“There’re towels on the counter and a dry housecoat to change into. I’ll be downstairs when you’re through, with a good meal waiting.” He didn’t even wait for a response before leaving the room.
She wanted to be angry, to scream and curse, but she was too much in shock. As much as she hated to admit it, she’d hardened into a stone-cold bitch over the years. This was exactly the wake-up call she needed. Where would her daughters be if they came home and found her near death in the orchard? But desperation caused her to do foolish things, and even now she was tempted to steal off to her farm and tend her young trees. She had to face the bitter reality that she’d probably lose her orchard, and her wheat soon enough.
After bathing, drying, and wrapping herself in the terrycloth robe, she stood in front of the mirror and really looked at herself. She was no longer a young woman. Where had the years gone? Her skin wasn’t tight and youthful, but aging with fine lines and blemishes. Her hair was limp when it used to be full and envied by other women. Even if she wanted to move on and start life over, it was too late for her. The time for dreams was past. It was her children’s moment to fall in love, start rewarding careers, and enjoy the fruits of their labor. Wendy’s only place was in the shadows.
She quietly padded out of the bathroom and across the cool hardwood floors. All these years and she’d never been inside the Laweson Ranch. Wendy knew Wade wasn’t married, but didn’t really know too much about his personal life. She’d been so busy avoiding him, hiding from her real emotion, that she’d blocked out Wade and most of the world beyond her property line.
As she crept down the stairs, she scanned the area, trying to catch a glimpse of him before he did her. It felt odd to be able to take deep breaths of cool air in the middle of a heat wave. Not even the feedstore had air-conditioning, just the usual box fans. It shouldn’t be a surprise because she knew Wade had a successful business. He could afford luxuries, and he’d offered to help her on countless occasions. She was just too damn proud. Since her husband’s death she’d taken care of the ranch, bills, and cared for four children without handouts or help from anyone. To accept assistance now felt like giving up, like all those years of suffering were for nothing.
“Feel better?”
She gripped the handrail of the stairs, not expecting a voice from behind her in the hallway. “The heat must have gotten to me.” There was only a robe separating Wade and her complete nudity. For some reason it excited her, made her feel like a real woman. Feelings she’d stifled for what felt like a lifetime came rushing back, making her skin tingle. Her long-dormant body was coming to life. Why now?
“You’re not out of the woods yet, darlin’. Come back and sit on the sofa. You can eat from there so you can lean back on the cushions. Heatstroke can do funny things to a person, even when you think you’re well.”
She humored him for now. Mostly because she still felt out of sorts and knew it would be smartest to cool off and rest a while before returning to her stifling-hot home. Without Wade ordering her to sit and relax, she knew she’d start working extra hard to catch up on lost time if she headed home now. Maybe she needed a strong man in her life, one who could respect her as well as put her in her place when necessary. “Thank you for everything.” Wendy sat on the sofa, ensuring the robe was held tightly together.
Wade sat on a well-loved brown leather chair which faced her, just a wooden coffee table separating them. He’d set out an array of food on a white ceramic turkey platter. Red and green grapes, cubes of store-bought cheese, and what looked like a scrambled egg sandwich on whole wheat bread. Her mouth salivated. Back home they lived straight off the land, so if something wasn’t in season or grown in their garden, they went without.
She tentatively reached for a piece of marbled cheese. When she glanced up to gauge Wade’s reaction, he was smiling, a calmness in his eyes. She’d never seen him riled, so maybe he was always laid-back. “Go on. It’s all for you. You need protein and fluids. Drink all that juice. It doesn’t look pretty, but it has everything the body needs.”
The juice in question was green and pulpy. There wasn’t much that Wendy wouldn’t try, so she wasn’t worried. “Thank you,” she repeated. This was the first time anyone had taken care of her. Even when she was sick, she sucked it up and cared for her children. But her children were adults now. Her youngest was twenty-two and moving out in a few months. There would no longer be a need for sacrifices and nobody to care for. Wendy would be lost when she no longer had a role to play. She only knew how to be a mother, a provider.
