“Abby, why don’t you go get dressed, then you can finish up with your breakfast, alright?”
“I’m full anyway.” Abby took off to her room.
I was sure she would toss all the clothes out of her suitcase onto the floor, which would give Max and me some time to talk.
Chapter 26
“What’s wrong, Max?”
“Nothing.” He took a sip of his coffee.
“Nothing?”
“I’m fine.” He set his coffee mug down with a bit more force than needed.
“No, you’re not fine at all. What is it?”
“I just don’t get why you get to decide everything. Is it because you make so much money from the books? Am I just supposed to go along since you funded this trip? If it’s about the money, I can make a lot more—”
“Max, don’t be ridiculous.” I sighed. “It has nothing to do with money and you know that. Our money is our money. I’m sorry that you think I’m deciding everything, but we’ve already purchased the plane tickets home. I mean, it was always the plan to leave the day after Christmas.”
“I know that, but plans change, don’t they?”
“I want to stay too. It’s not like I don’t. But we have to think of the consequences. Abby will be miserable when I try to get her back to school, and the teacher will want an explanation as to why we missed a few days and Abby will have to play catch-up with homework. That all just seems really chaotic to me—and not much of a fun way to ease back into our post-vacation routine, you know.”
“If she goes back.”
“If?” I set my coffee mug down in front of me. “Are you really thinking that we’ll just not send her back at all?”
“Why not? We’re her parents, it’s our choice. Or yours, I guess.” He frowned.
“Max, seriously. I don’t make all the decisions. You’re acting like I control everything.”
“No, I guess you don’t. I’m sorry.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I just got excited about the idea of homeschooling, and I guess it bothers me that you’re not.”
“It’s not that I’m not excited about it, I just don’t know that it’s something we should rush into. Why don’t we see how today goes and make a decision tonight? We’ll still have time to extend our tickets if we want to stay. Does that sound fair?”
“Yes, it does. I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you.”
“You don’t have to be. You’re right. I was treating this as my decision alone, and that isn’t fair. I want us to figure this out together. Abby is important to both of us, and her education should be something that we both agree on. Okay?”
“Yes.” He kissed me, then looked into my eyes. “I love you, Sammy.”
“I love you too, Max. And I love that you want to do something so creative and different. I just need some time to process it.”
“Okay.”
“I’m ready!” Abby popped out of her bedroom with about three layers of clothes on, along with one of my pairs of shoes on her feet. “Don’t I look gorgeous?” She giggled and spun around in a circle. As she did, the shoes slipped off her feet and she fell backwards on her bottom.
“Absolutely gorgeous.” I laughed as I helped her to her feet. “But maybe we can find just one outfit to wear, so you won’t get too hot.”
“Okay.” She grinned.
As I got her dressed, I realized how much different it was to take our time getting her into an outfit. Usually it was a rush or a fight over what she would wear. I really enjoyed getting her ready to go out, with no pressure to hurry.
We hit some museums and a beautiful botanical garden. Max and I enjoyed it, but Abby barely said a word.
“What’s wrong, sweetie? Are you bored?”
“No.” She hung onto my little finger and kicked a rock along with her shoe.
“What is it Abby?” Max ruffled her hair. “Didn’t you sleep well last night?”
“Yes.” She looked up at Max. “I guess.”
“Do you want to go back to the hotel and take a nap?”
“No. I’m not a baby.” She crossed her arms.
My anxiety kicked up a notch. Crossed arms were the first sign of an oncoming tantrum.
“Relax, Abby, we’re just trying to make sure you’re having a good time.”
“I’m not.” She scrunched up her nose.
“Why not?” Max frowned.
“I don’t know. I’m just not.” She kicked the rock right across the sidewalk.
“Maybe we should get something to eat? Are you hungry?”
“No, I don’t want anything to eat.”
“Let’s do something fun.” Max smiled. “I bet you’re just feeling a little bored. How about ice skating?”
“It’s hot.” Abby looked up at the bright sun in the sky.
“I know, but there’s an indoor rink. We can get cooled off and do some skating. I’m sure they’ll have hot chocolate.”
“I guess.” She shrugged and unfolded her arms.
I noticed that she was agreeing, but her body was still tense. I was certain that she was upset about something, but I decided not to push it.
As we headed to the ice skating rink, I tried not to think about how many times I would fall on my bottom.
We changed into skates and helped Abby out onto the ice. It was her first time ice skating.
Being in the cold air, with ice all around us, put me more into the Christmas spirit. The rink was decorated with thick green bushels topped with bright red flowers. Christmas music played through the speakers and there were many decorations.
“Are you excited for Christmas, Abby?” I smiled at her. “It’s tomorrow.”
“No.” She crossed her arms again.
Seeing this made me even more concerned. How could she not be excited about Christmas?
We coasted her along between us, then Max tried to get her to skate on her own.
She immediately fell on her bottom. “Ouch!” Her eyes narrowed. “This is not fun!”
