by Andy McNab
Jimmy nodded his thanks to the waitress as she wrote down our order and took it to the counter. We all went back to studying our menus, already stumped for conversation.
The girl rescued us a few minutes later by returning and plonking down two teas and a coffee for me. I pushed two antibiotic tablets through the foil of the card, which didn’t escape Carmen’s eye. ‘I’ve got a cold coming on,’ I said. ‘Just trying to knock it on the head.’
‘As long as you don’t knock it in my direction. I’ve only just got over one. Well, it was more flu, wasn’t it, Jimmy?’
Jimmy sparked up. ‘I think it’s just black-cab drivers, dear. Our one was a minicab.’
‘Well, they should have to do the test too.’ She turned and gave me a theatrical aside. ‘He’s going deaf, but he won’t admit it. I told him to see the doctor, but, oh, no . . .’
I swallowed the first pill with a sip of frothy coffee. I bet he was deaf. I would have been in his position. ‘There might be another letter coming to you,’ I said. ‘It’s not important, I can always come and pick it up after I’ve finished this work.’ I scooped a bit more of the froth from the top of the brew to help the pill down. There was no point putting this off any longer. It was time to cut to the chase. ‘Carmen and Jimmy, I’ve got some disappointing news. Kelly’s got to go back to the States tomorrow.’
‘But—’
‘I know, I know, but I’m going to be working for longer than I thought. Dr Hughes is already finding somebody in the States for Kelly, so that’s a good thing.’
‘Surely it’s not a good idea to chop and change—’
‘What I need,’ I cut across whatever she was going to say, ‘is for you to change her flight. Can you do that for her?’
‘Oh, but we haven’t got that sort of money.’ No problem was too small to escape Carmen’s radar.
‘If you just change it, I’ll pay any extras with my card, I’ll phone them with my details. It’s just I haven’t got time to do the organizing, and she has her ticket. I have to start work at twelve.’
‘How do we do that?’
‘Have you got a pen?’
She fished in her bag and I wrote, ‘London Heathrow to Baltimore American Airlines; Sunday 13th’, on a paper napkin.
‘That’s all they’ll need to know,’ I said. ‘Give them her ticket and they’ll do the rest. Just call American, the numbers are on the ticket. If they can’t do it, just book any airline to Baltimore for tomorrow. Any travel agent will do it for you. Tell them that once they’ve got a seat reserved I’ll phone in and get everything squared away.’
I was removing obstacles before Carmen could zero in on them, but she was still looking like she’d swallowed a wasp. ‘When are you going to tell her? It’ll upset her even more, you know, the poor mite.’
‘I know. In a minute.’
Almost unconsciously I checked the signal on the phone, and Carmen looked even more anxious. ‘Do you have to go?’
I was tempted to say yes and just bin her, but the Croatian coffee was good. And for all Carmen’s faults, Kelly loved her, which was why I’d posted the antibiotics for them in case there was a drama once Kelly had got away safely.
We all lifted our cups and drank in uncomfortable silence. Jimmy fidgeted with his spoon and Carmen looked at the traffic outside one moment and back at me the next, as if she was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words, which wasn’t a problem she normally had.
A minute or two later I was finished and went to dig out my wallet.
‘Oh, no, we’ll see to this – won’t we, Jimmy?’
I smiled. ‘Thanks. Well, I suppose we’d better—’
‘Nick?’ Carmen’s hand was on my arm. ‘There’s something I’d like to ask you. Before you go. In case, you know . . .’ She was still struggling.
Oh, fuck. Please don’t let them be asking for money.
‘I – well, we, Jimmy and I – there’s something we’d like to ask you. It’s about Kevin.’ She spent some time trying to clear her throat. ‘He never told us what he did, but we could guess. It was the same sort of job you do, wasn’t it?’
This was difficult. If Kev had chosen not to tell them, why should I? What the fuck. ‘Yes, sort of.’
