He wanted to tell her to hurry, that hanging on was killing him, but he wouldn’t mar her first encounter in God knows how many years. She needed this, however long it took.
When she began to calm, her body pliant, he knew she was transitioning, her body preparing for the explosive moment to come. Her breathing was shallow and ragged, but he managed to hear her when she said, “Don’t leave me.”
What did she think? He’d move on to the next town without a backward glance? Jackson may have been a drifter for most of his adult life, but it wasn’t out of love. It was out of honor, and respect for what his father had taught him. But he was dead, leaving behind a grieving widow, just like Wendy’s husband had done to her. He wanted to make a change, to give up his path in life for one good woman.
“I’m here, baby. I’m right here.” He thrust harder, drowning in her heat, her scent, her touch. All his unfulfilled dreams of the past weeks paled in comparison to the real thing.
She dug her nails into his back as she began to brace herself for climax. “Jackson…” He loved the sound of his name on her sweet lips. Bringing Wendy to her peak was what he was born to do. Her movements, sounds, and breathing all increased just before her pussy clamped down hard on his cock. He was thankful to finally be able to allow himself the release he’d been holding back. As the walls of her cunt milked him, he came hard. He groaned aloud as he spent himself inside her.
“You’ve done me in, darlin’.” He rolled to his side, cringing from the shifting of his sore ribs. During sex he didn’t even remember his name, never mind his physical discomforts. Now they came back with a vengeance.
“I knew it. You are hurt.” She rose to a sit, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, hitting the swell of her bare breast. With the sun shining down from the open loft doors, she looked like an angel, his angel.
He shook his head. “You’re beautiful, you know that? I could stare at you all day and never grow bored.”
“Are you blind, cowboy?” she teased, grabbing for her shirt. He stilled her, holding her wrist.
“I’ve never seen more clearly.”
He finally let her dress. She was a tough woman, not comfortable with emotion. He was afraid that even though she’d asked him not to leave her at her most vulnerable, she’d feel different now that the sex was said and done. They should be talking, planning, sharing, but instead he knew she’d only get to work on the farm and pretend nothing happened, just like after he’d made her come with his tongue.
He didn’t push her. Jackson could wait, but how long would it take her to realize there was something more between them than a passing fancy? Before long it would be time for him to pack up and leave, his time as a boarder over. Paying events would move to new towns, and he’d have to follow.
Jackson watched the horizon from his vantage point in the barn loft, dreaming of a different life, one not as complicated as his.
“Okay, sit up.”
When he turned, he found Wendy fully dressed. The only proof she’d just been fucked was her hair being slightly dishevelled. “For what?”
She held up a roll of tensor bandages used for horse legs. “I’m going to check your ribs and then bind you up.” He would have refused, but it felt good to have her fuss over him rather than walk away. “Lift your arms,” she said once kneeling beside him.
He did as told, watching her as she moved. Entranced. She had a delicate grace with the know-how of an intelligent, working woman. “You’re babying me.”
Wendy scowled, but continued to wrap the material around him. Each time she twisted it around his back, their cheeks brushed together as she reached forward. He wanted to kiss her so bad, nothing to do with sexual desire.
“If you didn’t act so recklessly, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Wade said he’d have done the same thing.” He waited for her response, realizing the issue with the Laweson man was actually weighing heavily on his mind. Wade was closer to Wendy’s age, with money, a ranch, and stability Jackson didn’t possess. He saw the way she looked at him. Was Wendy using him as a boy toy until a relationship with Wade was settled?
“Then you’re both fools. Going off to fight a battle alone, in the middle of the night, was beyond dangerous. You’re lucky you weren’t killed. There’re stories surrounding those boys, you know.”
He swallowed hard. “I did it for you,” he whispered, desperate for her approval.
She finished binding him, tucking the end of the bandage in snug. “I know, Jackson,” she said somberly, her eyes unfocused as she smoothed out the bandage.
