by Lynsey James
‘Yeah anyone could,’ she agreed, ‘but she’s the only one here that you’ve shagged.’
My jaw dropped and I immediately turned to look at Maya. It was disgusting that she had to hear something so vile from her own mother, I thought.
Jake echoed my thoughts. ‘Jesus Christ Rachel, watch what you’re saying in front of Maya will you?!’
‘I wouldn’t have to if your ex-girlfriend didn’t show up every five minutes! You two are supposed to be finished yet she’s always popping up wherever we are! I’m the mother of your child, we’re trying to make this bloody relationship work and you’re hardly helping by mooning over her every chance you get! ’
If ever there was such a thing as a conversation killer that was pretty much it. It sounded like Rachel had reached breaking point, judging by the swift change in her demeanour and tone. She’d gone from being sunny and calm to caustic and sharp. None of us knew what to say, just stared blankly at each other, the sand, the cliffs, anything that might hold an answer.
‘We’re not together any more,’ I said, taking the bull by its proverbial horns. ‘In fact, we never really were. Not properly anyway. Whatever there was between us, it’s finished now. Right Jake?’
His jaw was set into a familiar hard line and he gave a silent nod to confirm my story.
‘Yeah that’s right.’
Rachel gave a sunny smile and grabbed his hand. ‘Well now that that’s sorted, we’ll be going now. Lots of family stuff to do and that! We’re planning our farewell party, you see.’
Although it was customary to finish a conversation with ‘nice chatting to you’ or something, she didn’t bother with that. She yanked Jake towards the path that led away from the beach and didn’t look back once.
Jake did though. For the briefest of seconds, our eyes met for what we knew in our hearts was the last time.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leaving Jake behind was the single hardest thing I’d ever had to do. He’d brought so much sunshine to me and my world felt empty and cold without him. Every time I allowed myself to think about him or miss him, a little voice in my head would pipe up you let him go, this is all your fault. It was right: if I had stuck by him while he figured out the Spain thing and not run off as I usually did, Rachel would never have been in the picture. This proved what I’d known all along: anyone good who came into my life would inevitably leave and that I didn’t deserve to be happy. Just as I’d been developing real feelings for Jake, Fate had intervened and torn us apart. I’d be paying for what happened to Vicky for the rest of my life.
Aside from Jake’s now imminent departure, I still had a lot of making up to do with the Broken Hearts Book Club. My bad advice had landed them in some sticky situations and it was up to me to fix them.
My first target was Denise. She and her husband John still weren’t back in the same house from what I’d heard, and were barely on speaking terms. I saw her coming out of Frank’s corner shop on a gorgeous mid-May afternoon and seized my chance.
‘Hi Denise!’ I kept my tone as bright and breezy as possible.
She looked up at me and smiled. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t about to tear my head off after what had happened.
‘Hiya flower, how’s tricks?’
‘I want a chance to make things up to you. I owe you one for my rubbish advice about the charity skydive. What do you say?’
She watched me through narrowed eyes, trying to figure out if my intentions were honourable or not.
‘If you can get my husband to at least entertain the idea of speaking to me again, all will be forgiven.’
‘OK,’ I said, ‘give me his number and I’ll sort something out.’
An hour and one begging phone call later, John and Denise were in the Moonlight Café, sitting on opposite sides of the table and not speaking to each other. I’d appointed myself mediator, which was laughable under the circumstances.
‘So John, what exactly was it about the skydive that you weren’t happy with?’
‘She said she wanted to do it for our Rebecca, but she said stuff about moving on too. I don’t want her to do that. I don’t want her forgetting our daughter.’
‘As if I ever could! She was everything to me John, but we’ve been stuck in this limbo for far too long. I want to do something special to honour Rebecca’s memory but to start a clean slate as well. Do you think she’d want us moping around at home all day, crying our eyes out? Of course she wouldn’t! She’d be ashamed of us if she could see us now.’
