by Amy DeMeritt
Even though I feel like I’m lying on a cloud and would love to stay in bed, I get up and go out to my kitchen to make something to eat. Typically, I try to sleep in a little later on a Saturday, but Alex is coming over early this morning to go to that flower market in town today.
I love when these farmer’s markets take over the city streets. It makes me feel like nature is temporarily reclaiming its land we stole from it to put up skyscrapers and paved streets full of traffic, smog, and people that are too busy to notice the occasional tree or bush that remains to try and remind us of our roots.
I don’t typically eat a very heavy breakfast, but today I feel like I need comfort food. I decide to make some maple chicken sausages and oatmeal pancakes with goat cheese, honey, and strawberries over top. After cooking, I go sit on my balcony to eat. It feels a little cool today and half the sky is perfectly clear and half the sky looks overcast. It looks like it might rain. We may not have much time to shop in the market today. I look around my bare balcony and frown. I was really hoping to be able to find enough plants today to turn this little space into a beautiful garden.
Just as I’m finishing with my hair, there’s a knock at my door, making me smile. I open the door and Alex smiles warmly. She’s wearing a pair of jeans with a soft comfortable looking light gray cardigan sweater with big ivory buttons and wide square pockets over a white fitted tee shirt. Over her shoulder she has slung a large canvas bag with a screen print of Venice. She looks really nice.
“Good morning. I really like your hair like that.” I smile and touch the left side of my head where I twisted the hair back in three strands to give a “faux shave” look to that side of the head while the rest is down. “Thank you.”
“So, I noticed on my way here that traffic and parking is already really bad. The market’s only a few blocks from here. Do you want to just walk?”
“It looks like it might rain today.”
“I thought you like the rain?” She’s smiling in an affectionate way that makes me feel happy and excited. “I love the rain. I’m fine with walking if you don’t mind getting caught in a sudden rain shower later.”
“Not at all, let’s go.”
I grab my backpack that I packed with my wallet, phone, and a couple bottles of water – I want my hands free today to explore and fill with plants for my balcony.
When we corner the first block, in the direction of the flower market, I can already smell the floral fragrance mixed with the scent of sweet baked goods and something spicy. I close my eyes and inhale deeply and smile.
“That smells really good.” Alex laughs and grabs my hand pulling me to a stop. “Jordan, you almost walked right into a parked car.” She laughs again as I shrug my shoulders. “Hey, I’m just trying to experience life with all my senses like you told me I need to.” She grins and turns to face me. “Ok, but let’s do it right. Here, put these on.” She pulls out a pair of sunglasses and hands them to me, which I promptly put on and smile. “Now, keep your eyes closed and I’ll guide you so that you don’t walk into parked cars or step out in front of any moving cars or whatever.”
Alex holds my hand as we walk down the street and she silently guides me with subtle squeezes of her hand on mine or gentle tugs to hold me back or pull me forward. She only speaks if she needs to tell me to step down or up a curb.
“This is terrifyingly exciting.” Alex laughs and pulls me closer to her just before I feel a person brush by me on my other side. “It’s weird how much louder everything is with my eyes closed. That car horn made me jump out of my skin.” Alex giggles a little, but doesn’t say anything for a while.
“One more block and we’ll be there.”
“I can tell we’re close; the scents are getting stronger and I can hear a lot of people moving around and talking.” I feel Alex’s thumb rub back and forth a few times across the top of my hand in an affectionate way and I smile.
Callie and I have done training like this in the ring, where we blindfold one another during a training session. The point was to try and build awareness of what’s around us and shorten our response time. That was extremely stressful and had my heart racing. Not being able to see where the punches were coming from and where they were aimed made me feel very vulnerable and helpless, and I cannot stand to feel like that, at all. I was absolutely terrible with that little experiment of Callie’s and refused to do it again. She still has me do that to her sometimes, and it has helped her a lot, but I just can’t get passed the fear to benefit from it at all. This is different though. While its terrifying in a sense not to be able to see, I feel oddly safe and comfortable with Alex’s hand in mine guiding me. I feel like I can actually open my senses and see what’s around me.
We walk passed a group of woman that sound like they are just standing still having a loud and excited conversation. They’re laughing and seem very happy. Their voices sound a bit mature, like maybe middle age or older, but the excitement and happiness in their voices is heavier on their tongues than their age. I wonder if I would have noticed to the same extent the level of their excitement if I could see them. I think I would have noticed more what I saw on the surface – how old are they, how are they dressed, are they attractive, all of these questions would have distracted me and I don’t think I would notice their actual emotions and interactions with each other.
“How are you doing, Jordan?” I smile and laugh a little bit. “Good. I miss being able to see, but not enough to open my eyes yet. I’m still able to resist that urge.”
“Good, because we’re here. Do you want to continue this experiment a little longer?”
“Sure, if you don’t mind being my eyes and keeping me from falling into a gutter or something.” Alex laughs and pulls me closer to her. “No, I don’t mind. Follow me, and try to stay close; it’s very crowded.”