The sound of a truck rolling up the gravel drive broke the country hush. They both leaned out the loft to see who was stopping by. Of course, it was Wade Laweson.
Chapter Ten
Wendy used the distraction to get out of the loft. She was a mess inside. Sex with Jackson had been an experiment of sorts. As much as she wanted it, she had to see if she would be able to share such a deep level of intimacy with another man. She’d done it, but the answer wasn’t black and white like she’d hoped. When Jackson had penetrated her with his beautiful cock, she couldn’t help but think of her late husband. She still carried that deep-seated loyalty, even though their marriage officially ended with his death, so long ago. It was hard.
Then Jackson had started to work her body, heating her blood, slipping in and out of her cunt with the stamina she’d expect from the young cowboy. It was enough to ease her mind and allow her to slip into that euphoric state. Maybe each time they coupled she’d forget a little more until it was only her and Jackson.
Wade’s voice rang in her ears and traveled the length of her body. The complexity of her situation made her head ache. Even if she was able to commit to Jackson and put the past behind her, what of Wade? They’d made their own subtle promises to each other, and she wanted him no less.
“There you are,” said Wade as he rounded the corner. “How you doing?” He had said he would come by to check on her, and the layers of his concern were evident in his tone. She felt caught in the spotlight, as if he knew what she’d just done with Jackson.
“I’m fine.”
“Kylie?”
“She’s a big girl. Christine took her to the university with a truckload of supplies. I think it’s best for her to get away for a few days until everything settles down.”
“You’re right, of course.” He smiled, his eyes warm and loving as he started at her. Wade reached out and felt a section of her hair between a thumb and finger. “I’ve always loved your hair. The color of wheat and sunshine.”
How was he able to ensnare her with just a few words? She’d been an expert at avoiding him for well over ten years, and in a matter of weeks, she was ready to give it all up.
“Wade…” She had to tell him the truth. It wouldn’t be right otherwise. She wanted to give him the chance he sought, eager for a relationship to work, but she’d just slept with Jackson and had feelings for him, too. “I know I said I’d give things a chance between us…”
He took her hands in his. “What is it, baby doll?” She felt emotion well up inside her. If Wade gave up on her, she’d crack down the middle. He was her rock now that she’d finally opened her eyes to what he meant to her. Her apple orchard was given more borrowed time because of both men. They cared about her, and she wanted to do right by both of them.
Just then Jackson came around the corner. She knew he was still half naked from all the flesh in her peripheral vision. Her heart sank. It would be worse for Wade to guess what had happened before she told him. “Mornin’,” said Jackson.
“You’re holding up all right, then?”
The young cowboy patted his chest too hard. “She’s got me wrapped up like a mummy.” Then he chuckled, joining her by her side. She could already sense the testosterone, the separate claim each man had over her sparking in the air.
“Well, Wendy’s a good woman. I knew you’d be in good hands.” Wade adjusted his Stetson. “Those boys
show up here at all?”
She took over the conversation, afraid of what one may say to the other. “I think we’ve seen the last of them. Jason should be embarrassed and ashamed for everything he’s done to this family.”
“I’d still feel safer if you stayed at my ranch for a few days. I have security that you don’t have here,” said Wade.
“I’m here. I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Wendy or the girls. I’d give my life for them in a heartbeat.” Jackson’s voice carried a possessive note that Wade must have heard. Those words traveled down the length of her, pooling between her legs. There was just something indescribable about a cowboy willing to risk it all for his woman—her.
“Your life? You’ve been here what? A little over a month? That’s a little extreme under the circumstances.”
Jackson took a threatening step forward, and Wendy put a palm to his chest. “Stop. Both of you.” What should she say? What could possibly fix the mess she’d created for herself? Last month her life was simple, nothing gained, nothing lost. She had no men to worry about because she avoided them like the plague, hiding behind her widow status.
