“What in the world have you done, Momma?” Jeremy cried out.
“Yeah, what’s up?” asked Eric. “Why would you go and do something like that? Didn’t that hurt?” Clarye knew that she could not tell them the torture she had been going through at the hands of Gary.
“Look, it’s nothing, you guys, I just thought it would be nice to have a tattoo with me and Gary’s name on it. What’s wrong with it anyway? I think it looks kind of cute,” she lied.
Both Jeremy and Eric looked lost like they didn’t understand what was happening to their mother and her way of thinking lately. Had she gone mad? Was this what love was all about?
Since Gary had come into their lives, their mother’s glow of happiness had somehow faded slowly away. She was moody, withdrawn and to top it off she had started falling and running into things. They would come home from school to find that once again she had banged her head or fallen down the steps or something. If only they knew the pain and abuse Clarye was going through.
The next morning, Gary still hadn’t returned home. Clarye was relieved and prayed that he would stay away even longer. She looked through her closet to find something to wear to her appointment with Attorney Romans. She found a navy blue flair, below the knee, knit skirt and a matching navy blue and white polyester blouse. She pulled her brace out from under the bed and found her black vinyl, flat shoes. Clarye could not wear heels of any kind. So it was difficult for her to really dress up like she longed to do. Because of this she always made a habit of going casual. She hated her braces and the limitations that came along with it. She hated her disability sometimes so much that she would lash out at herself in anger for having had this stupid polio.
She laid her clothes out, jumped in the bath and soaked in the hot suds of the water letting it flow over her tired, aching, bruised body.
Attorney Romans turned out to be nice, exceptionally pleasant and quite courteous. He listened patiently while she told him everything. She even told him about her previous failed marriages. He listened without passing judgment on her.
“Clarye,” he said. “We all make mistakes in life. At one time or another, we all travel down the wrong road. That’s okay, though. God is always with us, never leaving us or forsaking us. Sure, you may have made some bad choices, but again, it’s okay. We’re going to get you out of this. Don’t worry about your previous mistakes. Don’t even worry about this guy. He’s evil and he’s vicious, but he’s not going to get away with it any longer.”
Clarye was living off a fixed income of $500 a month Social Security disability benefits and $230 a month food stamps, plus any money she got for babysitting. She was quite worried because she knew she had very little, if anything, to pay attorney fees. Attorney Romans told her not to worry. She could pay him on installments of whatever she could afford. Clarye left his office that afternoon full of joy and even a sense of peace enveloped her soul. Once again, she felt that Pain was about to move out of her life.
When Gary found out about the divorce, he was livid. Clarye was prepared for this because she moved out of the house and went and moved in with Vita the same day that she filed. She called and told Gary about her decision over the phone, knowing better than to tell him in person. Eric and Jeremy refused to leave with her. They were determined that they were not going to allow Gary to run them out of their own home.
It was during this time that Clarye also found out that Sandy was in her eighth month of pregnancy with Eric’s child. She had been so busy wrapped up in her own problems that she didn’t realize that Eric had all but moved in with Sandy and her folks. Now this. Now Clarye knew that she would be tied to this family the rest of her life and not only her but so would Eric. A child? What kind of life would he or she have with the kind of environment that Sandy lived in? How could she offer any help to Eric or Sandy when she was fighting to stay alive herself? This was all she needed now. She didn’t know how much more she could take. Her life was spiraling downward fast, out of control and it appeared that she was taking at least one of her sons down with her.
Naturally, the divorce was not without its complications. Gary refused to move out of the house until the court ordered him to leave. After he finally did move, some several weeks after the filing, he started stalking Clarye day in and day out. The telephone calls were full of promises to murder her. Clarye talked to Attorney Romans. A restraining order was placed against Gary. Yet that only seemed to add fuel to an already out of control, blazing inferno of hate toward Clarye. When she returned to her home, she still could not rest or be at ease. She knew that Gary had something planned that was not good for her but she just didn’t know what it was or when he would strike. But one thing she was sure of, Gary would definitely strike.
