by Tyra Brown
“I’m sorry, Faith, I’m sorry your life was like that. I keep seeing you as a child and it breaks my heart how anyone could be mean to you or hurt you.”
“Thank you, Cooper, but I am stronger now for it.” She smiled at him.
“Still, I hurt for you.” He said it with some finality. “You know, Faith, not all relationships are like that. There are some that are very good. They just take work, you just haven’t found the right person yet, Faith, that’s all.”
“How do you know there is a ‘right person’ out there, Cooper? How can you be sure?”
He took her hand in his again. “You just need to open your eyes to what’s around you, Faith, that’s all.” Faith enjoyed the moment they shared for a second before breaking the spell by pulling her hand away.
“Well tell me, what did you want to be when you grew up?” She smiled at him encouragingly.
“Okay no laughing, I wanted to be a musician. I played jazz sax and I was pretty good at it. I decided in my senior year of high school I wanted to be a musician. I was planning to follow my dream. When I went to college, my father indulged me slightly; we agreed I could take classes in both musical arts and business. He never put much faith in my musical career ideas. He said they were great for a hobby but not a career. I had gotten into so much trouble as a teen, I think it was his way of making sure I even attended college at all. It took a lot for me to grow up. By the time I had, Andrew was next to take over the business and I was being groomed as a backup. When he got sick in my last year at So Cal, I graduated and took over helping him from home. He couldn’t leave the house for a year.
“So here I am now, I enjoy the health profession and being a doctor, the structure and strategy of it all but I miss the freedom I had in music. My father got well but he was different somehow, he never started back again.”
“Have you ever thought about playing again?” Faith was surprised he had a musical streak, she would have never taken him for that.
“Play now? I can’t even imagine to be honest. I would be nice to try.” He smiled at her. “I would be all over the place doing gigs and playing in a band. Can you just see it?” He laughed heartily.
“Yes, I think it’s important to make time to do what you love, Cooper.” His laughter was infectious and she giggled herself.
“What about you, Faith, do you have a dream you want to fulfill?”
Loving you, she thought to herself but answered, “I want to travel.” She smiled.
“Travel? Where would you like to go?” Cooper asked.
“I have a book, it seems silly I know but it’s filled with things I want to see at each place I want to visit. Mainly I want to go to France.” She explained the nursing abroad program and how she had applied but never heard anything so it probably wasn’t going to happen.
“Don’t give up, Faith, you’re great at your job, maybe one day we can go together. You the nurse and me a musician.” He smiled.
“That would be wonderful, Cooper.” She smiled at him. Knowing it would never happen but enjoying the fantasy, Faith lay on her back and glanced at the ceiling. The nurses came in again to check vitals and Faith excused herself to change into something comfortable and settle in. Cooper went back to his paperwork and she watched him as he intently looked over the document in his hand. It was covered in red and she knew he was in the zone. Cooper was watching Faith as much as she was him. He knew what he wanted to say and what he was feeling but he didn’t know how to tell her…how to approach the subject. “Faith, I hope I didn’t keep you from anything tonight?” she glanced up to see him watching her.
“Did I say something wrong, Cooper?” She sat up.
“No.” He went back to circling things and marking out things in red.
“Then why did you say it like that, I know you, Cooper, and I know when you’re angry. What I don’t know is why.” She stopped his hand from marking through something on the sheet and he glanced up at her.
“I can’t even run away from this argument, look at what a mess I am.” He was sick with despair. He knew he couldn’t fight for her now, not like this, being in the damn hospital.
“Cooper, you have been through something horrible, you have to heal. I just don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.” She said the last part with such sadness he looked over at her to see she was crying quietly.
“Oh, Faith, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you.” He ran his hand through his hair. “If anything I’m the furthest thing from angry with you.” He hung his head down for a moment. “Faith, come here.”
Faith wiped her eyes and moved towards him. She stopped when she was standing in front of him. He looked up at her and his eyes were glassy.
“I need to tell you something. I don’t want it to scare you but I can't even start to explain it to you unless you hear me out.” Faith could feel the panic start to rise. She could love him, she could admit that to herself but if he felt something back it would make things so complicated…too complicated.
“I think about you most of the time. About your face and the sweetness you give off even when I am being...well, being me. I feel a lot of things for you, Faith, do you understand what I mean?” He watched the emotions on her face. He could see she was starting to retract and he didn’t want that. “I don’t want you to be afraid, Faith, I won’t ever say or do anything you don’t want to hear. Just trust me.”
Faith could feel herself getting colder, her fingers were numb and the panic was subsiding slightly.
“You’re getting married this year, Cooper, have you forgotten about that? What you need to focus on is Cynthia.” Faith pulled away from him and helped him lay back on the pillows.
He sighed. “I’m not marrying her. She is gone all the time. How can she be a partner when she can’t even show up when something bad happens? Besides I don’t love her. I thought I could but it’s not her…” He trailed off.
