“It’s me, Livy,” he began. “Caleb. Do you remember?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Caleb?” She shook her head.
“Were you at an orphanage in Cincinnati when you were five years old?” His gaze locked on hers. He couldn’t be mistaken. This was the girl from the orphanage. Livy’s eyes widened and a spark of recognition, or at least a memory, came to life. The spark quickly turned to anger. She took a step back, studying him as if she’d seen a ghost that haunted her.
“There was a boy whose name was Caleb,” she said slowly. There was no hint of warmth in her eyes. “He disappeared. Some kids said he ran away, others were sure the headmaster had killed him for always defying him. I believed the latter, because the Caleb I knew made a promise to a scared little girl, giving her hope that she’d never have to be afraid again.”
Her voice faltered with her last words. Caleb took a step closer. He reached for her hand, but she instantly backed away, glaring at him with a warning in her eyes.
“If I hadn’t run away, the headmaster probably would have killed me,” Caleb whispered. “I thought about coming back for you.” Guilt slammed him in the gut again in response to the look of hurt and anguish in her eyes. What had happened to her after he’d run away?
“Then why didn’t you?” she spat like a cornered bobcat.
Caleb shook his head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t find a way back inside the orphanage without being noticed. The headmaster beat me because I was in a fight with those boys again, the ones who bullied you.” He scoffed. “He made an example out of me that fighting wasn’t tolerated. After the beating was over, I ran at the first chance I got.”
Livy’s eyes softened somewhat, but her guard was still up. “You’ve clearly done all right.”
Her voice was clipped as she let her eyes roam over him, studying his clothing. By city standards, his buckskins wouldn’t give him the appearance of a man with means. Long forgotten memories came back to life of those awful days after he’d run away.
“I remember thinking about you, hoping you’d be all right. I was hoping after the beating I got, the other kids would leave you alone out of fear the headmaster would come after them next. I made myself believe that you’d find a good family who’d adopt you.”
Caleb looked at her. She hadn’t moved, standing in front of him, quietly listening. She hadn’t let her guard down, however.
“It’s probably best you didn’t come back,” she said. “You’d have been caught.”
She was right, but it didn’t diminish the guilt swallowing him up at the moment. For days, he’d roamed the streets, alone, cold, and scared. He’d barely survived. He wouldn’t have been able to protect her.
“I ended up sneaking on a riverboat, and was caught stealing food from one of the rich passengers,” Caleb continued. “Little did I realize my life was about to change for the better.”
He held his hand out again, his fingers grazing the back of her wrist. An inexplicable longing to reach for her engulfed him, and he drew back. The little girl he’d left behind was now a woman, and his reaction to her was that of a grown man, not a young boy wanting to do the right thing and look out for her like a big brother might do.
Livy stared at his hand and pulled hers away. She flinched as if he’d burned her, but her wide eyes revealed her reaction to him wasn’t unlike what he was feeling at the moment.
“Tell me you were all right after I left,” he murmured.
She laughed. “Don’t worry, Caleb. I survived. I learned to take care of myself and not give in to bullies.” Her tone was filled with resentment and anger. “How did you come to be a backwoodsman?” she asked a little too quickly, clearly wanting to shift talk about herself to him.
Caleb raked his fingers through his hair. Why hadn’t he asked Joseph Walker to go back for Livy? The woodsman had taken him far away from Ohio into the wild country beyond the Missouri and raised him as his own. Caleb had never mentioned her to the man who had seemed larger than life to a young boy at the time. Perhaps it had been the excitement of an adventure, or his awe of the man who’d offered to take him along into the wilderness and give him a real home, or his fear of being sent back to the orphanage. His young mind had put Livy out of his head.
“The riverboat I stowed away on sank after a boiler explosion. A man heading into the wilderness found me. He took me with him, and he raised me as his son. I grew up in a place far away from what I knew, and I had a family. He gave me his last name. I’m no longer just Caleb, but Caleb Walker.”