‘It was for the government, wasn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
Carmen smiled, and Jimmy looked as if he was going to burst with pride. ‘We thought as much.’ Then her smile faded. ‘Nick, that’s why we worry so much. Look, we’ve had our differences, but we know that deep down you care for Kelly and want the best for her. We do know that, and we understand that you don’t have the sort of job you can say no to when they call you. It can’t be easy for you, trying to juggle all these things at once.’
I opened my mouth but Carmen hadn’t finished. ‘There’s something else, Nick. It’s embarrassing for us to say this because we’re her grandparents, but you see, well, the truth is we’re not really up to looking after her – not for more than a day or two at a time, anyway. We love her dearly, of course, but it’s just too much of a strain. We can’t bear to see her so unwell, needing a psychiatrist and so on. If anything happened to you and Josh, well, we just don’t think we could cope with her ourselves, and then what? And Kelly – what about her if something happens to you? I’m sure Josh would do his best, but how would Kelly survive, having to go through it all a second time? I know you think we’re just silly old fools, but we do worry. We worry about it all the time.’
It was my turn to look away. ‘I guess it’s not easy for any of us, eh? But things will get better. Kelly will start her treatment in the States, I’ll be with her again in two or three weeks. As soon as we can, we’ll come back over. It’ll be like none of this ever happened.’
She looked at me expectantly. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just stood up. They both smiled uncomfortably before Jimmy stammered, ‘We—we’re g-getting a black cab back, so he should know the way.’
I thought I’d leave them to it. ‘Tell you what, you two stay here and I’ll go and pick up Kelly, OK? It’ll give me a moment to talk to her. I’ll leave my bags.’ I got a smile from both of them as I turned and walked away, but with the exception of Kelly, I didn’t think I’d ever seen people look so lonely.
27
There was going to be no easy way to tell her. In the past I’d just have lied, but somehow I couldn’t do it any more.
I checked the signal again as I walked into the waiting room and sat down with a magazine. It wasn’t long before Kelly emerged with Dr Hughes. She said her short goodbyes to the doctor, thinking that she was going to see her on Tuesday. ‘Where’s Granny and Gramps?’
‘They’re having a cup of tea round the corner. Fancy one?’
We came out into the April sun and I psyched myself up – but Kelly got there first. ‘Nick, can I tell you something?’
‘Of course. Unless it’s something horrible about me.’
A smile flickered across her face, then a more serious look. ‘I want to tell you what Dr Hughes and I have been talking about. She’s so brilliant, Nick. I can tell her everything and it’s like she really understands. It’s like chilling out with Vronnie, only her advice makes sense.’
I took her hand and squeezed it. She probably thought it was because I was pleased with her or something. She looked up into my eyes. ‘The thing is, Nick, I’ve been, well, not all the time, but I’ve been making myself sick.’
I resisted the urge to look away. I didn’t want her to think I was disgusted with her, or that I already knew. If I was disgusted with anyone, it was myself. ‘Really? Why have you done that?’
‘Well, you know about my gymnastics, right? We get together and count each other’s ribs, and if they’re hard to count that means we’re too big. Vronnie’s in gymnastics too, and one day she pinched my side and got hold of some fat, and it just totally freaked me out. I made myself sick after dinner that night and it was horrible, but I did it again and it wasn’t too bad, and now it�
��s not that hard to do at all.’
I didn’t know how to respond. I just couldn’t believe the timing.
I felt like Carmen, struggling to find the right words. ‘Are you going to tell Granny and Gramps?’
She looked at the ground and shook her head. ‘I don’t think so, do you?’
‘Probably not. What about Josh?’
‘What do you think?’
‘I know you probably don’t want to, but he loves you and he’s really trying to help.’
‘Yeah, I suppose.’
And then I took a deep breath. ‘Kelly, I’ve got a drama . . .’ I felt her hand stiffen in mine. She knew what was coming. ‘I’ve got to go away. Yes, it’s work. I’ve thought about it, and I reckon it’s best that you go back early. Josh and everyone are back later today, so if you went tomorrow—’
She pulled her hand away. ‘But I’m due at Dr Hughes’s on Tuesday, right?’
‘I’ve told Dr Hughes, she knows you’re leaving tomorrow. I asked her not to say anything because I wanted to tell you myself. Look, you’re better off getting back to the States and starting with whoever she’s organizing to help you.’
