by E. M. Gayle
He made it to the destination and turned, giving what he could see of the boat one last sweep.
“You’d better be alive somehow. Or I’m going to find a way to make you suffer.”
Chapter 10
Harper
For three days I had laid in bed with multiple people standing by to wait on me hand and foot and/or offer me medical assistance and it was driving me crazy. I’d suffered a concussion, multiple lacerations that required a total of thirty-three stitches and more bruises than I could count. But I was fine.
I was also ensconced in Alex’s apartment where he was currently treating me with kid gloves. I knew this should have thrilled me, but I was on edge more and more each day.
We still hadn’t talked about the events of my kidnapping, nor had I gotten the courage to tell Alex the truth about me. Which left me in a kind of catch-22 scenario. It was kind of hard to be pissed at him for whatever the hell was going on between him and his brother and how the hell I was involved because I had my own secrets I was still too scared to reveal. Then there was the fact there was still no official word on whether Ronin really got out before the final explosion that sank the Sokolov super yacht.
The story of the boat’s demise had been covered by every news agency across the globe, however, neither Alex or I wanted to take our story public or to the police. So the current theories were accidental explosion or sabotage. If they only knew.
My personal doctor, assigned and paid for by Alex, had just left the penthouse after reassuring both Alex and I that I was okay to resume my regular routine. I was thrilled that tomorrow I could go back to work if I wanted even though I was technically still on vacation.
Yet another secret I currently harbored from Alex. The night I had come to his apartment I had also planned to leave town. I just couldn’t get the humiliation of telling him I loved him out of my mind and it was driving me mad.
The scene that would not be forgotten had heightened my emotions to the point of confession, but the feelings I’d expressed were as raw and honest as I could be. That he didn’t feel the same way tore a new piece from my heart every time I thought of it.
Talk about an upheaval. Even before the kidnapping, my emotions were all over the map, leaving me irritable and exhausted. The idea of getting away for a while had begun to get under my skin and in preparation for that night’s impending loss, I had planned on at least a two week-long vacation somewhere nice and warm. I’d already bought and paid for my ticket to paradise before I’d gone to his apartment. While my ideal getaway would have been a small deserted island where no one could bother me, a quiet resort with a limited number of other guests at one of the small Florida Keys was a strong second choice.
It was somewhere I could start to get over Alex.
I sighed again. The idea of that happening anytime soon seemed impossible.
Since the night I screwed up with Alex, however, all of my current perceptions had been turned upside down and then some.
Also, this not talking about anything important we had going on right now had created an ever bigger chasm between us that continued to grow larger with each passing hour.
It was enough to make me want to stomp my foot and curse. We were both mature adults, so this ignoring of the growing elephant between us had to end. Up to now, my cowardice had run rampant roughshod over my psyche, taunting me with the genuine possibility that he didn’t have the same depth of feelings I carried.
The idea that I seemed to have started out as nothing but a pawn in the Alex vs. Ronin game made it even worse.
Then he would pull me against his chest every night, skin-to-skin, so that I could fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me and the sound of his heartbeat under my ear, soothing me until it eventually lulled me to sleep.
He’d understood the quiet comfort I needed on these past few nights and he provided it in spades. It was by far the sweetest thing he could have done. It wasn’t his fault that him being nice to me at this point confused me. He had no idea what was going on in my head and that honestly wasn’t fair.
I emerged from the shower and began to dress. I’d picked out one of my favorite shortish skirts and a simple blouse to wear tonight, complete with a feminine white lace bra and panties that matched. I wasn’t dressing for Alex. I really wasn’t.
There was a good chance that whether I got him to talk or not, I would be leaving. But not before I told him the truth. He deserved that much. So the pretty clothes and the hair and makeup I was working on were for me. My mother had always taken a little extra time to fix up her appearance before she went to work and despite her telling me that it made her feel good to look good, I didn’t quite understand until now when I really needed it.
So I curled my long hair and didn’t skimp on my makeup, taking special care to make my eyes stand out and using concealer and highlights to take away from the appearance of my stitches and yellowing bruises. I hated that I still carried a reminder of what happened on that boat. It was hard to move on with mementos continually reminding us.
However, I had to admit that I looked great and my mother was right as always, it did feel good. I grabbed a belt and looped it around my waist, frowning when I noticed that I had to release it one notch from my norm in order to be comfortable. I stood to the side and looked in the mirror trying to decide if my stomach looked bigger.
Had I gained more weight?
I sighed. My normally active self had been in bed for days being served all the good food I wanted. I’d probably indulged more than I should have. Finally, I shrugged. I wasn’t exactly skinny to begin with, so a few extra pounds weren’t going to kill me. Besides, as soon as I got back to work things would bounce back.
Well, maybe not my heart. A broken heart was probably going to linger a little longer than a few extra pounds. As long as I didn’t bury my feelings in ice cream and pizza. My two big weaknesses.