There was a slight shimmer in her eyes as he told his tale.
“It seems that you’ve had a good turn of luck, Caleb . . . Walker. I’m happy for you.” Her smile was forced.
Bitterness, resentment, even anger flashed in her eyes, which held a slight shimmer that reflected off the flickering of one of the campfires. But there was also something else, something that called to him and tugged at his heart. Amid the hopelessness and even fear, Livy lifted her chin in a determined and defiant gesture, making her appear larger than her small stature.
“You can’t go with the expedition, Livy.”
His quiet words were met with renewed resistance. Her eyes flashed anger. “And why not? Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?”
She was right. He had no say in the matter, but she couldn’t go. It was too dangerous for a woman. She had no one to protect her.
“It’s not a place for a woman accustomed to life in the city. You have no idea how dangerous this undertaking is. The land is harsh and unforgiving.”
“I think I can decide for myself, Caleb Walker. I’ve gotten on just fine after you left. In fact, you did me a favor. I learned to take care of myself.” She took a step forward to open the door. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pack my things.”
She slipped into the house without another word. Caleb stared at the door she closed in his face. He cursed under his breath and raked his fingers through his hair. How was he going to stop her from going on this expedition? Meeting her again now, after nearly twenty years, brought to life in him all those protective instincts he’d felt as a boy. Only this time, those feelings were anything but brotherly.
Chapter 5
“You’re doing what?”
Livy held her finger to her mouth and waved her hand up and down to shush Jenny’s outburst. The cook might wake the entire house with her loud voice.
After slipping back into the kitchen earlier, Livy had sought out Jenny to beg her to put in a good word with the expedition leader. Jenny had listened quietly while Livy had told of her encounter with Mr. Laslow.
“You’re not going back to your room tonight,” Jenny had huffed. “You’ll stay with me and James in our quarters. I’ll fetch your belongings.”
Livy had smiled in gratitude. Returning to her own bed in her little room would not be safe. She’d almost asked Henry Washburn if she could stay in camp with the men, but had thought better of it not to push her luck.
Coming back to the house had left her with a sickening feeling in her stomach. There was still a good chance Mr. Laslow would seek her out again to throw her into the street, or worse. Hopefully, having to explain the scratches on his face to his wife would keep him occupied until morning.
“I can’t stay here any longer, Jenny,” Livy argued in response to Jenny’s outburst once she’d revealed her plan. “After what happened with Mr. Laslow, my employment here is over. I don’t know what else he might to do to me.” She glanced at the ground for a moment. “I should never have agreed to come here. I was looking for a new path in my life, and I thought coming to Helena would be the answer.” Her gaze went back to her friend. “I’ve always regretted not taking my chance to come west when I had the opportunity as a child. Clearly, it’s no different here than anyplace else.”
Jenny wrapped her in her arms. “You stop talking like that, Livy. There’s something out there for you. It might take a while to find it, but you will. You’re young and h
ave your entire life ahead of you.”
Jenny held her at arm’s length and stared at her like a mother about to lecture her child. “But going off into unexplored country with a group of men certainly isn’t the answer.”
Livy shook her head. “Whenever something good comes along, it gets ripped away from me. It’s been that way my entire life and I gave up on happiness a long time ago. I’m not afraid of honest work and earning my keep. All I want is a secure position somewhere.” She leaned away from Jenny to look her friend in the eye. “I love working with you, but I won’t become Mr. Laslow’s harlot.”
Jenny’s eyes blazed in anger. “Of course not, but what you’re planning to do is downright foolish. I can’t believe a man in charge of that outfit would even consider hiring you, unless he has ulterior motives himself.” The kindly cook shot her a meaningful stare.
Livy shook her head. She laughed. “The first thing he warned me about was that he would not tolerate any impropriety. I truly believe he’s an honorable man.” She met Jenny’s hard gaze. “I didn’t know what else to do after Mr. Laslow attacked me. Running to that camp was the first thing that came to mind when I managed to get away from him. Going with them will get me out of Helena and away from Mr. Laslow. He might kill me after what I did.”
