A tiny, stubborn, loving part of her saw the similarity in Jack’s situation.
She pushed that thought away. “I feel so betrayed,” she said.
“You were betrayed,” Hayley said. “Not only by Bruce but by the entire city of Golden Falls. You, your brother, your dad, and your mom—you were all victims of a false rumor that’s been perpetuated for over fifteen years. The city—the people of the city—need to make amends. I know it’s going to embarrass Josh and his siblings, but Bruce needs to admit what he did, no matter the consequences. Not just with his family but with the whole community.”
“I was thinking the exact same thing,” Elizabeth said.
“I mean, it’s the only way everyone can move forward,” said Hayley, and Elizabeth could tell she was thinking it through as she spoke, forming her opinion as she did. “I’m not going to let Josh live a lie like Jack’s had to do for his entire adult life. No way. You can tell it just about killed him.”
“Please don’t tell me you feel sorry for Jack,” Elizabeth said, and just saying his name was like a knife to the heart. “He’s been making a fool of me this whole time.” She thought back to their rapturous sex and shuddered. “I’m such an idiot. How could I have let myself fall for him?”
“Go have a seat,” Hayley said, pointing to her cozy, well-appointed living room, deftly avoiding replying to Elizabeth’s statement as to whether she felt sorry for Jack. “I’ll make us some tea. Or do you want something stronger? Some wine?”
Elizabeth needed to call her dad at some point, but she decided to let Theresa handle it for the moment. Nate would be explosive, and Elizabeth needed to muster herself before talking to him. This time with Hayley might be her last bit of calm before the crazy started up again. Plus, she loved the feeling of being hidden away in this cozy sanctuary where no one could find her, if only for a few hours.
“Yes, let’s have wine,” Elizabeth said. “Lots and lots of wine.”
“Well, we’ll have a glass or two, anyway,” Hayley said, pausing on her way to the kitchen to start the electric fireplace.
Elizabeth took the soft cashmere blanket from the couch, draped it over herself, and looked around. “I love your apartment.” She’d never been there before. “Do you think Josh will move in at some point?”
“I’m not sure,” Hayley said, rummaging around in a kitchen drawer. “Neither of us is in a hurry to rush our relationship. I assumed we’d move into his place eventually once he finished renovating it, but I don’t know what’s going to happen between him and his dad after this. It was pretty ugly back at the hospital. I hope they can patch things up, but if not, I can’t imagine Josh will want to live next door to him anymore.”
Hayley brought over a bottle of Cabernet, along with two wine glasses. She set them on the coffee table and deposited a healthy serving into one glass and a smaller portion in the other. She handed the fuller one to Elizabeth and took a spot on the sofa next to her. Elizabeth spread the blanket so that it covered them both.
“So Josh didn’t know?” Elizabeth asked.
“Josh only learned what happened about an hour ago, at the hospital,” Hayley said. “Jack pulled him aside and told him everything. I feel awful for him—Josh, I mean—although I feel bad for Jack, too. Sorry, Elizabeth, but I can’t help it.”
“That’s only because he didn’t play you for a fool like he did me,” Elizabeth said.
“I don’t think he played you for a fool.” Hayley put a gentle hand on Elizabeth’s knee. “Honestly, I think he’s in love with you.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You don’t keep a secret like that from someone you love.”
“But remember how you told me Jack resisted you at first?” Hayley asked. “How it was driving you crazy because you felt such a deep connection, and you thought he might be holding back because you were an Armstrong and he was a Barnes?”
Elizabeth took a big swallow of wine. “Of course I remember.”
“So think about it from his perspective for a minute,” Hayley said. “Jack probably did resist you because you’re an Armstrong and he’s a Barnes, but not for the reason you thought. I’m sure he was trying to be honorable and respectful of you, but he just couldn’t stay away. I’m telling you, Elizabeth, he would have stayed away if he could. But he couldn’t because he loves you.”
Elizabeth’s throat constricted. “Too bad,” she managed to say, fighting the urge to sob again, afraid that if she started, she’d never stop.