“Wendy, you don’t have to battle the drought on your own. You have neighbors who’re willing to help. Want to help.” He dragged a hand through his waves of brown hair. Wade was a ruggedly handsome man with strong features. His blue eyes were piercing, as if they could see behind her facade to the vulnerable woman locked up behind the tough skin.
She shook her head. “Everyone has their own problems.”
“I want to help you,” he said. “I want to be everything you need if you’d only let me. You’re a strong, beautiful woman, one who deserves to be loved and cared for.”
Wendy ate the cheese.
“What happens when Kylie leaves home? You gonna live all by your lonesome on that ranch?”
“Loneliness can’t inspire a woman to love.”
“Not if it isn’t already in her heart,” he countered.
After reached for a sprig of grapes, she answered, “I still have Christine.”
“Phil was telling me she’s doing well in school. Do you think she’ll be living at home forever? It’s only natural for grown children to want to start lives for themselves, fall in love, and marry.”
She frowned. “I hope you’re not saying I don’t want the best for my children. Of course I want them to be happy and live their own lives. Not once have I considered myself before them.”
He grabbed her wrist when she reached for another grape on the platter. “Exactly. Why you punishing yourself? You have so much life to live.”
They held eye contact for a moment. “Being alive is reward enough. Some of us aren’t that lucky.” She couldn’t even say her husband’s name or mention his death without clamming up.
“Right. Your husband.” He took a deep breath, letting go of her wrist. “How long’s it been?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She swirled the glass of veggie juice, watching the thick liquid spiral around the inside rim. All the muscles in her body seemed to go taut at once.
“Too bad.”
She snapped her eyes back up, meeting his gaze. Her mouth was agape due to his callous tone and outright rudeness.
“You need to let go of the past, baby doll. There ain’t nothing wrong with remembering those you love, but when you can’t even function, can’t live a normal, healthy life, then you have a problem. I can see the conflict brewing inside you, eating you alive.”
Wendy was so exhausted, weak, hungry, and emotionally battered that her resolve diminished by the second. “Please…Just leave me be.” Her words came out as a whisper, a near-silent cry of a woman crumbling from the inside out. Even as they sat here, her orchard and wheat were burning under the unrelenting sun, her bills were getting behind, and she’d have to sell one of her beloved horses as soon as she secured a buyer. On top of that, she was being forced to relive a painful past, one she couldn’t let go of. Wade was right. She was living an unhealthy life, living in a shadow of her former self. All these years she was so busy being mother and rancher that she didn’t have time to reflect. Now that her kids were grown, she was starting to discover herself again, and all her undealt-with baggage. Wendy didn’t really like herself at all.
“I’ll never leave you be, darlin’. I’ll always be there for you if you call. I only hope you realize what’s right in front of you soon. I guarantee no man will love you like I do.” Then he chuckled. “I’m not getting any younger, Wendy McCay. You’ve held me back for nearly fifteen years. The day may come
when I have no choice but to look for love elsewhere.”
Her heart began to race. “But you just said you’d never leave me be.”
“I’ll always be there if you need help, but I have desires like any other man. I won’t make the same mistake you have by locking my heart away.”
Wendy felt terror stricken. She may have been standoffish with Wade over the years, but she finally realized that his presence and constant courting were a comfort to her. She’d been the one in the wrong, encouraging him on occasion, knowing she was incapable of loving back. Now that he’d threatened to take that unconditional love elsewhere, she felt desperate to grab hold of him, to beg him to love her.
Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes. Not just for the potential loss, but for wasting away her whole life, her years of youth, her beauty. Wade deserved the woman she used to be, not the thing that looked back at her in the mirror now. She dropped her head to shield her glistening eyes. “Please don’t give up on me.”
