Alan was off his feet and shoved up against Nick’s truck before anyone could fully exhale.
“I’m so done with you,” Nick seethed. “Talk like that about her again, and I won’t give a shit how long I spend in jail for it, I’ll enjoy beating you to a pulp.”
“Nick, he’s not worth it,” I said, finding myself at his side. I pulled at his arm. “C’mon, just let him and his jealousy slither away.”
Nick slung him sideways, and Alan barely got his feet under him in time to avoid hitting the ground. Still, always the mouthy scrapper, he had to turn around and get another dig in.
“You think I’m jealous?” Alan threw back. “Of being used and tossed away?” He pointed at Nick, and I swear if I weren’t a grown-up, I would have picked up a handful of gravel and thrown it at him. “She has no more use for you, buddy. You’ve outlasted your purpose.”
“Walk away, Alan,” Carmen called out.
“Oh, shut the hell up, Frosty,” Alan said, his face contorting. “You’re no better than she is. Throw men away when you’re done with them. You would’ve done the same to your little nomad boy-toy if he hadn’t thrown you away first.”
“Leave, Alan,” I said, noting Carmen’s expression at the mention of Sully Hart.
“Speaking of cheap rides,” Alan continued, a sneer on his face. “Did any of you hear about the new deal for Bailey’s Pond?”
“What deal?” Carmen hissed.
“It was in yesterday’s news, don’t you read the paper?” Alan asked. “No, of course you don’t. You’re all too busy fucking strangers.”
I grabbed Nick’s hand and felt him tense.
“Charmed is building a mini-theme park at the pond,” Alan said. “No more carnival after this year after all, Frosty. So I guess this will be your last chance for a redo.” He grinned. “Last opportunity to remake Carmen and the Carny do Charmed. Or maybe Trailer Trash Delight?”
“This is your last chance to get out of my sight,” Nick growled.
“Go home,” I said, shooing Alan like an unwelcome bug. “My property,” I added, pointing at the ground. “Go play on yours.”
“Gladly,” he said, walking off.
“Have a good day.”
“Kiss my ass,” he called over his shoulder, disappearing around the curve.
I waited a full count of five, tapping my foot.
“No thanks!”
I caught Nick’s eye and he shook his head. “How did you ever end a date?”
I ignored that, and focused on Carmen. “Are you okay?”
She pasted on a smile, but the hands rubbing up and down her arms said more.
“Just never gets fucking old,” she said, visibly shaking it off. “So now how about you?” She ran down the steps and hugged me. “Oh my God, just when I think that woman couldn’t surprise me again.”
“No shit.”
“Congratulations!” Carmen said. “No more hiding. No more pretending. Y’all can get on with your lives! And if California—”
“Oh my God, I didn’t get a chance to tell you,” I said. “Cali Dynamics called today and offered me the job.”
Carmen squealed. “Holy shit!”
“I know!” I exclaimed, her excitement ramping me up. “I told them I needed two more months.”
“And now you don’t have to!” she said, grabbing my hands. “I mean, I’ll miss you, but girl, you’ve got to grab this! I’ll take care of the legalities here.”
The legalities. For the first time since I read Aunt Ruby’s letter, I looked to Nick. Really looked. He had backed up to lean against his truck, thumbs hooked in his pockets, watching us. Like a bystander.
Words flew by like a ticker sign. My boss’s words about what’s important in life. I had left work to tell him I wasn’t taking it. Then Nick’s words. The I love you’s and the marry me for real and Aunt Ruby’s quit being afraid, love with all you have—a hell of a lot of significant words in the span of maybe an hour.
Words that I never got to respond to, and that was all over him.
I licked my suddenly dry lips. “We definitely have some things to talk about.”
He nodded and his gaze dropped to some point on the ground between us, and then he pushed off and walked toward the house.
“Where are you going?”
“In.”
“In?”
“Thanks, Carmen,” he said, stopping on a half turn. “I appreciate all you did to help us.”
