"Thank you for saying that. I feel a little guilty for abandoning them."
"You're not doing that. No guilt, all right? Sometimes mothers have to take time for themselves."
"All right."
"Should I ask why you're at the airport though?"
"No, please don't. I have to go. Tell the kids I love them, and I miss them, and give each one a big kiss."
"I will. I hope you find what you're searching for, Maggie."
Maggie looked over at Jeremy's long, lean body and had a feeling she'd found at least part of what she was looking for.
* * *
An hour later, Maggie and Jeremy stood in line to register at the Crestmoor Hotel. In a few minutes, it would be their turn, and they would have to get two rooms—or maybe one. Maggie snuck a peek at Jeremy, wondering what he was thinking. Should she insist on her own room or take a chance and have a wild fling with a sexy stranger? She'd only known him for two days. He could be into all kinds of kinky things. He might want to tie her to the bed or use handcuffs or... actually, she felt a little excited at the thought, then guilty, then stupid.
This was not some fantasy. This was the real world. Men didn't drive women to ecstasy with their lovemaking. It just didn't happen. That was for movies or books where women wore silk underwear that was constantly being ripped from their bodies and men knew how to titillate every part of a female's body with their hands and their mouth, and... oh, dear, her cheeks were turning red. She could feel the heat.
Thankfully, Jeremy was studying the line in front of them, instead of her. He had no idea how unsophisticated she was. She'd been married for almost thirteen years and had made love literally hundreds of times, but always and only with one man. There hadn't been anyone before Keith and no one after.
She had no clue if she was good, bad or indifferent in bed. She and Keith had certainly never ripped off each other's clothes. But the sex had been nice. She'd enjoyed touching him. He'd enjoyed touching her. Was there more? Was she brave enough to find out?
Maybe Jeremy was the perfect candidate for a one-night stand. They lived in different cities. They wouldn't run into each other again. If it were a total disaster, she'd never have to see him again. If it was the best ever—well, she'd probably still never see him again, because if she knew anything at all, she knew that she was capable of handing him the biggest turnoff in the world—three children.
And that was another thing. How could she hide the stretch marks, the not-so-flat tummy? She wasn't a model or an actress, the kind of woman he usually dated. What if he was disappointed? She didn't think she could take his disappointment. It would be safer not to risk it.
"Maggie."
She turned her head to find him watching her again, and her resolve melted away under the warmth of his eyes. He was so handsome, so appealing. And he kept touching her in little ways, a hand under her arm, against the small of her back. Even now, he brushed a piece of hair away from her eyes. He was so attentive. She could imagine him loving her in just that way.
"Jeremy," she said huskily.
"Don't be scared."
"It's hard not to be."
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."
"That's the problem. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do."
Jeremy stiffened, then turned his head, craning his neck to look at someone or something.
"What is it?" she asked.
"That woman who just came off the elevator. Where did she go?"
"Who? Did you see Serena?"
"It looked like her."
The clerk motioned for them to move forward. Maggie hesitated. "Should we go after her?"
"She was heading for the exit."
"Let's go then," Maggie dashed toward the front door, with Jeremy following close behind. When they moved through the revolving doors to the pavement, they saw a man and a woman getting into a cab.
Maggie stopped dead in her tracks. There was something about the man, the cut of his suit, his hair color.
"That's her, Maggie, come on. They're leaving."
She put a hand over her mouth, shaking her head in denial.
"What? What is it?" Jeremy asked impatiently.
She turned to him in a daze. "I think that man was my husband."
* * *
Her ex-husband had a girlfriend, Lisa realized, feeling a twinge of bitterness as she drove back to Maggie's house. Suzanne's shocked face was still imprinted in her mind. Not to mention her glorious red hair and incredible figure. She could have been a model. Heck, maybe she was a model.
Lisa drummed the steering wheel as she stopped at a red light. Damn Nick anyway. He'd made such a big deal about her getting married again, when he was dating someone himself. He'd probably been with dozens of women since she'd left. He'd always enjoyed sex.