She wanted to keep both of them, but they were already fighting, showing off their feathers to win her favor.
Jackson ignored her, continuing to face off with Wade. “It ain’t extreme if I love her.” Oh Lord, he didn’t. Her young, impulsive cowboy had just brought everything out in the open with those simple words.
“It takes years to fall in love, boy, not weeks or months. What you have is an unhealthy bout of infatuation. I know Wendy’s a beautiful woman, but she’s smart enough to know when something’s real or not.”
“I ain’t a boy.” Jackson held out his arms. “Guarantee you I’m a man. Ask Wendy, she knows.” Fuck.
She put her hands to her ears, knowing she looked like a fool, but she couldn’t take their fighting. “For the love of all that’s holy! You’re both men, both worthy, and yes, I care about both of you. More than that. I can see my future when I look into each of your eyes. What does that mean about me? Am I fickle? A whore? All I know is that I could never choose one of you over the other. Age or status won’t change that fact.”
Wendy knew these two alpha males would never be able to share. With her personal issues, it would be hard enough to fall in love with one man and build something of value, never mind twofold. Maybe she was destined to be alone. After her first taste of being truly awake after years of sexual and emotional hibernation, her season was coming to a close. Rather than see disgust or disappointment on their faces, she walked away, not daring to turn back.
* * * *
“What kind of game you playing?” asked Wade. This young buck was like all the other cowboy drifters he’d seen pass through town each season. They came for the glory, enjoyed as much pussy as they could, and then moved on with no commitments. Wendy was absolutely everything to Wade, his shining star on a moonless night. To watch some playboy come along and toy with her emotions, use her body, and then break the widow’s heart made him see red.
“No game. What I said was true. I love her, and I’d do anything for her.” Wade remembered how he’d watered the apple trees by hand, and went looking for Jason when it wasn’t his fight. But if Jackson wasn’t a playboy, he’d only fallen in lust with Wendy. Young men were capable of falling hard, especially for a larger-than-life woman with eyes as blue as the sea.
“What happens when the events dry up here? What then? You gonna move on and break her heart?”
Jackson’s mouth opened but no words came out. “I’ll work the farm for her. I have no plans on leaving, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“She’s been running the farm just fine on her own, and I have a feeling her wheat crop is done. You just going to sit back then and be a burden on her? Another mouth to feed?”
Wade had hit a soft spot. He could see the drifter’s jaw clench as he took in the words. Part of him felt guilty for bringing another man down, especially if he genuinely cared for Wendy. But he knew he could take care of his woman like she deserved. She needed to rest, to know what it felt like to be loved and pampered. Wade was the logical choice if she indeed chose one of them.
“I can take care of her,” Jackson finally said.
“How?”
Jackson spun around, rubbing behind his neck with both hands. “Don’t matter. We love each other.” He pointed to the hayloft. “We just made love, and it was the best sex I’ve ever had. Fucking beautiful. She knows what she wants, too.”
More than anything, Wade wanted to strike him, hit him so hard he’d topple to the ground, but he stood his ground. The other man was letting his passion talk, and he’d be best to remain the voice of reason. “Sex won’t pay the bills.”
“Fuck. Stop telling me that. You’re just trying to steal her from under me.”
“I’ve lived next door for fifteen years. If anyone loves that woman, it’s me. If anyone deserves her, it’s me. I’ve invested much more than you, cowboy. She’s my prize for waiting this long. And I’m the one who can take proper care of her. If you really love her, you’d want to see her happy—no worries, no troubles. I can ensure she has everything her little heart desires. Can you do that?”
He stormed off, but called back over his shoulder. “Guess what, pal. Neither of us wins. That woman is incapable of love. Are you willing to give and give, but never receive? That’s something I can live with, can you?”
