Clarye had spent months at a time during most of her childhood in and out of the Hospital for Crippled Children. It was there she was often locked away hours at a time in a dark, musty smelling, haunting utility closet by a burly black, evil nurse she came to know only as Ms. Lucie.
The once a week visits from her mother was the only thing that kept her polio stricken body and frightened mind from totally collapsing in a fit of loneliness and fear. Each time the visit with her mother and family had to come to an end, Clarye cried, sobbing loudly for her mother not to go.
This obviously angered Ms. Lucie something awful. After her visits ended, and Clarye saw Ms. Lucie strolling over to the side of her bed, it reminded her of a sleek cat planning to pounce on its unknowing victim and Clarye knew what was coming next. Ms. Lucie would quietly, yet forcefully push her hospital bed into the utility closet and leave Clarye inside of the dark closet all alone.
“There,” she said with a voice full of anger and hate, “Now, you can cry all you want for your Momma. No one will ever hear you, chile.” Time and time again, Ms. Lucie locked her away and time and time again the hate grew inside Clarye’s heart for this woman.
Clarye seemed to have no control over the nightmares about those terrifying times. They came and went it seems whenever they chose to. Sometimes she would go years without being visited by the nightmares. Sometimes they would come every night for weeks or even months on end. She didn’t know what had triggered the nightmare this time. However, Clarye had come to realize that each time the nightmare surfaced, it signaled something was soon going to go awry in her life.
Gavin pulled her even closer to him. “Shorty, everything is going to be all right. I’m here. I’m here and I’m never going anywhere; believe that. I’ll always be here, baby.” He held her in his arms, stroking her cheek and she began to relax.
Soon she heard the low, muffled sound of Gavin’s labored breathing. He had fallen asleep. She rested on her elbows looking into his sweet face and tears began to flow heavily.
“Lord, what’s going on? Our lives are perfect, and we’ve waited so long for you to bless us with each other. Something doesn’t feel right. What is it, Lord? Clarye didn’t hear God speak. Instead, silence filled her spirit.
CHAPTER 21
Gavin, Clarye and EJ attended church services regularly. Eric and Jeremy were beginning to get back into their regular routine of attending church as well. Clarye had raised them to believe in God and to always seek His will. Therefore, she really didn’t worry too much about them straying far away for too long from church or from God.
This particular Sunday morning, everything started off just fine. EJ went to Sunday School and afterward he would be taken to Children’s Church by one of the youth volunteers.
When Gavin and Clarye finished Sunday School class, they proceeded to go to their favorite area and sit down in the sanctuary. Within minutes after church began, Clarye began to feel ill. Her body began to shake, and her complexion turned as pale as a ghost. She felt a weakness and a cold, icy chill spread through her body.
“Are you going to be all right?” Gavin asked.
Clarye shook her head.
Gavin got her crutches from underneath the pew, and they left in the middle of the service. Gavin went to Children’s Church to get EJ, and the three of them went home.
When they arrived home, he undressed Clarye and put her straight to bed. Worry filled his handsome face. She tried to rest as best she could during the rest of the day and on during night but it was of no use. She tossed and turned, moaned and groaned. Her throat throbbed all night, and she groaned in pain. Every part of her body ached. Chills came and went.
Gavin stayed up all night with her, bathing her in cold towels, feeding her Tylenol, wiping her forehead and planting butterfly kisses all over her feverish face. The next morning Gavin told her that he wanted her to stay in bed. He called their housekeeper, Rose, and asked her to keep a watch out for Clarye.
“Clarye, Rose is going to be here to get you whatever you need. I’m going to get things settled at the stores, and I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Okay, sweetheart?”
Clarye did not make a fuss about anything Gavin said. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn’t. She felt too bad. Gavin kissed her full on the lips. “I’ll be back before you know it. You get some sleep now. I love you, Shorty.”
“I love you back,” she whispered faintly.