Her stomach knotted at the thought of Nick with someone else. She'd been able to keep that picture out of her mind for a long time, but now that she'd met Suzanne it was impossible not to think of Nick with another woman. Especially since he'd kissed her only minutes before Suzanne had walked in the door. He had kissed her with hunger and desire and longing, as if he'd missed her, as if he still cared.
And for a moment she'd cared, too. Far too much. She was getting married, she reminded herself, trying to focus on Raymond's face, his smile, his eyes. It was hopeless, though. All she could see was Nick and Suzanne.
She wondered if they were sleeping together. Of course they were. They were both adults, single, free. After all, she'd slept with Raymond. But that was different. Raymond made love like a gentleman. He didn't embarrass her or tease her or make her feel like he was trying to see into her soul, get into her thoughts and her heart as well as her body—the way Nick had always done.
With a sigh, Lisa stopped her mother's car in front of Maggie's house, knowing she had to pull herself together before she went inside. The day had brought so many surprises, the storage room, the baby furniture, kissing Nick and still feeling something, and Suzanne—how could she forget Suzanne? Lisa leaned her head against the steering wheel and closed her eyes.
She saw Nick walking over to Suzanne, putting his arm around her shoulders, explaining who Lisa was. But why hadn't Nick told his girlfriend about his marriage? And when Suzanne had thrown out the children question, he'd simply replied that he didn't have a child.
She'd been shocked at his answer.
She was the one who denied it. He was the one who confronted it every day of his life, by building cribs for babies. She still couldn't quite wrap her brain about what he was doing for a living. But she'd let that sit for a while.
With a sigh, she opened her eyes and got out of the car. She entered the house, said hello to Dylan and Mary Bea, who were watching television, then ventured into the kitchen knowing she'd find her mother and great-aunt there.
Silvia stood at the stove, stirring something in a pot. Carmela sat at the kitchen table, studying the flame of the candle in front of her. They both looked up when she walked into the room.
"Are you happy now?" Lisa asked, setting the key to the storage unit on the counter.
"I thought you should know," Silvia said with an unrepentant smile.
"Why?"
"Because you're insisting on getting married to a man you don't love."
"You barely know Raymond. You have no idea how I feel about him."
Silvia continued to stir without commenting, which irritated Lisa even more. "I don't see how you are such a judge of men," Lisa said pointedly, feeling like a child when her mother looked at her through disappointed eyes.
"Are we back to your father?"
"No, let's just forget the whole thing."
Silvia shook her head. "You brought it up. Why don't we finish it once and for all?"
Lisa crossed her arms and leaned against the counter "Okay."
Silvia set down her spoon. "I fell passionately in love with your father on our first date. He was different from the boys I'd grown up with
. He wasn't serious or macho or passionate. He was like a summer breeze, warm, teasing, fun, full of blarney," She smiled at Lisa. "He was a boy, though, not a man, and when I told him I was pregnant, he became terrified. Being a husband and a father was not in his plans. And his parents..." Her face tightened. "His parents wanted so much more for him than me."
"So he left."
"No, he married me to give you a name."
"Which you didn't allow me to take."
"Because I didn't want him for that," Silvia said proudly.
"Then he left."
"The day after you were born," Silvia admitted.
"He hated me."
"He loved you."
"Oh, right. And you think I'm in denial? You're the one who can't see the truth."
"He couldn't be a father, Lisa, but he wasn't a bad person."
"You always want to see the best in people. Why can't you see the best in Raymond? The man has a successful business, owns a lovely home, and is mature, caring and kind. Why do you think our marriage is a mistake?"
"Because he's so much older than you, and because you don't love him."
"The age difference doesn't matter," Lisa said, grabbing on to the one point she could confidently argue.
