Without Kaden to care for, without a vigil to stand over Leah, Seth was left wondering what was next for them both.
After they ate they took a long, warm bath in the huge sunken tub. They didn’t speak, just lay there soaking in the water. Seth had finally taken a good look at the new bands. Matching, of course. Intricately engraved with a vine pattern. Not quite like the other bands but similar.
Leah twined her fingers through his. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He kissed the top of her head. “For what?”
“For everything. For being there for him, and for me.”
He tightly hugged her. “Babe, I love you. This was a no-brainer.”
She took a deep breath. “I meant it when I said if you really want out at the end of the year—”
“Stop.” He turned her to face him. “Let’s get this straight right now. I said it before, and I meant it. If you want out, you can tell me. As far as I’m concerned, this is for life, babe. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t mean it for life. I don’t care what Kade planned. I’m not leaving you unless you tell me you don’t want me anymore.”
She threw her arms around him, tightly holding him.
Then her tears.
It relieved him that she could cry without help. He settled back in the water and soothed her, consoled her.
When she relaxed in his arms she looked into his eyes. “Can we stay in the room for today?”
“Sure. Whatever you want.”
She caressed his face. “Please make love to me.”
It’d been over a month for them. Even though Kaden had encouraged them to make love, neither Seth nor Leah had been in the mood to do so. They’d opted for power cuddling together, the three of them in bed, Leah firmly sandwiched between them.
Seth drained the tub, dried her off, and carried her to bed. He knew what Kaden wanted them to do—spend their time bonding in a way they really couldn’t before when it was the three of them.
He brought her hand to his mouth and feathered his lips along her knuckles. “Are you okay, babe?”
She nodded.
“Do you need to feel the bite?”
She shook her head. “Not now. I think I’m cried out in the good way for now. At least for a day or so.”
He kissed her, taking his time, savoring her. He was intimately acquainted with every centimeter of her body already. But this was different.
She was all his.
Seth took his time, slowly working his way south. There would be no spankings, no whips or vibrators or cuffs or safe words this time. Just the woman he loved and his love for her.
He prayed that was enough to satisfy her, at least for now. Because it was all he wanted.
Her nipples peaked as he circled them with his tongue, teasing them, alternating between them. Her soft sigh of pleasure stirred him, stiffening his cock.
“You like that?” he whispered against her flesh.
Leah tangled her fingers in his hair. “Yesss.”
They could never be “normal” with a picket fence and two-point-three kids in the yard. There would always be the dark corners of her soul requiring regular cleaning to keep her sane. But for this moment in time, with the sound of the ocean outside their window and a salty breeze to stir the air, she was fully there with him. He felt it. Her mind, her heart, her soul…
Her love.
He traced meaningless patterns across her belly with his lips and resisted her attempts to nudge him down where she wanted him.
When he finally let her coax him into settling between her legs, he peeked up at her. She looked beautiful, with her skin flushed and hair mussed, and her lower lip clamped under her teeth.
His wife.
He was a lucky bastard.
“Tell me what you want, babe,” he gently teased as he kissed her inner thigh.
She opened her eyes, and the full force of her green eyes hit him. “I want my husband to make love to me. I want you to make me come, baby.”
The word flipped his heart inside out in a good way.
Husband.
Who was he trying to kid? Maybe he helped keep her sane, but he’d do whatever, anything she wanted.
He lowered his lips to her mound and slowly traced her clit with his tongue. A soft, replying moan rewarded him.
Gripping her thighs, he teased her, not trying to make her come, just to keep her hovering, floating in a state of mind he knew she could safely enjoy without any sad or painful thoughts intruding.
Leah softly whimpered but didn’t beg, didn’t plead.
Didn’t slip into slavespeak.
He closed his eyes and pretended this was the first time he’d ever touched her, truly his wedding night—well, morning—spent long, slow, delicious minutes exploring her. Making love to her without guilt or melancholy or the sad ache in his heart that she wasn’t really his.
He didn’t let her come. He sat up and pulled her into his lap, settling her onto his shaft. She kissed him and wrapped her arms and legs around him as he rocked his hips against hers.
Seth slid his hands down to her hips and cupped her rounded curves. “I want to make love to you forever,” he said.
Leah rested her forehead against his. “Please. This feels so good.”
Caressing her back, he kissed her jaw, down her neck and across to her shoulder where he gently nipped her. She shivered with pleasure and squirmed against him.
She felt different today. He felt different. He didn’t want to drift into sad thoughts. Those would return soon enough when reality called them back to Florida.
To their home.
He slipped a hand between their bodies and found her swollen nub, gently stroked it. She moaned and rested her head against his shoulder. He kissed her neck and nibbled on her earlobe. “Come for me, sweetheart.”
Rocking her hips in time with his, he felt her body struggling to make it. Her breathing grew quick and shallow as a fine sheen of sweat covered her.
