Wasn’t that worth fighting for? Of course it was, even if it was an uphill battle. She’d painted a rosy picture for herself of the way it could be, of marrying Patrick and making his family her own. But to make that happen, Patrick had to do something he felt was wrong. He had to be willing to let go of the past. If he couldn’t, who was she to demand it? No one had been able to make her see the light when it came to her own parents. Why should she expect so much more of him?
Maybe his stubbornness was a mistake he would come to regret…or maybe it wasn’t. But it was his decision, not hers.
She sighed and stuck her trowel back into the well-worked soil, then brushed the dirt off her hands. Love was a little bit like gardening. It required patience, and sometimes things got messy. But the end results were worth any amount of effort.
Pleased with her analogy, she headed inside to shower and change into something that would send an unmistakable message to Patrick that they weren’t over. Not by a long shot.
Chapter Fifteen
For days after Alice had gone, Patrick wrestled with his conscience and his heart. He knew she would never accept a halfway attempt on his part. He had to be ready to face the past before he could stake any claim at all on a future with her.
Because he couldn’t bring himself to call Daniel, he picked up the phone and called Ryan, turning to his oldest brother for advice as if it were something he’d been doing his whole life.
“I know what Alice wants from me, but I don’t know if I can give it to her,” he told Ryan.
“Has it occurred to you that all she really wants is for you to be truly happy?” Ryan asked. “It took me a while to understand that that was what Maggie was after with me. She could see how burying the past had only given it a power over me that it didn’t deserve. I wasn’t happy. I was just denying my real feelings.”
Like Ryan, Patrick wanted to deny that his folks or even Daniel had any power at all over his life, but he knew that wasn’t true. Without doing a thing, they were standing squarely between him and the future he wanted with Alice.
“Funny thing about finding the right woman, isn’t it?” Ryan said thoughtfully, when Patrick remained silent. “It was Maggie who made me face the fact that I needed to find my family before I could ever move on. She was right. I still have one more step to take, and there’s no way of knowing if it will turn out okay, but once I’ve taken it, I’ll be free of all that weight I’ve been carrying around inside me. It takes a lot of energy to go on hating people, especially after all these years.”
Patrick thought of how consumed he’d been with bitterness and resentment. It had colored the choices he’d made, the lifestyle he’d chosen, even the people he saw and those he avoided because their connections to his folks were too painful. Ryan and Alice were both right. It was no way to live. There was only one way to be rid of it, and it wasn’t by burying his head in the sand.
He slowly drew in a deep breath and said, “I could set up a meeting. It wouldn’t be the last step for any of us, but it might be a good place to start.”
“You set it up, anytime, anyplace,” Ryan said at once. “The rest of us will be there. We’ve been waiting until you were ready. We agreed that it needed to be that way. The Devaney brothers stick together.”
Hearing Ryan include him with his older brothers filled Patrick’s heart with surprising joy, but because he wasn’t entirely certain he was ready to face his folks, at least not without Alice by his side, he said, “I’ll start with Daniel. Will that be okay?”
“Start wherever you’re comfortable,” Ryan said.
“We’ve all had to make up the rules as we went along, to take things at our own pace and compromise when compromise was called for. I wrestled with all sorts of emotions before I finally made that first call to Sean. It’s not as if there’s a guidebook we can follow for this kind of thing. There aren’t a lot of families who’ve been through what we’ve been through.”
“Thank God for that,” Patrick said with heartfelt sincerity. He pitied anyone who’d been in their shoes. “I’ll call you once I’ve spoken to Daniel.”
“Make it soon, little brother. Not for our sake, but for your own—it sounds as if Alice is too special to risk losing.”
Patrick smiled. “Yeah, she is. She really is.”
Even though Patrick was anxious to put his plan into motion, years of keeping his distance from his family were too ingrained to be overcome in a heartbeat. With almost any other dreaded chore, he would have tackled it at once to put it behind him, but with this, he spent days trying to work up the courage to pick up the phone. He was consoled by Ryan’s admission that he’d had a similar struggle before he’d contacted Sean.
Patrick was still tormented by indecision when he heard footsteps on the dock and looked up to see Alice coming toward him with a purposeful stride. She was wearing something designed to make his heart race and his palms sweat. His breath caught in his chest. He was forced to admit that even if she’d been covered from head to toe, he wasn’t ready to see her, not yet. He’d wanted to have something to offer her before they talked.
“So, this is where you’ve been hiding out,” she said, as if she’d found him tucked in a cave somewhere.
“It’s hardly hiding if I’m on my own boat in broad daylight,” he retorted. “You must not have been looking too hard. What’s up?”
“I actually had a request for your presence at the kindergarten graduation ceremony next week. Ricky Foster would be honored if you’d attend.”
Patrick bit back a grin. “Is that so? They hold graduation ceremonies for kindergarten? Why is that?”
“We’ve found it motivates them and gives them a greater sense of purpose when they start first grade and things get more serious,” she explained.
