by Hite, Ann
I picked up the pieces, swallowing silly tears.
PASTOR LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW in his study. “Where I come from this isn’t even hot.” He said this without looking at me. “Do you like summer, Shelly?” His voice was soft but held a sharp edge.
“It be okay. It ain’t my favorite.”
He chuckled. “All young ladies love snow. I bet you love snow.” He stared at me. “When the worst snow comes in the winter, I feel smothered. Trapped.”
This was a strange talk about a broken gravy bowl.
Armetta stood in the far corner where the thick shadows hung. I hadn’t never been so happy to see a haint.
She frowned at me. “You ain’t read a word of that book I left you. How we going to help anybody?”
“So you’ve become clumsy, Shelly?” Pastor’s words curled around the room like some big old black snake. On his face was a soft smile that might fool some but not me ’cause I knew that man. He wasn’t nice to nobody.
“If you don’t read it, things are going to get worse than you ever dreamed, girlie.” Armetta moved close to me. “Don’t let no show of his softness fool you. He be tagging you right now, and if you don’t read that book, you going to end up like that haint who stood out on the porch the other night. You listening?”
“Clumsy and deaf too, Shelly? Or are you afraid of me? I hope not. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you. That’s not who I am.”
“I’m not scared, sir. I broke the gravy bowl twisting around in the pantry. It be awful crowded in there.”
“So you’re blaming it on me, Shelly? That’s not respectful.”
I looked at my old shoes with run-down heels that rocks poked through when I hiked to the cemetery or over to Miss Tuggle’s.
“Do you need anything, Shelly? I can get you whatever you might need.”
“I could use me some shoes,” I said.
“He be trying to trick you. Careful. You don’t want nothing from him,” Armetta whispered.
“How old are you now?” He looked me up and down.
“Fifteen.”
“A woman.” He nodded. “And do you like boys?” He drummed his fingers on the desk.
“He’s crafty as a dern fox.” Armetta was so close I should have felt her breath.
“None around here to like. And I don’t want to end up like Arleen Brown.”
Armetta cackled. “See, that’s why I picked you, Shelly. You be brave.”
He cleared his throat and looked away. “You’re not like your brother. That’s the only reason I’ve let you stay on. I won’t have disease and abomination in my house.”
“Don’t pop off. Don’t say a word. It be a trap. He wants to hurt you. He wants you to give him a good reason.” She looked over at Pastor. “Killing him would be a pure pleasure. Don’t you think, girl?”
“Did you ever hear Faith talking to your brother?”
“He’s a snake.” Armetta glared at him.
“No. I seen their heads together but they always hushed up when I came near.” The thought of Will and Faith whispering still sent anger through my body.
“He contaminated my daughter.”
A scream went off in my head. I balled my fingers into fists.
“Go on. I don’t want to think about your brother. Leave me. Maybe we’ll take a walk soon, Shelly. I would like that.”
“Get on, now. Be careful.” Armetta moved to me, and the breeze sent a icy-cold chill through my bones.
FAITH STOOD on the edge of the woods just looking.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She didn’t move.
“Mrs. Dobbins is all stirred up about you. Don’t you care?”
Faith turned and looked at me. That’s when I understood Mrs. Dobbins’s worries. Something wasn’t right with that girl.
“I want to go to Miss Tuggle’s tomorrow.” Her voice sounded different, lower.
“I guess we could, but we gathered pretty much everything yesterday. I ain’t even started my books she gave me.”
She tilted her head to the side. “You can read, girl?”
Faith had done gone around the mountain with craziness. “Well, I guess I can, since you be the one who taught me how. What’s wrong with you? You been messing with cutting again? I thought Nada fixed that.”
Her face turned quiet. “No, that mess got stopped before it started.” She wasn’t talking like Faith at all.
“Mrs. Dobbins said you and your daddy had words?”
A shadow moved over her face. “He ain’t my daddy. You got it?” Her fingers were balled into fists.