“Just give it another try, sweetie. Falling is part of learning.”
“Alright.” She pushed herself back to her feet and immediately fell right back down on her bottom. “This is horrible! I hate this!”
“Abby, calm down, you’ll get the hang of it.” Max picked her up. “No need to get so upset.”
“You’re not the one falling down!” She huffed and wiggled out of his arms.
I caught her just before she would have fallen again.
“Here, Abby, you can hold my hand. Okay?”
“No!” She crossed her arms and fell on her bottom. This caused a scream. A long, loud attention-grabbing scream.
“Alright, we’re done.” Max scooped her up and skated with her off the ice.
Chapter 27
With everyone’s eyes on me, I tried to skate after Max. But one of my laces had come untied and it caught beneath my blade. I spun, flailed, then landed with a loud thump on the ice.
“Ouch!” I winced. Abby was right, this was horrible.
A woman skated past me and offered me her hand to help me up.
I managed to get back onto my skates and thanked her.
“Good luck with that one.” She rolled her eyes and skated away.
I felt insulted, but at the same time I understood what she meant. Abby’s screams had died down some, but they were still quite loud. Max had her on the bench beside the rink as he tried to wrestle her skates off. She was in full tantrum.
I joined them and looked sternly into Abby’s eyes. “You stop this right now. There is no reason to scream. We’re leaving.”
“I don’t want to, I don’t want to leave!” She kicked her feet and Max dodged an ice skate.
That was enough for me to lose my cool. I grabbed her ankles and pinned them back against the bench so she couldn’t kick anymore.
“You are a big girl and you need to stop behaving this way. If you continue, we’re going to straight back to the hotel for the rest of the day and you
will not be allowed to watch television, or play with any of your toys. Do you understand?”
“You’re so mean!” She wailed so loud that some people stopped in the middle of the rink.
I snatched her skates off her feet, handed them to Max, scooped my kicking and shrieking five-year-old up and walked right out of the skating rink in my socks.
As soon as we were outside, I set Abby down on a bench and looked at her again.
I was ready to go to war. I was ready to remind her who was in charge and that she should never behave like this.
Millions of punishments bubbled into my mind—everything from no Christmas, to no television for a year, to bread and water for every meal. My head spun, my anger pumped through my veins and I wanted more than anything to just scream as loud as Abby had in the skating rink.
“Why are you ruining the last part of our trip?” The words flew out of my mouth. I realized after I spoke them that they might not have been the best choice, but I was too angry to correct myself.
“I don’t want to leave!” She wailed and kicked her feet again.
“We’ve already left, Abby. Dad is just getting our things and paying. We are not skating anymore.”
“That’s not it!” She gripped the edge of the bench. She took a deep breath.
I watched as she tried to control her emotions. That was new and impressive and it melted some of my frustration.
“Abby, what is it then?” I crouched down in front of her and looked into her tear-filled eyes. “Why are you so upset?”
There it was—why? That was the question I needed to ask. Why was she so wound up? What had gotten under her skin that made her lose her cool, much the way I’d almost done a few seconds before?
“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. There’s so much more to see. I don’t want Christmas to come, because it means we’re going to leave!”
“Oh Abby, sweetie, we have to go home eventually. I understand that might make you sad, but there are things to look forward to at home too.”
“No.” She crossed her arms.
I braced myself.
“You’ll be happy, but I’ll be sad.”
“Why?” I touched her arm, and to my relief she didn’t recoil from me.
Max walked up behind us with my shoes dangling from one hand and Abby’s backpack in the other.
“Abby, that was really uncalled for.”
“Wait, Max, I’m trying to get to the bottom of it.”
“No trying.” He looked into Abby’s eyes. “You tell me right now why you acted that way, Abby, because we are a family, we love each other, and the only way we can help is if you tell us what’s wrong.”
“I’m sad.” She wiped at her eyes. “I don’t want to go home.”
“Why not? Are you afraid of the plane?” I frowned.
“No, I’ll miss you.” She sniffled.
“Miss us? We’re going with you, silly.” Max ruffled her hair.
“I like us being together all day. I don’t want to miss you.”
“What do you mean?” I took her hand in mine. “Why will you miss us?”
“Because I have to go to school. All day I miss you. I want to be with you. But I can’t. I’m so sad. The teacher gets upset because I don’t do good, and the other kids say I’m a baby because I cry. I just want to go home and I can’t.”
“Oh, Abby.” I opened my arms to her, but she pulled back. “I had no idea that was happening. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because you say I have to go. I don’t want you to be mad. I try to be good, but I just can’t. I just want to go home. Then you get sad because my teacher’s mad, and I just hate it.” She wiped at her eyes again. “I wish we would never go home.”
My heart broke as I heard the trembling in her voice. I had no idea that she was having these feelings while she was at school. I just assumed she would settle in and get used to it. But the thought of her going to school each day and feeling this way made my entire body ache with regret. How could I not know that she was struggling so much?