“I see. Was there some reason Ricky couldn’t come over here and ask me himself?”
“I agreed to do it. He seems to think I might have more influence where you’re concerned.”
“Really? Where would he get an idea like that?”
She blushed just enough to put some color into her pale cheeks. “Around town.”
Patrick flinched at the idea that they were still the subject of gossip, especially as now people were probably speculating about why they were no longer seeing each other. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I think it’s rather sweet that he’s joined in the matchmaking. He might be better at it than Molly.”
Patrick grinned. “Yeah, her skills in that department could definitely use some work.”
“So, will you come to graduation?” she persisted.
“Sure. Where and when?”
“The school auditorium on Monday. Ten o’clock.”
“I’ll be there,” he promised.
Alice looked as if she weren’t quite sure what to do next. She finally met his gaze. “Any chance you can have dinner tonight?”
As desperately as he wanted to say yes, knowing how irresistible she was in that slinky sundress, he shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“I guess that would be too much like a date,” she said, “and we’re not doing that anymore.”
Because she looked so miserable, he wanted to tell her everything about how he was trying to put his life back together just for her, but he didn’t want to get her hopes up in case he failed.
“It’s not that. I just have some things I need to do.”
“Sure,” she said, her skepticism plain. “No problem, I’ll see you at school on Monday.”
“Maybe we can talk after the ceremony,” he suggested. “You going to be around?”
She nodded. “There’s always a lot left to do after the kids finally leave.”
“I’ll see you then.”
“Fine.”
She looked so dejected as she began to walk away that he called out to her. “Alice?”
She turned to look at him.
“It’s a date, okay?”
A faint smile touched her lips. “It
’s a date.”
“And you could wear that dress again, if you wanted to. It takes my breath away.”
The smile that spread across her face was his reward for being honest for once and saying what was in his heart.
As soon as she’d gone, Patrick knew what he had to do. He went inside the boat, picked up his phone and dialed the once-familiar number of his brother’s office in Portland.
Daniel answered, as always, on the very first ring, but he sounded distracted.
“Daniel, it’s Patrick.”
Silence greeted him, then a long sigh. “Hey, bro, what’s up?”
Just like that, the years of separation faded away. “We have some catching up to do,” Patrick told him. “Can we get together?”
“Anytime,” Daniel said at once.
“Over the weekend, maybe Sunday around one?”
“That works for me. Where?”
“Here, on my boat.” He needed this first meeting to be on his turf, not Daniel’s.
“Want to tell me what this is about?”
“I’ll explain when I see you. There are some people I want you to meet. I think you’ll really like them.”
“If they’re friends of yours, I’m sure I will,” Daniel said. “Or are we talking about a woman, Patrick? Are you getting married? I’ve heard some rumors about you and a teacher at the elementary school.”
“Maybe one of these days,” he admitted. “But this isn’t about that, not the way you mean, anyway. Just be here on Sunday, okay?”
“I’ll be there,” Daniel promised. “I’m glad you called. I’ve been waiting a long time.”
“I know,” Patrick said with a sigh. “Too long.”
“Something’s going on with Patrick,” Molly told Alice on Saturday. “Any idea what it is?”
“Beats me. I had the same sense that something was up when I saw him yesterday. What tipped you off?”
“He’s just hauled enough coleslaw and potato salad down to his boat to feed an army, along with hamburger patties and an entire keg of beer.”
“Sounds as if he’s having a party,” Alice said slowly, then gasped. “What if he’s getting together with his brothers?” She met Molly’s gaze. “All of them.”
“Even Daniel?” Molly asked, an unmistakable hitch in her voice.
“That would be my guess. Do you know of anyone else Patrick would invite for a party?”
“To be honest, no,” Molly said. “At least, not without telling me about it. Daniel’s the only person he wouldn’t want me to know was around. If he’s being secretive, then Daniel has to be involved. I think maybe I’ll close the bar tomorrow and go hiking somewhere.”
Alice studied her friend’s miserable expression. “Wouldn’t you rather stay here and see who turns up?”
Molly shook her head. “I’ll leave the spying to you.”
“I’m not going to spy,” Alice denied heatedly.
Molly grinned then. “More than one stroll past that dock and it’s considered spying. Get a good look the first time.”
Alice grinned back at her. “Believe me, I intend to.”
Patrick was as nervous as if this were the first time he’d ever thrown a party. Of course, it was the first time he’d ever held one for his brothers. He checked the food at least a hundred times, counted napkins and plates, rearranged the bowls of potato salad and coleslaw, then fussed over the grill, which was one of the old-fashioned ones with charcoal. It was already burning red-hot, perfect for cooking the burgers that waited in the refrigerator below deck. It was crazy to be this worked up over the food, when it was likely to be the last thing on anyone’s mind. But it was easier to think about potato salad than the past.