“What’s wrong with you? Of course he be your daddy. I don’t blame you none. He’s crazy. I got to go find something to do. Pastor done told me to get on out of the house.” I walked off toward the cabin. Wasn’t one reason why I couldn’t go home.
Faith stayed by the woods, looking like something was coming for her.
Armetta scooted along beside me. “That girl be hurt deeper than you’ll ever know. She’s gone. Won’t be back anytime soon, but she’s close by. She wants her truth to be known. Ain’t that what we all want?”
A flash of Nada went by the kitchen window. She knew Pastor’s words were all over my body. “Why you always around me?” I asked. “How long you been here? Did you know my brother?”
“You be full of questions, seeing how you won’t read my book. What you think I showed it to you for? It be important. You just going to let folks die?”
A cold chill ran along my arms like she had touched me. “I ain’t reading it.”
“You got to ’cause you be important to what will happen. And bad is going to happen whether you read my book or not. It’s going to happen to you, but you be so dumb you won’t see. The girl that can see haints won’t open her eyes. Ask your mama why she be afraid of Pastor. Ask her what she knows about all his doings.”
My stomach flipped over. “I don’t want you around, haint.”
“Well now, girlie, you be stuck just like me. It’s the way life gathers to you. But you need to read that book if you care about that granny woman friend of yours. ’Cause she could be the one that dies. Somebody always has to die, but your granny woman might just die a early death.” And she was gone.
“So we’ll go to Miss Tuggle’s tomorrow?” Faith stood right beside me.
I turned to look into those deep brown eyes. Something just wasn’t right about that girl.
NADA DISHED UP OUR FOOD that evening flinging bits here and there, sloshing part of mine on the table. “Have you noticed a change in Miss Faith?”
It near drove me crazy to hear Nada call that girl Miss when she up and raised the mean old thing. “Naw,” I lied.
Nada glanced at me with that squinted-eye look. “You mean to tell me you didn’t see how she acted this evening? Like she be a stranger now?”
I scooped up the pinto beans on my plate. “She talked different this afternoon.”
“Something ain’t right about that girl,” Nada fussed. “Something has happened. You sure you don’t know nothing, Shelly?”
I shrugged. “No, ma’am.”
“Eat, Shelly,” Nada snapped.
This all had to do with Arleen Brown’s ghost standing on the porch. Now, that was something to think on. The spirit had left and Faith changed. “Faith is grown. You don’t have to look after her no more. She ought to be marrying this summer. She’s the right age.” Now, I knew that was plain silliness, ’cause Faith didn’t have one boy even interested in her. Her beauty was there for everyone to notice—and that’s one of the reasons I didn’t like her none—but she was part of a package. No boy wanted to come calling on the pastor’s daughter, especially if it was Pastor Dobbins.
Nada’s steady stare washed over me.
“She’s old enough to do what she wants. Miss Tuggle even said that.”
“You been spending too much time at that woman’s house.” Nada stomped to the door and stared at the main house. “Them storms be big on the hor
izon.” She was quiet a minute. “You’re jealous of a white girl.”
I laughed. “That’d be like taking a stroll through a blackberry thicket. I’d be bound to get more than one thorn.”
Nada turned to look me dead in the eyes. “I know you be jealous. I been watching that girl since she was born. I look after her. What you thinking, gal? You want me to have a hard heart? That’s what you want from your own mama?”
The pinto beans were pushed to the side of my plate, hidden under the potatoes, like I was still some little girl. “I just want you, Nada.”
“Lord, Shelly, you’ve always had me. I’m right here, but you almost grown now. You got to stand up and be that woman you going to be. You can’t cling to me. If you do, I’ve failed as a mama.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I knew I’d never really had her. A soul can stand right next to you and still not be with you.
“You think them books you got hid in your bedroom is going to teach you something you don’t already know? You looking to be something more, and I can’t stop that. Maybe I should get me a jealous bone.”
I stared at my plate.
“And don’t go thinking you got some kind of big old secret. I know all about that money under the floorboard, been knowing you had it since Nellie Pritchard ran off this mountain. I ain’t one of those dumb enough to think she died. The girl had too much smarts. That knowing didn’t come from magic. No, that is one mama talking to another. Mrs. Connor told me that part of the story. You hold on to that money. It’ll be running money one day.”
