by Lynsey James
‘Don’t you think it’s time you gave yourself a break? I love you to bits and I know how much this has been eating you up, but it shouldn’t. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s me. Since we met up again, I’ve noticed you’ve not been the same as you used to be. You used to be so confident and outgoing and you are when you’re around people, but I can tell it’s an act. When you think no one’s looking, you switch it off and I see how sad you really are. It’s time to stop now. You truly did nothing wrong.’
She sighed and nodded. ‘You’re right. It’s just when I think back to that time, all I remember is standing doing nothing while you tried to help her. I was completely helpless and it kills me that I didn’t do more that night. No amount of travelling can take the guilt away, you know. Believe me I’ve tried. The whole confidence thing is an act; I thought if I tried to act cool and confident, maybe it would stop me feeling so rubbish.’ She looked at me, blinking back tears and trying to smile. That was just like Elle, always trying to be brave and strong for everyone. She looked down at her fingers as she knotted them together to distract herself. ‘Do you really think it’s time to let it go?’
I grinned and linked my arm with her. ‘Elle, you are and always have been the coolest person I’ve ever met. You don’t have to put on an act to make me think that. And yeah, I do think it’s time to forgive yourself. You deserve to be happy and there’s a guy waiting for you out there who personally told me he’d crawl through pig shit to get a date with you. It doesn’t get better than that.’
She smiled and I could swear I saw her breathe a sigh of relief. ‘Well that’s a new one on me! You should stop punishing yourself too for it, by the way. It was an accident, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen.’
I laughed, unhooked my arm from hers and headed for the door. The less said about my part in the accident, the better.
‘You know,’ she said, stopping me in my tracks, ‘you’re pretty bloody cool yourself, Lucy Harper.’
Aside from living out every Richard Curtis movie ever made, I also stepped up my efforts to help the members of the Broken Hearts Book Club.
Cath and Frank were next on my list. Anybody could tell how happy they’d make each other, so I decided to give them a little nudge in the right direction. The opportunity presented itself when I saw them chatting in Frank’s corner shop. Jean was there too, looking a lot happier than I’d seen her in recent times. Operation Broken Hearts Book Club was definitely working.
‘Hi guys! How are we all doing? ‘Lovely day out, isn’t it?’
‘Sun’s cracking the paving slabs out there!’ Frank said with a smile. ‘On days like this, Harriet and I used to go up to Whitby. We’d have a look round the shops – she’d always potter around in those little crafty places – then we’d have an ice cream at the seaside.’
He gave a wistful sigh and returned to the solace of his accounts book. From the looks of things, the numbers weren’t matching up as they should. He became more and more lost in his own thoughts and I knew I had to do something.
‘Well, since it’s such a lovely day, why don’t you go to Whitby and make some new memories there? You can do the things you used to do with Harriet, but try a couple of new things as well. It’d be a great way to honour her memory and make some new ones at the same time.’
He stroked his salt-and-pepper moustache thoughtfully but shook his head. ‘Nah I can’t. Who’d look after this place?’
‘I’m at a loose end today if you really fancied going. I’ve got that part-time girl minding things,’ said Jean.
Frank resumed his moustache stroking while he chewed over what I’d just said.
‘I dunno, flower. It’d feel strange going there by myself, wouldn’t be right without Harriet.’
A slow smile formed on my lips. This playing Cupid lark was almost too easy!
‘Well, why don’t you take Cath with you? You’re not doing anything today, are you Cath?’
She blushed and looked flustered as she stuttered out her answer. ‘W-well, no… Nothing special anyway.’
‘So why don’t you and Frank take a trip to Whitby then? I’m sure you’d have a lovely time and you’d each be supporting a fellow Book Club member.’
Frank and Cath looked at each other with nervous smiles. She patted down her mousey-brown bob and looked at him from beneath her eyelashes.
‘If you’d like to go, then I’d be happy to go with you,’ she said.
Frank smiled. He reminded me a lot of the man on the Pringles tube. ‘Cath, it’d be my pleasure. Shall we head up now? We don’t want to miss a lovely day, do we?’
