by Tara Lyons
‘It’s the same every week,’ Todd yelled over the music. ‘How can you still have such enthusiasm for that song?’
Felicity guzzled down the remaining Snakebite from her pint glass and smiled. ‘It reminds me of the night we all met during fresher’s week. This club doesn’t do anything better than Wednesday Cheese Nights, and I’ll dance to it every week until I graduate.’
‘I’m still surprised we met Calvin in here on a Wednesday night,’ Holly said and refilled their pint glasses from the pitcher.
Calvin, the only one sat at the bar, shrunk further into the corner. ‘I told you, I followed a hot blonde in here that night. Wish I hadn’t now. I bloody hate this music. I only put up with it because of you lot.’
Holly tugged on Felicity’s arm and jerked her head towards the end of the bar. ‘I think someone’s interested in your moves.’
She briefly peered at the spikey-haired guy wearing an England Rugby shirt and dark jeans. He flashed a smile, added a wink, and Felicity looked away.
‘Nah, I’m fine on my own, Hols, but he’s cute. You should go for it.’
Her friend shook her long, dark hair. ‘He’s not my type.’
Calvin groaned loudly. ‘Do you see what I mean? What the hell is the DJ playing now?’
Felicity threw an arm in the air, posing like the Statue of Liberty, before jumping in with the song and singing, ‘So hold on to the ones who really care, in the end they’ll be the only ones there.’ Then, she wrapped an arm around Todd and Holly’s neck and continued to sing in Calvin’s disapproving face.
‘It’s Hanson, “Mmmbop,”’ Holly said, through bouts of laughter.
‘For Christ’s sake, shoot me now and get me out of here.’ Calvin rolled his eyes and gulped from his pint.
‘You can leave anytime you want, Cal, we’re not forcing you to stay,’ Felicity said, dropping the hold on her friends but continuing to dance. ‘If you can’t have a bit of fun and laugh at yourself every now and then, what’s the point in life?’
He shouted something in reply about her lacking charm, but Felicity waved his comment away and walked through the sweaty crowd of dancing students. Since that first Wednesday during fresher’s week, this had become her favourite night in the student union club. The drinks were cheap, the walk home minimal, and, most of all, people had a good time. There were never any untoward feelings or animosity when it came to dancing to cheesy records of the eighties and nineties. It was the one night of the week where Felicity unstrapped the responsibility and worry of everyday life, and really danced like no-one was watching.
Although desperate to make a stop at the toilet, the queue snaked out the door and along the wall. Felicity suddenly realised she hadn’t seen Warren or Donna for a while and decided to hunt them down. On nights fuelled by alcohol, Warren would often give into the temptation of the smoking area, regularly encouraged by Todd, and so Felicity slipped through the doors of the nightclub and stepped out into the darkness of the night. She hadn’t appreciated how much of sweat she’d worked up in there until the harshness of the wind slapped her across the face. Quickly glancing at the groups of people huddled in the cold, Felicity gave up and turned to go back in to the warmth.
A faint giggle came from the side of the building, just to the left of the entrance, and Felicity’s curiosity got the better of her. She took a small side step and peered in the direction the laughter came from. She squinted in the shadows, but soon made out the two figures wrapped in a lust-hungry embrace. Their hands moved furiously over each other’s bodies, pausing to undo a button or slip underneath a T-shirt. Felicity swallowed back the tears and turned to run, but slammed straight into a broad chest.
‘Hey, where’s the fire?’ a familiar voice breathed in her ear.
‘Nothing. I mean, nowhere. Let’s get back inside, it’s freezing out here,’ she said but made no effort to move from the comfort of Todd’s warm body.
He frowned and looked to where Felicity had been facing just moments before. She couldn’t help but join him, and turned back just in time to see Warren and Donna slip further into the darkness, laughing as they pulled each other into the hidden shrubs and trees.
Calvin sighed heavily and ran a hand through his floppy, brown hair. ‘That can’t have been easy to see, Flick.’
