by A. K. Morgen
”Oh.” Her response surprised me. I think I’d expected her to tell me she could see the future or some such. Nice to know her explanation was nothing so … nefarious, I wanted to say. I’d had about enough of strange in the last few weeks. “So, you figured it meant something and sent me off in that direction so we could both find out?”
She shrugged. “Dace and I are friends, and I want to see him happy. He’s been on his own for too long, you know? He never lets anyone in far. I think maybe you’ll be good for him.”
”Will I?” I asked, not at all sure that was true.
”Truthfully?” Chelle seemed to think about my question for a minute, her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m not sure. If he lets you in, I think you could be very good for him. He needs someone he doesn’t intimidate.” She lifted a brow, giving me a half-smile.
I understood what she meant. Dace didn’t intimidate me, but I couldn’t say the same for anyone else. He was beautiful, mysterious, confident, and he came across like being in charge didn’t faze him. Girls might have found the combination intriguing, but most of us weren’t secure enough to pursue someone like him.
Had it not been for all of the strange things that happened when I went near him, or for the fact he’d pissed me off the first time we talked, I’m not so sure I would have been either. I wasn’t insecure, but that didn’t matter with people like Dace. You could be as secure as you wanted and still feel inadequate when someone that capable came around. He was only twenty-one, but in a way, he did seem like the old soul Dad called him. The reason for that was simply another of the million things I didn’t understand about Dace. I envied him that self-confidence though.
“I know without a doubt that he’ll be good for you,” Chelle said.
”Oh?” I blinked at her.
She nodded. “When Mandy saw you on campus during registration, she said her heart broke for you. She’d never seen anyone looking so lost before. When we saw you last Thursday, you still looked like that, but not so much so. You were grieving, obviously, but you didn’t look as broken as Mandy said you did. Had we not known about your mom, we wouldn’t have known how upset you were. So … what changed?”
Nothing. Everything.
“Dace,” I murmured honestly. And didn’t that frustrate the crap out of me?
She smiled, her eyes softening with emotion. “You two affected each other without even trying. I don’t think there’s anyone strong enough to fight fate like that.”
Was that what this thing between me and Dace amounted to then? Fate? “Maybe,” I said. “I’ve never really thought about fate.”
“You haven’t? Why not?” Chelle asked, sounding truly curious.
I thought about the question. “I don’t know. I’ve always believed in fate, but I’d never considered how it touched my life, I guess. I see fate more in the little things, and not the big events or life changing moments.”
“What do you mean?”
I glanced down into my lap, not sure how to put my thoughts to words. “I guess I think of fate as the little things that happen to speed us on our way when we don’t, or won’t, choose for ourselves. Like losing the car keys when you’re trying to decide whether you want to go out or not. You didn’t make a choice one way or another; fate made the decision for you.”
“Isn’t it the same thing, though? Fate doesn’t mean we don’t have any decisions; it means the decisions we make are those we were supposed to make. Fate isn’t set in stone. It’s the sign post in the road in a way. If we make the right decisions, what was supposed to happen does. If we don’t, it doesn’t.”
“I have no idea,” I decided. “It probably does amount to the same thing, but I don’t want to dwell on it.”
I’d never spent much time thinking about fate before, and I didn’t want to now, either. Honestly, I simply couldn’t believe any of this was destined to happen. That my mom had to die, so I moved here and met Dace. I found it easier to believe everything fit together strictly through coincidence. The situation was too weird, too awful otherwise.
My mom died in an accident. She wasn’t supposed to die, but she did. Because she did, I came here. In a matter of pure coincidence, I met Dace and something weird occurred between us. Maybe the situation did amount to the same thing at the end of the day, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe she had to die because fate or destiny or whatever had some other plan for me.
I couldn’t help but feel as if maybe it did though, and I didn’t like that.
The feeling that something bad lurked around the corner refused to abate. I’d had enough bad in my life in recent weeks. I wanted easy, uncomplicated, and comfortable. Was that too much to ask?
“Understandable,” Chelle said. “I guess the real question is whether you’re willing to risk a little uncertainty to get your answers?”
“I wish I knew,” I confessed, laying my head back on the headrest.
Chapter Seven
When Beth said the rave was being held in an old warehouse, my imagination hadn’t come close to conjuring an appropriate image. The warehouse was a massive metal structure that reminded me of a grain silo. The roof had the same slightly steepled, slightly rounded shape. The building had that same earthy scent, too, like wheat and rain. The similarities ended there.
Loud rock music poured out of the structure and bounced off the cars crammed into the gravel lot surrounding the building. There were people everywhere, standing in groups, sitting on open truck beds, and threading their way through the cars, dancing and laughing.
I’d never been to a rave before, and I guess I’d expected it to be out of control like they always seemed to be in movies. This one wasn’t. The crowd was loud and energetic, but the scene lacked the frenetic feel I’d expected. The rave was more orderly than that.
We entered the warehouse, confirming my initial opinion; people were packed into the place, dancing and having a good time, but there was organization to the chaos. Places always had a feel to them, a certain, tangible energy. This felt happy … like walking into a room right after someone laughed.