Alex guides us through the thick crowd and I find myself saying excuse me a lot as we move between people and I bump into more than a handful of them. Alex pulls me to a stop and wraps an arm around my waist, holding me close. She takes my hand and extends it forward. I smile as my fingers brush across the surface of something damp and velvety. She guides my fingers across the velvety surface and then up over something hard and twisted with thin folds. My fingers glide over branches with something that feels like extremely tiny needles that prickle my skin.
“Do you know what plant this is?”
“I think the velvety stuff is moss, but I’m not sure of the rest of it. It feels like a miniature pine tree or something similar.”
“You’re close; it’s a bonsai tree.” I smile as the image in my mind is made complete by knowing what it is.
We take a step to the side and she repeats her gentle guiding hand, helping me see all of the beautiful plants with my hands. I’ve never experienced plants like this before. To feel them and smell them without being able to see them is amazing. There are just so many textures, scents, and shapes that I’ve never been able to fully appreciate.
After an hour of walking around listening to only the sounds of the large crowd shopping and the plant names from Alex, I hear the sound of a brass band cut through the chatter. I stop in my tracks and smile. I feel Alex step closer to me as I just stand in the middle of all the bustling people moving around us and bumping into us. After a minute, I feel Alex tug on my hand gently.
“Come on, I’ll get us closer to the band.” Alex guides us in and out of the crowd, and the closer we get, the louder the sharp raspy brass sounds become. My senses are suddenly overwhelmed as I try to focus on the sound of the music with the loud crowd pressing in on all sides, and the amazing scents of plants and food fills my nostrils. I stop again as my nose picks up the scent of something extra amazing. Alex laughs and presses in close again as a couple people bump into us, pushing us against each other.
“Jordan, you can’t keep stopping like that. There are too many people out here.”
“I’m sorry. Something smells amazing. What is that?”
“What does it smell like? We’re right in the middle of several different food vendors.”
“Like sweet cinnamon and vanilla.”
“Uh, let me see.” I feel her body turn from side to side before she pulls on my hand to follow her. “Come on, I think I see which one it is. Are you allergic to any nuts?”
“Nope.”
Alex pulls us over to a food cart and while we wait in line, I feel like I’m swooning from the intoxicatingly sweet and spicy smell. “Oh my god. It smells so good.” Alex laughs and let’s go of my hand. “Ok, don’t move. I’m just going to pay and then we can go sit for a little bit.”
“You can get the money out of my wallet if you want.”
“This will be my treat. Don’t move.”
Without Alex’s hand holding mine, I feel a slight panic as I stand here with people moving around me on all sides. The urge to open my eyes becomes almost too strong. Just as I’m about to open my eyes, I feel her hand clasp back around mine and she asks, “You ok?” I nod and smile. “Good, you looked like you were about to freak out.” I laugh. “Yeah, I almost lost the battle to keep my eyes closed.”
“Jordan, you can open your eyes whenever you want. Don’t let yourself panic. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable, then just open your eyes.”
“I feel safe when you’re holding my hand. It’s only because I couldn’t feel you that I started to panic.”
“Ok, well I’ve got you now.”
Alex guides us through the crowd and just before we sit, she takes my backpack off so I can sit down. Alex sits down close enough that I can feel her thigh pressed against mine. She takes my hand and opens it palm up and places something small and warm in my palm. I close my fingers around it and feel its texture. It feels like a candied pecan. I place it in my mouth, smile, and let out a small moan.
“Oh man, that’s so good. There’s so much vanilla flavor.” Alex moans her agreement. “Yeah, that is amazing. Here, try this one.” She hands me another and I feel my taste buds dance with delight. “That one is really good too. Cinnamon makes me feel warm inside.” Alex laughs. “Me too. Are you having fun?”
“I am. It’s weird that even though I don’t have my eyes open, I can still see so much. I think I’m ready to open them now though.”
“Hold on, not yet.” I smile and wait. Alex puts something in my hands and gently guides my hands to feel the shape and texture of a stem with some small delicate flowers. It feels like it’s probably very pretty. She lets go of my hand, gently takes the sunglasses off my face, and says, “Ok, now you can open your eyes.”
I slowly open my eyes and they take a few moments to adjust to the light. I look down at the bunch of little blue flowers in my hands and smile. “These are really pretty. What’s it called?”
“They’re called ‘forget-me-nots’.” I look up at her and she’s smiling at me in a very loving way. “Never, Alex.” She smiles wider and we just look into each other’s eyes for a minute smiling at each other.
“So, are you ready to actually see everything now?” I laugh and nod. “You did a pretty good job of helping me see everything already, but yes. And I want to get some of these for my balcony.” I hold up the little blue flowers and Alex smiles. “Ok, come on.” My smile spreads into a goofy cheesy grin when Alex takes my hand even though I’m no longer walking blindly through the very busy market.
It’s weird, I’ve always felt like I need to be this strong tough girl all the time because I hate to feel vulnerable or like I’m not in control, but with Alex, I feel like I can allow myself to be vulnerable or give control to her and it doesn’t scare me. I feel so safe with her. I don’t think I could have trusted anyone else to guide me around this crazy busy market like I just let her do for over an hour, even Callie who I thought I trusted implicitly.