I felt like a heel of three-day-old bread was better than me.
“A mama don’t have to make over the child closest to her heart, Shelly. You’re all I have.” Her voice broke in half.
But I was second ’cause Will left. She had to want me. I scooted the beans around on the plate. Lord, sometimes what a girl asked after was too much, way too much.
“You run rings around Miss Faith and she knows it. That’s why she treats you so sassy. She got a whole lot less than me and you.”
A grunt escaped me.
“What you thinking? You thinking something over there?”
“She got everything any girl would ever want, Nada. I can’t run rings around her or nobody else. She’s pretty, rich, and white.”
“So you think that’s what life is? You sure I raised you?”
My food sure got a lot of notice.
She shook her head and clicked her tongue. “It’s my job to stand right here and open my arms. I just hope you try and see it that way. It’s what I get paid for. There ain’t no talking about it. If we don’t have Miss Faith, we don’t have a living.” She touched my shoulder. “You think I don’t know how you feel? I know how you ache after Will and worry on losing me too. But, girl, we all lose someone. That’s all the comfort I can give. I’d be lying if I gave more.”
Silly baby tears came into my eyes.
Nada moved to the other side of the kitchen. “And don’t keep that money under the floorboard. It ain’t no good place. Find a better one. Like I said, that be your running money.”
“I ain’t running, Nada.”
“We all say that in our lifetime, child. It be the biggest lie we tell.”
I LOOKED UP from scrubbing the clothes on the washboard and saw Faith walking in my direction.
“Shelly.”
I didn’t even bother to look at her face or make a sound.
The air turned cool, and seeing how it was hot only minutes before she came walking up, I got uneasy. Now, I’d been mad, hurt, and downright bothered with Faith, but never scared.
“You know who I am, don’t you? You done figured it out even if you ain’t admitting up to it. You came to see me and my baby, to peek in the box. You know me. We watched the sun sink into the trees together. You know me.” The sunlight hit the bottle tree just right so blue stained the grass.
My heart jumped in my chest. “You be crazy.”
She shook her head. “No, ma’am. I know just what I want. Do you know what I want?”
A dark shadow moved in behind Faith. “I think we’re disturbing Shelly’s work, Faith.” Pastor’s words were too sweet.
Faith never turned around; instead, she smiled at me like she knew something real important, a secret that could save both of us from him. “I’m talking to Shelly. Please leave us alone, Pastor.”
Pastor’s cheeks turned pink. “You need to learn your place, girl.”
“You done taught me all about place, thank you. I don’t need no more lessons.”
“You’ve gotten too high and mighty for me.” Pastor came close to her. “I can correct that problem.”
What happened next is the kind of stuff that starts a story on the mountain. Faith whipped around and looked Pastor dead in the eyes without shaking a bit. “I’ll kill you if you ever touch me again. I promise. You understand. I will.”
I held my breath ’cause I figured she was going to die. Pastor stared into her face and left. Yep, left us both right there.
Faith squatted down close to me. “You know me. I’m not Faith. I’m here to put a end to all this big bunch of a mess. And Faith is going to help me.”
“You trouble. You going to get Faith in trouble.”
“Nope. I’m going to look after her. Somebody needs to. She was hell-bent on hurting herself. But I need your help, Shelly. You can see and hear that ghost who roams the mountain. You can hear them all. You got to protect me from the living while I do what has to be done. Can you do that? Can you help me take care of Faith? Can you keep my secret?”
“Nada and Mrs. Dobbins ain’t going to see one thing Faith does wrong. She be the most special. You’ll be fine. Just don’t talk much. You sure don’t sound like her. What you going to do anyway, Arleen?”
“You got that spirit’s book. You best read it.”
A shiver ran over my back. “What you planning to do?”
“Kill. That’s what a death quilt be for, girl. Didn’t you know that?”