“You have been in a near death experience, Cooper, you’re emotional and that’s normal. God put me in your life to simply help remind you of why we are all here and maybe to give you perspective, that’s all. I was at the right place at the right time and you got here and now you’re going to be okay.”
Faith walked towards to the door. “I’m going to go for a walk for a moment, I’ll be right back, Cooper.” She left quickly before he could stop her.
Chapter 16
She felt bad, she had left knowing he couldn’t follow her. It was unfair but she needed to breathe for a moment. What was he trying to tell her? He couldn’t have said more if he had just come right out with it. To hear him speak words of love to her out of emotion would have broken her heart. It was better she stop him before it gets any more complicated. She walked out to the rails in the front of the hospital and took in a deep breath. This was all beginning to be too much. She loved him, she had admitted it a long time ago but she could keep that to herself. She could love him quietly and to herself. If he voiced his own feelings, she would be lost.
She would have to go, especially now. He deserved to know the truth about the baby. Love was not everything and if they voiced it aloud, or worse, acted on it they would both end up unhappy just like her parents. She would rather be without Cooper than to be just one indifferent part of his life. It was too much. She waited a while longer. Thinking and breathing, she let herself focus once more on the importance of what was good in her life. She had come from nowhere and become a nurse to help others. To help people who needed it. Mrs. Robinson was not just a patient anymore. She found herself checking on Mrs. Robinson more often than not, like a mother would, not just as a nurse. She wanted the Robinson family to be happy and whole and hoped that it would be. The interest she had in this family wasn’t healthy. It would only end up with her getting hurt, she knew that now. She prayed for God to give her strength in ignoring these feelings, she prayed and hoped the nursing abroad program would come about so that she could leave and let Cooper find his way back to his fiancée.
&nbs
p; She went back inside and noticed that Cooper had fallen asleep. He really was an amazing man. She moved over to him and smoothed back the lock of hair on his brow. She would miss him terribly when she was gone. She snuggled into the chair and drifted off herself. Thinking not of France and Paris ,but of a handsome man.
Chapter 17
The next morning came with a flurry of activity. The nurses came in and Faith noticed it was after 9. She must have slept soundly, Cooper was groggily teasing the nurse who was restarting his IV fluids. He mentioned something about his horrible dragon breath and she blushed at him. Poor girl didn’t stand a chance. Faith was amused. After they left, Faith turned her attention to Cooper. He was bare chested and uncomfortable with the new IV and the loss of hair on his arm where they had pulled out the old one. He was frowning and rubbing the spot when he noticed Faith looking at him. He grinned and shrugged at her.
“I’m going to shower, do you need anything, Cooper?” She turned to look at him.
“No, I’m good, Faith.” He watched her disappear into the bathroom and ran his hands over his face. Nothing had gone as planned last night. He had wanted to share with her all that he was feeling. All about her, and about life but everything had gotten jumbled up and now he didn’t know what to do or think. He heard the shower come on. He thought out how nice it was having her around, doing simple things like showering and having breakfast. That’s what he loved the most. The daily life activities, the simple things. She even encouraged him to play music. He shook his head. She was amazing. How could he reach her heart though? What would it take? Cooper took a moment to say a prayer, something he had just recently started doing.
His door opened and in came his mother again. Mrs. Robinson glanced around the room taking note of the new arrangements.
“Hello, darling, where is Faith?” She smiled knowingly.
“Showering, Mother, how are you?” He hugged her back as she made her way over to Faith’s makeshift bed and began folding the blankets.
“I’m good, dear, you are looking more like yourself except for the hair and all that.” She motioned at his face as she said it.
“Yes I know, I need a shave for sure.” He smiled. “I kind of like it, maybe not so much of it but…”
“How was your evening dear?” Mrs. Robinson looked uninterested as she asked.
“Don’t even try it, Mother, I know you like her.” Mrs. Robinson looked surprised and put a hand on her chest.
“I don’t know what you mean, dear, oh you mean Faith...yes I do. As a matter of fact, I like her very much. Now as for your fiancée...well that’s a subject we must discuss.”
Cooper put a hand up to stop her. “Enough, Mother, I am well aware of how you feel about Cynthia.”
“Cooper, be a dear and just hear me out. I refuse to accept that you love that…that woman.”
Before Cooper could respond, Faith emerged from the bathroom. She had chosen the white dress she had worn the day they had walked the garden. He stopped talking and stared at her.
Mrs. Robinson took in the scene before her. Her son was totally in love with Faith Parks. What in the world was keeping him attached to that other woman? God would make things fall into place, of that she was certain.
“Mrs. Robinson, how are things at the house?” Faith reached for her purse.
“Fine dear, just fine. I left the car out front and Linda said she would escort us home.”