Seeing her emotion, Hayley carefully took Elizabeth’s wine glass, set it on the coffee table, and embraced her.
“Love’s not easy, sweetie,” she said. “It’s not easy, but it’s so, so worth it.”
“I want love,” Elizabeth said, the tears now overflowing down her face. “Why can’t I have it? Why can I not have what I want for once in my stupid, awful, ridiculous life?”
“You can.” Hayley pulled back so she could look Elizabeth in the eye. “You just have to be willing to forgive.”
“I don’t see how.” Elizabeth wiped away her tears. “I don’t see how it’s possible to forgive him.”
“It is,” Hayley said, and took her hand. “You’ve got to calm your mind and find the truth of what you feel in your heart. Try it. Close your eyes and let your heart speak to you.”
Elizabeth let her eyes sink closed, comforted by the warmth of Hayley’s hand. She took a deep breath and tried to will her brain to stop recycling the same words at her. You’re a fool. He never loved you. It was all just a lie.
“Keep breathing,” Hayley said. “Focus on filling your lungs with good air and exhaling everything negative you’re feeling right now. It’ll help you get centered.”
Elizabeth did, and after a few minutes, she even forgot where she was until Hayley began speaking to her.
“Jack was your champion today,” Hayley said softly, stroking Elizabeth’s hand. “Did you know he made Bruce call the district attorney and tell him he was refusing to press charges?”
No, she hadn’t known. “Really?”
“Yes,” Hayley said. “I was right there in the room. I guess the cops wanted to charge you with aggravated assault, but Jack wasn’t about to let you have an arrest on your record that could stop you from becoming a nurse. He got the district attorney on the phone, told him in no uncertain terms that Bruce wouldn’t be pressing charges, and then put Bruce on the phone to confirm it. Not only that, but Bruce said that he wouldn’t say who’d assaulted him and for the DA to drop it. After that, the police had no choice but to let you go. Another thing, too––did you know Bruce paid your hockey fees ever since your dad went to prison? That came out today, too. He’s obviously felt remorse this whole time.”
Elizabeth opened her eyes. She didn’t want to feel charitable toward Jack or Bruce, but her heart couldn’t help softening upon hearing the information. It explained why she was released from custody so quickly, too.
“I’m telling you, Elizabeth, Jack loves you,” Hayley said. “And just think, the guy has never been able to properly grieve for his mom or for the way his family fell apart.”
“His dad should have gone to jail,” Elizabeth said, feeling pouty and righteous.
“Yes, he should have.”
“Theresa—my lawyer—said the statute of limitations has passed, so I don’t think Bruce can be prosecuted at this point.”
“Do you see any way you could move forward from this?” Hayley asked. “With Jack, I mean?”
“I don’t know,” Elizabeth said. “Could you, if you were me?”
“I think so,” Hayley said. “For one thing, there was nothing malicious in what Jack did. He was a scared nineteen-year-old, barely out of high school, and on her deathbed, his mom made him promise not to tell anyone what Bruce had done. I can’t even say I wouldn’t have made the same decision Jack made, especially knowing what a great family they had. I mean, my family was awful from the get-go, but the Barnes family had it all. Happy parents in a happy mar
riage, who loved their kids like parents are supposed to. They had everything people like us long for. What wouldn’t we do to get that? What wouldn’t we do to keep it?”
“You’re making me feel sorry for him,” Elizabeth said. “And I don’t want to.”
“All I’m saying it that Jack basically lost his whole wonderful family because of what his dad did, and now he’s losing you,” Hayley said. “It just seems like too much. Too much loss.”
“So—what?” Elizabeth said. “Do you think I can just ... forgive? Just like that? My dad spent the majority of my life in prison, and my family fell apart. My brother and I have struggled to make ends meet for years. I’ve gone to bed hungry, and cold, which no kid should ever have to do. I’ve been ashamed to be an Armstrong for as long as I can remember. So do you think I can just forgive Jack as if none of that happened? As if none of that meant anything?”
