling sense passes further up my spine.
“There’s one more thing,” he says lowly to my profile.
I observe him over my shoulder. I don’t have to wait long. His hand slowly comes for my cheek but passes it, retrieving a lock of my hair and placing it over my shoulder. My eyes fall back to the mirror as I run my fingers over its white strands. “I understand the other changes. The Darkness
inside me contributed to their colors. But what causes something like this?”
Solas sighs, his eyes sad. “I believe it’s from losing a piece of your essence.”
I assure him, “I’m fine. I swear.” My stomach growls again. “I’m just starving.” I turn from the mirror and pass them to retrieve my boots. Shoving them on my feet, I wonder, “Think we have some peanut butter?” I make my way through the door, turning right down the corridor towards the kitchen, “I would kill for some peanut butter right now.”
After overindulging in the kitchen, my body tingles with delight as we travel to the Throne Room to meet the Originals. I’m excited for what the day will hold. The peanut butter I found must have hit the spot. Jack had given me a disgusted look when Solas brought me the salt shaker and a spoon for my peanut butter. I didn’t care. I dug into the jar, salted my spoonful, and licked it clean in one bite. I have the urge to skip down the corridor but refrain myself from bubbling over.
Solas eyes me uneasily, “Are you alright?”
“Fine!” I blurt with too much energy.
I can’t help but smile wide with a bow as I’m greeted by the Originals. Camael excuses his son and Solas, “I promise she is in safe hands.”
Once the doors are closed behind them, I look to Raphael and Camael, “I am so sorry about your hands. I couldn’t let go. I trust they healed just fine, though?”
Camael quirks a brow. Raphael’s smile is forced as he replies for the both of them, “It’s quite alright. We understand.”
Gabriel questions, “How are you feeling?”
“Great! I feel…amazing!” I gush.
Michael remarks, “Is that so?”
“Yes,” I affirm, attempting to contain my overzealous emotions.
“Will you be ready for training tomorrow?” he specifies.
I nod, “Yes. Has anyone heard from my father? It’s been a few days now. Is he alright?”
Camael clears his throat. “He will be returning soon.”
I’m relieved. “Good.”
Raphael notes, “He doesn’t know about Dominions decision yet, but we will notify him upon his return.” Michael glares at him.
I prompt, “Where will training begin tomorrow?” Are we picking up where we left off?”
Camael corrects, “You will begin with me on The Common tomorrow morning.”
“There will be changes made,” Michael adds. “No other being shall be present for your training, and the Reapers are no longer needed.”
I cross-examine, “What about the sentries watching The Common?”
“They must find somewhere else to go in the interim.” I nod once in understanding of their need for secrecy. Michael smiles. “You are dismissed if you can keep out of trouble.”
I grin, then bow. “Thank you.”
On the way back to my chambers, I run into Alice. “Alice!” I yip. Her head snaps up, and I charge. We collide in each other’s arms. “I missed you!” I tell her.
“I missed you too,” she cries.
I kiss her cheek and step back. I swipe her tears away, “Hey. I’m fine. Look at me.”
She meets my gaze with her reddened doe-eyes. Everything she needs to say is there. No words are needed. She breaks the silence, “What happened to your eyes?” I embrace her tightly again.
We go to my chambers, and she helps me change the sheets I’ve been sleeping in for the past three days. We make the bed and plop down across it from opposite sides. Our heads are parallel to each other as we stare up at the ceiling.
I muse, “I heard the triplets are back. Did they find Cora?”
Alice takes a deep breath, releasing it heavily. “No. They know she was there, but she was an enigma.”
“Maybe I can induce a vision. I have no clue when she’s coming with Mephistopheles and Lucifer. I hope we’re prepared and not caught off guard.”
“Incoming!” Beckett yells from the doorway as he jumps for a place on the bed.
Alice and I scream, moving out of the way. Beckett makes himself at home, laying back on my pillows with his hands behind his head, legs crossed casually, and eyes shut. I look to Alice, motioning with my hands silently. She nods. Beck peeks at me with one eye, seeing the disbelief in the set of my face. He doesn’t know I’m faking. He closes his eyes again. Alice and I move swiftly, tying Beck up in the covers. He laughs and gets out of it anyway.
Alice huffs at him. “You suck.” She pivots away, “I’m going to eat now. See you two later.”
“Later,” Beck calls from his perch at the foot of my bed.
“Bye, A,” I say, blowing her a kiss.
I turn back to Beck, “One day, I’m going to win. You just wait.”
He grins mischievously, “I am the master of pranks. What kind of Griffin would I be if I let you win?”
