Into that monstrous aloneness, her new father had come. Though she remembered her terror of the huge, dark-skinned warrior, she had been given no choice. He’d swung her high on his horse and taken her to a new home. A home with so many people she could never be alone again.
“Far…village …”
No air. No hope. No family.
No, no, God, please no.
The swirling darkness came closer and faded to only the red eyes of the man who held her legs. The rest of the world faded to black, but those glowing eyes followed her.
Burning in the darkness like the eyes of Satan.
CHAPTER 6
Belle jerked away from Silas as if she’d been burned.
He wasn’t sure he wasn’t on fire himself.
His eyes went to that doorway and that gun aimed at him. Again.
Lindsay aimed that rifle at his chest as if he were wearing a big fat target that had been pinned on him for the sole purpose of collecting bullets.
Belle wrenched away from Silas, muttered, “What is happening to me?” and practically ran to the house, ignoring Silas and Lindsay. Then, in a slightly throaty voice, she called out, “Breakfast is ready.”
Silas could smell the eggs and biscuits. He had a long day ahead of him. He’d barely slept the night before. Now he decided without one split second of hesitation to start the day without eating. There was no force short of God Almighty Himself—coming down from heaven with a big stick—that was powerful enough to get him to go into that house and sit all cozy with the Wild Bunch.
He mumbled something about already having eaten and rode out to the steers without looking back, although his hair tingled with the feel of Lindsay and her fire iron drawing a bead on his backside. He was almost out of the yard when he finally heard the door swinging shut.
Just before it closed, he heard Lindsay say, “Ma! How could you—” The door slammed, and whatever else she said was cut off, which didn’t matter, because he was riding away so fast he couldn’t have heard anyway.
He rode into a lush canyon full of fat, lazy cattle, mostly lying down like the contented beasts they were. Belle had a knack for tending cattle; there was no denying that this all-girl crew was doing a good job.
Silas began hollering to wake the herd up, and as they rose he hazed the glossy herd of T Bar cattle toward the notch in the high side of the canyon where Belle had said they had to take the trail out. He admired the healthy animals as he stirred them from their sleep.
Belle had contrived a rickety fence and held them in a box canyon that seemed to have only one entrance. But on the far north side, a fissure cut into the looming cliffs surrounding the canyon.
Silas could see the rubble, some stones as big as a man, that had caved off that fissure over the years. He knew the trail up had been cleared by hand, and he knew, after listening to Belle and her girls at supper last night, that none of her husbands had done the backbreaking work.
Emma was the first of the girls to show up. She had the baby strapped on her back, and Silas had his hands full with not starting to scream. She set right to work without speaking to him. Lindsay was close behind. Then Belle came with Sarah.
No one had spoken; they’d just fallen to work, Sarah included, on a wiry little cow pony that she handled like an old puncher. Belle came and took the baby from Emma, but even carrying an infant on her back, she gave herself no quarter that Silas could see. Still, the sight of that baby and what lay ahead of Silas almost set him to screaming and running.
With his jaw tightly clenched, he kept working until he had all the steers on their feet. A good number of them had already finished filling their bellies with water from the pond that had been dammed up behind a creek. They were starting to crunch on the shoulder-high prairie grass. Silas had shooed them toward the back of the canyon.
Sarah rode straight for the high trail, pushing a few cattle along in front of her. That trail was so narrow and steep the cattle had to go up single file. The stretch wasn’t long but high and treacherous as anything they’d face. Sarah led the string of pack animals and spare mounts tied together on a long rope. That along with a few cattle she pushed left a marked trail for the herd. They liked none of it, but with Silas and the womenfolk punching, once the lazy things began moving, they were contented enough to go where they were told.
The cattle weren’t the only thing being hazed. Silas had been in a haze since Lindsay had broken up whatever madness was going on between him and his boss. He pushed himself harder, hoping to keep himself busy enough to forget those minutes alone with Belle.