“I’m so sorry, Abby.” I pulled her into my arms and she buried her head in my shoulder. “I didn’t know, sweetie. I wish I had known.”
“I don’t want to be bad.” She sniffled and hugged me tight. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re not bad, Abby.” Max stroked his hand down through her hair. “You’re not bad at all. No one should be telling you that. Everyone is different.”
I let Max take her from my arms, but my stomach churned with emotion. All of the times that I worried about Abby being happy, about making sure she knew she was loved, I hadn’t even considered what her day was like at school.
The fact that Abby didn’t think she could tell me the truth hurt even more. When had I let her believe that she had to be a certain way—act a certain way—in order to earn my love?
“Let’s go.” Max rubbed my shoulders. “Let’s just go back to the hotel and be together for a little while. I think we all need a little rest.”
“Okay.” I bit my lip to keep from bursting into tears.
I felt as if something had broken between me and my daughter and I hadn’t even noticed it.
Chapter 28
Back at the hotel, Abby remained sullen and curled up on the couch.
I could barely tolerate the frustration inside of me. Frustration with myself, with the school, with everything that distracted me from the clear messages my little girl had been sending me.
Max tried to involve us in a game of cards, but neither of us was interested.
When I stepped into the bedroom, he followed after me and closed the door.
“Sammy, what’s going on? You seem upset.”
“Of course I’m upset.” I wiped at my eyes, then grabbed a suitcase and began filling it up with our clothes. “Did you hear what she said? She misses us all day? How is that okay? I thought it was supposed to be okay.”
“I think it is okay—for some kids, for some families. But maybe not for ours.” He slipped his hands into his pockets. “I guess we can figure it out when we get home. But tomorrow is Christmas. I mean, why are you packing now? We need to try to get Abby into the spirit.”
“No. We’re not spending Christmas here.”
“What? You want to leave early? I think that will really upset everyone.”
“No! I want to go back to Sydney. I want to spend Christmas with Cheryl and her family.”
“But if we do that, then—”
“Max. I want to stay. Change the tickets.”
“Are you sure?” His eyes widened.
“Yes, I’m sure. I want to leave for Sydney as soon as we can.”
“Okay.” His smile grew so broad that I couldn’t help but smile back.
“And I think once we’re there, we need to talk to Abby.”
“About what?”
“About whether she likes the idea of homeschooling.”
“Are you serious?” Max grabbed my hands and pulled me toward him. “Are we really going to do this?”
“Yes, we are. I want to at least try. If we fail, we fail. It’ll be a learning experience for all of us. If it works, then great. We have our freedom, we have our family connection, and we have a happy child. What could be wrong with that?”
“I’m sure it will have its ups and downs. But I think if we try hard, we can do this.”
“Good, because I’m going to need your support. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing, or even how to get started. We’re going to have to figure it all out.”
“We will.” Max kissed my cheek. “Together.”
“But we need to be on the same page when we talk to Abby. I don’t want her to get confused.”
“I agree.” He grinned. “I have to admit, though, I am really excited about this. I’ll make the arrangements.”
“Good, because I want to back in Sydney in time to hit the beach.”
“Beach sounds like a good idea for all of us.”
When I return
ed to the living room, Abby was still curled up on the couch. “Hey, sweetie, we need to get packed up.”
“Why?” Her eyes widened. “Are we going home?”
“No, we’re going back to Sydney to visit with Cheryl and her kids. Remember the girls that you built a sand city with?”
“Yes!” She smiled.
“And we’re going to stay a little longer than we planned.”
“Yay!” She jumped into my lap and hugged me tight. “I love you, Mommy!”
“I love you too, Abby.” I hugged her tight and hoped she knew that.
I tried not to think about what thoughts she might have had when I dropped her off at school in a huff and a rush. No wonder she was distant, no wonder she wasn’t sure that she could trust me. I planned on changing all of that as soon as possible.
When we arrived in Sydney, it was late in the day, but we still managed to get to the beach for a little playtime. While there, I texted Cheryl and asked if we could meet with them some time the next day. She texted back asking us to join them for Christmas caroling. I was thrilled by the idea and so was Abby.
Max grimaced. “Can I just drink hot chocolate and stand on the sidelines?’
“I don’t think so, Max. If we’re going to sing, we’re going to sing as a family.”
“Oh, fine.” He sighed. “But only if Abby promises to sing with me.”
“I’ll sing, I’ll sing!” She jumped up and down.
After agreeing to meet with Cheryl in the evening, we grabbed a quick to-go meal and took it back to the house.
As we shared our meal Abby couldn’t stop chattering about singing and seeing the girls again. Not once did she mention that the next day was Christmas.
When most kids would have been excited about receiving presents in the morning, Abby seemed to think that staying in Australia longer was present enough.
Chapter 29
After dinner we followed our Christmas Eve tradition of watching a Christmas movie together in our pajamas. About midway through the movie, I paused it and looked over at my daughter.
Christmas Down Under (Single Wide Female: Happily Ever After #1) Page 9