"It wouldn't, of course, if you did love him, and if you were honest with him. I don't believe Raymond knows you at all. When you're with him, you're not Lisa, you're Elisabeth, this woman you've created who is nothing," Silvia said, waving her hand in the air. "You've become a shadow of yourself, no opinions, no joy, no tears. You've turned your back on everything that you were and everything that you could become to be this man's wife."
"This isn't getting us anywhere," Lisa said, hating the fact that her mother's words had a ring of truth to them.
"You're so afraid of living, you've simply stopped. You might as well be dead."
Lisa stared at her mother in shock. "How can you say that?"
"I say it because I love you, because I've spent almost eight years waiting for you to wake up. I can't wait anymore. Someone has to shake you out of this stupor you've placed yourself in. I want you to be happy, the way you were with Nick."
"You want me to be with Nick," Lisa argued. "But that isn't possible, and it doesn't have anything to do with me. Nick has a girlfriend. He's involved with someone else."
Silvia looked taken aback. "He never said anything."
"He probably didn't feel he needed your permission. We're divorced. We're finished." Lisa grabbed the bag of trash sitting by the door in a desperate move to end the conversation. "I'm taking this outside."
She opened the kitchen door and walked out onto the back deck. As she turned to go down the stairs to the walkway where Maggie kept the trashcans, she heard a rustle and saw a clash of color. She stopped abruptly, dropping the bag on the ground. "Who's there?"
Lisa stepped forward and took a better look. She saw what looked to be two people embracing, and her jaw dropped open. "Roxy, is that you?"
Roxy and the boy jumped apart. "Aunt Lisa. Hi." Roxy straightened her shirt. "What—what are you doing out here?"
"Obviously not what you're doing out here."
"Uh. Well." Roxy looked at the boy, then at Lisa. "I—we were trying that French kissing thing that you and Uncle Nick were doing. I just wondered what it felt like."
"Roxy, get in the house."
"But Aunt Lisa--"
"Go, now, please." Lisa turned to tell the boy to leave, but he was already hopping over the side fence.
"I thought you were cool," Roxy protested as they reached the back door. "You're acting just like Mom."
"Good heavens. How much makeup did you put on?" Lisa asked, getting her first glimpse of Roxy's face in the light.
"Just a little lipstick and blush."
"You used more blush than I'd use to paint my house."
"I look prettier this way and older."
"Which is exactly why you're going to wash your face," Lisa said pointedly. "You're too young to be wearing that much makeup. In fact, I don't even wear that much makeup. And you should definitely not be sneaking out of the house to kiss boys."
"I'm thirteen," Roxy said defiantly. "Girls my age can get pregnant."
"Exactly, and kissing the way you were kissing is not a game, Roxy. It should only be done between two people who care about each other, who are committed to a relationship, and who are a lot older."
"But you kissed Nick that way this morning, and you're marrying someone else."
Lisa was shocked into silence as she tried to figure out how to answer that statement. The screen door opened, and Silvia stepped out on the porch.
"You kissed Nick?" Silvia asked, obviously eavesdropping.
"She did," Roxy said, eager to turn the attention on Lisa. "And it was a long one."
"It was not," Lisa protested, feeling as if she were suddenly the guilty party.
"They had their mouths open," Roxy added.
Lisa sent her niece a dark look. "That's enough.”
"I thought you were finished with each other," Silvia commented. "Done, over, divorced. Isn't that what you said?"
"This isn't about me. It's about Roxy. You are not to go out of this house again until your mother comes home, or unless I'm with you," Lisa said firmly. "Understood?"
"Fine. But when is Mom coming home? I thought she was supposed to be back by now."
"Your mother called," Silvia said. "She said she'd probably see you tomorrow or the next day."
"The next day?" Lisa asked, jumping on her mother's vague comment. "I have to go back to work. Did she say where she was? Did she leave a number?"
"No, she seemed in a hurry." Silvia turned to Roxy. "Why don't you go inside and wash your hands? We're about ready to eat."
