"That's nice of you to say." Janet drew in a deep breath, obviously fighting for control. "She loved you, Natalie. She thought of you as the sister she never had. I don't know if Emily told you, but I was pregnant twice after she was born. I miscarried both times. The second time I was seriously ill. They told me then that I couldn't have any more children. Maybe that's why I wanted to hang on so tightly to the two I had." She paused. "I'm sorry we blamed you for everything. I needed to blame someone. I couldn't get through it any other way. I was hurting so badly I felt someone else should suffer, too. And you were there."
"And I was there," Natalie echoed.
"You acted so guilty. You couldn't tell us what had happened. It was easy to think you were responsible in some way."
"I understand why you thought I might have been involved, and I deeply regret my behavior that night."
"Deep down, I knew the kind of person you were. You'd been in our home. You'd shared holidays with us. I knew you. I am very sorry, Natalie. I hope someday you can forgive me, and Richard, too. He just followed my lead."
"There's nothing to forgive. I mean that. We all made mistakes. But we all loved Emily. That's what matters. It's time we put the past to rest."
"Cole said you're an amazing woman, and he wasn't talking about the girl you used to be, but the woman you are now." Janet gave her a long, considering look. "I don't know what has happened between the two of you, but I wanted to tell you that Richard and I won't stand in the way of you and Cole being together, if that's what you both want."
Natalie immediately shook her head. "That isn't what Cole wants."
"I'm not sure my son knows what he wants. Apparently, he's leaving for the Middle East tomorrow. He's going to be our foreign correspondent."
Natalie's heart skipped a beat. "Cole is leaving?"
"Yes. Tomorrow. Unless you can stop him."
Suddenly Natalie wondered if that wasn't really why Janet had come to see her. "Is that why you came here? Because I can't stop him. I won't even try. And neither should you."
"He's the only child I have left," she said with a helpless shrug.
"Cole is not a child. He's a man. And he needs to live his life. He's wanted this for so long. I'm glad he's going."
"I thought you loved him."
"Enough to want him to be happy." And she did want him to be happy. He'd given up a lot of years for Emily and his parents. He deserved his freedom.
Janet wiped a tear off her cheek. "I know you're right, but it's hard to let him go. Don't you feel the same way?"
"More than you know," Natalie replied. "I'll walk you out."
* * *
Cole's first story appeared in the San Francisco Tribune on Friday, when he reported on a terrorist attack in Turkey. His next story was published on Tuesday and discussed the plight of refugees along the Afghan border. In the Sunday edition, he wrote about the formation of new governments switching the balance of power in the fragile Middle East. The following Thursday his article focused on the changing value of the dollar in Asia. The next weekend he reported on an earthquake in China, and four days later he wrote about the proliferation of journalists and media in every corner of the world, including war zones. That article was accompanied by a photo of Cole in a tank.
Natalie stared at the photo for a long minute, her finger tracing Cole's face with a loving sigh. She had learned a lot about world events in the past three weeks. Cole was certainly getting around, living the life he'd always wanted. And she was doing the same. She'd accepted the job at St. Timothy's. Since Cole wasn't in San Francisco, there was no reason for her to leave. And she was enjoying her renewed friendships with Madison and Laura.
Setting down the newspaper, she leaned over and slipped on her running shoes. It was Sunday, and she had nothing to do until the evening, when she was going to attend the first concert of the Atherton Community Orchestra featuring their newest flute player, Laura McKinney. Just thinking about Laura's new independent venture made her smile. They were all moving on with their lives in good, positive ways. She knew Drew and Laura still had some marital problems to deal with, but Laura had said their relationship was much more honest now, and they were working hard to keep it that way. Drew had decided to turn down the job in L.A. but was interviewing with a new firm in San Francisco.
Natalie got up, stretched for a few minutes, then jogged down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. It was a beautiful, crisp and clear November day. There were a few wispy white clouds in the blue sky, but the storms of winter were still weeks away. As she turned down the street, she stopped dead in her tracks, unable to believe her own eyes. Cole was jogging toward her, dressed in navy blue sweat pants and a gray T-shirt. Even in the baggy clothes, he looked thinner than when she'd last seen him, and as he drew closer, she saw the shadows of fatigue under his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in amazement. "I thought you were on the other side of the world."
"I got back last night. You're getting a late start this morning. I thought I'd probably missed you."
"I was reading the newspaper. There's a foreign correspondent whose stories fascinate me."
"You've liked them?" he asked with a proud smile.
"Very much. They've been terrific. You're doing a great job, Cole. I feel like I'm right there with you."
"But you're not," he said, his smile fading. "You're not there with me, and..."
She waited for him to finish his sentence. Damn the man. He could write articulate stories about world events, but when it came to telling her how he felt he seemed to go completely speechless. "And..." she prodded.
"I miss you." His eyes darkened as he gave her a long, intense look.
A shiver shot down her spine. "I've missed you, too, but I'm glad you're doing what you always wanted to do. It's important not to give up on your dreams."