‘But I want to come back on Tuesday.’ Her voice quavered. She stared at me, tears welling and just starting to fall down her face. ‘I want to see her, I need to see her, she’s the only one who—’
‘It’s better this way. You’ll just be starting with the person she recommends a little early.’
‘How am I supposed to get better when you keep doing this to me?’ She moved her head sadly from side to side. ‘You say you want to be with me, but you don’t. You don’t understand . . .’
‘Be fair – how can I get to understand if you don’t tell me what’s happening?’
Her tears had stopped and her body stopped moving. ‘But I have now, haven’t I? You’re still leaving.’
Shit, she had me on that one. ‘Look, going home now means you can start seeing another therapist all the sooner. We were only ever going to be here for a short while, and Dr Hughes has done well, hasn’t she? I mean, look what you’ve been able to talk about. Now we have a good base to work from back home. Isn’t that for the best?’
Bastard! The cell rang and Kelly put on her most sarcastic voice. ‘Hello, work calling. Hello, work calling.’
I hit the key, then rehashed it. Suzy was out on the street. ‘He’s called and we’ve a meet in an hour and forty-five.’
I put on a happy voice. ‘OK. I’ll call you back in a few minutes.’
Her voice was full of tension. ‘Do you understand? I’m leaving now for Starbucks. You need to be there – don’t let me down.’
‘Yes, I’ve got that. I’ll talk to you in a minute.’ I cut the phone and looked down at Kelly. ‘I know, I know. I’ve got to go in a minute. I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. I’ll call you later.’
We stood on the pavement outside the café. ‘Granny and Gramps are inside.’ I opened the door and we went in. Kelly took the conversation out of my hands. ‘Nick has to go to work now, don’t you, Nick?’
I looked down at her. ‘We’ll talk later about . . . you know, what we just talked about. OK?’
She nodded weakly as she accepted my hug. ‘OK.’
As soon as I was outside with my bags I got back on to the phone. ‘Suzy, pick me up, will you? I’ll meet you in Sloane Square, the bus stop outside WH Smith.’
‘Better be there.’
The phone went dead and I walked up to the square, still trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. But, then, I’d spent most of my life doing that, and wasn’t sure I’d ever won the argument.
28
Suzy was late. It shouldn’t have taken her so long. I was waiting against the Smith’s window with my shopping bags piled up at my feet, concentrating on the vehicles coming from my right on the one-way circuit round the square. While I looked out for Suzy, I took a mental note of every female driver of about her age, as well as the model of their car, its colour and registration number – anything to stop me thinking about Kelly.
I checked traser again and pulled out the moan-phone. ‘Where the fuck are you?’
‘Nearly there. Gimme two.’
I got out my own cell and dialled Josh, just in case they’d got back early. If so, I’d be waking the house – they were five hours behind. But all I got was his answerphone.
I spotted the Peugeot 206 first, a shiny silver thing straight from the showroom, then Suzy’s hair flying round as her head swung from side to side, looking for me. She saw me and swerved, her right hand on the wheel as her left changed down, and a cabbie hit his horn as he moved to avoid her. I stepped out on to the pavement and waved to her, then went back and gathered up my shopping.
I did a smily ‘Hello, how are you?’ as I opened the door and climbed in, dumping the bags in the back as she responded with her pleased-to-see-you routine.
‘Fucking traffic.’ She chewed hard on her gum. ‘We gotta get a move on.’
We nudged out into the flow, following the clockwise route round Sloane Square, and immediately had to stop at the lights. ‘Phone the boss, will you, Nick? Tell him what’s happening. I waited in case he wanted to talk to you.’
‘Can’t you do it?’
‘What – and break the law?’ She lifted both hands from the wheel. ‘Go on, you like him, really.’
I pulled out the moan-phone from the bumbag and dialled.
He answered with a gruff ‘What?’ The Yes Man had only wrong sides on his bed, and the moan-phone lived up to its name.
‘It’s Nick.’
‘Well?’
‘We’ve got a meet in just under an hour. We’re on our—’
‘Call me back when you’ve finished with him.’ The phone went dead.