A bar, built into the far side of the warehouse, started at one end and ran the circuitous length of the building. Bartenders stood behind the counter, mixing drinks and taking orders with skilled ease. One big dance floor took up the rest of the space. Strobe lights swept back and forth across the room, but not only from above as in most clubs and such. Thick, clear plastic covered lights built into the floor. The unusual setup gave the room an unusual, psychedelic kind of look.
Music blared from all sides of the warehouse, but I couldn’t see speakers or a stage.
“Where’s the music coming from?” I shouted to Chelle as we squeezed our way through the crowd and over to the bar.
“Up there.” She pointed upward.
I followed her finger with my eyes. On the other side of the warehouse, a sort of loft extended out over the bar, like a hayloft in a barn. Massive speakers suspended on thick cables at each side of the loft blasted music from the band playing in the very center.
“It’s safer,” Chelle shouted as I took in the sight. “Security guards are posted by the stairs and the elevator to keep anyone who doesn’t belong up there down. Keeps things a lot calmer.”
“ID?” A pretty brunette yelled, leaning over the bar as we approached.
“No alcohol!” Chelle turned to me. “Water?”
I nodded, and she repeated the word to the bartender who nodded and spun away from us to the seemingly endless array of bottles and supplies lining the back wall.
I’d been to plenty of parties before, but never anything like this. I always paid a cover charge and showed ID up front to get in, or the party lacked supervision, or alcohol. I liked this better.
“Why no cover charge?” I asked, turning toward Chelle so she could hear me.
She tilted her dark head toward mine. “A doctor owns the building and lets us use it for free. It’s safer than having these things any and everywhere, an
d they’re able to keep a closer eye on things. He recoups his losses with the bar, and some of the parents hire professional bartenders to make sure the drinking doesn’t get out of hand.”
“Nice!” That’s what I loved about people in small towns. They were more protective of the younger crowd, but they also realized that in order for their relationship to work, they had to be smart about where to draw the line. Forbidding certain things, like parties, might have worked in theory, but it never worked in practice. Small college towns understood that and set boundaries without going overboard.
I looked around the warehouse as we waited for our water, loving the feel of the entire thing. Seeing everyone dancing around, feeling the music drum through me … I think I’d needed this more than I’d thought.
The brunette brought our water to us and yelled for us to have fun.
“No charge?” I asked.
“Nope, anyone not drinking alcohol drinks for free. It helps ensure there are plenty of designated drivers to get people home at the end of the night,” Chelle explained, leading me away from the bar.
We stayed near the walls, making a circuit of the room. My gaze roved across the crowd, and I took in the energetic dancing happening all around us. Chelle smiled and bobbed her head to the music as we walked, which surprised me. I hadn’t expected her to have so much fun with the party, especially after our conversation in the car about her preferring to go her own way.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I asked, unable to resist during a lull between songs.
She smiled at me and took a sip of her water. “I am. I’ll get tired of the whole thing soon, but it’s nice. I like watching people. It’s fascinating to me.” She laughed, averting her gaze. “There’s nothing more relaxing than seeing people enjoy themselves.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I said, smiling. “It says a lot about the kind of person you are.”
“Maybe.” She took another sip of water as we neared the doors. “Come on, let’s go outside and see if we can find my sisters and Mandy. They should be here by now.”
We didn’t find her sisters and Mandy; they found us. As soon as we stepped outside, I heard a squeal off to the left and turned. The three stood beneath one of the massive floodlights illuminating the parking lot like a football field. The girls were bundled in ski jackets, flamboyantly colored scarves, and jeans. Mandy pointed in our direction and they were off like a flash of lightning.
They bore down on us in various states of excitement, all giggling and squealing. Beth and Mandy were more subdued than Dani, who bounced around as if on a sugar high. She ran up and threw her arms around me, still squealing.
“What did you do?” she cried in my ear.
”What did I do?” I looked at her blankly, holding my cup up and out of the line of danger her bouncing put it in. I glanced at Chelle who raised a brow as if to say she didn’t have a clue.
Beth grinned and half-dragged Dani off me before giving me a hug of her own. “She’s in shock.”
I hugged her a little awkwardly and stepped away, confused over my reception. Knowing what they were so excited about would have been nice. My weird connection to Dace aside, I wasn’t a mind reader.
“Of course she’s in shock,” Mandy said, bouncing in place. “Dace Matthews, the Dace Matthews, stopped by to see you“—she pointed at Chelle in accusation—”before we left the house.”
A little tremor of anticipation quaked through me.
“We told him you’d already left to pick up Arionna,” Beth said, grinning again.
“And he got real quiet for a minute and then said maybe he’d see us here then!” Dani squealed.
My gaze met Chelle’s, and she gave me a sort of half smile that said “See? I told you.”
A flush crept into my cheeks.
“Do you have any idea what that means?” Mandy demanded, beaming at me.
They all looked at me expectantly.
”Um … no?”
Mandy groaned, rolling her eyes heavenward. Dani squealed and clasped her hands to her cheeks as if wondering what they were going to do with me. Beth doubled over and burst into laughter.