“I don’t know,” Hayley admitted. “I just know that real love allows for forgiveness, and I think that’s what you and Jack have. I think you have real love. For-better-or-worse love.”
For better or worse. In her deepest heart, Elizabeth had hoped she’d say those words to Jack one day, and she’d hoped to hear them in return from him. She’d hoped to look into his sexy brown eyes as he promised to love her until death did they part.
She sighed. The truth was, she’d still give anything to hear those words.
“This is the worse part of the for-better-or-worse, right?” she asked Hayley. “This is the worst it could ever be?”
“I think so,” Hayley said. “And the better part will follow.”
Elizabeth searched her friend’s eyes. “Do you promise?”
Hayley squeezed her hand. “I’m not the one who needs to make that promise to you, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth knew Hayley was right.
Jack was.
31
The next day passed with excruciating slowness for Jack. Bruce had complained of a severe headache and was acting a bit confused, so his doctor decided to have him remain in the hospital for a few more hours. Josh had gone off the grid, apparently taking a friend’s Huskies on an overnight sled camping trip. And Elizabeth had not returned to her cabin, nor returned his numerous calls and texts of apology.
The previous night, Jack hadn’t known if Elizabeth would be held in jail overnight, so he’d brought Rugby over to his house, fed him, and sent Elizabeth a text—along with a photo of Rugby’s happy face—that he would dog-sit until she told him otherwise. She hadn’t responded, although Jack heard from Tara Guzman at the police department that Elizabeth had been released without charges.
Jack felt Elizabeth’s absence, and couldn’t help a hollow, hopeless fantasy that she might still return to his arms. He imagined reaching out to her in bed and pulling her close, running his hands down the length of her naked body, all bone and sharp angles and yet her skin lotion-soft. He thought of her creamy white legs that opened eagerly for his touch, of the soft gasp she made when he ignited her most tender places.
She was meant to be his, damn it—his lover, his woman, and one day his wife—and he’d do anything in the world to get another chance with her. He’d give up his job. Sell his house. Move away, if that’s what she wanted.
Whatever Elizabeth needed from him, he would spend a lifetime giving it to her.
He took Honest Abe out for a long ride in the feeble afternoon sunshine, hoping the frigid air and exercise would clear his head. Although the northern lights wouldn’t make an appearance for several hours, Jack couldn’t stop thinking of the watercolor swirls of purple and green that had painted the sky that night Elizabeth had come to his house, come to his bed.
As he rode deep into the forest, he thought, too, about the conversation he’d had in the hospital chapel with Doc Bauer, who’d been so decent, as always. Have faith in love, he’d counseled him. Because love has faith in you.
Honest Abe’s breathing and the crunching snow beneath his hooves were the only sounds for miles, and the silence gave Jack the sense of space and perspective he needed. Jack concluded that while Doc Bauer’s advice might work for him, it would never work for Elizabeth. Not with the life she’d led and the experiences she’d had. Faith—in love or him—was too much to ask for from her.
Instead, he had to show her with deeds and actions that he’d do whatever it took to earn her forgiveness. That meant solving the situation in the best and most fair way possible, no matter the cost to him personally. By the time he got Abe stabled and brushed down, he knew what he had to do, and who could help him do it.
When he got back to his house, he tried again to reach Josh and was somewhat surprised when he actually picked up.
“Josh? It’s Jack. You’re back?”
“Yeah. I took my buddy’s dogs out overnight. Needed some time alone to think. Hayley says I’m a bit of a lone wolf at times, as you probably know.”
“Yes, I do.” Jack tried to read his brother’s mood. Josh’s tone was utilitarian and resolved, but Jack didn’t sense anger, and he was glad about that. “I’m calling because we need to decide what to do about the Dad situation.”
“I just talked to Maggie and the twins,” Josh said, referring to their sisters. “They’re planning to call in when you, Dad, and I get together—which should happen soon. Can you meet me at Dad’s house in about an hour?”
“He’s home from the hospital?”