John banged on the table in a fit of temper. ‘That’s not true! By grieving for her, we are honouring her memory! We’re not letting ourselves forget her, we think about her every day and we’re not just tossing her aside with all our other old memories.’ He suddenly broke down in tears. ‘I don’t want to let her go! I should’ve done more to save her, should’ve researched more treatments…’
His words dissolved into great racking sobs. Denise reached over and put her hands on top of his.
‘You did everything you could for her, John. I’d give anything to bring her back, but we can’t. We owe it to her to keep living, you and me. To make sure we live each day to the full. That doesn’t mean forgetting her, it means we appreciate the time we’ve got and make the most of it.’
John sniffed and wiped his nose with a napkin. ‘I miss her so much. I-I wonder what she’d be like now, if she were still here a-and I try to do something every day to make her proud.’
‘That’s why I wanted to do the skydive,’ she said gently. ‘To make Becky proud.’
He nodded and looked down at the gingham tablecloth. ‘I’ve been so horrible to you, Denise. Can you forgive me? M-maybe we could even do the skydive together. If you wanted to, like.’
Denise glanced sideways at me and smiled. ‘I’d like that very much.’
Next on my list of fix-its were Cath and Frank. They’d barely spoken to each other since their disastrous date and a thirty-year friendship was on the line.
Frank was tethered to his corner shop, so it was a case of getting Cath to go to him. That was no mean feat, considering she practically lived at the library she worked in, so I drafted in Elle to help me come up with a ruse to lure her away.
‘A book club picnic?’ Cath said as we walked down the high street towards Frank’s shop. ‘That does sound nice! When were you thinking of having it?’
‘Oh, soon…’ I drifted off, wanting to be vague on details in case she spread the word. ‘If you could pick up some essentials from the corner shop that’d be great.’
‘The corner shop? Oh I don’t know about that, I haven’t spoken to Frank since that day at Whitby. Which was your doing, by the way.’ She pointed a finger at me.
‘All the more reason to go in and mend bridges!’ Elle escorted her towards the shop’s front door and practically manhandled her inside. I quickly followed suit and snuck into the store room.
Frank looked pretty surprised to see Cath walk into his shop. His posture stiffened and I saw him smooth down his moustache.
‘Catherine.’
‘Frank.’
The two exchanged stony glares as she went around the shop, looking for things on my bogus shopping list. She carefully browsed the aisles, searching for things she had no hope of finding.
‘I don’t suppose you have any…’ She stopped, took a proper look at the list and sighed. ‘I think I’ve been had!’
Frank stepped out from behind the counter and looked at the list, trying to suppress a grin.
‘I’m afraid we don’t have any spirit level bubbles, long waits or tartan paint!’
They burst out laughing and so did I, as I watched from the store room.
‘That’s some shopping list, that! Who gave it to you?’
‘Lucy bloody Harper! I’ll wring her neck when I see her!’ She looked round and I quickly ducked behind the door.
‘Listen Cath, about that day in Whitby…’ Frank trailed off, hoping that would let her know he wa
s sorry without actually saying it.
‘What about it?’
From my limited view, I could see Frank’s cheeks turn crimson. ‘W-well, I were rude and I ruined the day out. I didn’t mean to, it were just odd being with someone who wasn’t Harriet. I don’t suppose you fancy trying again? Tomorrow maybe?’
It was Cath’s turn to blush. ‘That would be lovely!’
Elle stopped pretending to browse and I came out of the store room.
‘You pair of silly sods!’ Cath said with an affectionate smile. ‘Thank you.’
So I’d fixed my mistakes with most of the club members. Things with Jake were still ruined, but I’d set things right with a group of people who deserved to be happy.
If only I could convince myself that I deserved the same.
I went to the next meeting with a spring in my step. I couldn’t wait to walk into a room full of happy people and discuss the brilliant book we’d been reading: How to Fall in Love by Cecelia Ahern. As long as there were no nasty surprises, it would be a lovely meeting and show I’d at least managed to get the book club right. It had taken one month and four meetings, but I finally felt like I was finding my feet.