"Okay." Roxy hesitated at the door, her face losing its bravado for one vulnerable moment. "Do you think Mom's all right, Aunt Lisa?"
"Of course. She's fine. She just needs a break. When she comes back, she'll be rested and full of energy and more than capable of keeping you out of trouble."
Roxy smiled and entered the house, leaving Lisa alone with Silvia.
"Don't even start with me about kissing Nick," she warned her mother.
Silvia smiled knowingly. "I wouldn't dream of asking you about such a personal matter. Listen, when Maggie called she was at the airport. I don't think she's coming home any time soon."
"The airport? I can't believe this." Lisa shook her head in bewilderment. "Has the whole world gone mad?"
"Sometimes it seems that way, doesn't it? Maggie also said to tell you that her cell phone battery is dying and she doesn't have her charger, so she'll have to call you back."
"Great."
"Oh, and Raymond called. He wants you to phone him as soon as possible."
Lisa sighed, feeling exhausted. "I can't do this. Mom. I just can't do it all."
Silvia put her arms around Lisa and pulled her close, the way she'd done when Lisa was a child. Lisa returned the hug. She loved her mother, even though they rarely agreed on anything else.
"I'm sorry," Lisa murmured. "I know you're trying to help, that you want what's best for me."
"I do," Silvia said as they broke apart. "You're my baby. I know you've always felt a little lost without a father. Sometimes I thought about marrying someone else just so you could have a dad. But I couldn't do it. I believed that marriage was sacred, and I still do."
"Your marriage didn't last a year. Mother. And you were left with a baby. I hardly think anyone would have minded if you'd found someone else."
"I would have minded. I took a vow. I kept it."
"The man didn't love you. Why should you deny yourself the chance to be happy with someone else?"
"I loved him, and regardless of his feelings for me, my love was true. It was sacred. I believe in one man, one woman, Lisa. That's why I believe in you and Nick."
"Mom." Lisa shook her head, feeling Silvia's powerful words stir her emotions, knowing she was nowhere near as
strong as her mother. "Even if I don't marry Raymond, I can't be with Nick. He would want children. He would believe that somehow we could re-create what we had lost, that we could end up happily ever after. How could I go through that again? I couldn't survive a second time."
"Who's to say you wouldn't end up happily ever after? That you couldn't have another child?"
"Me, I guess."
Silvia stared at her for a long moment, her eyes kind but sad. "Do you still love him, Lisa?"
"Does she still love who?" Nick asked, as he walked out of the house.
Chapter Fourteen
"Raymond," Lisa said swiftly. "She wants to know if I love the man I'm going to marry, and of course the answer is yes. By the way, your girlfriend is lovely. How long have you been together?"
Nick's smile didn't reach his eyes. "Long enough. She is pretty, isn't she?" He looked her straight in the eye. "And loyal, too."
Lisa swallowed hard. "She sounds perfect. What does she do for a living, save the world?"
"Not quite. Suzanne owns a retail store that specializes in clothing for infants and toddlers. It's very successful."
Lisa's body tightened with sudden, unreasonable tension. "Babies! That's just great. Is she part of your 'face your fear' strategy? Maybe you should just have another baby and attack it head-on. Maybe two or three, to fill up all those cribs in your storeroom."
"Maybe I should," he said through tight lips. "I haven't ruled it out, I'm not afraid of trying again."
"No, you're just--" Good grief, she couldn't even think of what he was. She just knew she hated the idea of Nick and another baby—and another woman. It seemed unthinkable.
"I'm just what, Lisa? Living in the real world? Some of us do that, you know."
"So, are you serious about her?"
"I might be." Nick crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What's it to you?"
Lisa glanced over at her mother, suddenly aware that Silvia had heard their entire conversation.
"What is it to you, Lisa?" Silvia asked pointedly.
"It's nothing to me. I was just making conversation."
Summer Reads Box Set, Books 4-6 Page 18