Chapter Four
Wade’s heart broke for the woman in front of him. She’d been so icy since he’d known her, rarely giving outsiders a glimpse into the warm woman she kept under lock and key. Those rare times she let down her guard were enough to win over his heart. Now she looked defeated. Lost. His protective instincts soared off the charts. He wanted to be everything she needed, but knew he had to take baby steps or risk losing her.
They were both lonely, unmarried, and the physical attraction between them was more than evident. She could deny it until the cows came home, but he’d seen her check out his body, take peeks when she thought he wasn’t looking. It was a constant cat-and-mouse game, but he was tiring of it, weary of waiting. Of course, he was plum smitten with Wendy. He’d never seen a woman age so beautifully, and carry herself with such strength and grace. She was a good mother, and a hard worker, but it was time for her to explore the woman.
“Stop pushing me away and I’ll wait for you, give you all the time in the world you need.”
“I’m just—I’m in over my head. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, before I open my eyes, I pretend things are different. That the crops are healthy, the bills are paid, my daughter isn’t dating an asshole, and that…I know what love is again.”
He pushed the coffee table to the side, the legs scraping the hardwood, and knelt in front of her, clasping her hands in one of his. “That can be real, sweetheart. I promise I’d never hurt you, never make you regret loving me.”
She scoffed. “You deserve better. I doubt I’ll be able to give much. It’s been so long—” He could practically hear her resolve cracking. It was the day he’d waited for, the day she decided to move on, accept change.
“I’ll take whatever I can get. Just give me a chance.”
She worried her lower lip between her teeth. He wasn’t sure if it was because she was thinking or because her lips needed more balm. “No promises.”
He kissed her knuckles, her skin silky under his lips. His cock instantly came to life despite the room weighing heavily with emotion. But if he managed to control that appendage for years, he could keep it in check for a while longer. “Eat your sandwich before it gets cold. I made it myself.”
She complied, reaching out for it as Wade stood up. Watching her eat the food he’d prepared with his own hands gave him a unique sense of pleasure and peace. He wanted Wendy McCay to be his more than all the riches in the world. Now that she’d offered him a chance to prove himself, he’d show her exactly how a cowboy treated a woman.
* * * *
Jackson had a tiring week, registering at new events, competing in barrel races, and meeting up with old friends. A piece of him would always be part of the rodeo. It was in his blood, his soul. But another part, maybe taken from his mother, wanted a different life. He finished his cigarette in the truck, not wanting to piss off his landlady. Her pickup was in the driveway, so he didn’t want to risk getting scolded by her for smoking. Then again, he did crave her fiery nature.
All week she’d kept aloof, feeding and caring for him, but not getting too friendly. A woman living alone could never be too safe, especially with a strange man living under her roof, so he could understand her guarded nature. But her caution went to the extreme—if they shared a laugh, she quickly stifled it. When any intimacy formed mutually between them, she suddenly remembered something she had to do at the other side of the ranch. The more he watched her, the more he became infatuated. Little things, like the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she did her mending in the evenings. He’d watch her work, her little pixy nose and full lips downright adorable. She would get so focused on her task that she didn’t even realize he would be staring like a lovesick fool. He didn’t care that she was a good many years older. Jackson had never been a ladies’ man, always a degree more responsible than his friends. He could appreciate the value of a good woman. Mrs. McCay had experience, confidence, and mature beauty—things the young cowgirls didn’t possess. He wanted her even more knowing he could never have her.
Christine came rushing from the house. He butted his cigarette out in the ashtray and rolled the window all the way down. “Have you seen my mother?”
“No. Just pulled up myself.”
“Well, her truck’s here. She left me some chickens for plucking, but I can’t find her.”
It was unusual that Mrs. McCay wouldn’t be around at this hour. She rarely left the ranch, and worked herself to the bone maintaining the place until the last shred of daylight. When Jackson offered to help, it was like pulling teeth. She was overly obsessed with her independence, refusing to allow others to assist her. The fact she was gone without her truck worried him. An unsettled feeling formed inside him, as if something was terribly wrong.