“No problem,” she said. “The money should be free and clear in a few days.”
Nick gave a thumbs-up and kept walking. I had an odd sense of not-rightness. A disconnect. He was ticked off that I hadn’t said anything back, and that I was excited about the job again, I got that. But the game was just turned on its ear, and we needed to talk about the new parameters. We didn’t have to play it out for two more months. We—could go back to our lives, or no. That was in no way appealing. And he didn’t have a job there, and his daughter was about to leave for college. We could stay here and work the jobs we have, which wasn’t appealing to me, but would be wonderful for him and we’d be together. Marry me for real. Or I could go to California, and he could stay here in Charmed and make a life. Without me. That one made my stomach hurt. I love you, Lanie McKane.
“I wonder if he’d come with me.”
“When you’ve been kicked in the gut, doll yourself up and paint your toes bright red to spite the devil himself.”
Chapter Nineteen
Carmen turned back to look at me, and I realized that had been out loud.
“Seriously?” she said.
“We are married.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “So has the blind-to-what’s-right-in-front-of-them duo finally seen some clarity?”
“My underwear is currently under a pile of leaves in the woods,” I said.
She nodded. “Okay then.”
“And he asked me to marry him again,” I rambled like I was reading a grocery list. Or like I was numb. Or like I’d just been fucked and proposed to, declared love to, and then given a house and eight hundred thousand dollars.
I mean, that would throw a person a little off balance, right?
“Oh my God.” Carmen turned to square off in front of me, bringing my foggy focus back to her. “Lanie, what did you say?”
I blinked. “Nothing yet.” At her incredulous look I continued. “That was right when the peanut gallery showed up and I never got the chance.”
“Do you love him?”
I blew out a breath. “Oy with the L word.”
“Really?” she said. “How old are you? Did you hear your aunt? Quit being a pussy!”
“I’m pretty sure that word never came out of her mouth or her pen.”
Carmen sighed. “Okay look, let’s talk more later, I gotta run. I’ll text you with the money details, and I’ll go pick up the deed from the mortgage company and get it to you next time I’m this way.”
I watched her drive away and I glanced back at the house where my husband was inside somewhere sulking. I’d fix that. First, I had to make another trip down that—down my little rocky path, to my old stone fireplace, to where my underwear and bra were communing with nature. I wasn’t wired for commando. Open plumbing with a dress was just weird.
I made it down there and retrieved my treasure, then sat on the bench and leaned back against the stone, closing my eyes. It really was magic there. I’d just experienced it. And it was like the stress of a million weights were off my shoulders, but they’d moved to my stomach.
Why was I so friggin anal when it came to love? My mother, okay, but I was a grown woman, not a child. I was fully capable of deciding my own actions and not being governed by some myth that her story would become mine. Where were my big girl panties? I looked down at the pair in my hand. Well maybe I should start with wearing them instead of carrying them.
It was when I was almost back up the path, emerging from
the trees, that I felt it. Maybe I heard it, too, a faraway rumble or something down the road. But it was more of a knowledge. Intuition? Whatever it was named, it was bad.
I jogged the rest of the way, noting the absence of his truck. The weights in my stomach swelled to something more like water balloons when they’re filled too full. I couldn’t catch a good solid breath. And when I went inside, nothing so and cluttered and lived in had ever felt emptier.
“Nick?” I called out, already knowing there wouldn’t be an answer. Not a human one, anyway. Ralph jumped down from the couch and wagged his way over to me, stretching from a nap.
My eyes burned, and I dropped the bra on the floor as I ran upstairs.
“Nick!” I cried anyway, running to his room.
All the air left me as I saw his closet door open and empty. His suitcase gone. His pictures of Addison—gone. I whirled around and ducked into his bathroom. Cleaned out. He didn’t have much with him, and taking his leave wouldn’t have been difficult, but still—I was down there for all of ten fucking minutes!