‘What are you talking about? We all knew it was going to happen.’
‘Doesn’t mean we all wanted it to happen,’ he said softly, and placed his forefinger under her chin, lifting her face and forcing eye contact. ‘You can do tons better than Warren Speed.’
‘What if I don’t want to?’ she said, with immediate regret.
A lump rose in her throat, and the copious amounts of alcohol consumed hit home. Worried she wouldn’t be able to keep the tears at bay, and desperate not to cry in front of Todd, she walked away. He grabbed her arm lightly, and she felt torn.
‘I think your buzz has been killed for tonight,’ he said and pulled her closer. ‘It’s okay, you know. I mean, I understand –’
‘You understand nothing,’ she interrupted. ‘Because I don’t care. We’re all friends, and actually, if you think about it, all they’re about to do is ruin the group dynamics.’
Todd swooped down and passionately kissed her. His large, warm hands cupped her face as his tongue slipped through her lips. Felicity returned the kiss, but her arms remained swinging by her side. She tugged away from his grasp and inhaled deeply.
‘What the fuck are you doing, Todd?’
He stepped closer. ‘Come on, you know how beautiful you are. Tonight, I couldn’t take my eyes off your body, even dancing to cheesy tunes. You’re amazing. Warren is a player … but me and you … that could be something.’
Felicity stood glaring at her friend for a few moments, the daze in her head now taking full effect. She didn’t know what to say, or how she felt, and without thinking, her hand instinctively slapped Todd across the face.
‘Jesus, Flick! That hurt.’
‘I thought you were my friend,’ she screamed.
He rubbed his cheek. ‘I am your bloody friend … I just meant I thought it would be nice if we were more than that now.’
‘When I first met you, in that first week, I told you I wasn’t attracted to you. You said you understood, that you were cool being just mates. Are you telling me all this time … our friendship’s been a lie?’
‘Of course not. You’re over-reacting. You mean the bloody world to me.’
The saliva deserted her dry mouth, and everything began spinning. ‘“I might not be able to have you as a girlfriend, but I certainly won’t lose you as a friend.” That’s what you said to me last year.’
‘And I meant it, woman! Calm down, it was just a kiss.’
‘From one of my best friends.’
‘I thought it was the right time. What with those two … you know.’
‘What, shagging in the bushes?’ she said with a frown, the pressure in her head now nauseating. ‘I’ve told you, I don’t care what they get up to. And it certainly doesn’t mean I want to join them up against the wall with you, Todd. If you were truly my friend, you would have known that about me.’
Felicity ran away from the club, ignoring Todd, who shouted her name over and over again in the distance. She cringed as she pushed past Calvin and Holly, who had watched everything in silence from the entrance. She balled her hands into tight fists, hating the idea of being the butt of any joke, or rumour, especially between her closest friends. Staring at her feet as they gained momentum on the ground, she raced away with clouded thoughts, ignorant to everything else happening behind her.
10
Felicity grabbed the pink robe that hung on the back of her bedroom door and wrapped herself in it. Collapsing onto the bed, she buried her face in the soft towelling material and thought of Warren. Ironically, only now, everything she touched, saw, and smelt reminded her of him. She wondered if perhaps she’d dismissed work more often, and allowed her fiancé to enter her thou
ghts a bit more, perhaps she would know why he had returned to Lake Windermere.
After the police had left her office earlier that day, Felicity told her boss she wasn’t ready to be back at work and rushed home. Everyone watched her, discussed her private life, and eyed her with suspicious glances. Some tipped their head sympathetically, while others probed with questions. She felt as though she was climbing a steep mountain in a thunderous downpour. She needed answers herself. The unknown was terrifying.
Before showering, and attempting to wash away the day’s mental torture, Felicity called Warren’s personal assistant. The woman didn’t answer, and when the call immediately diverted to answerphone on the second attempt, she threw her iPhone across the bedroom. It bounced on the bed, but she didn’t bother to check if it was still working. Strange, for a woman whose mobile seemed surgically attached to her hand. Was she past caring about everything so soon?
