“What?”
“When it’s time to leave, the two of you go on without me, okay?”
He frowned. “What?”
“Don’t ask questions, dude.” He glanced around to make sure they weren’t being overheard. “It’s my birthday present to Leah, and my Christmas present to both of you. Don’t let her call me either. You’ll find a note in the car explaining it. I want you both to have fun. Don’t you dare let her spoil this for me.”
Kaden nodded and leaned in to hug him. “Thanks.” He clapped him on the back. “How will you get home?”
“Already under control. Just keep her on a leash.” Seth laughed. “Well, you know what I mean. I’ll see you guys sometime late Sunday.”
“Okay. I appreciate it.”
Kaden would laugh when he saw the extras Seth had packed for them. Not just clothes—mostly clothes for Kaden, because Leah wouldn’t need many—but a few of the less extreme toys.
More than enough for them to have some creative fun over the weekend.
They would spend the weekend at a beachside resort on Longboat Key. There would be a chilled bottle of champagne waiting for them. And hopefully a sweet weekend of memories for Leah.
Seth waited until Leah had disappeared again to handle something to make his exit. He’d already programmed the taxi company’s number into his cell so he’d have it. Within fifteen minutes, he was riding south.
Toward home.
Seth loosened his tie and stared out the window at the passing landscape. Home alone.
“So’d you have a little too much to drink tonight, buddy?” the driver asked to make conversation.
Seth shook his head. “Nope. Not nearly enough, I’m afraid.”
“Car break down?”
He sat back in the seat and closed his eyes. “Nope. I was odd man out. Wanted to give my friends some time alone. You know how that goes.”
“Ah.”
Fortunately the driver fell silent, opting to listen to stale Christmas songs on a local station. When they reached the gate, Seth leaned forward and paid the fare. “I’ll get out here and walk. I need the air. It’s not far.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I know the way home.”
He got out and punched in the code, waited for the gate to open enough he could slip through, and walked back to the house.
The holiday lights, now set on a timer system, welcomed him as he reached their drive. He spent a few minutes walking through the displays, trying to put off the inevitable.
They would be heading to the resort.
Inside, the hollow sound of his dress shoes on the tile floor echoed back at him. He turned on the Christmas tree lights and living room TV before walking to his room. He turned his TV on, too, and kicked off his shoes. He started to drop the tux on the bed, thought better of it. Just because Leah wasn’t around was no reason for him to be a slob. He’d had plenty of years’ experience picking up after himself.
He neatly hung the tux in the closet. She’d take care of it Monday, he knew. Get it to the cleaners. Not that he’d ever use it again, probably.
Then again, he might. Knowing Leah, she’d drag him to any banquet she could.
And he’d go.
He slipped on a pair of sleeping shorts and padded out to the kitchen. It was tempting to make himself a drink, but he opted for fixing a mug of the herbal tea Leah was making Kaden drink by the gallon. He damn sure didn’t need to be drunk tonight, alone, when it would be hard enough to keep the bad and depressing thoughts at bay. And he damn sure didn’t need the extra calories. He was almost pleased when he looked in the mirror, his old Army body finally visible without years of accumulated flab in the way.
He didn’t want to lose the progress.
It was nearly midnight when he settled on the couch in front of the TV and surfed until he found a stupid holiday horror movie. An axe murderer dressed as Santa, terrorizing some sorority sisters.
Tits, ass, terror, and tinsel. What a combo.
He settled in for a long night alone.
* * * *
He awoke the next morning on the couch with a crick in his neck.
Well, won’t have to make my own bed, at least.
He started a pot of coffee before going to take a shower. Then he poured himself a mug and walked down to the end of the driveway to get the paper.
He turned the living room TV to one of the digital music stations, a classic rock channel. He turned the volume up loud so it blared through the stereo speakers and made the subwoofer throb.
Very loud.
Loud enough he couldn’t hear the empty house.
Leaving the sliders open so he could hear the music, he took the singletail outside and practiced for two hours with both arms, until his palms and arms were sore.
Then he swam for nearly an hour.
He silently screamed the music lyrics in his mind, trying to drone out all other thoughts. For the few songs he didn’t know he focused on the bass line and tried to chant that.
He used a rolled-up blanket to practice ropework for an hour.
Another swim.
Repeat.
Seth realized around four that he’d forgotten to eat both breakfast and lunch.
Fuck.
Maybe that was why he felt sick to his stomach.
He fixed a bowl of cereal before walking over to the TV. He turned it off.
The sudden silence sent chills down his spine. He nearly threw up.
TV on. Oh boy. Definitely on.
He turned the volume down and found a college football game on the Deuce. He didn’t give a shit about either team, knew nothing about them. But he cheered each play regardless of who came out ahead.
By seven, he was pacing the house.
kaden’sdyingkaden’sdying
Finally, he forced himself to sit on the couch.
He turned off the TV.
Seth heard the tick of the coffee pot in the kitchen—fuck, forgot to turn that off—the sound of the air handler in the hall as it ran, the pool pump chugging outside on the lanai.