The last few customers of the Moonlight Café were just finishing their tea and cake when I got there. Diane came out from behind the counter, shot a sideways glance at me and went to set out the chairs in the alcove.
‘Hi Diane.’ I hoped my good deeds for the other members might’ve earned me some good karma with her.
‘Evening.’ She nodded at me then went to sort out some cakes for the meeting.
I sighed. I’d hoped things might’ve thawed after last week’s meeting, but it looked like I was wrong. She was the only one I hadn’t managed to help yet, the only one still stuck in her grief. That would have to change.
The first sign that this meeting would be different came in the form of Denise coming in with a new sponsorship form and sporting an ecstatic grin.
‘Lucy, I’ve got something to tell you!’ Her plump, round face was pinking up with joy and the lenses on her glasses had almost fogged up. ‘I’ve only gone and booked a bloody skydive!’
My jaw dropped and I shot up from my chair to hug her. ‘Oh my god Denise, that’s fantastic! Tell me everything.’
We sat down and she showed me her sponsorship form, which had become a little bit crumpled in her hand.
‘It’s next month and all the proceeds will go to Rowan House, the hospice Rebecca stayed in the last few weeks of her life. I can’t thank you enough for giving me the idea Lucy; without you, I’d still be stuck in limbo wanting to move on but not knowing how. I know this won’t automatically stop me from grieving or from thinking about Rebecca every day and to be honest, I don’t want that. All I want is to start a new chapter. But here’s the best bit: John’s agreed to take part too! He’s moved back in now after you got us to talk.’ She looked at me sheepishly, ‘and I think I might’ve been a bit harsh when the first lot of advice you gave me didn’t work out. I’m sorry.’
I could barely contain the joy I felt inside and I threw my arms around her. ‘Rebecca would be so bloody proud of you!’
‘I hope so,’ she said, her voice thick with happy tears. ‘I really hope so.’
Frank, Cath and Jean joined us, each of them looking like they were floating on a little cloud of bliss. It was an amazing sight to see, considering how they’d been when I’d first met them.
‘All right you two?’ I turned my attentions to Frank and Cath first. ‘How was Whitby yesterday?’
The pair of them blushed like teenagers and sat down opposite me. From my limited viewpoint, I could see that they were holding hands.
‘A rare day out, wasn’t it?’ said Frank, casting a sideways glance at Cath. ‘Beautiful weather and best of all, great company.’
‘I liked the ice cream as well; you were a right gentleman paying for my 99!’
‘Sounds like you both had a good time!’ I remarked with a raised eyebrow. ‘Any more days out planned?’
‘Maybe.’ Cath’s smile was a coy one, but I could tell she was besotted with Frank. You only had to see how she looked at him to work that one out.
Jean came over to me, her tiny little frame abuzz with excitement. ‘Jasper arrived a few days ago! Look at him!’
She pulled out her mobile phone and showed me a beautiful cocker spaniel looking up at the camera. His wide brown eyes were full of love and he looked so happy to be in Jean’s warm and welcoming home.
‘He’s gorgeous Jean; I’m sure you’ll give him an amazing home,’ I said, patting her on the back.
‘You were the one who got me to entertain the idea in the first place. I never thought I could love another dog as much as Hobie, but you made me realise I could love one in a different way. Thank you so much.’
She started to choke up, so took a seat before any of the other members noticed. Sitting back in my chair I basked in the happiness that filled the room. Every member of the Broken Hearts Book Club had their own unique sparkle, and a special kind of magic bristled from each of them. It was so different from when I’d arrived a month ago; the club had been stuck in a kind of purgatory for the grieving. Now, it seemed they’d found the strength and power within themselves to move on.
Just then, the one person I had left to help came into room: Diane. Her eyes met mine and she nodded politely. I tried a smile but it wasn’t reciprocated.
‘Right everyone, are we ready to get started?’ I asked, tapping my hands lightly on the table. ‘Jean, why don’t you start us off with how your week’s been?’