“How dare you,” I sobbed, not even aware I’d been crying till then. “How could you just—leave? Not say good-bye?”
Something made me turn around and go to my room, and there it was. A piece of notebook paper with handwriting on it. My second one of the day. With his wedding ring on top.
“You son of a bitch,” I breathed.
Lanie,
I’m sorry. It’s easier this way. Telling you bye face to face would be too much after today. But I love you enough to let you go. Go get what you’re looking for. It isn’t me. If it was, then you could have said you loved me. And you could have said yes. Even through the fear. I know because I was scared too.
It stopped being about the money for me and I wouldn’t even take it if Addison didn’t need it, so if that’s still on the table, please wire it to the account below.
Hope you kick ass in Cali.
Love,
Nick
* * *
I felt sweaty. I felt sick. Driving around town knowing damn good and well he wasn’t in Charmed anymore, but having to look, anyway. Just in case. I’d run to my car to retrieve my phone and texted him. Nothing. Called—went to voicemail.
Hey, this is Nick. Talk.
“Why the hell would you do this?” I said. “You don’t even know what I was coming in to say. You just assume you know the score and make the decision for both of us.” My breaths skipped with my sobs. “Well that was an asshole thing to do, Nick.”
Now I was driving in circles and considering chasing him back to Sage, but I was too pissed and proud for that.
“The Blue Banana,” I muttered, doing a U-turn in the middle of Main. He wouldn’t leave his job high and dry, would he? He loved it there. He loved being Chef Nick.
My eyes scanned the parking lot as I pulled in and parked crooked. I didn’t care. I wouldn’t be there long. No truck. My heart sank a little lower. I got out and swiped at my face as I went in, hoping I didn’t look as deranged as I felt. I’d gone from sex in the woods to ditched to panic attack in a short time, with no assistance from a mirror to see what affect that might have. I glanced at my reflection in the window and decided not knowing was better.
A couple of people nodded in my direction, a few more looked at me funny, and more just pretended I wasn’t there. I was good with that.
I went to the lunch counter and tried peering through the order window, but all I could see was Dave, the fry cook.
“Is Allie here?” I asked a younger waitress who looked terrified.
“Um, Miss Greene?” she said, clutching her pad. “Am I in trouble?”
“Not at all,” I said. “Just need to talk to her.”
“Can I tell her what it’s about?” she asked. “Get you a free drink on the house?”
My head started to pound out a rhythm. I looked down at her nametag. Brianna.
“Brianna, there’s no problem. Allie’s a friend of mine and I need to talk to her if she’s here,” I said. “Kind of quickly. And do you know if Nick—if Chef Nick was here?”
Her eyes lit up. Even the young ones appreciated beauty.
“For a minute, yes,” she said. “He was talking to Dave—or Chef Dave now,” she said, chuckling.
I gripped a nearby chair. There was someone sitting in it, so I had to apologize.
“Sorry,” I whispered to them. “I might be having a nervous breakdown.” I turned back to Brianna. “Can you get Allie now?”
The waitress scurried off, and I caught sight of a more accurate reflection. Good God, I was a mess. I smoothed my hair down and pulled a leaf out of it. Jesus Christ. My eyes teared up again thinking of where that would have come from, and then another thought chilled me. In this kind of old-fashioned dress, if I squinted just right, I looked a lot like my mother.
Including the part about being a mess. Over a man.
You aren’t your mother, honey.
Then why was I acting like her?
“Lanie?”
I jumped and smiled to cover it as Allie walked up, a concerned look in her dark eyes.
“Hey, Allie.”
She gave me a once-over. “I’m gonna guess this has something to do with Nick quitting.”
My bottom lip quivered. “I was hoping that wasn’t the case.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “I wish that, too, but he said he had to go.” She nodded back toward the order window. “He said Dave was up to speed, that he’d been teaching him as he went when there was time, so we’ll see. We’re gonna miss him around here, though. I told him he had a job if he ever decided to come back.”