A smile etched across Clarye’s face when she looked over at the caller id. It was Gavin calling from the car. “Are you okay, Clarye?” His voice oozed with love and compassion for his wife.”
“Sweetheart, I’m okay.” I thought you told me to get some sleep,” she whispered.
“I know,” he said. “I just wanted to check on you before I head to the midtown store. If you’re not feeling better by the time I make it back home, I’m taking you to the doctor.
“Okay, you worry wart,” Clarye whispered weakly. She didn’t see how Gavin was able to get any work done at the store that morning because he was on the phone with her constantly to check on how she was doing.
When he arrived home from work, Clarye could barely talk. Her fever had skyrocketed. She could hardly sit up in the bed. As she moaned in pain, Clarye looked up and saw Gavin walking into the bedroom. She spotted the cutest little white and blue stuffed animal. A look of love spread over her flushed face. Struggling to speak in spite of the pain shooting through her throat, Clarye said, “God, I love you so much, Gavin.” He planted a kiss upon her hot lips while placing the beautiful stuffed rabbit in her arms. He held her for just a split second. He became worried when he felt Clarye’s hot body.
“Clarye, I’m taking you to the hospital.” She tried to mumble a weak protest but Gavin ignored her. He lifted her into his strong arms and carried her. Rose met him at the door and opened it. “Rose, tell the boys that I’m taking Clarye to the hospital,” he said, hurrying her to the car.
By the time they arrived at the emergency room, the triage nurse checked her temperature. It was 105 degrees, which put her in the state for convulsions to occur. They rushed her to a room and worked on her fervently in an attempt to get her fever down before they began to find the cause of her illness. As she cried out in pain, Gavin was there, comforting her, holding her and telling her that everything would be all right. The pain was so intense she could not swallow water or even speak. She adamantly refused to take the fever medication the nurse was trying to administer.
“Clarye,” Gavin said firmly, “do what they tell you to do.” Clarye did not hesitate to follow their instructions after hearing Gavin’s commanding voice. They diagnosed her with an acute case of strep throat.
Over the next several days, Clarye began to feel somewhat better as Gavin bathed her with words of comfort, touched her with fingers of love, and filled her spirit with his prayers.
CHAPTER 22
Gavin and Clarye awoke early the following Sunday morning. Clarye wasn’t back at one hundred percent but she still insisted on going to church. Gavin was a meticulous dresser so it always took him quite some time to get dressed.
Clarye’s patience was frazzled as she tried unsuccessfully to wait until he was ready, but he and Jeremy were busy having one of their man to man talks while the hands of the clock showed they were going to be late for Sunday School.
Tired of waiting, Clarye said, “Gavin, I’m going on to Sunday School, and I’ll meet you there. I don’t want to be late for my class,” she said. She couldn’t pinpoint the reason but she only knew that this morning she awoke feeling rather low spirited. She shrugged the feeling off, believing once she arrived at church, that she would be just fine.
“Okay,” he answered and gave her a peck on the lips. “Are you taking EJ?”
“Yes, he’s going with me. I’m going to the house to get him.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay, buh bye. See you, Jeremy.”
“Bye, Mom. Have a good time at chu
rch.”
“I will.”
When Gavin finally made his entrance into church, Clarye saw him headed hurriedly to his Sunday morning Bible class. A smile of love and desire for him covered her face.
“Baby, I don’t think I’m going to stay for worship service.”
“What’s wrong? You still feel bad?” he asked.
“I just feel down. I can’t explain it. It’s weird.”
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.
“No,” Clarye waved up her hand. “That won’t be necessary. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Just remember to get EJ for me.”
“Sure. Come on and let me walk you to the car.”
On the way out of the church, they had a surprise encounter. Two of Clarye’s aunts, along with her mother and Gavin’s oldest sister, Rolonda, walked into church. Rolonda had arrived the night before from Texas and one of Clarye’s aunts was visiting from Detroit. This indeed proved to be a shock to Clarye and it quickly sent all her plans of going home right down the drain.