Faith left the room with a mix of emotions. She’d had an interesting night and come to many conclusions. She would focus on her future and what she needed to do to figure out what was next for her.
The ride back was uneventful and Faith found herself, Mrs. Robinson and Linda soon in the main room enjoying breakfast. Linda was in good spirits and Mrs. Robinson was enjoying her food and giggling.
“Look at you, Mrs. Robinson.” Faith clucked her tongue.
“I know, Faith, I should be in bed but my legs are stronger and stronger. I was able to walk around some today, it is awesome. I asked Linda if we could eat downstairs. I hate being so cramped up in the room all the time.”
“Wow, you’re really laying it on thick. Let’s finish up and take your medication and get ready for the PT doctor when he gets here this afternoon. I’ll talk to him about what you should...or shouldn’t be doing.” She smiled at Mrs. Robinson. She did look like she was in good spirits.
“You certainly have a way of motivating her, Faith.” Linda looked over at Faith with a smile.
“How are things with you, Linda? I hope things are faring better.” They turned down the hall towards the staircase.
“Yes, they are Faith. Thank you for all your help.” Linda and Faith climbed the stairs and met Mrs. Robinson there. She always enjoyed the elevator since it got her there in first place every time.
Linda and Faith made small talk and Linda excused herself for the next few hours. She would be back before lunch time and would help get Mrs. Robinson settled after her physical therapy. Faith set up the paint and she and Mrs. Robinson started working on the waves of the ocean along the skyline. After a few minutes, Mrs. Robinson was obviously frustrated and threw down her brush.
“I quit, Faith, I can’t get my waves to look right, it’s these old fingers. They just won’t work for me anymore.” She frowned.
“Let’s look at what you have, Mrs. Robinson.” Faith took a moment to look closely at the shoreline Mrs. Robinson had created.
“Your lines are great, Mrs. Robinson, really very good, the waves are different. They aren’t as rigid they flow. What you need to do is draw the shape of the waves lining up before you paint them. You can keep the flow running smoothly this way.” She handed Mrs. Robinson a pencil as she spoke and drew one out for her.
“When you’re working with water, you keep a few connected and put in some shadowing since it will most likely be a reflective painting. Like this.” Faith went on to show Mrs. Robinson how to smudge in the shadowing along the waves she had drawn in.
“Since there is a sunset in your painting, you have to be mindful of the colors you’re using, Mrs. Robinson. Use blue-greens and turquoise. The key to painting something you love is by using a lot of detail in your work. This will accentuate the painting in many ways.” She smiled as Mrs. Robinson followed her lead and blended the colors together perfectly. The picture was taking on a beautiful design.
Faith sat back a moment and let Mrs. Robinson work on her own. She really was naturally gifted. She would have to speak to Cooper about some art classes with some real instructors, especially once she was gone. It made her sad thinking about it. Not only because she would miss her, but because the only person she would have around would be Linda again. Not that Linda wasn’t wonderful to have around, but she was hardly a buffer for Cynthia Wilson. She felt guilty just thinking about it.
“Faith, dear, are you okay?” Mrs. Robinson asked lightly as not to scare her.
“Yes, I’m sorry, yes is everything okay?” Faith tried desperately to regain her composure.
“Yes, Cooper is doing well and they are letting him go home tomorrow to recuperate at home. They said no business matters but then you know how he is.” She threw her hands up in the air.
Faith laughed at her point. No one could tell Cooper Robinson to stop working, unless he is in a coma. They walked back to Cooper’s room together and the evening went smoothly. She was happy for that... Soon it was time to go and Faith and Mrs. Robinson made their way outside to the car. Knowing she needed some time alone, Faith told Mrs. Robinson she would need to bring her car home from the hospital. Mrs. Robinson knew there was something going on there and if space was what Faith needed, that’s what she would have. Linda patted her arm.
“You go ahead, Faith, Mrs. Robinson is in good hands. She and I have makeovers to give each other tonight, don’t we dear.” Mrs. Robinson’s eyes twinkled in excitement and she and Linda both laughed. “Be careful, dear.”
Faith smiled at them both and made her way to her car. She k
new exactly where she needed to be. She headed her small car out onto the road and hummed a song she had learned from Sunday school. It always calmed her and this was no different. As she got closer to the Cove, she thanked the guard for letting her in and made a turn into the church. It was dark now the sun setting quickly so she used the keys she had received from the guard. She went inside the church and flipped on the lights. The church hummed to life and Faith made her way to the front of the church. Pastor Avery was out of town for the next two weeks so she knew she would be alone there. She sat down on the pew in the front.
It would be the hardest thing she ever did…leaving here, leaving him.
Chapter 18
When she went home, she found Linda and Mrs. Robinson together laughing. It felt good to know they would be okay when she was gone. Mrs. Robinson was moving around much more freely than she had before. It made her leaving much easier to do and she swallowed the lump in her throat.