Seth forced himself to maintain his rhythm, knowing she was close. He didn’t want to break her concentration.
When she gasped he felt her muscles contracting around him and knew he had her. “That’s it,” he murmured. “Give it to me, baby.”
She cried out, sobbing as she clutched at him. When he suspected she’d finished, he gently lowered her to the bed and kissed her face, brushing her tears away.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded and weakly smiled. “Yeah.” Her fingers found his, laced together, and she kissed his hand. “I’m okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too, babe.” He shifted position to hold her. Even though he was still horny, more important to him was holding her.
His wife.
He suspected she was drifting to sleep again. “What about you?” she mumbled.
He smiled and kissed her forehead. “We’ve got a lot of time to worry about that.”
* * * *
He awoke an hour later to the delicious feel of her lips wrapped around his cock. He lifted his head and looked at her. She winked, then went back to what she was doing.
Fuck it. She was obviously feeling a little okay, at least. He closed his eyes and dropped his head onto his pillow. His fingers tangled in her hair.
He was close when she sat up and straddled him, hovering, not impaling herself. “How are you feeling?” she playfully asked.
“I’d be feeling a lot better if you’d quit teasing me, girl.”
She rocked her hips along his shaft, letting it glide along her slick cleft but not letting him penetrate. “Teasing?”
He smiled. “Teasing.” He cocked one eye open and glimpsed the ghost of a smile. She was beautiful. “You keep that up,” he warned, “and you’re gonna get fucked.”
“Isn’t that the point?”
He surprised her, flipping her over onto her back and sliding home. He held still for a moment. “Is that what you wanted?”
She nodded. “Yeah.” She tried to kiss him
“You’re a tease, babe.”
“Is that a problem?”
He smiled. “No.” Then he stopped and nuzzled her nose with his. “As long as you’re only a tease for me.”
“Only for you,” she echoed, kissing him.
Something surged deep inside him, nearly overwhelming. He took several deep thrusts and came inside her, releasing her arms and rolling over with her clutched tightly against his chest.
He cried.
* * * *
They ate dinner at a nearby restaurant recommended by the resort. Then they walked along the beach, hand in hand, and silently watched the glow of the waves as they softly lapped against the shore in the moonlight.
He made love to her until well past midnight, silently and gently branding her flesh with his lips and hands. It felt so much different now. She seemed to feel it, too.
The third morning they curled up together in bed and watched a rainstorm blow in off the Atlantic. She lightly trailed her fingers down his chest, across his abs, to his shaft, gently played with him, stirring his interest.
“This feels right,” she whispered.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
She was quiet for a long time. “I miss him.”
“It’s okay, babe. I miss him, too. We’re going to miss him for a long time. Probably forever.” He didn’t panic, knew he could take care of her if she needed help.
Another comfortable silence. “I told you it’s not always whips and stuff.”
When he processed what she’d said he laughed and rolled over on top of her. “Yeah, you were right. Is this the point where I start yes-dearing you all the time?” He kissed her.
She brushed the hair away from his forehead and smiled. “No.”
“Do you…need anything?”
She shook her head. “I’m okay for now.”
He didn’t feel a dulling down from her, just a quiet melancholy that echoed his own mood. Her eyes still looked sad, without the humor and joy that used to light them from within.
“Do you want anything?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“What?”
She wiggled her hips under him, pinning his cock between her legs in an erotically wonderful way. “This.”
* * * *
Another limo picked them up at the airport in Tampa and drove them home. Ed had brought in their newspapers and mail while they were gone.
Seth somewhat dreaded this even though he longed to be home. He knew a pile of condolence cards would await them. He didn’t want to be away from Kaden’s memory but worried Leah’s mood might slip upon their return.
The driver unloaded their bags from the trunk for them. At the front door, Leah unlocked it and started to step inside when Seth had a thought and grabbed her arm.
“Wait.”
“What?”
He scooped her into his arms. “Humor me.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck as a faint smile caressed her lips. “Okay, handsome.”
His heart twisted in a hot and pleasant way as he kissed her and carried her over the threshold.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Was it only a month since they lost him? Seth watched Leah sleeping one morning. He knew she struggled with depression despite the good days of mental and emotional decompression they’d had in the Bahamas. Perhaps it was time to take her to the doctor. Every morning she sluggishly awoke and started her day, more a rote routine than with genuine enthusiasm.
They spent their days talking, quietly watching TV, and he played his guitar for her, soothing her to sleep.
The worst of her tears hadn’t returned, although it wasn’t uncommon for him to find her crying in the middle of the day sometimes.
She hadn’t mentioned killing herself anymore either.
Thank God.
He hesitated to drug her, afraid she might come to rely on it instead of dealing with things.
She rolled over and cuddled up to him. How long until he saw the light in her eyes again?
Would he ever see it?
