Her job was going well. The CFO seemed pleased with her work. Management called him David the Devil, but she didn’t see him that way. He’d been very nice and said her department was in great shape budget-wise. Everything was falling into place for the new campus opening which was getting closer every day.
There was a spring in her step and a lightness of heart she’d been missing since… She pushed the thought away. Not going there. The feeling of peace, tranquility and balance was one she planned to hang on to.
She walked down the long hall, then turned left into her office and saw Jake. Instantly her heart dropped, her pulse pounded and her palms started to sweat. This was unexpected. She’d been so sure that playing the willpower card to protect herself from that kick-ass kiss would buy her a pass from future attention. Only part of her was doing the dance of joy that she’d been wrong.
“Greetings,” he said.
“Hi.”
He looked good. Duh. He always did. She’d seen him in jeans, scrubs, suits and nothing. The man didn’t have a bad look. Today it was gray slacks several shades darker than his eyes and a white dress shirt with sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. No tie. Very rugged chic, with lots of masculine flair. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone and she swallowed once, remembering the touch and taste of the chest hidden below. Her slick palms started to tingle.
“How are you, Hope?”
With an effort she lifted her gaze to his face. “Good. You?”
“Never better.”
That made one of them. A minute ago she’d been happy. Happy. Maybe this visit was fate’s way of reminding her yet again how fragile and fleeting that feeling was.
A reminder that the nightmare could happen without warning. You kiss your husband goodbye in the morning, tell him to have a good day and drive safe, not knowing that his commute wasn’t the thing to worry about. He calls to say he’s been asked to work late, but it’s your anniversary and he wants to get home for the big plans.
You encourage his noble streak and tell him to do his job. Kids in the middle of a domestic dispute are in danger and he needs to be there when cops remove them from the home and into children’s protective services. A matter of hours later you get another call, this one telling you that he was killed. The details are a merciful blur, but the message is carved into your heart forever.
The man you love is never coming home again.
You try not to breathe because when you do the pain is going to make you implode. But breathing is involuntary, unless a bullet to the heart says otherwise.
“Hope?” There was concern on Jake’s face. “You just went white as a sheet. Something wrong?”
“I’m fine,” she lied, waving a hand in dismissal. Then she walked behind her desk and sat in the chair. She frowned up at him. “But why are you here? Did we have a meeting I forgot about?”
“It’s about a meeting, but has nothing to do with the hospital. And, for the record, my ego will be on life support if you forgot. I’m here to talk about what happened Saturday night.”
Ah. That would be the meeting of their mouths. She definitely hadn’t forgotten, although a small case of selective amnesia would be incredibly helpful.
“I’m pretty busy, Jake—”
“You can give the chief trauma surgeon a couple of minutes.” He settled his hip on the corner of her cluttered desk and the material of his slacks pulled tight across his thigh. It was a breathtakingly masculine pose and one that showed he wasn’t leaving until he was good and ready.
“Okay.” She leaned back in her chair. “What is it you want to say?”
“I just want you to know you’re not the other woman.”
“Technically I am. You’re seeing Blair and me. She was there first, which, by definition, makes me the other woman.”
“Only if I was still going out with her.”
The implication of his words sank in and stirred up the happy factor she’d been rocking just moments ago. If she was understanding him right, he was no longer with Blair. Part of her was high-fiving that information. The other part was running for cover and having difficulty finding any. “Are you still going out with her?” Hope asked, well, hopefully.
“No.” His gaze locked with hers. “And I wasn’t before Saturday night. But you left before I could tell you. I broke things off with her. Twice.”
“As in two times?”
“It didn’t take the first time,” he explained. “But after our conversation a little while ago, I’m confident we’re on the same page.”
“Oh.”
Oh, crap, is what she’d meant to say. If she allowed it, a remark like that could annihilate self-control that was barely hanging on. He’d broken up with Blair Havens to keep her, Hope, from being the other woman?
If possible he stared harder which was a clue that her reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. “I wanted you to know that it’s okay to go out with me.”
Was it? Not in her frame of reference.
“Can I ask you something?” she said.
“Shoot.”
“What did you mean when you said at the clinic that you understand how they feel? What it’s like to have absolutely nothing?” It was the first thing that popped into her mind and as good a question as any to use for a stall tactic.
He stared at her, looking more intense as the seconds ticked by. She wasn’t sure he would answer, but finally, he let out a long breath.
“When I was about thirteen, my father took off. No word, no warning. One day he was there, the next he was gone.”
“Do you know where he went?” she asked, astonished.
He shook his head. “We never heard from him again. I have no clue if he’s alive or dead. And I don’t much care,” he added bitterly.
If anyone knew how a shock like that felt, Hope did. Would the pain be worse if an important person in your life was out there somewhere and you had no idea whether or not they were alive, or that they just didn’t want to be with you anymore?