With the girls working with him, they had the herd headed in the right direction in minutes. Sarah took the lead with the horses. The cattle trailed after her.
Belle took the drag, and taking his life in his hands, he rode up to her.
“Let me do this.” Every drover knew drag was the worst. Dirty, hot, slow, exhausting. It was a man’s job, and that was the long and short of it.
“I’ve got it.” Belle didn’t look him in the eye.
He wanted to argue. He was all set to argue. Then he saw the stubborn set of her jaw and gave up without a fight. “Fine, you take the first shift.”
“The boss rides drag. I don’t take shifts. Get back to work, unless you’re already tired of the hard labor.” She finally lifted that clenched jaw and looked him in the eye.
“Look, there were two people back there. It wasn’t only me—”
“You asking for your time already, Mr. Harden? I’d hoped you’d stick with us longer than midmorning the first day, but I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Narrowing his eyes, he thought maybe there was going to be a fight after all. “I’m staying.” He wheeled his horse and rode away before he had to share one more word with the stubborn woman.
Drag wasn’t too hard now, but when they got off grassland and the herd kicked up dust, it would be choking, bitter work. Silas let her stay, although his instinct was to take the worst spot himself. He’d relieve her later when the conditions were worse, and maybe she’d accept it as his duty to take a turn. On a normal cattle drive, everyone rode drag for a spell, but Belle and her prickly pride might make it hard for her to give up the job.
Besides, to take over he’d have to stay there and argue, and right now that was beyond him because he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t remember ever kissing anyone who made him lose his senses quite so thoroughly.
Silas shifted on the saddle and noticed a feisty longhorn with a rack almost six feet across trying to drop back behind the herd and return to the easy living of that valley. He spurred his horse toward the troublemaker, glad for a chance to keep busy dodging horns and hooves. The drive should have been demanding every ounce of his attention anyway. He got to work and firmly ignored the whole Tanner family.
He probably ought to be grateful he didn’t have to take a turn carrying the baby.
Wade pushed to make his trip to the line shack in record time. He couldn’t pull his mind away from Belle Tanner and that cattle drive.
Everyone who knew Belle knew she’d take her little girls along. Wade shuddered at the thought, remembering the times his father had forced him to do things beyond his ability and drive his horse even harder.
It was late in the day, and he wasn’t going to make the line shack tonight. First, Seth had been slow getting the supplies packed. Linscott seemed to stay in town for the pure pleasure of goading him. Wade finally got out of Divide, and a horse came up lame five miles down the trail. He had to go back and get a new critter. The sun had been high in the sky before Wade was laying tracks at a good clip.
As he crested a rise, still with many miles of rugged riding ahead into the wooded area that abutted Sawyer and Linscott land, a silhouetted figure came riding out of the setting sun.
Wade didn’t have to see a face to know who it was. Nobody sat a horse like his pa.
They rode toward each other on the narrow, heavily wooded mountain trail. Wade had the sen
se of a showdown. It wasn’t on Main Street at high noon, but the tension drummed in Wade’s ears at the sound of hoofbeats.
His father pulled to a stop, and Wade did the same. To pass each other on the trail would be a close thing. Wade had seen his father in Divide a time or two since he’d left the ranch, but they’d never been alone. All Wade could think was, if he rode on past, for a few paces, he’d be within striking distance.
Please, Lord, help me be a real man. Help me respond to my father with love and strength. I know only a pure miracle could make Pa love me, but can You somehow make him respect me just a bit? Or at least help me get out of here without a black eye?
Facing his father, he recognized the gunslinger eyes, even though to Wade’s knowledge his father had never killed anyone. Wade nodded a greeting.
“What are you doing out this way, boy?”
Wade thought of several evasive answers. Pa would hate that his son was working for Linscott, another big rancher. He’d hate that Wade was living with Red Dawson, working as a hired hand. He’d hate that Wade had plans to meet Belle Tanner along the trail and throw in as a drover.