A bright beaming grin lit up Cath’s pretty face. ‘Yes, let’s!’
They prepared to leave and both threw what they thought were secret smiles my way. It was just me and Jean left now.
‘Listen Lucy, I want to thank you for what you did for me the other day. If you hadn’t had a word with me, I’d still be a miserable old trout and missing Hobie like mad, but refusing to do anything about it. I went to the animal rescue centre like you suggested and I saw this lovely four-year-old cocker spaniel named Jasper. As soon as he saw me, his little tail started to wag and he jumped up at his kennel so I’d go over to him. It was love at first sight Lucy, I haven’t felt like that since the day I got Hobie.’
I noticed how happy and content Jean looked and my heart soared with joy.
‘A lady from the rescue centre’s coming to see my house tomorrow, just to make sure it’s suitable for Jasper. If it all goes well, he could be with me by next week.’
‘Jean that’s great news!’ I squeezed her hand and smiled. ‘I’m sure you’ll ace the inspection; Jasper will be here before you know it!’
‘It was all thanks to you,’ she admitted. ‘I’d never have even considered getting another dog because I was so busy missing Hobie and wishing I could have one more day with him. He was a wonderful dog and I’ll always love him, but you’re right: my heart’s more than big enough for two. You’ve made a real difference to this old bird, Lucy Harper.’
A rush of warmth washed over me. The sparkle in her eyes and the looks of hope on Cath and Frank’s faces told me I was heading in the right direction. If I kept this up, there would be no need for the ‘broken hearts’ part of the club’s name any more!
My next port of call was The Purple Partridge, which had practically been my second home over the last few days. Jake was waiting behind the bar for me when I got there and greeted me with a kiss.
Hey gorgeous, how’s your day been?’ he asked.
‘I’ve done some casual matchmaking and now I’m here with you: not bad I’d say!’
‘Didn’t think you were the type to play Cupid! C’mon who are the two lonely hearts you brought together?’
‘Cath and Frank from the Broken Hearts Book Club,’ I replied. ‘They’re perfect for each other, so I nudged things along a bit. As we speak, they’re on their way to Whitby for a lovely day out.’
‘Nice one. That deserves a high five.’ He put his palm up and I slapped it as hard as I could. ‘I’ve got cover coming in in a few minutes. Fancy having a day out of our own? By that, I mean going upstairs and making mad passionate love for the rest of the afternoon.’
‘I like the way you think, Hartley.’
‘I know, I’m a genius.’
I gave him a playful slap on the arm and went behind the bar with him. His arms wrapped themselves around my waist and his chin rested on my shoulders.
‘I’m so into you,’ he whispered in my ear.
A whole swarm of butterflies released themselves into my tummy. ‘You know something, I think I might be into you too.’
I spun around and kissed him. All the nonsense that had kept us apart before wasn’t even an issue now. We’d taken down our defences, got close to each other and found what could possibly be the best thing ever.
He didn’t disappoint on his offer of our very own ‘day out’. Nicole came in for her usual shift and we snuck
upstairs like a pair of teenagers. He brought the duvet through from the bedroom, put it on the couch and wrapped us up in it while we watched a film on TV.
‘Make the most of it,’ he said, wrapping his arms tighter around me and kissing the top of my head. ‘It’ll be a Doc McStuffins marathon when Maya comes round!’
I sighed contentedly and let my head rest against his chest. I felt so at peace being with him. When I was in his arms, it felt like nothing could ever go wrong. The whole moment had a familiar fuzzy feeling that reminded me of long, hazy days spent playing at Nana Lily’s.
Jake craned his neck down to look at me. ‘You look so happy,’ he said as he stroked my hair. ‘You’ve got the most gorgeous smile.’
I felt it widen even further, so that my cheeks started to hurt. ‘You know, I think you’re even more handsome upside down.’
He chuckled softly and I wriggled onto my front so he was the right way up. ‘Yeah I was right. Not as good-looking from this angle.’