“What happened?” she asked. “To you and your mom, I mean.”
“She didn’t make enough money from her housecleaning business to pay the mortgage. We lost the house.”
“Oh, Jake—I’m so sorry.” She winced at the pain in his eyes. “Going from a house to an apartment is a big change—”
“That would have been better than what happened.”
“I don’t understand.”
“To get an apartment you need first and last month’s rent and a security deposit. If we’d had a chunk of money like that, making a house payment would have been easy. We had nowhere to go. We ended up homeless.”
“On the street homeless?” she asked, unable to grasp what he was saying. “No family or friends to take you in?”
“Negative.”
Images went through her mind. She’d seen homeless people pushing their belongings along the street in a supermarket cart. The nightly news did stories of tent cities in downtown Las Vegas and law enforcement moving them because of nearby businesses that reported theft and vandalism. Looking at the expensively dressed man lounging on her desk, it was impossible to picture him that way.
“What did you do? Obviously you got an education, unless you’re like that character pretending to be a doctor,” she said.
One corner of his mouth curved up, but humor never made it to his eyes. If anything he looked more grim, a window into the pain and hopelessness he’d experienced. “It’s a particularly challenging scenario to attend school when you don’t have a permanent address.”
“How did you?”
“My mother is a very determined woman. She made it happen. Starting at the local high school, she eventually ended up talking to the district superintendent.”
“Gutsy.” That’s where he got it, she thought.
“She was pretty mortified, actually,” he said, his voice hard, grating. “But it paid off. There were programs and help. We got an apartment, such as it was.”
“Tha
t’s good.”
There was irony in his expression. “I had an address, but going to high school was its own particular hell.”
“Kids can be selfish and cruel,” she said, remembering what he’d said to the little girl at the clinic.
“The staff did their best to keep everyone equal and protect privacy, but kids know who has money and who doesn’t.” His eyes went hard as a faraway look hinted at the flash of unpleasant memories playing through his mind. But all he said was, “The have-nots are targets for humiliation.”
“So that’s why you wanted five minutes alone with the dorks, dweebs and jerks taunting little Taylor?”
This time when his mouth curved up, amusement cut through the painful thoughts. “I didn’t think it showed.”
“You hid it well.” She smiled. “Not. It was clear what she said really pushed your buttons.”
“Yeah.”
“So you managed to go to college,” she nudged, wanting to hear the rest.
“When you work to help keep a roof over your head, that tends to cut down on making friends. That meant more time to study.” He shrugged. “My grades were good. I got a scholarship.”
“Medical school?”
The flash of pain and anger on his face was unexpected. “Student loans.”
“That would explain why you give back to others who need it.”
He folded his arms over that impressive chest. “At the risk of having a Gone with the Wind moment, I vowed to never be poor again.”
“And you’re not,” she agreed. “But you’re also doing a good thing, helping sick people.”
“It’s selfish, actually. Being there reminds me how far I’ve come.”
“So, you’re not altruistic at all. And giving of your time has nothing to do with helping out. It’s all about you,” she teased.
He grinned. “I’m glad you finally know the truth.”
If only. He was being modest, self-effacing and darn it all—noble. She wished like crazy that he was the shallow man she’d so hastily judged him to be. That would give her a shield, something to protect herself from the feelings that threatened.
The last time she’d felt like this, she was falling in love.
And she’d let herself go for it because she didn’t know how easily and unexpectedly her whole life could collapse. But now the raw edges of that agonizing wound were coming together. The hurt that had kept her from caring again was disappearing.
And she couldn’t let that happen. The prospect of losing control over her personal happiness was terrifying.
He stood and settled his hands on lean hips. “So, now that you know I’m a free man, would you have dinner with me tonight?”
“No.”
“No?” He stared at her as if he had no idea what the single-syllable word meant.
“It’s not a good idea, Jake.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It’s actually an excellent idea. Just give me a chance to show you I’m right.”
She already knew that they had a good time together. What was not to like? He was handsome, witty, smart and the sex had been good, too.
And that’s what she was afraid of. It would be so easy to fall for him and she couldn’t go there. It wasn’t fair to Jake.
“At the risk of crushing your ego,” she said, “I just don’t want to go out with you.”
“Your eyes are telling me something else.”
“Oh, please. Like I’ve never heard that line in a romantic comedy before.”
Something that looked a lot like a challenge shifted into his expression when he pointed at her. “This discussion is not over, Hope.”
Yes, it was. They were over before ever really starting and that was almost fine with her. Right now she had a choice. Right now she could choose to go out with him. See if the chemistry arcing between them could grow into something deeper. She was choosing not to do that. Her life—the one she’d embraced before—had been torn apart by events beyond her control. How many times could a heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? Hers had been damaged once and she’d survived. Her heart was still pumping away even though there’d been a time she’d wished it wouldn’t. She was at a crossroads and recognized it as the point of no return.