“Well, I guess I’ll just go on and stay for church,” she told him.
“Okay, Shorty,” Gavin said. “Do you want to sit with the family or go to our usual spot toward the front?” he asked.
“Well, Rolonda said for us to go on and sit where we usually sit. She’s going to sit with your mom and you know my mom and aunt Liza already told me they’re going to sit in the back,” Clarye said rather nonchalantly. Gavin led her to their usual spot. They sat down, embracing each other. When the praise songs started, Gavin stood up and joined in the singing. But Clarye still couldn’t understand what was going on inside her spirit. She only knew that whatever this was made her feel a sense of overwhelming sadness and loneliness. What she felt was her friend, Pain. But why? she asked herself.
“Gavin, my momma called this morning,” she whispered when he took his seat. “She was upset because she didn’t know where I was yesterday,” Clarye nervously told him. Her momma’s phone call made Clarye rather uneasy because where else could she have been but with her dear beloved husband? She didn’t want to be made to feel as though she still had to report her every step, even though Clarye knew her mother constantly worried about her. But in spite of the fact that Ann loved Gavin, it was still taking her some time getting used to the idea that she no longer had to “look after” her baby girl. Gavin was doing that now. After all, she had been Clarye’s shield, she had been Clarye’s strength, she had been Clarye’s protector all of her life.
Nevertheless, Gavin didn’t like anyone saying anything negative to Clarye or what he considered to be out of line no matter who it came from. When the praise services started up again, Clarye remained on the cold, brown, steel framed chair with a feeling of total fear and aloneness surrounding her. The songs being sung seemed to be heard by her as if they were in a far, far and away distant place on the outskirts of her soul. Suddenly, without forewarning, her spirit seemed to take over inside. She began to hear her spirit singing the songs without any assistance from her. Her mouth was shut, her mind was wracked, but Clarye’s spirit was going on without her. She had no earthly, or should I say heavenly idea, of what she was experiencing. She could feel her feet start to move and her mouth begin to sing and then Clarye completely broke down in a frenzy of sobs. Sobs that were uncontrollable. Loud, distressed, hurting, fearful, frightening sounding sobs. She wept hard, bitterly hard, still not knowing or understanding why. Gavin hurriedly sat down beside her, grabbing her, holding her tight like if he would never let her go. She felt her mother take a seat in the crooked chair on the other side of her.
“What’s wrong with her?” Her mother asked, her voice filled with worry and concern. But Gavin had no answer. He was too consumed with thoughts of his own about what was happening.
He began to speak his smooth melodious words to her, telling her, “Clarye everything is going to be all right. You’re going to be all right, Clarye.” He held her close, close to his heart while she laid her head upon his chest. She could not stop the sobbing. It was if a dam had broken loose. She could feel Gavin’s love for her like never before. It was so intense, so comforting, and so peaceful as he whispered once again, “Everything is going to be all right, Clarye.” Little did she know at the time, but her soul was crying out in grief and pain and God was allowing Gavin to comfort her, to fill her with the gift of his precious love.
On that Sunday morning, God in his omnipotence and sovereignty had allowed Gavin to hold her and comfort her in her grief and pain before her grief and pain actually came into existence. It was Clarye’s old standby, Pain, that was flowing from the innermost depths of her soul. Clarye’s spirit was screaming out because it knew what Clarye would soon come to know.
CHAPTER 23
It was Memorial Day. Gavin and Clarye had decided to go and take a look at the land where he planned to building his new superstore. He had his sights on a 120 acre lot in Southaven, Mississippi. They awoke early that cool, peaceful spring day morning.
Gavin hurried to go and get the car washed before they left, leaving Clarye behind to get dressed and fix the two of them a light breakfast.
When he returned an hour later, Clarye had finished getting dressed and had given EJ his breakfast as well. She was sitting on their bed engrossed in some program on TV, when Gavin came bursting in full of excitement.