‘Oh cheers! We’ve been together, what, five minutes and the sarcasm’s starting?’ He tapped my nose and the brightest grin I’d ever seen broke onto his face. He was radiating happiness and I was responsible for it. I’d never felt so wonderful.
‘Yup, pretty much. Like it or lump it I’m afraid.’
Jake’s relaxed smile turned into a mischievous one and before I knew it, he was tickling me while I squealed with laughter. When we both ran out of breath, we stopped and stared at each other. His great, bulky frame towered above me and as he paused to get his breath back, I looked into his soft grey eyes.
‘What have you done to me Lucy Harper?’ he asked in a soft whisper, pushing some hair back away from my face.
Before I could think of a charming and witty response, he bent low and kissed me. As I felt his lips melt into mine, I found myself thinking of how far I’d come. I’d gone from being a lost soul floating round London to someone with roots and connections and a chance at a future in a beautiful place. Maybe life was finally giving me a break and allowing me to be happy for a change.
For the next few days, that was certainly the way it seemed. Jake and I spent as much time together as we could. I visited him at the pub or he came over to my parents’ house or Rose Cottage. We had dinner together, spent time with Maya or just basked in each other’s company. It was utterly wonderful and I found myself floating round Luna Bay on a cloud of bliss.
I didn’t even suspect that things might be about to change. Except they did, on one beautiful May morning. Jake and I were standing chatting at the bar, indulging in the light-hearted back-and-forth that we both loved. Today’s topic was Fireman Sam of all things, as we’d watched it with Maya the previous night.
‘I think Trevor likes Dilys better,’ he claimed with a satisfied grin.
‘Are you kidding, Bella’s much more his type. Plus, would you want to deal with Norman Price?’ was my counter-argument.
He paused to think for a second and happiness blossomed onto his handsome face. ‘Am I actually standing having a conversation with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen about Fireman bloody Sam?’
‘You know, I think you might be!’ I couldn’t help but feel happy too. Over the past couple of months, Jake had brought out a side of me that had been locked away for so long.
‘Jake?’ A familiar voice pierced our loved-up atmosphere.
We broke apart and saw Rachel standing in front of us, looking a bit confused.
It took a few seconds for Jake to snap out of the temporary trance his ex had put him in. ‘Where are my manners? Rachel, this is my girlfriend Lucy. Lucy, this is Maya’s mum Rachel.’
‘We’ve met,’ she replied, ‘although she said she was just a friend of yours.’
Cue awkward giggles.
‘Well it’s early days yet.’ I could’ve happily kissed Jake for his tact. ‘Anyway Rachel, what’s up? Is Maya OK?’
‘Yeah she’s fine. I-I wanted to talk to you about something, it’s pretty important. Remember I mentioned it the last time I brought Maya round?’
Yikes, I thought, I don’t like the sound of this.
By the looks of things, neither did Jake. ‘Ok, go on up. I’ll be there in a minute.’
Rachel went off upstairs, sweeping past us like an angel sent from heaven.
‘Can we take a rain check on the mad passionate love thing for a bit? I need to go and sort this out.’
‘Sure, but you owe me a tub of ice cream and a massage. Deal?’
We shook hands and he disappeared off upstairs after Rachel. A thousand possibilities of what ‘something important’ could be spread through my head like little pieces of evil confetti. I knew the wise thing to do was not to listen to them, tell the voices in my head to fuck off and head home.
However, since I was the polar opposite of wise, I snuck through the back door and crept up the first couple of stairs. I was careful to avoid the creaky treads and kept my back against the wall to be as quiet as possible. Through the door, I could hear fragments of their conversation.
‘…Something I need to tell you…’
‘What? Is everything…?’
Moments later, an upstairs door was slammed loudly, presumably by Jake. I stared at the door, fighting the urge to go up and see what was going on. It wasn’t every day your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend tipped up with ‘something important’ to tell him.
Like ‘I love you and I want you back’, maybe?
Surely not.