Although my break up with Bill had had the opposite effect. I’d been angry and fired up and never wanted to eat. Within six months of leaving North Carolina, I had lost almost two hundred and forty pounds. Forty pounds of body weight and about two hundred of bad husband.
That thought made me smile. No matter what Alex had to say about my past, I could feel good about the fact I’d moved on. My therapist would be proud.
I emerged from the bathroom and headed in search of Alex. The penthouse had that eerie quiet feeling as my heels clicked along the white and gray marble floors much like a drum march to the guillotine.
In the silence of the vast space any other day I would have been swept away by the grand area with vaulted ceilings, gorgeous crown moldings and sleek furnishings that were as surprisingly comfortable as they were beautiful. But today no amount of space and elegance made up for the suffocating sensation of my world falling further apart with each step.
The first time I met Alex I’d walked through a similar luxurious space with the same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Except then I’d been on my way to a secret Valentine’s rendezvous in a private sex club with a man I didn’t know.
It had been a crazy thing to do I know, but a dare was a dare and I’d been too curious for my own good. Now I loved that mystery man and even after the break-up, I’d feel forever connected to him.
As I approached Alex’s office, the door swung open and he was there, pulling me into his strong arms and enveloping me in all his glorious heat and comfort.
Still weak and needy when it came to him, I breathed deep, inhaling the familiar masculine scent of my…boyfriend? No, that didn’t sound quite right. Lover? Maybe, but he’d become so much more than that too.
He was the first Dominant that I’d fully submitted to, but even that didn’t quite encompass what he made me feel or how proud I got when I spied certain looks cross his face. His need for constant control had given me a taste of my own power and it had been sweet.
Master.
I inwardly smiled. Yes. That suited him to a T.
Th
e man who’d gotten so deep inside me I wondered if I’d ever recover after tonight, was my Master. God, it hurt to fully realize that now.
Despite the turmoil in my head, my body reacted by instinct. I melted against him and soaked in the man who made me feel everything no matter how small or big.
“God, kitten. I’ve missed you.”
His breath shivered across the shell of my ear. New tears welled at the edges of my eyes again. “I’ve missed you too.” It certainly wasn’t a lie. The time without him and the subsequent kidnapping ranked up there as some of the hardest days of my life. And I had a sinking feeling it was a horrible preview for the days to come.
Sure I had work to keep me busy, but that’s not all I wanted to define my life anymore. The desire for family had come on strong and out of the blue after my stupid little confession.
“You look beautiful, by the way. Ready for some fun?”
When I hesitated, he pulled back and held me at arm’s length, his eyes narrowed and from the look on his face I’d swear he knew exactly what was going on in my head. He had a knack for knowing me sometimes better than I did.
“What’s wrong?” He tugged me away from his office and back towards the living room. “Did something happen while I was working?”
I shook my head, needing a second more to gather my wits. “Just tired of laying in bed and now that the I have the official go ahead to get back to normal, I think it’s time to do just that. Maybe go back to work.”
“You always work too hard,” he stated, “and you’ve needed someone to take care of you while you recovered.” He gently touched the largest of my stitches that I couldn’t hide with makeup. “But I’m here now and I plan to not only take care of you but also pamper you with pleasure. We’re way overdue for a nice long session.”
“I—I don’t—”
“I know, Harper.” He brushed his thumb along my cheek. “I’m not going to pounce on you just yet. First, I’m going to hand feed you the way we both enjoy, second we’ll soak together in the hot tub until we’re both good and relaxed and then I’m going to spend the rest of the night giving my kitten the fucking she deserves.”
Chapter 11
Harper
I swallowed against the heat that suddenly flared between my legs. His plans sounded perfect and under normal circumstances I would drop to my knees and offer myself for his pleasure. I especially loved the look of hard lust clearly shining in his eyes. I knew from experience his brand of care and comfort would leave me more than satisfied and sore for days. In other words, I’d love every damn second of it and end up begging for more when he finished. He knew how to play to my needs and his perfectly.
But our lives had changed. Too many obstacles stood between us.
“We—uh—need to talk,” I started.
“We definitely do,” he agreed. “First we eat.” He led me to the formal dining room where the huge table that could seat at least twenty loomed in front of me. With the lone place setting at the head of the table, I easily imagined the scene Alex had planned. Me on his lap while he offered me bites from each course. Or maybe he’d strip me first and have me kneel on the floor.
I sighed. He wasn’t making this easy. I loved when he got like this. Very possessive and loving. It always surprised me how such a powerful and busy man could seemingly derive so much pleasure from the simple acts of feeding or bathing me at times. I’d never once questioned why. He made it too much fun and simply decadent.
As we approached the head of the table, I squeezed my eyes shut at the extravagant place setting with several covered platters arranged around the single plate. It was as if he’d known I was coming to him.
You can do this. You can do this.