He screamed.
Seth closed his eyes and let out a deep, long, gut-twisting primal cry of rage and grief and hopelessness—
kaden’sdyingkaden’sdyingKADEN’SDYINGGODDAMMITIT’S NOTFUCKINGFAIRKADEN’SDYINGANDI’MNOT
—until he fell over on his side and sobbed himself to sleep on the couch.
* * * *
Around two a.m., Seth awoke and realized he was still lying on the couch. He walked to the kitchen, shut off the coffee pot. Thank God he hadn’t burned down the fucking house.
My house.
He squeezed his eyes shut as the mental heartbeat threatened to return but apparently his mini-meltdown had helped.
Seth switched the TV on and found another stupid B-movie marathon on one of the premium channels.
He grabbed a pillow from his bed, curled up on the couch, then fell asleep again.
* * * *
Sunday morning he awoke around dawn. The TV droned on despite his inattention.
Seth felt dead inside.
He sincerely hoped they were having a good time. In his note to Kaden, he’d specifically requested they not call to check in. He claimed it was because he wanted them to have a good time and focus on each other.
In reality, he knew damn well it would fuck his mind if they did. He’d suspected he would feel achingly lonely without Kaden and Leah around. Hearing them talk about how good a time they were having wouldn’t help him any. He didn’t want them to feel guilty if he couldn’t sound convincingly cheerful enough.
Seth didn’t predict, however, how bad he’d feel. How dead inside.
Not just without Leah, but without Kaden.
It had become so natural to chat over breakfast every morning, then around dinner every night. Playing guitars and singing together. Working with the two of them during sessions or learning from them.
The three of them making love.
And
Yes, Leah would be there.
But Kaden wouldn’t.
Fuck.
He needed to get his shit together and get his fucking head on straight before they got home. Leah would be all over him like white on rice if she suspected he’d been upset while they were gone.
Their checkout time was three. He’d requested Kaden stay and use the full time. Whether they would was another matter entirely.
At least an hour to drive home.
If they stopped to eat on the way, more time.
His day progressed much as Saturday had, trying to keep himself busy and distracted. When three o’clock rolled around, Seth found himself pacing again.
A little after five, he heard the sound of tires in the drive and looked.
A huge sigh of relief. They were back.
Leah’s beaming smile as she jumped out of the car and ran to hug him on the front porch warmed his heart.
He swung her around and buried his face in her hair.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you so much!”
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah. A lot of fun. But I missed you.”
He gave her one final squeeze before releasing her. “I missed you too, babe. Both of you.”
“Did you eat?”
And so it started. He laughed. “I did manage to take care of myself while you were gone, yes. No wild parties, and no messes.” He walked down to help Kaden with the bags.
Kaden’s face looked a little younger than on Friday. He also hugged Seth. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Hey, least I could do.” Seth grabbed a bag.
When Leah walked inside, Kaden grabbed Seth’s arm. “You really okay?”
Seth didn’t meet his friend’s eyes. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
Kaden refused to let go.
Seth finally took a deep breath and shrugged. “Preview of coming attractions, that’s all. I’m fine now that you two are home. I needed a little alone time to blow off some steam.”
That seemed good enough for Kaden. He let him go, and they walked into the house.
* * * *
Three more dinners and parties. On Christmas morning, Leah burst through Seth’s bedroom door and flung herself at the bed. She landed squarely on top of him and barely missed nailing him in the nuts with her knee.
“Good morning!”
In a fit of Christmas spirit, Kaden had equipped her with a red and green holiday collar, complete with several jingle bells.
Their own little pornographic elf.
Seth blearily looked at her. “What time is it?”
“It’s seven!” She kissed him and sat up, straddling him, bouncing on top of him. “We need to open presents!”‘
He groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. “Babe, dinner isn’t until eight tonight. Couldn’t you let me sleep in a little?” Guests weren’t expected to arrive until at least five.
She yanked the pillow out of his hands and smacked him with it. “No. Come on, you have to get up. Now.” She climbed off him and started tugging on his arm.
He grabbed her, dragged her back into bed with him and kissed her. Her protests weakened and stopped as he slipped a hand between her legs and found her clit.
“Why don’t we elf around a little?” he joked as he nipped the side of her neck.
She started to squirm in his arms, giving in. Then, she stiffened and pushed him away. “No. Come on! Presents!” She rolled off the other side of the bed, out of his reach.
“Where’s my fucking coffee?” he grumbled. Now he really had a morning woody, and her teasing him hadn’t helped the situation any.
“It’s brewing,” she said from the doorway.
He rolled over and closed his eyes. A moment later, Leah startled him by slamming the back of his head with a pillow.
“Get. Up!”
“I was, you fucking tease, but you got out of bed.”
She giggled and kissed the back of his neck. “After presents, you two can unwrap me.”
“You’re already nekkid.”
“You know what I mean. Get up. Now.”
When she was like this, even Kaden wouldn’t argue with her. Seth blearily rolled out of bed. He used the bathroom, then pulled on a pair of shorts and stumbled out into the kitchen.