While we walk through the thick crowd, I’m amazed at how I feel like I’ve already seen everything I’m looking at. Alex took me to nearly every booth showing me everything with my hands and sense of smell. I wonder if she has ever worked with the blind before.
Alex walks us over to a canopy covered table selling local honey and beeswax candles. She turns to me with a smile on her face. “I couldn’t bring you over here till you decided you were ready to open your eyes because I wanted you to be able see the bees.”
Sitting on a table just behind the table with their honey and candles is a Plexiglas covered beehive. There are hundreds if not thousands of little bees covering the honey combs.
“Wow, I can actually hear them buzzing over all the noise out here.” Alex smiles and nods. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear them when we walked by earlier, but I think that might be when the band started playing.”
“Hello ladies, can I offer you a sample?” A kind faced man that appears to be in his fifties walks over with a jar of honey and a jar of some mini popsicle sticks. Alex nods. “Yes, please.” He smiles and holds both out for us to take a stick and dip them into the honey. We both get a sampling and when I taste the honey, I feel like I’m in heaven. It’s so sweet and smooth. I eat quite a bit of raw local honey, and this is probably one of the best I’ve ever had.
“This is delicious. What pollens do your bees use to make this?” He smiles in a surprised way. “We have apricot trees, blueberry bushes, and alfalfa on the farm. We rotate them around the farm on a schedule so that they are collecting pollen from each source on a regular basis to try and create a complex flavor.”
“Well, whatever you’re doing is working. This is amazing. Can I have two jars please?” He carefully wraps the large glass jars in paper, and after I pay for them, I hand one to Alex. She smiles and carefully takes the jar. “Thank you.”
We walk around the market for another hour looking at everything before we decide on what plants to buy for my balcony. There’s just so much to look at that I have a hard time deciding on anything. All I end up getting is two hanging baskets of the blue forget-me-nots. I really do love these little flowers. They make me smile and feel happy inside when I look at them. I also can’t help but think of Alex when I see them.
As we start walking back to my place, it starts to rain. It starts as a light sprinkle, but then quickly turns into monsoon-like drenching rains. We look at each other and laugh. I grab her hand and we start running down the street. We dodge in and out of people and around puddles that are quickly forming on the sidewalks and between blocks in the streets. By the time we reach the steps to my apartment building, we’re completely soaked. Thankfully, the flowers survived the downpour. We both pour ourselves inside the building laughing.
“Well, I guess you got the rain you wanted.” I smile and nod. “Thankfully, it held out till we were done. Come on, let’s get into something dry.”
We clomp up to my apartment with squishing wet feet. When we get inside, Alex stops just inside the door and doesn’t follow me any further. I look back at her and laugh. “What are you doing?” She smiles and points to her feet where a puddle is starting to form. “I don’t want to track water all through your apartment.” I laugh and put my backpack and forget-me-not down on the kitchen counter. “OK, let me change really quick and I’ll bring you some dry clothes to change into.” I take her bag and the other forget-me-not from her hands and place them on the counter before disappearing to change and find something for Alex to change into.
When I come back out, Alex is slightly shivering, but smiles when she sees me coming with a big fluffy cotton towel and some clothes for her. I put them down on the small table by the door and turn to walk away. “I’ll give you some privacy to change since you won’t move from that spot.” Alex smiles and nods once. “Thank you.”
I go to the bathroom to pee and hang up my wet clothes. They’re so saturated that they’re dripping loudly on my ceramic tub. There’s no way these are going to dry without mildewing; they’re just too wet. Just as I’m taking the clothes back down so I can toss them in the dryer, Alex is peeking her head around the doorway with her wet clothes
cradled in the towel I brought her.
“Hey, I’m just going to toss everything in the dryer. I think they’re too wet to hang dry. Are your clothes ok to go in the dryer?” She nods and follows me out to the hallway. It’s an odd place for it, but there is a closet just outside my kitchen with a stacked washer and dryer. I won’t complain though; it’s rare to find an apartment with a washer and dryer in the unit.
After I turn the dryer on, I look at Alex and smile. I gave her a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt and she looks adorable in them. The sweat pants are black with red boxing gloves on the left upper thigh with “BOXER” in red going down the length of the thigh. The tee shirt is just a plain white tee shirt, which I notice now was probably the wrong color to give her. Alex took her bra off because it was soaked through and her nipples are slightly hard pressing through the thin fabric. She doesn’t seem concerned about it though and isn’t trying to hide herself or blushing at all.
“Are you hungry? I can cook something or we can get Chinese from downstairs. Their food is pretty good.”
“Chinese sounds good.”
I smile and go to the kitchen to get the menu off of the fridge. We go sit on the couch while Alex looks it over.
“There’s so much on this menu. What do you typically order?” She slides over closer to me and holds the menu between us. “Uh, I don’t order out too often, but I really like their Peking Duck – it’s delicious. They also have a vegetable stir fry over rice that’s amazing.”
“Are those enough for us to split?”
“Oh, definitely. They’re very generous with their portions.”
“Ok, can we get those?”
“Sure. Would you like a drink while we wait?”