There was nothing else to do but wait. He paced the deck, and when that seemed too confined, moved to the dock and paced up and down that. He finally spotted the rental car as it pulled into the parking lot and his older brothers emerged. They were halfway down the dock when Daniel’s familiar SUV turned into the lot. Patrick wasn’t the least bit surprised that his twin was still driving the same car he’d had for years. Daniel had always claimed a car was nothing more than transportation. He’d never cared about style or speed.
“Here’s Daniel now,” Patrick said quietly to Ryan, Sean and Michael.
They all turned to watch their brother as he walked to the dock, then caught sight of them and hesitated, a dawning sense of recognition on his face.
“Too late to turn back now,” Patrick said, going to meet his twin just in case Daniel had any crazy ideas about fleeing.
Daniel searched his brother’s face, then drew him into a fierce hug. When the embrace ended, he met Patrick’s gaze. “Tell me I’m not dreaming. Are those…?” His voice caught.
“They’re our brothers,” Patrick told him.
“When? How? Why the hell didn’t you say something?”
Patrick grinned at the litany of questions. “I’ll let them explain, unless you’re planning to stand here at the end of the dock all afternoon trying to figure it out on your own.”
A grin spread across his twin’s face. “You sound like your old self.”
Patrick thought about that, then released a sigh. “You know, I’m beginning to feel like my old self, only better.”
“Complete?” Daniel asked.
Patrick nodded. “That’s it.”
“I know. That’s the way I felt the second I heard your voice on the phone. Next time you get some fool idea in your head about losing touch, I’m not going to let you get away with it.”
Patrick leveled a gaze at him and thought of Alice. “There won’t be a next time,” he assured Daniel.
“Hey, you two going to stand down there all day?” Ryan called out. “Sean here is starved.”
“Sean’s always starved,” Michael noted, poking his brother in the ribs.
Patrick led Daniel to the boat, made the introductions, then stood back while his older brothers peppered Daniel with questions until his head was no doubt spinning. Being here with all of them felt right, as if this day had been way too long coming. The only thing that could possibly have improved on it would have been having Alice here by his side.
Just as that wish crossed his mind, he thought he heard a whisper of sound on shore. He turned, but caught only a fleeting glimpse of movement. He couldn’t prove it, of course, but it had been Alice. He knew it. He should have known he’d piqued her curiosity. He knew he’d stirred Molly’s when he’d bought the food for today. Obviously, they’d put two and two together, and Alice, at least, hadn’t been able to resist coming by to confirm their suspicions. He suspected Molly was a hundred miles away. That was the distance she preferred to keep between herself and Daniel.
Suddenly Ryan was by his side. “Brooding over Alice?” he asked.
Patrick shook his head. “I’m going to make things right with her.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Good for you. Maggie’s anxious to come up to meet her. I convinced her to stay home today, but by next week there’ll be no holding her back.”
“Tell her if she waits a few weeks, she could come for a wedding,” Patrick said. “I don’t intend to let Alice drag her heels.”
Ryan grinned. “Think she might try?”
“She will if she’s smart,” Patrick said. “But I can be pretty persuasive when I set my mind to it.”
Ryan’s expression sobered. “That might be a good time to get together with the folks. Weddings always bring out the best in families.”
Patrick promptly shook his head. “I’m not taking any chances with mine.”
“You sure you want to get married without at least inviting them?”
“I’m sure,” he said with conviction. “That doesn’t mean you all can’t get together with them while you’re here. I’m sure Daniel will set it up.” In fact, if he knew anything at all about his twin, Daniel would be eager to do it. It was probably taking every ounce of restraint he possessed not to ca
ll them right now.
“We’ll play it by ear,” Ryan said. “We’ve waited this long for an explanation of why they abandoned us. A few weeks or even months longer won’t make any difference. It’s a big decision, and we all need to be agreed that the timing’s right.”
Patrick gave his brother a grateful smile. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Trust me, we all understand what a mixed bag of emotions are getting stirred up here. And none of us are all that anxious to hear why we were left behind. It’s enough for now that we’ve seen Daniel again.”
Patrick’s gaze drifted to where his twin was laughing with Sean and Michael and felt his heart fill to bursting. “Yeah,” he told Ryan. “That’s enough for now.”
Alice was staring out her classroom window at the turbulent June sky. It was going to storm any minute now. She ought to pack up her papers and head for home before the clouds opened up, but the prospect of going back to that empty house held no appeal. At least here at school there were other teachers in the building.
She’d been expecting Patrick to turn up ever since the end of the graduation ceremony, but there’d been no sign of him. Apparently, it was a promise he didn’t intend to keep. She shouldn’t be disappointed, but she was, especially after the scene she’d witnessed on his boat the day before. It had reduced her to tears and stirred hope in her heart once more.
A tap on the door startled her. When she turned, she was even more stunned to see Patrick in the doorway.
“You busy?” he asked.
Unable to find her tongue, she simply shook her head. He looked fabulous. Overnight it seemed as if his tan had deepened, so that his eyes seemed even bluer. He looked more carefree, too, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It took every ounce of restraint she possessed not to race across the room and throw herself into his arms.
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