“Let’s go take a look.” He got out of his truck and began his investigation. If she wasn’t in the house, she could be in the barn, the fields, or the orchard. He started with the barn. The heat was nearly unbearable, so he couldn’t imagine she’d be foolish enough to work the land at this hour. Christine followed along behind him.
The heavy equipment was where he expected it to be, the horses in the small, shaded paddock, and the dogs loose. He stopped near the back of the house, frowning as he tried to figure out where she’d go.
“I’m worried,” said her daughter. Christine’s face was marked with concern. Where the fuck could she be? His worries grew the longer he couldn’t find her. He began to run around the outside perimeter of the fields behind the house, calling her name. That woman didn’t seem to have a friend in the world, so she had to be here.
“Goddamn it,” he cursed after an extensive search.
“Maybe she went into town with Kylie.”
“Without the truck?”
“They could have drove with Kylie’s boyfriend. He has a car.”
He shook his head. “There’s no way she’d have anything to do with Jason. She bad-mouths him every chance she gets.”
As they stood there together, staring out into the open fields, the muffled sound of the telephone sparked both of their attention. Christine ran back to the house, whipping open the screen and bounding inside. Jackson hoped to God it wasn’t a phone call saying Mrs. McCay had been taken to the hospital or worse.
By the time he reached the house, afraid of what news Christine may tell him, she was out of breath, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Was it her?”
“No. It was a neighbor. My mom’s at the next ranch over. Apparently she suffered heatstroke trying to water the orchard by hand.”
This day was bound to come. She had no sense, refusing the help others offered. A working farm was too much work for one woman. “I’ll go get her,” he said, already digging in his pocket for his truck keys. “Which ranch?”
Christine sat on one of the wooden chairs at the kitchen table. “No, he said not to come by. He’ll bring her back tomorrow after she’s rested.”
“That doesn’t sound like something she’d agree
to. Who exactly is this neighbor of yours?” Mrs. McCay was as stubborn as they came, and she didn’t like to leave home, never mind spend the night elsewhere.
“Wade Laweson. He lives alone on that big cattle ranch. Thank God he came by when he did.”
“You’re not worried she’s over there?”
“He’s a good man, always doing us favors.” She took a cleansing breath and set up in front of the sink to prepare the chickens, tying a thin apron around her middle. “Don’t worry about dinner. I’ll have it ready on time before I head out.”
Jackson wasn’t worried about dinner or Christine’s social life. He could only think about those sensual blue eyes and inner strength of the woman now resting in another man’s house.
Jackson wasn’t sure who he was anymore. He was a drifter, a boarder who’d be back on the road in a matter of months. If Mrs. McCay ever decided to settle down with another man, she’d be best to choose a wealthy rancher who could provide her with easy living. She worked too damn hard, and Jackson had little to offer a woman. Still, the thought of packing up and never seeing her again didn’t sit well with him.
“Sure thing, darlin’. No worries.” He casually walked out of the room, but inside his head was spinning. He planned full well to head over to the Laweson Ranch to collect Mrs. McCay. If she needed rest or to be taken care of, he could provide it. He’d take the remainder of the week off, miss his events if he had to. She was more important. Once a man forgot the human element, only caring about conquering their next chance at eight seconds, they were as good as gone. He wouldn’t lose himself like his daddy had.
Jackson boarded his truck and wasted no time in driving out to the cattle ranch down the dirt road. He sprayed gravel as he left the property, overly anxious to get Mrs. McCay home, and even more eager to ensure her knight in shining armor didn’t try anything funny. An unfamiliar jealous streak surfaced. What if she only acted stoic with him, but welcomed the advances of other men, wealthier men her own age? Did she see him as a joke, as a kid because he was not much older than her son?
Espino, Stacey - Midlife Ménage [Ride 'em Hard 5] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 4
