Marriage by Contract

by Sandra Steffen

  Beth closed her eyes and stepped away from the window. Normally, the Petrocellis’ demonstrativeness leaned more toward raised voices and laughter than hugs and kisses. Today had been an exception. She was glad Tony had his family. Their infinite caring was going to help him through this difficult time in his life.

  Feeling weepy and bereft, she went upstairs to finish packing. While she folded sweaters and pants, her mind wandered. Her family had been there for her today. And Tony’s family had done everything in their power to wrap her in their warmth. For that, she would always be grateful. They had been wonderful, they truly had. Each and every one of the Petrocellis possessed a unique brand of warmth and charm and intelligence. Each and every one of them could have used a lesson or two from Gib on covert actions.

  They might have thought their raised eyebrows and whispers had gone undetected, but Beth had noticed every one. A buzz had started in the kitchen, spreading from one family member to the other. Only one thing could have added to their looks of sadness. Tony had undoubtedly told them about her inability to conceive.

  The Petrocellis had helped her through a day she’d thought would never end. They were all gone now. It was time she left, too.

  A door closed below. Tony’s steps were heavy on the stairs, the deep breath he took at the top carrying all the way to Beth’s ears. After that, she heard only silence. It wasn’t until she’d opened another empty suitcase and had begun to fill it that she noticed a movement near the doorway.

  Her eyes met his, then slowly trailed to the baby blanket in his right hand. Her heart went out to him. She hoped he knew how grateful she was to him for giving her the opportunity to be a mother, if only for a few short months. Wishing there was some way to tell him how sorry she was that he was hurting, she tried to smile but failed.

  “You’re a wonderful man, Tony. The way you loved Christopher, well, few men have the capacity to love like that. Your future children are going to be very lucky.”

  Tony took a few steps into the room. He was so exhausted from lack of sleep and from trying to keep his emotions in check all day his head was spinning. “What makes you think I’m going to have future children?”

  She looked up at him, her hair falling to the front of her shoulders. “I know we’ll both always miss Christopher, but this infertility isn’t your problem, Tony, it’s mine. You can still have children. Look at Barry.”

  “I don’t want to look at Barry, dammit.”

  “I know, but, er, I mean, I’ll give you a divorce, as soon as I…”

  “Is that what you want, Beth? A divorce?”

  She stopped stammering and raised watery eyes to his. Tony couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her face was pale, her lashes brimming with tears. And there, way in the back of those eyes that could soak up everyone’s troubles and bring out the wariest of smiles, he saw love. Suddenly, he knew what had been staring him in the face all these weeks. Beth loved him, and had for some time. Why hadn’t he noticed its quiet presence?

  He’d never know how his knees held out long enough to carry him closer, or how his hand stopped shaking enough to cover one side of her face. “Because I don’t. I don’t want a divorce. And I don’t want you to leave.”

  “But Christopher’s gone.”

  “Yes. God, I loved that baby. But I love you even more.” The last declaration was dredged from a place so deep inside him his voice shook with the effort to pull it to the surface and say it out loud.

  A tear spilled down her face, rolling onto his hand. “But I can’t give you children.”

  “Then, give me everything else, all your love, all your passion, all your days, and all your nights.”

  She didn’t answer. In the ensuing silence, his heart pounded in his ears. Powerful emotions surged inside him, making him afraid of what she might do, afraid of what she might not do. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to talk, but he had to try to convince her to stay.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to learn to live without Christopher, but I know I could never learn to live without you. I’ll beg if I have to. And I’ll badger you mercilessly. But I won’t give up. Marry me again, Beth. This time, for the right reasons.”

  For a long time Beth could only stare. “Are you serious?”

  His expression was more serious than she’d ever seen it.

  “Then, you really love me?”

  “I said I did, didn’t I?”

  Beth didn’t know whether to shake her head or tap her foot. Wasn’t it just like Tony to finally tell her he loved her as if he wanted her to make something of it?