In the midst of all the hatred and confusion, a beautiful bouncing little boy made his entrance into the world named Eric Dillon, Jr. after his father. They decided to call him EJ, for short.
When Clarye hadn’t heard from Gary for almost four months, she was relieved and uneasy at the same time. At least if he was calling her, she would be able to tell how he was thinking and what he was plotting. He didn’t bother to show up for the divorce hearing, which Clarye was glad about. However, something within told her not to revel in this victory too much.
Clarye and the boys were asleep when she heard the first hard crash against her bedroom window. She jumped up from the bed, rushing toward the sound of the noise. As she moved slowly toward the window, she could hear Gary talking in a muffled sound to someone outside. She yelled through the broken window telling him that she was going to call the police if he didn’t leave.
“I don’t care who you call, Clarye. By the time the police get here, it’ll all be over. So call ‘em. Call ‘em if you want, tramp. You’ll see. You and your punk sons will be dead by the time they get here.” She fell backwards as the sound of more breaking glass awoke Eric and Jeremy from their sleep. They ran into the room, yelling.
“What’s going on, Momma?” They didn’t wait for a response. There was no need to. They heard Gary and his cohorts screaming vile obscenities at Clarye. They saw the broken glass scattered all over the carpet of their mother’s bedroom.
With a voice void of fear, Jeremy yelled, “Gary, if you think somebody’s scared of you, you’re wrong. Come on in here, you and your slimy, no good buddies. Come, on. I’m sick of you, Gary. I’m sick of your mess.”
Clarye couldn’t hear Gary’s response but she could hear what sounded like some kind of shuffling around.
Clarye called 911 while Jeremy continued to display courage that Clarye had never seen before in a young child. Just as she finished telling the operator what was going on, the phone went dead. The lights began to flicker until the house became surrounded in total darkness.
Eric followed the voices of Gary and his buddies. They ran toward the backside of the house. Clarye felt fear rushing in. She wasn’t fearful for herself, but for her sons and for little EJ who was sound asleep in the other bedroom. He was just an infant and Clarye knew that she had to protect him. She had to protect the entire family. But how?
Suddenly, the back door was being knocked against. She heard gunshots racing through the night air. “Get down. Hurry up, y’all. Please get down,” she told Eric and Jeremy.
Eric crawled in the dark, groping trying to find his way to his sleeping son. About the time he reached him, bright lights surrounded the entire house, flooding the inside with a light almost as bright as the sun.
The police had finally arrived. They raced to the door, screaming out for anyone in the house to answer.
“We’re in here. We’re all right,” Eric yelled. They told him to open the door. Clarye had never been happier in her life. She was thankful that the police had made it in time to save her family.
Police cars were everywhere, combing the neighborhood for Gary and his friends. Gary had indeed kept his word. He had gotten away before the police arrived. They spotted a stolen vehicle parked at the vacant property next door to
Clarye’s house. After about two hours of searching, the police told her that they were going to call off the search. Just when they were about to leave, Clarye spotted a guy walking calmly down the street. At first, she didn’t recognize the young man, but something in his walk told her to look through the door again. She realized it was Gary.
“Officer,” she yelled. “There he is.” She pointed in the direction of the man who was about a half block away. They quickly apprehended him, dragging him off to jail.
Clarye began to receive threatening phone calls from Gary, from jail. Those same calls turned into pleading and crying. But Clarye had had enough. She was through. She felt nothingness for this man, this demon that had destroyed her life. But just like before, and without warning, the calls stopped. Over the next several weeks Clarye started to breathe a welcome sigh of relief; wanting desperately to believe that finally he had gotten the message that it was indeed over between the two of them.
She had no idea that Gary had been released from jail after spending only two and a half months. It was just like her mother in law, Dorothy, not bothering to share this important bit of news with her. However, that was of no real surprise, since she was always telling Clarye that Gary loved her and that sometimes abuse was part of a marriage.