"It's not my dream anymore, Natalie."
"Are you sure? It hasn't been that long. Just a few weeks."
"I was there only two days when I knew that being a foreign correspondent wasn't what I wanted anymore. I stuck it out a few weeks, because I wanted to make sure this time."
"Sure of what?"
"How I feel."
She drew in a sharp breath at the desire that flashed in his eyes. She was afraid of what he would say and even more afraid of what he wouldn't say. "How do you feel?"
"Come with me, and I'll show you."
"With you where?" she asked in confusion. "Can't you just tell me?"
"Nope." He turned and started jogging back the way he'd come, pausing halfway down the street. "Are you coming?"
"I'm coming." She had no idea what he was up to, but she knew she had to find out.
* * *
"Are you ready?" Dylan asked.
Madison stared at the man who'd appeared on her doorstep. Her first thought was that he had to be an illusion, because it had been three weeks and she hadn't seen or heard from him. Now he was standing here, talking to her as if she should know what he was talking about. And she didn't know. In fact, she couldn't even concentrate on what he was saying. She was too caught up in how tight his blue jeans were and how good he looked in his black leather jacket and how much she'd like to run her fingers across his broad chest.
"Maddie?"
"What? What are you doing here?"
"I came to take you for a ride."
"Why would I want to go for a ride with you?"
"Because you do," he said simply.
She frowned at that, hating the fact that he was right. The man had completely blown her off. She should do the exact same thing to him. But she was curious... "Where are we going?"
"I'll show you." He handed her a helmet.
"I'm mad at you. You haven't called. You refused to work my party—which turned out to be a tremendous success, by the way. You would have gotten a lot of business. And now you just show up and expect me to hop on your bike and go God knows where. Do you think I'm completely crazy?"
"Yes. And so am I. Are you coming or not?"
She thought for ten long seconds. Dylan turned to go, calling her bluff. "I'm coming," she said. "This better be worth it."
Chapter Twenty-One
Cole hadn't said a word on their run, but it quickly became apparent to Natalie as they passed by the Marina Greens, the Palace of Fine Arts and the St. Francis Yacht Club that they were heading to their usual spot at the base of the Golden Gate Bridge. When they reached the end of the path, they stopped and stretched, taking a few deep breaths of air as they looked at the bridge towering above them and the sparkling blue water flowing beneath it
"I missed this, too," Cole said with a wave of his hand. "This is my city, Natalie."
She smiled. "I know."
"I didn't appreciate it until I left."
"Sometimes it helps to get perspective."
"Exactly. You know, I was sitting in a tank in the desert, and I started wondering what had happened to the parking meter increases in Union Square. I didn't even want to cover them in the newspaper and suddenly they wouldn't leave my head. I realized that what's important is relative to where you are, what you want and what you need. I know now that I want to continue the tradition of the Parish family newspaper. I want it to be even bigger and better than it was before. I want the people of San Francisco to have all the information that they deserve to have, whether it's local news or world news."
"I'm sure your parents will be happy to hear that."
"I told them last night, and they were happy." He paused, smiling at her. "My mother is doing better than I thought after everything that's happened. She even started cleaning up Emily's room."
"That's a big step."
"She said she spoke to you before I left. She wanted you to persuade me to stay, but you refused to even try."
"She's right," Natalie admitted. "I wanted you to go. I wanted you to have a chance at your dream."
"Did you want me to come back?"
She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was asking her more than if she wanted him to return to San Francisco. How could she tell him that she wanted him back? She'd put her heart on the line before, and he'd stomped on it. "You always have more questions than answers, Cole."
"That's the reporter in me." He looked around, as if he were searching for something, then checked his watch.
"What's going on?" she asked suspiciously. "You said you were going to show me something. What is it?"
"You'll see."
"Will I see it anytime soon?"
"I certainly hope so."
"Am I going to like it?"
"I certainly hope so," he repeated with a grin.
* * *
Madison swung her leg off Dylan's motorcycle as he parked on the same rugged bluff he'd brought her to before. There were no city lights this time, but the San Francisco panorama of tall buildings, rolling hills, and colorful sailboats dotting the bay was as pretty as any postcard.
Dylan pulled a white plastic trash bag out of a compartment and walked toward the edge of the bluff. Madison followed him, wondering what the heck was going on.
"What's in the bag?" she asked.
He hesitated for a long moment. "Memories."
"Okay, this is starting to freak me out," she said, not sure what was in that bag, but she wouldn't put anything past Dylan.
"You're the one who told me to let go, aren't you? Didn't you stand here on this very bluff a few weeks ago and tell me it was time to move on?"
"Yes," she said guardedly. "But I'm surprised you'd listen to me. You never did before."
"You never made sense before."
"I don't think that's true. But—what exactly have you done?"
"I cleaned out the closet."
She nodded, trying not to show how shocked she was. "Go on."
"I burned everything—the photos, the stories, everything."
"Why?"
"Emily is gone."