THAT AFTERNOON PASTOR KNOCKED Mrs. Dobbins to the kitchen floor for no good reason. So much for him not hitting her no more. Something bad was in the air. Something was going to happen.
Mrs. Dobbins came to our cabin after it turned dark.
“Lord, Lord, he’s started hitting again, Mrs. Dobbins.”
“Yes, Amanda, I have to do something. He wants to send Faith to the state hospital. We have to do something.”
Again I was on my bed, listening like some dern old spy.
“I’m going to talk to Tyson, my brother, Amanda. The family summer house is on the Georgia coast.”
“Will Pastor look for you there?” Nada whispered.
“Maybe. He knows we have a house there, but I’m going and taking Faith. I have to do it when he’s not around.”
“You can’t drive that good,” Nada hissed.
“I have to drive us there.” She was quiet a minute. “I want you and Shelly to go too. We’re not safe.”
That woman was crazy if she thought Nada and me would go.
“I’m not going but you can take Shelly.”
I sucked in air.
“You’re stubborn, Amanda.”
“Yes, ma’am. When you leaving?” Nada asked.
“At the right time. Tell Shelly to keep her things ready. We may have only a minute’s notice.”
“I will.”
Nada was going to make me go. What was she thinking? Mrs. Dobbins didn’t even want me to eat from the dishes she ate from. How was Nada going to make me go to another state?
“What’s the name of that town where your brother live, ma’am?” Nada spoke louder.
“Darien.”
I turned sick. That little girl haint up in the lost cemetery had said something about Darien. Lord, what kind of mess was I in?
WHEN NADA GOT UP the next morning, I was sitting at the table with my book Mules and Men by Zora Neale Hurston, pretending to read, calming myself as best I could.
“I kn
ow you was listening, and you got to go with them, Shelly.” The lines around Nada’s eyes fanned out.
“I ain’t leaving, Nada. Why I got to go? Let Mrs. Dobbins and that crazy girl go by themselves. Me and you could use my money and leave here.”
Nada looked out the door at the dew-covered grass. “You going. Be ready. When the time comes, there won’t be no messing around.”
“Why I got to go? Did you hear me? We can use my money.”
“A person can’t run from someone like Pastor. Mrs. Dobbins is thinking she can. Someone has to stay behind and fight him off. It ain’t going to be you. He’s got his eyes on you.” It was quiet in the room. “You smart enough to know what that means. You got to go with Mrs. Dobbins and Miss Faith. It’s what I can do to take care of you.”
“He’s mean. He might hurt you.”
Nada laughed. “I know just what he is, Shelly.” Her words didn’t have one bit of wiggle room. “You going, Shelly, so you be safe. That’s the end. I’ll use my magic on him. Don’t worry.”
“Miss Tuggle says there ain’t no spells or magic and she sure don’t believe in spirits.”
Nada puffed up. “That is a smart white woman for you. She doesn’t even know our kind of life. She gives you some old book, but what does she know? White women don’t always tell the truth. She’s lifting you way high, and sometime you going to fall down. That’s going to hurt, but we all got to fall sometime or another.” Nada sat down at the table with me and took my book. “Have you seen any spirits lately?” She opened the book and pushed it back at me.
“Naw.”
Nada nodded at the book. “Read to me, Shelly girl. I know you love this old book. I’ve watched your face when you study in your room. Tell me what them words say.”
And that cracked me open. I took her gift. We read until the sun streamed into the kitchen, way past time to go to the main house.
Then she stood. “I love you, girl,” she whispered and left the house.
There wasn’t nothing, nothing like a mama’s whisper in a girl’s ear to help her feel at peace, even if it wasn’t real.
Maude Tuggle
WHEN SHELLY SHOWED UP leading the way two mornings after their last visit, I was surprised. Faith held her shoulders straight and tight like she was marching into battle. Her face was void of the emotions that usually appeared, providing a window to her heart; instead she looked guarded, as if she wore a carefully crafted mask of the features—the perky nose, freckles sprinkled on her cheeks, the crease in her forehead when she was angry. Shelly was on the porch before I got the door open.