After all Dorothy would say, “I’ve been married to A.T. over twenty years and we’re still together. Sure, he beats up on me sometimes, but I’m proud to say that I’ve stuck with him, stuck with my marriage. Clarye, you should do the same. Gary just has a lot to learn. He’s young and insecure. He loves you; don’t you see that? You just have to be patient with him, honey. Give him some time. He’ll change,” she would say over and over again.
It was around 6 o’clock Tuesday evening when Clarye decided she would go to visit EJ. Sandy had come to pick him up the day before so he could spend some time with her family. Not only did Sandy and EJ live with her folks, but she also had a sister, three brothers and a couple of her little cousins who lived in the small filthy, roach infested house. It was one of the reasons that Sandy didn’t have a problem with letting Eric keep EJ at their house as much as he wanted to.
While Clarye was busy playing with EJ, Sandy was in her bedroom, talking on the phone, something she loved to do.
Clarye stared at the roach covered walls and ceilings of their house and a since of dread came over her. She hated when EJ had to come to this house. She hated that Sandy was trapped here, with this family, in this filth, in this circle of violence. Clarye knew she had to escape once and for all from Gary before she was sucked further into this deep well that could only lead to death. She longed for Sandy to do the same. After she played with EJ for about an hour, she decided it was time to go. She couldn’t stand it any longer. She told Sandy that Eric would pick EJ up the following Monday.
“Okay, that’s fine with me, Clarye,” Sandy said. “I’ll see you then. Oh, by the way, did Dorothy tell you that they let Gary outta jail?”
“What?” Clarye screamed. “Out of jail?” Before Sandy could answer, Gary came storming inside.
“What are you telling her, you li’l, good for nothing heffa?” He screamed viciously. Right away, he shoved Sandy hard, almost knocking her down.
Gary then turned to Clarye. “Yeah, I’m out of jail, so what? You thought you could get away from me? But what did I tell you, girl. There’s no getting away from me,” he continued to yell, scream and curse.
“Sandy, I’m leaving. Have EJ ready on Monday,” Clarye said, trying not to show mounting fear. She started to hand over EJ to Sandy, when Gary jumped between the two of them. He grabbed EJ from Clarye’s trembling hands and threw him violently toward Sandy. Sandy screamed and scurried to catch her baby before he landed on the filthy, carpeted floor. She broke his fall and held him tightly in her arms.
EJ cried loudly. “It’s okay, baby. Mama’s got you,” Sandy said and then turned toward her brother. “I hate you,” she yelled in his face.
“Get outta my face or the next time you won’t be able to catch that little brat.” EJ kept crying but Gary focused on Clarye. He yanked her by her hair and began beating her breasts with his fists, and pounding her head over and over against the wall of Sandy’s bedroom.
Dorothy ran in yelling, “Boy, don’t be hitting on that girl like that.”
Gary didn’t seem to hear a word. He kept on beating and pounding on Clarye without mercy. She had no strength to fight back, and because her crutches had fallen from her arms, she could no longer keep her balance. He took her by her arm and dragged her outside to his car, pulling her forcefully, against her will, inside the vehicle. She had no idea where her crutches were. She tried to muffle her cries, still not wanting Gary to know that he was defeating her. He sped off in the car with Clarye inside down the narrow, dark street.
Clarye didn’t know it at the time, but Sandy had called Clarye’s house to tell Eric and Jeremy what had happened. Eric and Jeremy called their grandfather and their Aunt Vita. Everyone went to look for Clarye.
Gary took Clarye to a school park a few blocks away from their house. He pulled up on the backside of the parking area where no one would be able to see them. He continued his physical assault on Clarye, stomping her, beating her, cursing her. She knew that she was staring death in the face. She had to think, and think fast.