Jenny snorted. “After what you did? That man deserves more than a scratched-up face.” Her angry features softened. “The only thing I’ll agree with, is that there’s nothing you can do about it. His poor wife knows he’s not faithful, but what recourse does she have other than to turn a blind eye to his promiscuous behavior?” She shook her head. “Arabella Laslow loves her lifestyle more than she loves her husband.” She sighed. “I’m fortunate to have a man like my James.”
“James is a wonderful man, Jenny.” Livy smiled in agreement. “You’re both fortunate to have each other.”
Jenny was a lucky woman. Her husband loved her, and it showed whenever he looked at her. They took care of each other, they respected each other, and they were best friends. It didn’t matter that they weren’t wealthy, as long as they had each other. A marriage based on friendship and love like that seemed rare and hard to come by. Not that she knew anything about such things. Ezra and Hattie, the couple who’d adopted her had seemed fond of each other, but something had seemed lacking in their marriage. There hadn’t been any sparks, and Ezra had made all the decisions.
Livy’s dreams of fairy tales and happily-ever-after had died a long time ago. Nothing good in her life had ever lasted long. Thoughts of Caleb Walker materialized out of nowhere. Livy blinked and mentally shook her head. The encounter with him had shaken her nearly as much as the one with Mr. Laslow. Her memories of Caleb, the boy, had faded into shadowy images with the passing years. He hadn’t seemed like a real person for a long time, but rather her ideal representation of comfort and safety.
The boy who’d taken care of her after the devastating loss of her family had been the first and only friend she’d had in her life. Even years later, living with the couple who’d given her a home, she’d longed for that same feeling again, and nothing had ever come close.
Whenever she’d been scared or lonely over the years, she’d thought about him, that he was with her and would keep her safe, the way he’d promised. Those words, and imagining him beside her, had given her the strength and resilience that had gotten her through life thus far.
For years, she’d hoped he’d come back and rescue her from the orphanage. After her adoptive father’s death in St. Louis, she’d finally realized no one was ever going to come for her, and she had to look out for herself or perish.
The backwoodsman who’d approached her earlier was nothing like the boy she’d created in her mind. This man looked wild and feral, confident and secure in his own skin, perhaps even arrogant the way he’d told her she couldn’t go on the expedition. He was not someone who would look after a scared little girl.
Livy frowned. Her reaction to him had been a mix of confusion and fascination, and even fear. A man had accosted her once already that evening, and shortly after another one was telling her what she could and couldn’t do. Her guard had been up, but there had been a small twinge of some indefinable feeling, especially when his fingers had touched her hand. He hadn’t given the impression he would be like Mr. Laslow and try to force himself on her. She scoffed.
He certainly tried to force his will on you, Livy. Is that any better?
“About time we get going.” Josh tossed Caleb’s rifle at him and turned away from camp without a final glance.
Kyle offered an amused grin and followed his cousin to their horses. The camp bustled with activity, as men shouted and mules brayed. It was long past sunrise, and time to get this expedition underway.
Caleb glanced toward the house for perhaps the hundredth time this morning. Livy hadn’t made an appearance. Maybe she’d come to her senses and had a change of heart.
Caleb rubbed at the stubble on his chin. He hadn’t bothered shaving today. Tired from a restless night with little sleep had put a damper on the excitement felt by the other members in camp.
Livy’s image wouldn’t leave him alone. Meeting her again, after all these years, seemed unreal. She was part of his past he’d put out of his mind a long time ago. The guilt he’d felt last night for abandoning her and forgetting all about her had become all-consuming during the long, dark hours he’d spent tossing under his blanket.
Question after question had filled his head. What had happened to her after he’d left? How had she ended up in Montana Territory, and most important, why was she alone? A pretty girl like her ought to have married by now. Why was she working as a cook’s assistant for some rich buffoon?