Kaden, looking equally bleary, stared at him from his place at the counter. “Morning.”
They’d had a fairly late night of play. Seth had opted to sleep in his room afterward. Kaden looked as sleepy as he felt.
“Mornin’. What the hell’s up with her?”
Leah pranced into the kitchen and poured the men their coffee. Now she was wearing a leopard print Santa hat and a long red T-shirt that said “Naughty and Proud of It” in addition to the elf collar.
“Come on! Why are you in here? Go to the living room!”
The sounds of carols drifted to them. Apparently she’d tuned the TV to the holiday music channel.
Seth sipped his coffee. “Can we get conscious first? What the fuck did you put in your coffee this mornin’, speed?”
She grinned. “It’s Christmas morning! Come on!”
Seth and Kaden rolled their eyes at each other and followed her into the living room. Apparently their little elf had been a very busy girl. A huge pile of presents was stacked under the tree. Seth had tucked a few small things under there the night before, after he left Leah and Kaden. Most of the other stuff hadn’t been there.
“Oh, wait!” Leah had set up the video camera on a tripod in the corner. She checked it, then flashed a thumbs-up. “Okay. Time for presents!” She started handing out gifts to the men. “Go on. Open them!”
Kaden grabbed her arm and hauled her down to the couch between them. “Calm down, babe. Relax.”
Seth started on the first present she’d plopped in his lap. Inside lay a beautifully made kangaroo-hide bullwhip.
“It’s a BDSM Christmas,” he joked.
“You like it?”
He smiled. “Of course I do. Thank you.” He leaned over and kissed her.
She’d gotten them a wide variety of gifts from practical shirts, to the playful end of the scale, from novelties and remote-controlled cars, to…well, whips.
“These are more a gift for you,” Kaden joked.
She grinned. “Well, yeah. Duh.”
Kaden had bought her a gorgeous ring. Seth had gotten her matching earrings.
“Oh! They’re beautiful!” Her eyes teared up as she hugged the guys.
For her men Leah had gone all-out. She’d even snagged a Wii game system for Kaden. The men wasted no time getting that hooked up.
Once all the presents were opened, Leah still wore a playful smile. “What’s going on?” Kaden asked from the floor where he was working with Seth to hook up the game console.
“I’ve got one more.” She looked at Seth. “For Sir.” She handed him a small, brightly wrapped box.
Seth opened it, a puzzled look on his face. He pulled out a set of keys. They weren’t car keys. “What’s this?”
“Why don’t you come look?” She grabbed the camera from the tripod and waved him to the front door.
If he didn’t know any better… The keys looked familiar. He’d once owned a set of keys similar to these. When he’d had a…
He opened the front door. In the driveway, with a big red bow on the handles, sat a Harley Roadster.
He’d had a Harley once, years earlier, but his first ex made him sell it because she claimed she was terrified of them. Seth remembered how, at the time, Leah begged him not to sell it. She loved it when he rode her around on it.
His jaw dropped. He turned to Kaden. “Did you know about this?”
He shook his head as he smiled. “No. I suspected though, when she asked to spend the money. I was sworn to secrecy even though I didn’t know what I was swearing to.”
Leah handed the video camera off to Kaden and grabbed Seth’s arm. “I had them deliver it early this morning.”
“So that’s why you’re wired to the gills,” Seth joked.
He walked around the bike, then pulled her to him for a big hug. “I guess I know what you want this afternoon.”
“At least one time around the development.”
“It’s great, babe. Thank you.”
“The helmets are in the garage. I got you a bike jacket and stuff, too.”
“That was going to be my next question.” Seth loved motorcycles but wasn’t an idiot. He never rode without a helmet or gear. He’d suspected his ex’s fears had been more about how much Leah enjoyed the short rides and the fact that he’d bought Leah her own helmet and jacket than any worry about his own safety. When the four of them would go out to eat, Kaden and Leah would stop by their place. Kelly would ride in the car with Kaden while Leah rode on the bike with him.
He recalled Leah nearly cried when he’d told them he was selling the bike. She’d begged and pleaded with him not to.
Now he saw that in a different light.
He pulled her tight against his side. “You were mad because you were losing time alone with me.”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“You barely spoke two words to Kelly after that.”
Leah shrugged. “Let’s just say I wasn’t happy with her for making you sell it.”
* * * *
Leah got her short ride that day, before they had to prepare for their guests.
Seth tried to relax during the afternoon. Leah convinced Seth and Kaden to play their guitars for everyone, and they had a cheerful session of singing Christmas carols…some with risqué, made-up lyrics.
When the last person left a little after eleven, all three were exhausted. Seth gave in to Leah’s request to sleep with them, even though all they did was go to sleep.
As Seth drifted, he thought about the day. It was a good day. He’d taken lots of video and hundreds of pictures.
He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep without thinking the phrase “last Christmas.”
Chapter Twenty
December thirtieth dawned cold and rainy, perfectly matching Seth’s mood. While the day quickly cleared, his mind did not.
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