I argue, “Not let me; I just will.” He chuckles, standing to help me remake the bed we’ve destroyed. I ask him, “How’s Becky? Did she come back with you?”
Beckett’s features tighten. He crosses his arms protectively. “What did you hear?”
I falter, “Nothing. Did something happen? Is she ok?” His arms fall back to his sides, his eyes beginning to shine. Dread fills me. “What happened?”
He falls into the chair still sitting beside my bed from Jack watching me sleep. His hands cover his face, but I notice his skin flushing.
I crawl on top of the bed, facing him. “Talk to me, Beck. What’s wrong?”
When his hands fall away, his eyes are bloodshot with sorrow. It’s the worst thing in the world to watch a grown man cry. He croaks, “I left her in Red Meadow.”
I don’t understand why he’s upset. “Is she safe?”
His lips brace against themselves. He nods adamantly. “Safer than she would be here… She’s away from me. That’s how it should be.”
I caution, “Did you hurt her, Beckett?”
His astonishment is immediate, “Never!”
I hold up a hand, “Ok. I didn’t think you would. It’s just how you said that, scared me. Why would you think she would be in danger around you?”
Beckett jumps from the chair, pointing to himself, “Because of what I am!” I stare at him in wonder, waiting for him to expound. He begins to pace angrily, “I’m Fallen. I have Darkness corrupting my essence. Who is to say that, one day, I won’t have anything but malice inside me. I don’t belong with someone like her. She’s Grigori! Even if I weren't Fallen, if none of us fell, I wouldn’t belong with her. She’s mortal. She’ll die one day. Who am I to hold her back from living a full life?”
“How would you be holding her back?”
He faces me, and I watch the rage leave him. “She will always be in danger by loving me. I’m rogue. There’s no telling what they would do to her if they find us.”
“They who?”
“Any Warrior of Darkness could turn me into Sheol. I can’t take her on the run with me. That’s not a life for her. I’m not the life for her. I can’t give her everything she deserves. She’s a perfect being, and I will always be less. I will only hold her back and get her killed.”
I utter, “So you let her go.”
Beckett nods, “I let her go.”
I meet him in the middle of the room and take his hands. “Did you ask Becky what she wants?”
“I don’t care what she wants. This is what’s best for her. Better to cut ties now than later.”
I squeeze his hands, prompting him to look me in the eyes. “Remember when I showed you your essence?” He nods. “When you told me about you and Becky, I was so happy for you. You deserve to be happy after everything you’ve been through.”
He objects, “I don’t deserve anything. Especially, someone as great as Becky.”
“You don’t know that,” I counter.
He jerks his hands away from me. “And you do?”
I shake my head. “I know your heart, Beckett. You could give so much life and adventure to Becky.”
“I won’t put her in dan
ger. She is the only being I’ve loved like this. I will never love another. I’m not made that way.”
I tilt my head. “I thought you were a lady’s man?”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “Reputations can be deceiving.”
We hold our gazes in silence. It hurts my heart to see him in pain. If I could fix it, I would. I would spend a lifetime picking up the pieces of his heart and sewing them back together. There’s a glint in his eyes of finality to the conversation. I attest, “So that’s that.”
Beckett pulls himself together. “I’m glad you’re back. We were worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” I wave off. “Gosh! Why is everyone acting like I died?”
Beckett shrugs, truly examining me for the first time, “Maybe you did?”
I’m lost in a daze with Beckett’s conclusion. He slips out the door, and I find myself on the rug, staring into the fire. I shouldn’t give his words a second thought, but they’re gnawing at me. It bothers me that I lost three days I can’t account for. No matter what I try or how deep I dig, answers elude me. It’s utterly illogical that I died because my body remained alive while I was unconscious. Where did I go if my essence wasn’t here?
Beckett’s confession is bothering me just as much as my three missing days. From our delicate conversation, I’ve determined that he has had these feeling all along and kept them to himself.
Secrets are vicious creatures. They begin, innocent enough. Over time, they feed on fear, growing until they’re so massive they explode like a supernova; its particles rain from the sky, creating a meteor shower of fireballs igniting everything in its path. Maybe the secret is just a little white lie you tell yourself. Maybe it’s self-denial.
Self-denial is worse than harboring secrets. You’re oblivious to the lie you contain. You don’t know why it’s there or realize that you’re hiding from its wrath, because, let’s face it, we deny the truth of our reality to avoid change. We don’t like change, good or bad. It’s uncomfortable. It scares us. It’s an unknown entity, barging in and screwing things up. Even those who claim to live in the moment fear change to some extent.
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 92