“He got released a couple of hours ago. Hayley and I brought him home and got him settled.”
“Thanks for doing that,” Jack said. “I’ll be over as soon as I can, but first I need to track down Claire Roberts.”
“Claire? What for?”
“I’m hoping she’ll be willing to help us figure out how to move forward with Nate Armstrong. We need someone from outside the family to help us with the community response, and there’s no one better for that than Claire. She gets things done in this town.”
“That’s true.”
“Are you and Dad okay?” Jack asked.
“We will be,” Josh said. “If I learned anything in the military, it’s that no one is promised a tomorrow. I refuse to waste time being angry at the people I love. Dad’s flawed—yep, I already knew that, Jack. We’re all flawed, but the flip side of that is we’re also capable of forgiveness.”
“You’re a wiser man than me,” Jack said. “I’ve spent all this time filled with bitterness toward Dad.”
“Well, you were just nineteen when it all happened, making mistakes left and right,” Josh said. “Your marriage to Jolene kind of proves that, doesn’t it?”
“Ouch.”
“I’m just saying—you were young and dumb and did what you incorrectly thought was best. We—all of us, all the siblings—want you to know we’re bringing you back into the fold even if we’ve got to drag you kicking and screaming.”
“I appreciate that,” Jack said over the lump in his throat. “And you won’t have to drag me anywhere. I’ve missed you guys like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Back at you, bro.”
Jack cleared his voice. “All right, well, before I get all emotional, let me hang up with you and call Claire. I’ll be over to Dad’s as soon as I can.”
32
More than fifteen years had passed since Jack had set foot in his childhood home. He’d moved out shortly after his mom died. He’d been to Josh’s place next door a few times, but he’d turned down all of his father’s invitations for holidays and birthdays over the years.
Josh answered the door and let him in. Jack stole a glance to try and assess how his brother was feeling. Josh was unshaven and looked tired, and his expression was grim but resolved. He wore an untucked flannel shirt and jeans and seemed entirely at home.
Jack, on the other hand, felt extremely out of place.
Stepping inside, he was startled by how different the interior of the house looked. He’d half-expected everything would be the same as when he’d left, frozen in time, and that he’d be
flooded with memories of growing up in the familiar environment. He’d expected there would still be wood paneling in the den, Berber hide-the-dirt carpet throughout, oak cabinets in the kitchen, maybe even the faint smell of spaghetti sauce, which had been a weekly staple—but his dad had knocked down walls and turned the downstairs into an open-concept floorplan in the process. Jack was surprised to see that Bruce’s tastes ran to the modern.
“Wow,” Jack said, handing Josh his coat. The kitchen had sleek dark wood cabinets and a steel countertop, light walls, and contemporary, well-chosen furnishings. “Did he design all this by himself?”
“He did it while I was overseas, but I think he hired a designer. He did a lot of the physical work himself, though,” Josh said. “It’s been his retirement hobby, that and managing the kennel.” Josh was referring to the sled dog kennel he’d recently shut down and which Bruce had managed for him. “He’s even got in-floor radiant heating. You should take off your boots—it’s heaven.”
Jack did, and as his wool-socked feet hit the floor, he smiled. “Remember how it was always so drafty when we were growing up?”
“Oh, yeah. We had single-paned windows for too damned long.”
“I don’t know why, but I expected everything to be the same as when I left,” Jack said. “It’s disconcerting to see it so different.”
Josh shrugged. “Life goes on, you know? Come on into the kitchen. I’ve got coffee on.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“He just woke up. He’ll be out in a minute.”
“Claire’s on her way,” Jack said, a hard knot in his stomach in expectation of the tough conversation ahead. He’d gone to Claire’s house earlier, explained the whole situation to her, and asked for help. She’d been furious with Bruce, less so with Jack. Thankfully, in spite of her anger, she was willing to do what she could to steer the situation toward the best possible outcome. “She said she was going to see the Armstrongs first and get a sense of what needs to happen from their perspective.”
From The Ashes (Golden Falls Fire Book 3) Page 22