‘OK, I’ve just become the proud owner of a four-year-old cocker spaniel named Jasper!’ The words burst out of her, like she couldn’t contain them any longer. ‘Lucy suggested I go to look at the rescue centres because I’m more than capable of loving more than one dog. I did and I found Jasper! He came to stay a few days ago and he’s settling in brilliantly!’
A chorus of congratulations sprouted up from the members. I noticed that they were as good at celebrating members’ highs as they were at commiserating the lows.
‘That’s amazing Jean; you should bring him to the next meeting! I’m sure we’d all like to meet him. OK Cath, how about you?’
‘Er, well…’ She trailed off and looked at Frank as though he had the winning lottery numbers tattooed on his forehead. ‘Frank and I went to Whitby again didn’t we, and we had such a lovely day. Sun was shining, we had ice cream and went to this gorgeous little café for lunch.’
Frank took up the story from there. ‘We went to this lovely little spot on the beach where Harriet and I used to sit. Being there with someone I could reminisce happy times with, it was just… well it was lovely. Then I got to thinking. I decided that I quite fancied making some new memories, so Cath and I found our own spot on the beach.’
He put his arm round he and kissed her hair. My heart fluttered in my chest; it was so heart-warming to see they’d found happiness with each other after what they’d been through.
‘It was all Lucy’s idea,’ said Cath, giggling like a loved-up teenager. ‘She sent me into Frank’s shop with a bogus shopping list, we got talking again and agreed to have another go at having a day out together. I’m ever so glad we did, it was a lovely day.’
Diane’s face soured. ‘Well wasn’t that just the loveliest thing? Looks like you’ve been a little fairy godmother to the club.’
I blushed and shuffled awkwardly in my chair, knowing she definitely didn’t mean that as a compliment.
Before I could downplay my efforts, Denise threw an arm around my shoulders. ‘She certainly has been! She might’ve made some mistakes in the beginning, but she sorted them out now. If it hadn’t been for this lovely young woman, John would never have moved back in and we’d never have booked this charity skydive in Rebecca’s memory. Look at this sponsor form!’
‘I-I haven’t really helped much,’ I said, hoping to shift the fairy godmother tag as soon as possible. ‘I just
made a couple of suggestions; it’s everyone else who’s done the hard work.’
‘You’re too modest,’ Denise declared. ‘Without you, we’d all be sitting here miserable and wishing things would be different. When you tipped up, you showed us that moving on didn’t have to mean forgetting about the people we’ve lost. We’re happy again and it’s all down to you. Pretty soon we won’t need the Broken Hearts part of the book club name any more!’
Diane looked incandescent with rage. Her face had turned puce and she sat with her arms folded, flat out refusing to join in the happy reverie.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked, not relishing the answer. ‘It’s just you look a bit –’
‘I’m fine. Just fine.’
She got up from her seat to make her way to the front of the café. Although I couldn’t swear to it, I was sure she had tears in her eyes.
We had a quick break for coffee and some banana cake before discussing How to Fall in Love.
Frank enjoyed it, citing the quirky love story between Adam and Christine plus the exploration of mental health issues as particular highlights. Jean liked Christine’s plucky character and her constant usage of self-help books, while Cath’s favourite part was reading about Adam falling in love with both life and Christine.
‘I agree,’ I said, looking at the deep purple hardback in front of me. ‘It just shows how meeting the right person can seriously alter the path you take. Christine made Adam see how beautiful life could be after finding him on the Ha’penny Bridge. Definitely a case of right place, right time!’
‘Well I think he should’ve been able to find the beauty in his own life,’ Diane said stiffly. ‘Why did he need Christine to show him? He had a solid support network in his family but shunned them and the company he was supposed to run! He deserved everything he got if you ask me.’
I bit down on my lip. I knew she was only disagreeing with me because of what happened with Derek and Emily. If I’d said the book was black, she’d have said it was white.