I fought the urge to climb further up, in case one of them came storming out and demanded to know why I was earwigging the conversation. No, I thought, I should go home. Jake would tell me what was going on when he knew. With my back against the wall, I edged my way back down the stairs.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ I jumped at the sound of Nicole’s voice.
‘Shhh!’ I pointed towards the door and strained my hearing to try and pick up some of what was going on.
She stomped up the stairs, not bothering to be quiet, and gave me a sceptical look. ‘Who’s he up there with?’
‘Rachel. Nothing’s going on, she just wanted to talk to him about something.’
Nicole frowned and screwed her nose up. ‘Rachel? Oh her, yeah she used to come round here a lot. Not so much any more.’
She went to go back to the bar and I followed her. ‘What do you mean, she used to come round here a lot?’
‘Up until a few weeks ago, she was round here most weekends. She stopped coming right after you showed up actually. Don’t know why. I think Jake was hoping they’d get back together.’
That hit me like a sucker punch to the gut. So his ‘broken-hearted guy’ story hadn’t been strictly true.
‘I see. So it didn’t work out then?’
Nicole shrugged. ‘I don’t know much about it. All I know is that one minute she was coming round for cosy candlelit dinners and the next she wasn’t.’
I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in my throat. Bad thoughts began to gather in my head like storm clouds brewing on the horizon. It appeared that the kind, sensitive man I thought I’d spent the night with wasn’t quite who he said he was.
Jake didn’t emerge from upstairs for a good while. When he eventually came down, his hard, angular features were set into rigid lines. He was in deep thought about something. Rachel followed a little while later; there was a sparkle in her eyes that made me think the conversation had gone entirely her way.
‘At least think about it eh? It could be amazing. Give me a call.’
Jake nodded and pulled her in for a hug that lasted just a little too long for my liking. When she walked out the door, looking like all her Christmases had come at once, he stormed off to the back room.
‘Trouble in paradise from the looks of things.’ Nicole looked utterly delighted.
I ignored her and went to where Jake was. I found him sitting at the table, his head resting on his hands.
‘What is it?’ I went over to him and put a hand out t
o touch his back.
‘You know how everything was great earlier? Well it’s not any more.’ His voice was thick and slightly muffled as he dragged his hands over his face.
I sat down next to him. ‘Tell me what’s up and we can sort it.’
‘I’d rather not talk about it right now, Lucy. Rachel’s basically put me in a catch-22 situation and I need some time to figure out what my options are. I’ll give you a call.’
He twisted his body away from me, shutting me out altogether. I told him I understood, got up and walked out. There was nothing I could do if he didn’t want to speak to me.
As I walked down the road, I wondered how a day that had started out so wonderfully could turn so sour.
Chapter Eighteen
Jake didn’t call me the next day, or the one after that. I thought about making the first move and asking him what the hell was going on, but I didn’t. He’d shut me out for a reason and said he needed space, so that was exactly what I’d give him. A little voice in my head whispered that this was exactly what I deserved. I’d dared to try and bring someone good into my life when I didn’t deserve it and this was the result.
I decided it was a total coincidence that the electrics blew at Rose Cottage the following day.
The electrician pored over the fuse box, occasionally shaking his head and groaning. Dad was crouched next to him, trying to look like he knew what was going on when he didn’t have a clue.
‘It’s not looking good I’m afraid,’ the electrician said, getting up and fixing me with a grave look. ‘Old place like this, the circuits could’ve gone at any time. It’s going to cost an arm and a leg to fix, love. You’re looking at getting the entire house rewired.’
He wrote a figure down on a piece of paper and handed it to me.
‘Shit the bed!’ was my first reaction. ‘There’s no way I can afford this!’
He shrugged. ‘That’s the best I can do sweetheart.’
Realising that a bit of creativity was called for here, I took the pen off him, scored out his number and wrote one that was a good twenty percent less in place of it.
‘That’s the maximum I can afford to pay. I know it’s a bit less than you asked for, but I genuinely can’t afford any more. Say yes and the job’s yours.’