The fact wasn’t lost on Wade that, no matter what he said right now, his father’s reaction would be to hate.
There was freedom in that, knowing that nothing would make his father happy. Happiness had to come from inside, from God. So since no answer was going to please the old goat, Wade told the simple truth. “I’m taking supplies to Linscott’s line shack. After that, I’m going to hunt up Belle Tanner’s cattle drive. She’s culling her herd and driving a bunch to Helena.”
Mort’s face darkened. His fists clenched on the reins, and his horse shook its head nervously and snorted, rattling the metal in its bridle. “You’ll be an errand boy for Linscott and work as a cowhand for a woman boss, but you won’t come home to take your place?”
Wade nodded. “That’s right, I won’t.” He had ten excuses, or rather reasons, the main one being he wasn’t going to put himself under a tyrant’s iron fist ever again. But his father had heard this before.
“I’m cutting you out of my will if you don’t come home and mind your responsibilities.”
Wade knew the ranch and cattle were worth a fortune, and he was working hard now, earning enough to get by with none to spare. But he couldn’t bring himself to give one whit about that fortune his pa dangled in front of him. “It’s your ranch to do with as you please.” Wade swallowed and forced himself to speak the truth. “You’ve always said you were ashamed of me. Well, I’ve finally done the growing up I needed to do. I can’t be a man with you ruling over me. And you don’t know how to be anything but a tyrant. So forget about me. Forget I’m your son. Cut me out of your will. I won’t take that land and those cattle and your money even if you do leave it to me.”
Wade had a softening of his heart as he said those words. Not because he was changing his mind, but because somewhere deep inside, buried in fear and even shadows of hatred, he still loved his father, still wanted his father’s respect. He cared enough to speak of what was important. “You know I’ve made my peace with God now. No more drinking, no more cards, no more looking for notches in my gun. I’m a man now that I can respect, even if you can’t. You’re getting older, Pa. You need to start coming in to Red’s church. You’re long past time preparing for the next life.”
Mort spurred his horse and rammed into Wade, nearly unseating him. “I don’t want to hear about what a weakling I’ve raised.”
Wade’s horse pranced sideways, nearly smashing Wade’s leg between the saddle and a stout oak. He had his hands full settling the startled animal.
“I want you back on the ranch.” Pa jabbed his finger like a knife aiming for Wade’s heart. “I want a son I can be proud of, not ashamed of.”
“I am a son you can be proud of.” Wade fought with his horse until he brought it under control. “If you’d stop and listen to me, you’d know that, but you’re too stiff-necked to admit it. If I come home, it’ll be more of the same bullying, just like what you’re doing now, just like what you’ve done all your life. I refuse to live like that. No man would put up with being knocked down and kicked, yelled at and insulted.”
Wade’s shoulders squared, and he said the awful ugly truth. “You hate me for leaving, but you hated me for staying, too. Admit it, Pa. You just plain hate me.” A piece of Wade died with that simple statement.
Then Wade thought of a bigger truth. “And it’s not just me. You hate everybody. What joy has all your money and land bought you? You’re the most miserable man I’ve ever known.”
“Why, you little whelp.” Mort guided his horse closer, his fist clenched and raised.
“You’re going to hit me, Pa?” Wade got ready to duck. He wasn’t having a fistfight with his pa, but he wasn’t going to stay still and let himself be beaten either. “Just for refusing to come home? Well, that’ll sure convince me I should come, won’t it?” Bitterly, Wade laughed at what a stubborn old coot his pa was. And what a fool Wade was for still loving him.
“I don’t have to do much to earn a beating from you, do I? I think you oughta know I’m ashamed you’re my father.” Not the loving words Wade had hoped to share with his pa. Not the gentle call to turn to God. “You’re a poor excuse for a man.” The anger poured out of Wade with such venom it surprised even him. “Once I started growing up, once I got to know what being a man really meant, once I found God, I knew you were someone to be ashamed of.”