Felicity drew in a deep breath, but her body refused to rise from its horizontal position. Composing an email would be a wise decision, she thought. Claire could explain Warren’s latest trip and help her understand why she wasn’t aware of it before the police. But, even for a journalist, the words struggled to come together in coherent sentences, her mind as blank and empty as an artist’s new canvas.
She lifted her head at the sound of her mobile’s muffled vibrations. Retrieving her phone, she swung her feet over the edge of the bed and stared at her older sister’s name flashing on the screen. Her thumb danced between the decline and answer buttons. The call stopped, but only for a few seconds. Felicity sighed at Dorinda’s typical persistence, as the phone buzzed in her hand once again.
‘Hey, you.’
‘I called and called! Where have you been, Felicity?’ her sister demanded. ‘I phoned your office; they said you’d left early. That’s so unlike you.’
The cracks in her resolve began to cave further. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Oh crap! I’m sorry … I didn’t mean … Of course, things aren’t normal right now. So, yes, you’re not acting like yourself. I’m just worried about you.’
Felicity sniffed deeply, struggling to hold back the emotions bubbling at the surface. ‘I know. It’s okay … I know what you meant. I just couldn’t handle the pitiful looks for much longer, the whispers in the offices, and how conversations stopped the minute I walked in.’
‘Come on, sis, it’s pretty big news. Everyone’s talking about it.’
‘I loved him. This is not a piece of gossip that will blow over in a day or two when something new comes along …’
‘That’s how you see it, because it’s Warren. If it were anyone else, you’d probably be acting exactly the same as those tosspots. Maybe even trying to scope the story, or secure an interview yourself,’ Dorinda said, in a matter-of-fact tone.
‘Gosh … when you put it like that … I sound like a lovely person to be around, don’t I?’
Dorinda giggled down the phone. Her sister wasn’t being malicious or unfair in her observation. And as much as Felicity wanted to hate her for being brutally honest, when all she wanted was to be scooped up and held, it was impossible. Her sister was right.
‘I feel awful, Dorinda,’ she confessed. ‘It’s like, for the first time in my career, albeit short, I understand what loss really feels like. How I must have encroached on so many grieving parents and siblings and widows, without a second thought. I didn’t feel it so badly with Dad, maybe because of his illness and age, and … and we expected him to go. Warren was snatched away from me. I’m such a bad person.’
Dorinda tutted loudly. ‘You’re not a bad person, darling. You’re one of the most caring and compassionate people I know. Yes, you’ve faced some difficult stories since working at the paper, but you would never have made anyone feel uncomfortable about their grief.’
She wiped the sleeve of her robe across her nose. ‘They’re not stories, sis, this is real life. People’s sorrow and heartache. But I know what you’re trying to get at and … thank you.’
‘Now, what have the police told you about Warren?’
‘Bloody nothing. It’s driving me insane. I thought his body was being released, but now I think someone in Ambleside just told me that to get me off the phone. I rang again this morning. They said the Inspector dealing with the case would get back to me, but I’ve heard nothing.’ Her voice croaked, as the air caught in her throat. ‘And to top it off, the local police have reopened Donna’s missing case.’
‘Oh, well, that’s good news, isn’t it? They must have a pretty good reason to do so, after all this time. Although, I remember the state you were in after she disappeared … Felicity, this is a lot for you to handle right now. Shall I come and stay with you for a few days? I could help around the house, or just be there when you need a shoulder … or a bottle of wine. At least until you know more about what’s going on. And when Warren will be coming home for the funeral … It will help with the grief, sweetie.’