“I have a surprise for you, Shorty,” he said in a loving voice. A huge smile was plastered on his handsome face.
Clarye’s curiosity was peaked. With anticipation she eagerly awaited the something Gavin had for her. When she looked in his arms, she saw him holding a beautiful, snow white stuffed animal, but when she looked closer she realized that it was the most precious little kitten she had ever seen.
Her cat, Diamond, had died several years ago and Clarye had longed for another cat for some time. When she saw the kitten she was truly amazed, to say the least. She knew Gavin did not like cats at all. On more than one occasion he had told her, “Shorty, we are not going to have cats in the house, no way.” He was emphatic about this when he said, “Clarye, Roc is okay, but definitely no cats. I don’t like cats. So for Gavin to do this was totally out of the ordinary.
Clarye decided to name him “Elliston,” after Gavin. Gavin was tickled about that. She held Gavin and Elliston close to her heart, vowing that she would never, ever stop loving either of them. At that moment, a burst of fresh love poured from her heart and she embraced them both.
She proceeded to happily proclaim, “Gavin I promise I will take care of Elliston and keep him out of your way.”
“Okay, Shorty. Then I guess we’ll keep old Elliston around,” he laughed. But that was Gavin’s personality. He was just that kind of man. Always giving, always loving, always showing Clarye his deep love and devotion to her in any way he could. After they got Elliston settled into his new home, they went outside so Gavin could finish cleaning the car. While he was busy scrubbing the tires, he called Clarye’s name.
“Clarye, come over here beside me,” he said.
“Okay.” Clarye walked over and stood next to Gavin and watched as he carefully scrubbed the rims of the car.
“I love you, girl.”
She smiled contentedly and replied, ”Is that why you called me over here?”
He spoke in such an unusual and serious tone that puzzled her. “I just want you to know that,” he said. “And another thing.”
“What?”
“Look, I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Do you hear me?”
Clarye was puzzled and perplexed, but she listened to Gavin without interruption.
“Baby, I want you to always remember to pamper yourself.”
He seemed not to be able to stop talking as he went on to tell her, “It’s time for you to let go of past mistakes and remember that I love you with all of my heart and that I always will. And more than anything, I want you to stop beating up on yourself, stop having such low self esteem because of your handicap. You’re beau
tiful, you’re successful and most of all you’re loved, especially by me. You always deserved to be pampered and loved.”
“I always want you to think highly of yourself,” he continued with a voice full of compassion and love. “Never allow anyone to mistreat you or abuse you ever again. I love you, girl. You’re my wife and not only that you’re my best friend. I don’t want you to ever forget what I’m telling you now, Shorty,” as if he could see deep inside her soul.
Clarye believed within her heart that he meant every word he was saying, but she was yet to understand the impact his words were going to have in the days to come, and how they would affect the rest of her life.
At this moment, Clarye felt such a tremendous amount of love for this man that was truly unexplainable. She knew that no matter what lay ahead that the two of them would be with each other always.
Indeed Gavin and Clarye were sharing their vows; vows of “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, through sickness and through health, through good times and not so good times, ‘til death do them part.
Tuesday morning, Gavin and Clarye returned to their normal, everyday schedules. The day was sunny and spring was definitely in the air. They awoke early that morning to prepare for the day ahead.
“What’s on your plate today?” Gavin asked as he took a forkful of the soft scrambled eggs and sausage and placed it in his mouth. Clarye was at the kitchen counter, pouring each of them a cup of coffee.
“I’m going to work on my manuscript,” she answered. Gavin stood up and walked over to the counter to retrieve the two cups of hot coffee. Clarye followed him and sat at the table. Gavin was going to the attorney’s office to finalize the papers and close the deal on the new store. He led the two of them in their morning prayer just like he did each and every morning before they started their day.
Always, Now and Forever Love Hurts Page 16