Mort froze, his elbow bent, his fist drawn back.
God, I know it’s wrong to tell him I’m ashamed of him. I know I’m supposed to reach him with love. Forgive me. Make me wise and kind. Let my boldness be from You and for You.
His father, eyes blazing, lowered his arm. “I’m doing it. I’m changing my will. You’ll be penniless.”
Wade had already said his piece. He had only one thing left to add. “I love you, Pa. If you ever get to the day when you think you can love me back, I’d be obliged to try and get along. But I’ll never live on the ranch again, and I’ll wish whoever gets it after you die good luck. It’ll be broken up, I reckon. It’ll make good homes for a whole lotta people.”
Mort sneered and jerked the reins, guiding his horse past Wade without swinging a fist.
Wade looked after his father and felt the loss of a parent’s love. Even worse, the loss of a man’s soul. All of that burned like tears made of brimstone as Pa rode away without looking back.
Silas checked on the girls a thousand times throughout that first relentless day.
They were fine.
He couldn’t have helped them if they weren’t, because he didn’t have a moment to spare beyond seeing that they were still in the saddle and working. By the time they got the last steer driven out of the canyon, the whole herd had spread itself across the rugged, rocky plain, hunting succulent young plants that were a sad comedown from their rich grasslands. Silas didn’t think there was a single steer that hadn’t tried ten times to go back into that canyon, and he swore the critters were working together at times, one to distract him while ten made a break down the back trail for home.
There was no thought of a noontime meal; the cattle would have been back at the ranch by the time the coffee boiled. Silas ate hardtack and jerked beef that he’d packed in his saddlebag, and he saw the girls and Belle doing the same.
He saw Belle swing the baby around to the front from time to time and drop back slightly at drag to attend to Elizabeth’s diaper, or whatever else a baby needed.
Silas had kept a lot of space between him and the rest of the crew, but once in the late afternoon, when Silas was so tired he was beginning to forget why he had to avoid the other cowpunchers, a steer cut from the herd and ran within a few feet of Belle while she held the baby in front of her.
Belle, without hesitation, worked her cow pony to stop the steer.
Silas raced his horse over to her, and with a quick glance and nod at Belle so she knew he had things under control, he
hazed it back in the right direction. It was only after he had settled in a couple of hundred yards away from Belle that he thought about the way she’d handled her cow pony with one hand on the reins while she clutched Elizabeth to her chest with the other arm. His stomach dropped all the way down to below his belly when he realized Belle had held the baby just so to feed her.
Silas’s logical mind told him that, although he hadn’t thought of it, of course a woman fed her baby that way, and really it was more convenient than driving a milk cow along on the trail and taking time to milk her several times a day. But no amount of logic could stop his stomach from tap dancing around inside him. It was just too crazy a situation to grab ahold of. No one would ever believe it.
And with that thought, Silas knew he was a dead man.
Even if they all survived the trip without a scratch—which seemed unlikely—he was going to have to spend the rest of his life on the dodge against the chance that the other hard, lonely men who worked cattle in the West would hear he’d signed on for a drive with a baby, a breast-feeding mother, and three little girls. He was never going to be able to live it down.
As soon as they had the cattle safe in Helena, he’d just go ahead and shoot himself.
Silas watched Belle ride right up despite that kiss this morning and look him square in the eye.
Working like a dog and being ten steps beyond exhausted must help a woman get over things.
“I’ll take first watch,” she said. “The cattle will hold here because of the water.”
Exhaustion hadn’t been enough for him. He couldn’t look at her without remembering and wondering and wanting. “You go get some supper. I’m fine for a while.”
“No.” Belle shook her head. The boss, clear as could be. “I need time later seeing to Betsy. You go.”
Silas glanced at the camp and saw Lindsay and Sarah. Emma was riding a slow, wide circle around the thirsty cattle lining the narrow mountain stream. Belle had left Elizabeth with Lindsay, who already had a fire going.
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