Felicity closed her eyes on the burning tears erupting from them. She could barely speak, overwhelmed by her sister’s kindness. Despite being five years older, Dorinda always made an effort to support her; visiting prospectus universities, helping with the move to Uxbridge, and filming graduation day. Their father had passed away ten years ago, and Felicity’s memories of him grew fainter with each passing year. Instead, the memory which played vividly in her mind was that of her mother, who, just a few days after her father’s funeral, had returned to work and her weekly outing to the bingo hall. Felicity had been in awe of her mother; a woman who pushed all her pain and anguish to one side in order to be a strong role model for her daughters. It was because of this strength of character Felicity had found it difficult to accept the doctor’s dementia diagnosis. Watching her beloved mother move into a residential care home, three years earlier, broke her heart. But in true, Irish women style, Dorinda had taken up the protective baton, even throughout her pregnancy.
‘Thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I can’t accept.’
‘Why not?’ Dorinda replied quickly.
Felicity sighed. ‘Because you have a family and a home of your own to take care of. Besides, who would look after my beautiful niece while you’re here, plying me with alcohol and wiping my snots?’
‘I’m sure Amelia’s father could manage a few nights alone just fine. Plus, we’ve just hit the beginning of the terrible-twos phase, and even the thought of one night away sounds like paradise at the moment.’
She smiled, picturing her fanatic, neat-freak sister trying to handle Amelia. A brunette mini version of Dorinda, who had no interest in rules and spoke a language only other toddlers could understand.
‘Actually, why don’t you come and stay with us?’ Dorinda interrupted her thoughts. ‘It would be so great to have you here. The three of us could do some fun, girlie activities. And William wouldn’t mind at all. He’d probably see it as a mini-break for himself.’ Her sister laughed.
She cringed. It wasn’t that Felicity didn’t enjoy William’s company; he’d been friendly since the day she’d met him. And she had introduced the pair. But the whirlwind romance, resulting in Dorinda’s positive pregnancy test just a few weeks later, bothered her. Felicity was a true traditionalist, and while she’d never be sorry her niece came into their lives, she envisioned a couple owning their own home and saying their vows before starting a family. Her friends had mocked her constantly when she first aired her old-school views, so she stopped telling people. She couldn’t be sure why she felt the way she did; her parents had rented their family home and only entered the idea of a young marriage when her mother fell pregnant. Her sister, ever the pessimist, never mentioned marriage, but Felicity knew it was something Dorinda secretly wanted. Except William never proposed. Her thoughts quickly turned to Warren, and the way he’d gone down on bended knee.
‘Felicity, love, are you still there?’ Dorinda disturbed her once again.
She exhaled heavily. ‘I’m here, and this is where
I’ll be staying. Thank you, it really does mean a lot, knowing you’re there for me. But … this is where I need to be. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine on my own, I promise.’
‘I’ll always worry about you. You’re my little sister. But independence flows through our bodies as powerful as the blood in our veins, so I understand. Keep me updated about Warren, and Donna, won’t you?’
‘Of course, thank you,’ Felicity paused. ‘Listen, someone’s just knocked, I’ll have to go. Speak soon. Love you.’
As Felicity descended the stairs, she realised the noise echoed from the back of the house, rather than the front door, as she’d thought. Her paced slowed, and she bent her head forward, listening for any sound out of place.
The handle squeaked.
The latched clicked.
The back door closed.
Someone is in my house.
There was no access to her garden from the street. She’d tossed her mobile back onto the bed before leaving the room, and despite her brain telling her to run back and call for help, she gravitated towards the kitchen. Every breath felt heavy inside her tight chest. Her feet reluctantly tip-toed onto the next step. She wiped her clammy hands down the dressing gown as she reached the hallway.
The silence was deafening. Barefoot, she crept across the carpeted floor and froze outside the kitchen door. Nothing. She grabbed the bronze statue of entwined lovers from the floating shelf on the wall.
Felicity inhaled deeply and pushed open the door. Stepping forward into the middle of the kitchen, she raised the sculpture high above her head and peered around like a sentry on duty. As she turned and looked behind her, the statue dropped and smashed into pieces. She gasped, the smell suddenly attacking her nostrils. Her hands instinctively flew up, covering her nose and mouth. Silent tears streamed down her face, while she read the shit smeared message on the white kitchen wall: Tell the truth … or you’re next!