Talk. Talk to him. Tell him what he wants to hear. “Gary,” she said, crying hard and heavy. “Don’t you know how much I love you, baby? Don’t you know it hurt me to see you have to go to jail. I didn’t want them to take you, but I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I thought you hated me,” Clarye lied, hoping her words would save her life. “When you broke into the house, I believed that you had found you someone better than me, Gary. I was so hurt. I thought you wanted me out of your life.” Clarye continued to talk. She talked and pleaded with him for what seemed to her like hours. She begged him to take her back and to forgive her. She knew this was the only way she would be able to get Gary’s mind off of killing her. Sure enough, Gary stopped cursing and beating her.
“Clarye, you know I love you. You just have to listen to what I tell you. That’s all. Just let me do my thing. I’m not going to leave you. Stop getting your folks into our business. Everything will work out. If you just do what I say, everything will be all right. You keep making me hurt you, Clarye, provoking me. But just do what I say and I won’t hurt you ever again. I hate to hurt you, but you make me do this, Clarye. Stop making me hit you.”
“I will, Gary. And I’m so sorry.”
“Clean yourself up. We’re going home. I know your people are worried about you,” he said, looking as if he had won a great battle.
Clarye drug herself slowly into the car. Every part of her body ached. She began to thank God for delivering her from death’s door. She knew that she would, somehow, get this sick demon out of her life. How? She didn’t know. But with God’s help, she knew she would.
When they pulled up in the driveway of her house, Clarye saw her daddy’s car. Vita, Jeremy and Eric were standing in the yard and her daddy was sitting in his car.
Eric and Jeremy ran toward her.
“Mama, are you all right?” asked Eric.
Clarye slightly nodded.
Jeremy madly rushed toward Gary.”
“You sorry, son of a...” Jeremy screamed.
“Stop, Jeremy, please. Gary and I talked. We’re going to try to make it work,” she said. “Everybody loses their temper at some time or another,” she said convincingly. “Everyone makes mistakes. Everything will be just fine, you’ll see,” she continued.
Eric, Jeremy and Vita stared at her in total disgust and disbelief.
“Is he making you say all this?” asked Jeremy and he looked at Gary with a look that could kill.
They were yet to understand the reason for Clarye’s decision.
“Gary, come here,” Theo said.
Gary looked at Clarye, then at Eric, Jeremy and Vita. Then he turned and walked over to Theo’s car.
“Get in,” Theo said. As usual, Theo appeared to be calm in the midst of the storm. Without raising his voice but with an uncanny sternness, he warned Gary never to lay a hand on his baby girl again.
Gary, with his smooth way with lies, said, “Mr. Dawson, you have my word.”
The hate Clarye felt for Gary was eating away inside her more and more each day. After Gary had brought her back home he still did not move back in. That was another answered prayer for Clarye. She explained to Eric and Jeremy her plan to get Gary out of their lives for good and why she had to say the things she said that night.
“If I didn’t do what I did and said what I said, I would be lying in a ditch somewhere. I had to do it,” she told them tearfully. Clarye was glad to know that Eric and Jeremy didn’t know that Gary had thrown EJ out of her arms. She had called back that night and asked Sandy if EJ was okay. Thank God for miracles. She made Sandy promise never to tell Eric what Gary had done to little EJ. She didn’t want to see her son go to jail for murdering scum like Gary, even though Clarye believed that Gary deserved to die.
A few days after that terrifying night, Clarye went to visit her sister, Vita. She was looking tired, worn out in spirit and body. She was still nursing wounds from the violent beating. Just when Clarye was going into Vita’s house, she saw her father pulling up in the driveway.
“Hi, baby,” he said. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, Daddy. I’m all right,” Clarye answered with not much fight left in her voice. “Where are you headed?” she asked.
“I just came from getting your momma some soup. She’s coming down with a bit of a cold. I was passing by and saw you out here and wanted to tell you, hi,” he said. “Clarye.”
“Yes, Daddy?”
“You sure do look beautiful,” he said with amazing tenderness and love in his voice for his baby daughter.
Clarye was certainly puzzled because she knew she was at an all time low and looked the part as well. But she mustered up and said, “Thanks, Daddy. I love you. Buh-bye, now.”
Always, Now and Forever Love Hurts Page 9