Caleb tossed the last of his coffee onto the campfire. The hot coals hissed and spat, as a dense plume of steam rose from the ground. He kicked some dirt over the last of the glowing embers and moved to follow his friends. The swish of skirts from the direction of the house made him stop and stare. The same flutter hit his gut at the glimpse of Livy heading toward the camp as what he’d felt the day before. A heavy-set woman walked beside her, moving her hands and arms in an agitated manner and chattering up a storm by the looks of it.
Livy led the woman to where Henry Washburn was packing the last of his surveyor instruments away in a box. The bearded man greeted the women with a wide smile and handshake. The older woman continued ranting, loud enough that her words carried to where Caleb stood. He moved in their direction.
“I told Livy this was a foolish thing to do,” the woman proclaimed in a loud and commanding tone. “This is no place for a young woman, but she won’t listen to me.”
Henry Washburn laughed. “I assure you, Mrs. Washington, no harm will come to her. I’ve got good men on this expedition. Miss Barkley will serve an important role to keep them well-fed, but nothing else.”
The woman wagged a finger in the man’s face. “If I hear that she’s been mistreated or – heaven forbid – she gets hurt, I will hold you responsible.”
Washburn looked at Caleb at that moment, and waved for him to join them. Livy glanced over her shoulder as he approached. He was met with a spark of annoyance that passed through her eyes before she stiffened and faced away again.
Caleb’s jaw clenched as he hastened his steps. Clearly the cook agreed that Livy’s plan was foolish. Maybe with her as an ally, he could convince Washburn to leave her behind.
“I’d like to introduce you to one of my scouts, Mrs. Washington,” Washburn announced. “This is Caleb Walker. He’ll be one of several men looking out for our group. He’s an experienced woodsman and knows the area well.”
Caleb nodded at the woman, who glared at him with narrowed eyes. She perused him from top to bottom, tilting her head as if she were assessing a piece of butchered meat to put in her stew pot.
“What makes you so sure you can keep Livy safe on this excursion, Mr. Walker?” she finally asked, lifting her chin in a challenge.
This was his chance. Caleb c
leared his throat.
“I happen to agree with you, Mrs. Washington.”
The rotund woman’s eyes grew round. Caleb suppressed a grin at the surprised look on the woman’s face, and the open-mouthed reaction from Livy. Where there had been annoyance in her features before, her face visibly flushed with anger at the moment.
Caleb kept his eyes on the cook. If he emphasized the dangers, maybe the woman could convince Livy to change her mind.
“I don’t think anyone can guarantee Miss Barkley’s safety. Everyone has to pull their own weight and look out for themselves.”
“And I think I have the right to decide for myself what I can and can’t do,” Livy interrupted. She took a step toward him, her hand on her hip. Her eyes glared at him, then passed from Washburn to Mrs. Washington.
“I’m only thinking of what’s best for you,” Caleb countered. His stare didn’t waver.
Livy laughed. “What’s best for me?” Her voice rose in anger. “What do you know about what’s best for me? You seem to have the misguided notion that you can tell me what to do on account of what happened when we were children. You lost that privilege when you left me behind, Caleb Walker.”
“Left you behind?” It was Mrs. Washington’s turn for an interruption. Her eyes volleyed from Livy to Caleb. Her finger pointed first at him then back to Livy. “You two know each other?”
Caleb ran his fingers through his hair. He shifted weight, preparing for a tongue-lashing from the protective cook.
“We were at an orphanage together in Ohio when we were children.”
The older woman’s eyes widened. Her eyes shot to Livy. “He’s the boy you were telling me about?”
Caleb frowned. Livy had talked about him? A renewed cloud of guilt hung over him. She hadn’t forgotten about him, but he had. Livy shook her head.
“I suppose he is,” she said, wrinkling her forehead. “It doesn’t matter. That has nothing to do with now.”
Mrs. Washington studied him, her eyes perusing him all over again. Clearly, Washburn preferred to simply stand there and watch the exchange unfold in front of him.
Gunsmoke and Gingham Page 12