I nodded, a hand against my sternum as if everything might disintegrate if I didn’t hold it in.
She tilted her head. “Did y’all break up or something?”
“Or something,” I breathed. “Thank you, Allie.” I squeezed her shoulder as I passed. “Talk to you later.”
“Mrs. McKane?”
Stab.
I turned to see Nick’s protégé, Dave. coming from the kitchen.
“Yes?”
“Ma’am, Nick gave me his motorcycle and trailer, and—”
“I’m sorry, what?” I clutched at my throat before my heart could escape out of it. His motorcycle? “He—he gave it away?”
Dave looked unsure as his gaze darted from Allie to me. “Yes, ma’am,” he said. “We always talked bikes and stuff while we worked. I’ve always wanted one, and I kind of know what I’m doing around an engine—”
He thought I needed to know it was going to a good home. No. It wasn’t a dog. But it was Nick’s pride and joy.
“I’m sure you’ll be great with it,” I said, holding out a hand. “I just didn’t know he was—getting rid of it.” Of me. If he handed that thing off, he wasn’t coming back. He was handing me off too.
“So—I was wondering when a good time would be for me to come pick it up?” Dave asked, his words having a weird echoey quality.
“Anytime,” I said, turning. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, you want a coffee to go?” Allie asked. “You look like you might need one.”
“No thanks,” I said. “I have a feeling I might just want to go to sleep.”
I wandered back out into the sunlight and caught the glint off my fake diamond. The “glass” he wanted to replace with the real thing only hours ago. I’d have to get divorce papers drawn up with Carmen.
I got back into my car, turned it on, and cranked up the air conditioner to full blast. Let it blow on me while the world broke around me. His smile, his eyes, the way he laughed at the silly things I’d do, the way he’d look at me when I was all he saw in the world. The way his eyes darkened when he wanted me and the way his hands felt on my skin. The way it felt to be wrapped up in his arms.
The way the words I love you, Lanie McKane sounded on his lips. He’d waited for me to say it back. To say anything even close. Instead, I
said, We definitely have some things to talk about.
I laid my head on the steering wheel and came apart.
“I love you too, Nick,” I sobbed.
Sure, now I could say it.
I didn’t care who walked by or wondered. I let myself shatter.
* * *
Ralph and I had to make a trip back home. The real home. In Louisiana. I met with movers and packed up the rest of what I was bringing. At least what I was bringing to Texas. I could have left him back in Charmed and had Carmen come stay with him that night, but truth be told I liked his company. And I was about to be leaving him for a couple of days anyway to go for my initial orientation in California.
California.
What I always wanted. And what the rest of town expected. That’s the story we had sold them, after all. The story we’d sold ourselves.
I kept having to tell myself that more and more. It had been two weeks.
“How you doing back there, boy?” The tail thump told me what I needed to know. His mom left him behind, he got a new mom and dad, and then the dad left. As long as he could see me, he was good. “We’ll be home to your backyard in a couple of hours.”
I’d get back and get unloaded, leave on Monday for my orientation, look for a dog-friendly apartment, fly back, and start the second round of packing for California. Only what would fit in my car. Around Ralph. That was all I needed.
One person didn’t need a lot. Granted, my old place didn’t reflect that. I had accumulated a lot of worthless crap. But I’d thrown out a lot of it while I was there, left the furniture behind for my coworker’s niece (she’d decided to take it over), and kept what needed keeping.
It all just seemed…trivial.
And the closer I got to Sage, the magnets started pulling at me.
On the way there, I was able to ignore the tug. I was on a mission and I knew I’d be coming back by. Now—God, it was killing me. I saw the diner, scanned the parking lot with the eye of a professional stalker (no Nick truck), and passed the turnoff road with no less than three punches to the steering wheel, a ten-mile-an-hour slow down, and I lost count of the curse words.
A Charmed Little Lie Page 20