It didn’t matter what she claimed. Would she ever truly come to love him as much as she loved Kaden? Easy enough for her to swear before they lost him, but with the truth in front of her, perhaps she couldn’t.
She opened her eyes. “Good morning,” he said.
Leah offered up a sad smile. “Good morning, Master.”
Crap. It would be a bad day for her. She was going formal right off the bat. He stroked her cheek. “Do you feel like making coffee this morning?”
She nodded, then slowly climbed out of bed to do it. He watched her walk, naked, through the bedroom door.
Their bedroom.
He could almost feel Kaden’s presence with them, an empty longing for his friend. And yet he couldn’t bear to change a single thing in the house. Leah had told him if he wanted to, she was okay with it.
He didn’t want to.
Maybe that wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care. It was a connection, a tangible link to his friend.
He suspected never again in his life would he ever have a friend like Kaden.
* * * *
Ed stopped by a little after lunch. Leah was taking a nap. Seth walked outside to greet him when he heard his car pull up.
“I have something to give you,” Ed said, walking around to his trunk.
Inside was filled with boxes. He reached in and handed one to Seth, grabbed another.
“What’s this?”
“They’re all for you. They’re Kaden’s old journals.”
Seth stopped short and nearly dropped the box. “What?”
Ed nodded. “You’ll want them in the study. Lock them in the closet until you’ve read them all. I’ll give you the card here in a minute. All of these boxes are yours. He printed out the newer ones on the computer, saved them on CD for backup, too.”
Numb, Seth helped him unload them all. Then he noticed the boxes were neatly labeled in Kaden’s handwriting, from one to seven. He looked inside one box and saw every journal was labeled with a number.
Ed handed him the index card. Seth sat to read it. It had been over two weeks since the last card. He’d both missed and dreaded them.
139 – Me Again
Hey. Yeah, I know. Surprise! Heh, heh, heh. Listen, I didn’t tell you about these before because I didn’t want you trying to read them all and learn stuff at the same time. And some of the stuff… Well, you’ll see. I wanted Ed to wait to give them to you to give you time to process everything. Please start at the first one and read through them in order. They’re numbered for you. Don’t cheat and skip to the last one. I mean, you know how the story ends. Ha-ha. Sorry. Anyway, enjoy, buddy. If Leah wants to read them, don’t let her do it until after you’ve read them all first, and only if you think she’s strong enough. There’s some stuff in there for her, but I never let her read them when I was alive. I love you, man. Love and kisses to our girl for me.
Seth sat back and fought his tears. Just when he thought he had a handle on his grief, Kaden popped out of the woodwork again and it poured out of him anew.
“You okay?” Ed asked.
Seth nodded. It took him a few minutes to speak without choking up. “Yeah. How much other stuff is there?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you. Nothing like this. This was the biggest bombshell. Mostly cards and a few more DVDs.”
Seth nodded. “Okay. I’m guessing there’s one for the anniversary?” Just so he’d know what to expect.
Ed nodded. “I can tell you that much.” He scratched his chin. “I’m not supposed to tell you there are ones for his birthday, yours, hers, their wedding anniversary, your first anniversary with her, Thanksgiving, Christmas, things like that.”
“Okay.” Seth took a deep breath.
* * * *
He started reading that evening after Leah went to sleep. The first journal started when they were in junior high. He didn’t write every day. Usually a couple of times a week on average. Seth was startled to read Kaden’s entries.
Seth and I went out fishing today. Man that was a blast! If it hadn’t been for him, I would have lost the first one I landed…
Seth came over today for help with his math. If I could just get stupid Denise to leave us alone. I wanted to brain my bratty sister. He helped me fix my bike…
That stupid asshole in our sixth period English class, David, he got pissed because I wouldn’t let him cheat off me. He said he was going to pound me. Thank God Seth walked up when he did. I think Seth’s going to be taller than me…
He sat back, stunned. No, not every entry was about him. But shit he didn’t even remember happening, here it was in black and white.
And he’d played a starring role in much of it.
He never dreamed… He always saw Kaden as his strong and steady rock. He never imagined he was the same for Kade.
* * * *
Three days later he’d worked up to Kaden’s college days and his friend’s take on the threesome.
Man, that was fucking INTENSE! I will never, till my dying day, forget that. I never could or would have done that with anyone but Seth, but MAN…
Seth choked up as he worked his way through the journal.
I took Seth out for lunch today. He leaves for basic training tomorrow. What the hell am I going to do without my best friend? God, I’m not much into prayer, but please let my buddy come home safe when he’s done with all of this…
Weeks later, Kaden wrote:
Seth’s coming back from basic tomorrow! He’ll only be home for a week before he ships out, but damn it I’m going to be so glad to see him!
Seth checked to make sure Leah was still asleep. She still spent most afternoons napping, although her naps were slowly growing shorter in duration.
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