Yet every step made my heart beat faster and sweat broke out across my skin. I clenched and unclenched my hands. Nope. I couldn’t take it. All the words I’d rehearsed to say to him were fleeing my mind with each step we took toward his planned decadence.
Slowing my steps, I ignored the insistent press of Alex’s hand on my back and whirled to face him. It was now or never.
“No,” I blurted.
His flinch appeared and disappeared before I completed a breath. “Excuse me?” His left eyebrow rose. “No what?”
“I can’t have dinner with you. In fact, I can’t stay here anymore.” Shit. I couldn’t remember what I’d planned to say.
“Harper…” His tone deepened and the immediate compulsion I felt to obey almost unnerved me.
“Please don’t, Alex. I think it’s time for me to return to my apartment. The doctor says I’m fine to go. I know we have a lot to talk about, but maybe we need some space to think first.”
He was shaking his head and advancing on me. “I don’t think so. If we need to talk then talk. You disappearing into your head again or leaving the safety of this penthouse right now is out of the question.”
Oh boy. That was about the worst thing he could have said in that moment. I felt my face flush with heat as my anger flared.
“You don’t understand,” I said, through gritted teeth.
“Then make me understand, Harper. Because right now I’m not seeing a problem other than your insubordinance.”
Now it was my turn to give him that look. The one that said I can’t believe you just fucking said that. It was starting to feel a whole lot easier to get words out.
“I came here that night to say good-bye. As hard as that was, I figured it was the right thing to do it in person. Of course you know what happened instead, but you don’t know the whole story. There is something from my past that made it easy for those men to convince me to go with them. I thought they were someone else.”
“You came to say goodbye?” The incredulity in his voice stopped me cold. How were those the words in all of that he chose to focus on? After our disastrous last scene, he had to know the end was inevitable. What else could we have done? I wasn’t supposed to fall in love.
It wasn’t like I could just forget his painful silence after I dropped my bomb. As far as I was concerned, his inability or unwillingness to respond spoke volumes about the situation.
Thankfully his arrogance now gave me the strength I sought to continue. “Are you really that surprised? You were not pleased with how things ended the last time we were together and we barely spoke after that until the boat thing.”
“You mean the kidnapping?” he growled. “That was NOT a little boat thing. Jesus, Harper. I don’t think you understand what your near death experience did to me. I’m already struggling with the fact I can’t make someone pay for what they did, but if anything had happened to you I would have burned this city to the ground. Literally. And as for the other…” His words trailed off as his fingers rubbed over his face. “You caught me off guard. I needed to think and then fucking Ronin started pulling my strings without my knowing. I couldn’t deal and chose to put it off until I returned and could face you in person.”
Some of what he said made me want to cry for him. I could almost feel the guilt my death would have caused him. All the more reason he had to know the truth. “I went with those men willingly.”
“What!?” he roared, his outrage slamming through the room. “Why the fuck—”
“I thought they were FBI agents. Before coming to New York, I broke the law. I walked out on a federal court summons in a high-profile case in North Carolina. I was supposed to help put my husband behind bars for a very long time.”
The room turned silent when I stopped talking and now Alex was rubbing his temples. I could only imagine the horrible thoughts going through his head as he tried to process what I was telling him.
Finally, he looked up at me and I saw only sadness in his eyes. Not anger. “I already know about Bill Bennett and I don’t think husband is the correct word you are looking for in this case.”
My jaw dropped and I couldn’t seem to close it. I had been wrestling for weeks over how to tell him something he already knew?
“Wait? You k
now? How could you? For how long?”
“I had you investigated after our first night at the Glass Kat.”
More shock coursed through me. My head was about to explode. “How could you do something like that?” I finally whispered.
“You have to understand, Harper. In my world that is standard protocol. The decision to get involved with you for more than a night meant that I needed to make sure there was nothing in your background that could hurt me.”
Unshed tears were burning my eyes and blurring my vision. “I guess Viktor was right. Everything is just a game to you. Even love.”
“I can’t believe you just said that. Viktor is definitely not right and I wasn’t trying to play a game with you. But my life is subject to different rules than others, that’s for sure. And I have to be more careful than most who I let into my life. People can be hurt.”
I didn’t want to admit that I kind of understood because knowing that he’d had to secretly investigate me made me feel even more untrustworthy. And violated.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Or at least ask about what you found? We could have talked about it like adults. Maybe prevented…”
I let my remaining unsaid thoughts fill the space between us.
“Because our preliminary investigation found nothing out of the ordinary on Harper Allison other than she didn’t seem to exist before she came to New York City. So I asked my people to keep looking and I chose to take a leap of faith even though I knew you were hiding something.”
Great. Now I really felt terrible.
Although none of this made one bit of difference in the real reason we were having this conversation. And the fact that I had fallen in love when I wasn’t supposed to. There was no doubt in my mind that the longer I stayed the more intense those feelings would grow and the more painful it would be when Alex decided it was time to move on.