She was choosing control and safety.
The little twist in her chest when Jake walked out the door was nothing compared to what might happen if she threw caution to the wind and agreed to go out with him.
Chapter Nine
There was more than one way to get what he wanted.
Jake hadn’t figured it would be necessary to throw a party for the emergency department four days after Hope had rejected his dinner offer, but it was the best idea he could come up with.
He’d posted an invitation and spread the word at Mercy Medical West that he was having an employee appreciation party to thank everyone for their hard work in getting the third campus ready to open. How could Hope turn that down?
It was now Friday and he stood in his kitchen to observe the employees who’d already arrived. If his luck hadn’t sucked, right this minute he’d be at a fancy restaurant with Hope. He still couldn’t believe she’d turned him down flat.
It wasn’t ego talking either.
Well, maybe a little, if he was being honest.
But Hope was attracted to him. He knew that as surely as he knew there was no life without a beating heart. If she didn’t show up tonight, it would make her look bad in the staff’s eyes, and he was betting she wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t let him take her out, so he’d backed her into a virtual corner and when she arrived, he planned to back her into a corner for real.
Jake grabbed a longneck bottle of beer from the fridge as conversation buzzed in the media room. Twenty or so people were milling around, an exceptional turnout for such short notice. Employees from Respiratory Therapy, nursing staff and clerical. Housekeeping personnel, too. He knew how it felt to clean up after people who chewed you out for missing a dust bunny behind the bedroom door. No one had been excluded. This big house was full but not one of the people filling it was the person he most wanted to see.
He looked down at his watch, then frowned at how late it was getting. When he glanced up, a familiar blonde was headed in his direction. Mitch Tenney’s wife was a striking woman. His partner was a lucky guy.
Jake grinned when Samantha Ryan Tenney stopped in front of him. “Hi, Sam.”
She grinned right back. “You’re looking good, Jake. Was that sweater a Christmas present? It matches your eyes.”
He glanced down at his jeans and the gray cashmere she was asking about. “A gift from my mother as a matter of fact.”
“It looks very preppy over the white shirt. Your mom has great taste.”
“I think so, too.” And now his mom had the money to indulge it, he thought, dark memories of their long-ago financial struggle creeping in.
Sam glanced over her shoulder and across the granite-topped island to the crowd in the adjacent room. “Great party.”
“It is.” Although, so far, the event had failed to reach its target objective. “Are you having a good time?”
“Yes. But I miss Lucas.” A wistful look softened her pretty blue eyes at the reference to her baby. “I know what you’re thinking.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “In addition to being a conflict resolution counselor, you’re also a mind reader?”
“That’s what makes me so good at what I do.”
He couldn’t argue with results. “You straightened Mitch out so you’ll get no argument from me about your gift. So what am I thinking?” Besides wondering whether or not Hope would show up tonight.
“You’re trying to figure out how I can lust after an evening out with my husband, leave a clingy baby with my father to get what I want, then miss that clingy, crying child so much.” She looked completely forlorn.
“Definitely a mind reader. That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Jake slid her a wry look. “What can
I say? You’re good.”
She skimmed her gaze over the crowd in the media room again and spotted her tall husband by the table spread with hot food. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s a great party. Too bad Cal had to work. But Emily is having morning sickness all the time, so they probably wouldn’t have come anyway.”
“He mentioned they were expecting.”
Sam nodded. “Mitch said you decided just a few days ago to do this.”
“Yeah. Gatherings outside of the hospital help coworkers to bond.” Although an appearance in person was required to complete the bonding process. And so far Hope hadn’t put in an appearance. But when the doorbell rang, his pulse kicked up.
“Are you going to get that?” Sam asked.
“Ashley’s doing hostess detail.”
“Did your office manager do double duty as party planner, too?” She smiled. “You’re a good surgeon, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t cook the food and assemble drinks. Not on this scale.”
“Busted. Ashley handled everything. And no one cooked. Except maybe the caterer.”
He looked over her head to see who had arrived and smiled when Hope joined a group of nurses. With an effort, he pulled his attention back to the conversation. “Before you go into conflict-counselor overdrive, you should know that Ashley received a very generous holiday bonus for all her extra duties.”
“She’d do it without a bonus,” Sam answered. “You do know your office manager has a crush on you, right?”
“Wrong.” He shook his head, but Sam didn’t smile. “You’re kidding.”
“I couldn’t be more serious.”
“No way.” Why was it that when your life was firing on all cylinders someone threw sugar in the gas tank? He needed this like he needed a sucking chest wound. “I’ve never encouraged her. She’s great at her job and I make sure she knows I appreciate all she does. I don’t know what we’d do without her.”
“I’m not saying you did anything inappropriate. Sometimes the feelings just are.”
“What am I supposed to do with that information?”
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