"It was still a little drastic. You could have kept some mementos. You didn't have to burn everything. You're really an all or nothing kind of guy, aren't you?"
"That's the only way I know how to be. I don't need those things to remember Emily by. You might not believe this, but the truth is I hadn't looked in that closet in a long time—not until the book came out and you showed up. Then it all came back."
She was relieved to hear that he hadn't been visiting the Emily shrine every night for the past ten years.
"When I saw the closet through your eyes, I realized it looked kind of sick."
"Yeah," she said emphatically. "It did."
"So it's gone now." He held up the bag. "It's all in here."
"You could have just thrown that in the garbage. Why do you still have it? Because unless you have a good reason, I have to warn you that your behavior has not left the sick category yet."
"I like ceremonies—rites of passage. They're important. They help us move on." He paused. "It occurred to me that you didn't get to come to Emily's funeral so you never had a chance to say goodbye in any formal way."
"So this is like a funeral?"
His gaze met hers. "Yeah. What do you think?"
She thought for a long moment. "It really wasn't my choice to leave before Emily's funeral. My parents made me go. They didn't want me involved in any scandal. I did miss saying good-bye. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was really gone. It felt like a dream. I couldn't go back to the house and see that it wasn't a dream. It was weird, surreal. Maybe a funeral would have helped."
"Well, it's your choice now. Do you want to help me toss these ashes into the wind?"
"We'll probably get arrested for littering."
"Since when did you worry about breaking the law?"
"Since—never. All right. I'll do it."
Together, they walked to the edge of the bluff and turned the bag upside down. The breeze caught the charred ashes of the photos and papers and blew them down the hillside. "Good-bye," she whispered. "Rest in peace, Em."
They stared out at the view for several long minutes. Madison felt as if a heavy burden had slipped off her shoulders. The past was truly gone.
"No second thoughts?" she asked Dylan a moment later.
He shook his head. "Not one."
"What are you going to do now?"
"Get on with my life." He shot her a quick glance, then gazed back at the view. "I've been thinking about something else. Maybe you and I should go out sometime."
"You mean on a date?"
"If you want to call it that."
"Wow, that's the kind of invitation a girl finds hard to resist."
"Is that a yes?"
"I should have my head examined," she muttered. "Because I'm actually considering saying yes. But first I'd like to know why you want to go out with me. You don't even like me."
"You're growing on me," he said gruffly, as he turned back to look at her. "And you are hot, in case you hadn't noticed."
"Oh, I've noticed. I just didn't think you had."
"I'd have to be blind not to."
"So that's all you want—my hot body?"
"No, I want your annoying, outspoken mouth, and your really sexy lips, and—"
"Shut up and kiss me," Madison said.
Dylan caught her face with his hands and planted one long, thorough, passionate kiss on her mouth.
"Wow," she said. "Do it again."
"I intend to."
Before he could, a low-flying plane buzzed overhead, drawing their attention to the sky. "What's that guy doing?" Madison asked.
"Looks like some kind of a message," Dylan replied, as the letters began to take shape.
Madison gasped. "Does that say Natalie?"
* * *
"Watch," Cole said, pointing to the sky.
Natalie obediently followed his order, although in truth she was more interested in him than the plane flying over the bridge. That is, until the letters began to form...
"Natalie?" she read in amazement.
"You did this?"
"Keep reading."
Her heart jumped in her chest as she read the message in the sky. NATALIE, I LOVE YOU.
"You're crazy," she said, as he took her into his arms. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I've never been able to say the words. I know you think it was just you I couldn't say them to, but it was everyone."
"You haven't said them yet," she reminded him.
"I just wrote them across the sky."
"That's not the same thing."
"You're a tough woman. All right, listen up."
He leaned in, gazing straight into her eyes as he said, "I love you, Natalie. I've loved you since the first day we met and every day since then—even when I thought I hated you."
"That doesn't make any sense, Cole."
"Love doesn't make sense. We're connected, Natalie. We've tried to fight it. But the feelings are stronger now than they ever were. As Emily would have said, we're soul mates."
Emily would have said that, Natalie agreed.
"Now, don't you have something to say to me?" Cole asked.
Could she do it? Could she risk her heart again?
But this time he'd said the words first.
"I love you, too, Cole, but I'm scared. You have so much power over me. It's terrifying."
"You have power over me, too, Natalie."
"That's just it. I don't want to be the person who makes you feel trapped. I saw how the love from your parents made you feel suffocated and smothered. I don't want to do the same thing."
"You're not trapping me. This is what I want. You're what I want."
"You have to be sure, Cole, absolutely sure. Because while you always had too much love, I never had enough. And I want it all now. I didn't think I did. I thought I could live without friends and family, with just my job to make me happy, but the last few weeks have shown me how wrong I was. So if you want to come back into my life, it has to be all the way, or not at all."
"I'm here, Natalie, and I'm not leaving."
"What about your family? I don't want to come between you. I couldn't live with that."
Summer Reads Box Set, Books 4-6 Page 85