Wade liked Jackson, his passion, his spunk, but not when they were competing for the same woman. He wished Wendy would have come to him, shared his bed instead. Although he hadn’t been living in abstinence the past many years, he’d kept away from relationships, emotionally charged encounters, or anything real. All because he was holding out for her. He could forget this indiscretion, as she was only human. Having the young stud under her roof day in day out would have been the ultimate temptation for her, especially when he was trying so damned hard to win her over.
* * * *
Jackson didn’t even bother to go inside to fetch his bag. He’d buy new clothes on the road. He needed to get the hell out of Dodge before he lost his mind. Wade Laweson made it perfectly clear who the better man for Wendy was. He’d have fought harder for her, but knew the other man was right. Jackson had nothing to offer but his love and his cock, both not enough when Wendy needed to be properly cared for. So he did the only thing he could think to do, which was step aside. It tore his heart to shreds, but he said he’d die for Wendy, and this was his test.
He opened his whiny truck door and reached in the console for his smokes and lit up. He’d been trying to stop the wicked habit for Wendy, but that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was forgetting, anything to help ease the pain he felt. One day he was nothing—no roots, no plans, only the shirt on his back and a death wish. In such a short time Wendy transformed him. Now he wanted it all, the white picket fence, stability, the whole nine yards. But it was just a dream—one dangled in front of his face only to be snatched away. Just as his mother wanted that elusive family life, but was never granted it, the same would be true for Jackson.
“Where you going?” Wendy spilled out onto the porch from the house, bracing the railing in both hands.
He just shook his head, taking a drag so she could see. Why should he care anymore? He no longer cared about his health and didn't have to worry about the risk of setting Wendy's crop ablaze. Soon he’d be nothing more than a memory. He boarded the truck, slamming the door shut behind him. When he started up the engine, she ran across the lot toward him.
“Don’t go!” she called out.
If he stopped now, he’d never leave, and she deserved better. He didn’t look her in the eyes as he hit the gas, leaving the one place he thought he could finally call home.
Chapter Eleven
Wendy felt part of herself slipping away as Jackson’s truck left in a cloud of dust. She never expected she’d feel so strongly for a younger man, any man. But she now
realized, even more than last night, that she needed him. She had no telephone number, no address, no way to find him again. Desperation crept into her heart. She couldn’t even follow him because her girls took the truck.
She stormed around back. Wendy may not have told Wade she had feelings for Jackson, but that didn’t give him the right to scare him off. That was the only explanation. A few minutes ago Jackson was ready give her the world, and now he was gone.
“What have you done? Jackson just tore out of here like a bat out of hell,” she shouted when she spotted Wade leaning against the barn, chewing nonchalantly on a piece of straw.
“It’s not my doing. The boy probably just saw the light, realized he wasn’t ready to provide for a new family.”
“And where’d he get that idea? You no doubt.”
He pushed off from the wooden barn wall and moved toward her. His eyes were transfixed on hers. Even with her yelling, he wasn’t affected in the least. He was tall, commanding, all male. “Darlin’, think about what you want here. I’m not saying money is everything, but I can give you things Jackson never can.”
“I don’t care about things.”
“What are you saying? Are you choosing him over me?” For the briefest moment she saw a little boy in his eyes.
She massaged her temples. “God help me, but I want both of you.”
There was a long span of silence. “Really…”
“I’m sorry. I can’t help how I feel. I never thought I could move on from the past, but for a brief glimpse I saw hope. God brought both of you into my life for a reason. I couldn’t give up on Jackson, even if I said yes to you.” She wanted to crawl into a hole, maybe rewind the past couple months and start over. It was easier when she felt nothing compared to all this regret and longing.
“You’re right, you can’t.” He pulled her into a tight embrace when she expected him to push her away. Wade had just scared off Jackson, so she couldn’t imagine he’d enjoy hearing what she had to say. “And if I claim to love you half as much as that cowboy, I need to do whatever it takes to keep you happy.”
Espino, Stacey - Midlife Ménage [Ride 'em Hard 5] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 9