I looked to Chelle only to find her watching me.
“I think they mean,” she said in response to my pleading look, “that they expect Dace to put in his first ever appearance here tonight.”
I gaped at her. He was coming here because of me?
“So,” Dani broke in before I could say anything, let alone wrap my mind around that fact. “What did you do?” She linked her arm through mine, bouncing and shooting off questions like a detective. “You saw him again, didn’t you? What happened? Where were you? What did you say? What did he say?”
“Um … .” I groped for something to say, a lot less comfortable than I had been a few minutes ago. I couldn’t think through the excited babble, and I desperately needed to think. Dace was coming.
A flurry of butterflies kicked up in my stomach.
“Calm down, Dani,” Mandy admonished her with a chuckle. “You’re scaring her.”
“Oh!” Dani gasped and let go of my arm, her expression falling. “I’m sorry, Arionna! I didn’t mean to flip out on you. I get excited.”
“Real excited,” Beth said with an impish grin, “real easy.”
Dani shot her a dark look, but didn’t disagree. She turned back to me. “Being excitable is my biggest flaw, so any time I freak out on you like that, feel free to tell me to shut up. Everyone else does.” She kind of hunched her shoulders in her coat, as if embarrassed by her admission. “I don’t mind, really. It keeps me in line.”
“Thanks,” I said, not quite sure how to respond to her. She hadn’t scared me. She’d overwhelmed me, and that wasn’t her fault. “I’ll remember that.”
She nodded and gave my arm a squeeze before stepping back into line with the others.
“Do you think he’ll show up, Chelle?” she asked, more subdued now.
Chelle huddled a little deeper into her coat. “He usually does what he says he’ll do.”
“But why?” Beth burst out after a moment, looking around at all of us. Her eyes landed on me. “I don’t mean to pry or to be rude, but, well, Dace doesn’t ever come to these parties or socialize with most of us. So, his coming tonight has to be because of you. What happened?”
Oh, how I wished I knew the answer to that question. “I ran into him in the woods after I met you guys. Then we bumped into each other a few days ago, and he walked me home.” My explanation sounded so innocent, as if it couldn’t possibly be anywhere near the truth. I tried to ignore the fact that I was telling the truth only in the strictest sense of the word.
Aside from Chelle, who more or less knew the truth, the others all apparently thought the same thing I did. Each wore an expression of disbelief, and each seemed to be working through my answer, trying to find a hint of what I hadn’t said. My cheeks flushed, and I prayed they wouldn’t notice.
Beth noticed. She frowned and scrutinized my face, clearly trying to decide whether to push for more or leave the subject alone. I wished the ground would open up beneath me and swallow me whole. I silently begged her not to push.
She nodded once and left it alone. “Well, whatever happened, it seems you made an impression on our wayward T.A.”
”And I, for one,” Chelle cut in, her voice firm, “am grateful for it.”
The others chorused their agreement.
After a slight lull, Chelle moved the conversation on to less personal topics. My knees sagged when the others took the hint and left me alone. I wanted to throw my arms around Chelle and kiss her soundly on the cheek for saving me. I could relate to her, and that made talking to her come naturally. Spilling my guts about Dace to anyone else, even to her sisters and Mandy, terrified me. I liked each of them, but I didn’t know them, and I certainly didn’t want to confess the strange things that happened when I went anywhere near Dace. Unlike Chelle, I had a feeling they would never understand.
Hell, I still didn’t understand.
How could I hear his thoughts or feel what he felt?
I’d resolved during my conversation with Chelle to stop stressing over the problem and see where things went from there. Resolving and following through were two different matters, however. I wouldn’t try to avoid Dace, but I wouldn’t seek him out either. I would continue to go about my business and see what came next.
Apparently, my business was a lot shorter than I’d anticipated … which served as a great reminder not to make such resolutions unless I felt confident. Karma could be a bitch like that. And in this case, I didn’t know if I was ready to deal with him.
I couldn’t handle any more hurt at the moment, and I highly suspected that if anyone could hurt me, it would be Dace. Not because he would try or even because he wanted to, but because he might just be the only one in this new life of mine with the power to tear my world apart.
His secrets weren’t the harmless kind. The thing inside of him wasn’t normal. And our connection was so far outside of anything I knew, I couldn’t even begin to understand it. But it was earthshaking. And I didn’t know how that made me feel.
The girls decided to wander through the parking lot for a while to see who else had arrived. I tagged along behind them, lost in my own thoughts and leery of meeting anyone else. Whatever energy I’d borrowed from the crowd had dissipated. I wanted nothing more than to hide out in a corner and try to put my thoughts in some semblance of order.
While the others chattered back and forth about this guy or that girl, Chelle fell back beside me. She didn’t say anything, she just lent me silent support as my mind spun in the same, tired circles.
“Thank you,” I murmured, looking at her.
“They’re harmless, but they can be a handful. They’ve been friends for so long; I don’t even think they realize how much they feed off of one another’s excitement. It can be hard to get used to.” She smiled, her expression a mixture of sympathy and concern. “You okay?”