‘There, you see?’ She shrugged her left shoulder and lifted a hand. ‘That didn’t hurt, did it?’
I didn’t answer, instead concentrated on putting the moan-phone back in the bumbag.
‘Just because I’m right. Anyway, what did he say?’
‘We’ve got to call back with a sit rep afterwards.’
She checked her watch. ‘I brought all the kit with me – there’s two ops bags in the back. I reckoned it’s better with us than back at the flat. Another blast from the past, eh?’
She was talking about the stuff that sat in the back of our cars when we went out on ops with the Det: a set of Gore-Tex, including boots, warm-weather kit, wellington boots, Mars bars rewrapped in clingfilm to cut down on noise, and a weapon. A lot of us chose the G3, a 7.62 assault rifle with a fixed butt so you could take good, sturdy, long-range shots, rather than collapsible stocks that tend to move about. It would have been my weapon of choice for this job, too, but the SDs in the boot would do just fine.
We left the square and headed east. Suzy nodded as we drove by Victoria station. ‘Look, they’re busy again.’ Parked at the roadside ahead of us were two unmarked police cars. The occupants looked nonchalant enough, but the sunlight glinted on the blue lights hidden behind their plastic radiator grilles.
I hit the radio and got a phone-in about post-conflict Iraq. Suzy powered down her window. ‘Were you in Gulf War One?’ She spat out the gum. ‘You know, with the Regiment?’
‘Yeah, looking for scud and stuff. It was the last time I wore NBC kit. Even then I wasn’t too sure what to do with it.’
The window got powered up and she laughed. ‘Come on, you know how to use this shit, don’t you? You want me to—’
‘I know – sort of. Not that it mattered much then. I reckoned that if I was in the middle of getting zapped with anthrax or whatever, trying to pull one of those things on was definitely shutting the stable door after the horse had bolted.’
‘But they work.’
‘Sure, but the fucking things also start to fall apart after a day. The only benefit I ever got from mine was that it kept me warm at night. But this time,’ I levelled my hand above my head, ‘I’m going to be up to here
in charcoal and rubber.’
Twenty minutes later we found a parking space in Smithfield. I pumped in enough coins to take the whole two hours on the meter while Suzy put my shopping bags with the rest of the kit and locked up. The congestion charge wasn’t a worry for us because the cover company paid a yearly fee, but getting towed away would ruin our day. Those guys just slap on a ticket and the tow truck is there in quick time. We both double-checked inside the Peugeot before moving off.
‘Same as before?’
She nodded, extracting some more gum from her bag, and I dialled her phone to check comms. She pushed the hands-free into her ear and I waved her goodbye with a smile as we passed Starbucks and she went inside. There were fifteen minutes to go until the RV.
The pub wasn’t as packed as last time. I got myself a Coke, and could hear the Starbucks espresso machine gurgling and gasping in my ear as I headed for a seat back from the window. Over the sound of soft violin music Suzy ordered two cappuccinos. A minute or so later she sparked up. ‘Hello, I’m facing the main door, half-way up on the left.’
‘That’s me in position too.’
With three or four minutes to go a familiar face came out of the station and turned left, towards me. ‘Hello, stand by, Navy is here, same jacket on jeans. Approaching Turnmill.’
‘OK, that’s great, I’ll see you soon, then.’
Navy crossed the junction and looked into the pub as he passed. At that moment, things got even more interesting. ‘Here we go, Suzy. Our man is out of the station, towards me, same raincoat, now on. Grey is behind him, still suede on jeans, crossing over the road. Both heading your way.’
‘Yep, got it, just seen Navy pass. See you soon.’
The source walked past the pub, doing a good job of blending in with the world around him.
‘They’ve just passed me.’
‘OK, I’ve got that.’ Suzy spoke as if she was chatting to her mum about the prices in Sainsbury’s. I could still hear the violin music, and also catch some loud Italian gobbing off over the counter as people ordered coffee. Then an edge of concern crept into her voice. ‘Why don’t you come and have your coffee now?’ Maybe she’d seen something.