  He loved her.

  She closed her eyes and smiled through her tears.

  His arms came around her, holding her tight, gradually molding her closer, his mouth covering hers as if he needed her kiss more than he needed to breathe. He loved her. The knowledge sang through her mind, across her senses. Passion started in a place that seemed far away, a place she couldn’t name. It grew, surrounding them in their own private world.

  He unfastened the buttons down her white shirt, and she unfastened his. Their lips clung, their sighs mingling with the clink of belts and the rasp of zippers.

  They’d made love often these past months, but this desire was different, because it was tinged with sadness, as well as with hope and love and need. Passion built, and although nothing was forgotten, it was as if the sadness they were facing somehow allowed them to experience a greater depth of love. The pleasure they found together was a balm to their bruised and weary hearts, their unity a ray of hope for the future.

  Their release was no less intense than it had ever been, but when it was all over, tears wet their smiles. They burrowed beneath the blankets and lay in the center of the bed for a long time, arms and legs entwined as they listened to the silence all around them, missing Christopher, hoping, praying that he would grow up happy and healthy and safe.

  Neither planned to sleep. Yet they both did, only to wake up again sometime later. In the wee hours of the morning, when the sky was the darkest and dawn seemed forever away, Tony murmured a term of endearment along with a kiss on the top of Beth’s head. When he spoke, it was in a voice husky with sleep and emotion.

  “I, Anthony Petrocelli, take you to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I promise to love you, and honor you, and cherish you all the days of my life.”

  Pressing first a smile, and then a kiss, just above the place where she could feel his heart beating in his chest, Bethany whispered her reply. “I, Bethany Petrocelli, take you to be my husband….”

  * * *

  They were both awake before the alarm. Tony headed for the shower; Beth made her way downstairs to start breakfast. Turning off his electric razor a short time later, Tony breathed in the scent of freshly perked coffee. He remembered when his father had said it was life’s most basic things that helped people through difficult times. Staring at Beth over the rim of his coffee cup minutes later, he thought his father was a very wise man.

  It was the beginning of November, and the grass outside the window was white with frost. Here inside, he and Beth were warm. He knew he’d always miss Christopher, but as long as Beth was at his side, he’d have a chance at happiness.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked, blowing at the steam rising from her coffee.

  He let the caffeine kick in and his eyes travel over every inch of her body covered by her pale blue robe before answering. “I was just wishing I didn’t have to make rounds this morning.”

  There were dark circles under her eyes, and hollows beneath her cheekbones, but she seemed to be doing everything in her power to try not to let her sadness show as she mimicked Carmelina. “Sex and supper. That’s all you men think about.”

  Tony lowered his coffee cup to the table. “I never said anything about supper.”

  The doorbell chimed in the middle of Beth’s tender smile.

  “It must be your family,” he said, foll
owing her to the front hall. “Mine always uses the back door.”

  Half expecting to see Beth’s sister leaning on the doorbell, he stood to one side as she turned the handle and opened the door. Beth gasped. “Annie.”

  Tony froze. Fighting his way out of a daze, he took a long hard look at the girl standing on his front step. Her eyes were puffy, but her chin was raised at a belligerent angle, her arms filled with blankets and bags and the most beautiful child in the world. He wondered if she had any idea what it was costing him to keep from grabbing Christopher and never letting him go.

  Annie Moore stepped over the threshold, dropping everything except the baby she wanted more than anything else in this world. Staring at Beth, she said, “He wants you. Not me. Besides, he’d only get in my way.”

  The girl glanced up at Tony, and he knew her toughness was only an act. With jerky movements, she handed Christopher to Beth. “I’m going to California. I heard it’s nice there. I’m going back to school, too, so I can make something of my life. Maybe you could tell him that someday.”

  Annie tried not to look at Christopher, but she couldn’t help it. He was staring up at Beth, one chubby fist tangled in her hair. Eyes bright, he opened his mouth and grinned for all he was worth. She woulda sold her soul to have him smile at her that way.

  “I gotta go.”

  Her hand shook as she reached for the doorknob. At the last minute, she remembered the coat. She’d already pulled one arm from a sleeve when the butterfly touch of Beth’s fingertips stilled her movements.

  “I’d be honored if you’d keep the coat, Annie, and if you’d write to us, so we know you’re safe.”

  “I could do that?”

  Although she didn’t look up, she sensed Beth’s nod. No longer caring if they saw her fingers shake, she reached into her back pocket and brought out her baseball cap. “I’d like to leave this with Christopher. If it’s okay with you. Christie always said it was lucky.”

  The doctor took the hat from her hands. “We’ll give it to him, Annie. And we’ll tell him how much you love him. And maybe you could write to Christopher now and then and tell him about his namesake, and about you.”

  She looked up at Dr. Petrocelli, and then at Beth, and finally at her baby. Not even trying to hide the quiver in her chin, she took a backward step and slowly turned around. She thought she heard Beth whisper, “I love you, Annie,” but she didn’t look back to make sure. She’d always wanted to do the right thing. Finally, she had.

  * * *

  It required all the strength Beth possessed to close that door, to keep from calling Annie back from the life she was going to make for herself. That young girl didn’t deserve the pain she was going through. Staring down into Christopher’s blue eyes, Beth vowed to do everything in her power to care for the precious gift Annie had given to them.

  “Mrs. Donahue is going to be so surprised.” Of the millions of thoughts scrambling through Beth’s mind, she had no idea why she’d uttered that one.

  Tony shrugged as if his thoughts were scrambling, too. “Mrs. Donahue? The phone lines between my sisters’ houses are going to be red-hot.”

  “Janet is going to be thrilled.”

  “Wait until I tell Gib.”

  “And Jenna.”

  They laughed and spoke at the same time, and laughed some more. When Beth reached for her cell phone, Tony covered her hand with his. “We can call everybody in a little while. First, I want to hold my son.”

  His hands slid under Christopher’s arms, his fingers meeting in the center of the baby’s sturdy back. The same man who had once felt awkward holding this child lifted him over his head as if he’d been doing it all his life.

  Although Chris looked exhausted, making them both wonder just what he’d put Annie through, he kicked his feet and screeched with glee.

  “I think he’s grown,” Tony proclaimed.

  “In thirty-six hours?”

  Tony lowered Christopher to his shoulder and closed his eyes. “The longest and most significant thirty-six hours of my life.”

  Beth reached up and kissed her husband, lingering on those features she’d always considered the most striking and strong—his chin, his cheekbones, his mouth. Sliding an arm around her waist to draw her closer, he said, “Remember when you asked me what I’d wish for if I could have anything in the whole world?”

  Beth nodded, thinking of all they’d been through since that long-ago night. “I remember, Tony.”

  He opened his eyes, and once again she felt herself slide right in. “I want to do this again, Beth. And if we adopt a girl next, I’d like to name her Annie.”

  Beth was crying again, but this time she smiled through her tears. “I think Christopher would like that. And I think Annie would, too.”

  Christopher started to squirm. In no time at all, his lusty cries sent Beth and Tony scurrying into action. Scooping up one of the bags Annie had dropped, they raced into the kitchen to prepare a bottle for their son.

  About the Author

  Sandra Steffen is an award-winning, bestselling author of more than thirty-seven novels. Honored to have won a RITA® Award, a National Readers’ Choice Award and a Wish Award, her most cherished regards come from readers around the world. She married her high school sweetheart and raised four sons while simultaneously pursuing her dream of publication. She loves to laugh, read, take long walks and have long talks with friends, and write, write, write.

  ISBN-13: 9781460343166

  Special thanks and acknowledgment are given to Sandra Steffen for her contribution to the 36 Hours series.

  Marriage by Contract

  Copyright © 1998 by Harlequin Books S.A.

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