by Amy DeMeritt
“Wow, that’s amazing. But I think you are the bit of magic that keeps bringing patients back from the darkness.” Alex smiles and blushes a little. “He’s not talking and can’t move anything except his eyes and a couple fingers, but he’s definitely aware of us and can understand commands. He just can’t move much. He still may not make it, but breaking out of the coma is really good progress.”
“I really hope he pulls through. What a terrible way to go, you survive a fall like that, survive a coma for two months, and wake up just to die.” Alex frowns and looks in my eyes. “If you couldn’t come back, would you have preferred to stay dead in your coma state or wake up first, even if just for a couple minutes?”
“Hmm, I haven’t thought about that. I retract my previous statement. If I was definitely going to die no matter what, then I definitely would want to wake up first, even if just for a few minutes, so that I could at least tell you I love you before I left this world.”
“You would use your dying breath to tell me you love me?” I smile and nod. “Of course. I used my dying breath to call out your name – you just couldn’t hear me.” Alex sets her salad down, presses her soft cool palm against my cheek, and pulls me into a kiss so beautiful and full of love that I feel my eyes mist up.
When she pulls back, Alex’s eyes are glistening with moisture and she has her signature affectionate smile on her face. “I’m really glad you came to have lunch with me today. Remember when you told me I am your yin to your yang?” I smile and nod. “Well, I think about that every time we’re together. I feel like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically you are my other half. I feel like when we come together, this more perfect creation is formed.” My already huge smile impossibly increases its span across my face. I’m only able to tug my cheeks down a moment to kiss her lips.
It never fails to amaze me how both of us seem to always be on the same wavelength. Since the moment she became my nurse, we have been uniting in this perfect beautiful way and the bond only gets stronger with each passing breath that escapes our lips.
“Not a single one of God’s angels could compete with the magic that is us.” Alex’s smile seems to try and compete with mine a moment before she asks, “What’s your favorite part of me?” I laugh a little. “Don’t you know?” She grins and shrugs a shoulder. “I know you are obsessed with my eyes and you love my mind.” She lowers her voice and puts on a cute grin before saying, “And I know you really love my boobs.” I laugh and nod. “Yes, I do love all of those things, but when I look at you, I don’t see individual parts. I see one perfect being that I would neither take away from nor add to. So, my favorite part of you is you.”
“I love that when you speak to me I can see the depth of your sincerity in your eyes. I’ve never met someone so honest and forthright as you. I’m never guessing if what you are saying is really how you think and feel.”
“And I love that I can be that way with you. You don’t judge me or belittle me for my thoughts and feelings. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You are an enigma compared to the typical human. Extraordinary, magnificent, grandiose, and majestic are all grand words but still fail to describe you.” Alex giggles and blushes a little bit. “This has turned out to be a very ‘grandiose’ lunch conversation. I wish I didn’t have to go back to work. I’m really enjoying you doting on me so much. I wish we were curled up on the couch having this conversation with some Liszt or Chopin playing in the background.” She closes her eyes for a moment and smiles. When she opens her eyes, her smile widens slightly. “Was it beautiful?” She nods. “Very. My parents asked if we could come to dinner this weekend. Do you already have something else in mind or can we go?”
“Yeah, we can go. I do have some plans for us tonight though.”
“Oh yeah? What are we doing?” I laugh and shake my head. “It’s a surprise. But you should plan to spend the night.” She grins and scans my body before looking back in my eyes. “Ok. Oh, I heard on the radio this morning that the Gallows Arboretum is having a sound and light show throughout the gardens for the next couple weeks. It sounds really cool. It’s at night and they’re going to project lights and images onto the plants to the beat of music. The ticket includes a day pass as well. Can we go?”
“Yeah, that sounds neat. We can make a whole day of it.”
The Gallows is an old slave plantation that the state’s historical society converted into an arboretum with beautiful indoor gardens about twenty years ago. There was a huge debate about what to do with the property when it started to fall into ruins. They held public forums and they let the people vote on one of three options they had narrowed down. The other two options were restoring it to its original condition and turning it into a museum or selling it to an investment firm that wanted to restore it and turn it into a club house and golf course. I’m so glad the gardens won over the other two options because the place is absolutely gorgeous.
Alex took me there for my first-time last month and it was a very beautiful day. There are huge open fields surrounding the large estate building with skyscraping ancient trees all over the place. After we went through the gardens, we had a picnic under a tall strong oak tree. We sat out there for hours talking and laughing. At one point, a curious hungry mallard duck waddled over to us from a nearby pond and we fed him some left over crackers from our picnic. When we didn’t have any crackers left, he waddled back over to the pond. It was funny.
It’s hard to believe that such a beautiful place has such an ugly history. I think its history is one reason the place is so beautiful though. While some people view it as trying to hide the past, I view it as choosing to rise above the past. Turning that place into something beautiful just feels strong and courageous to me. I think turning it into a museum would have just been disrespectful to those that suffered there. We don’t put our loved ones in Plexiglas on display when they pass. We place them into the bosom of Mother Nature and then place beautiful flowers over them to honor them. I feel like that is what they did when they converted the plantation into a garden – it honored those souls and said they are worth more than the horror they endured. They are worth the beauty that now thrives there. And the many visitors that go to enjoy the gardens are, in a sense, paying homage to the souls of the estates past.
“Ok, maybe we can go tomorrow and do dinner with my parents on Sunday?”
“Sounds perfect. Should we bring a dessert or anything to your parents?”
“Mom asked if we can bring that Italian cake you made last time. They really liked that a lot.”
“Ok, I’ll need to go to the store to get ingredients. Maybe we can go tomorrow morning before we go to the Gallows. If we don’t have time tomorrow, I’ll run out Sunday morning.”
“Tomorrow should be fine.” She looks at her watch. “I guess I should get back to work. Thank you again for coming to see me.”
“Ok, I’ll see you again soon.” She smiles and stands up pulling me up with her “Please be careful driving back to work. Let me know when you make it back?” I nod. “I will.” Alex kisses me and I walk her back inside. She hugs me one last time and we both exchange an “I love you” before she walks away.
Just as Alex is about to turn the corner, she looks back at me with a smile and waves. As soon as she’s around the corner, I text Callie.
Me: Bring them in – please!
Within a couple minutes, Callie and my parents are rushing through the door with a cart loaded with gardenia plants and Dr. Hamlin and Daria are close by holding a couple extra plants that didn’t fit on the cart. Dr. Hamlin and Daria are smiling in a conspiratorial way and it makes me laugh. They all help me line the walkway and the top of the fountain wall with gardenia plants and then I set a couple Bluetooth speakers around so they’re primed for the perfect moment to start playing Love Dream by Liszt.
Right about now, Alex should be arriving at her nurse’s station to find a very large beautiful pot of blue forget-me-nots with a note that reads, “From thenc
e you just came, make hast to return.” Alex loves old English writers and Shakespeare so I thought I’d try my hand in that style. I laughed when I wrote the card, but the words seemed perfect in a silly love-sick way.
My mom gives me a big hug and kiss and hops away clasping her hands together like a giddy little school girl. I watch them all go across to the far side of the commons and tuck behind a corner where Alex won’t see them, but they’ll see her. I stand behind a nearby pillar and wait.
A couple minutes later, I hear quick steps approaching and peek out from behind the pillar and see Alex quickly walking to the door to the garden with a big smile on her face. As soon as her hand touches the handle, I press play on my phone so the music will fill the garden. I hear her gasp and I quickly walk out from behind my blind and walk outside behind her. Alex is walking around the garden with her arms extended as if she’s floating. She glides her hands over the gardenia on the fountain wall and bends down to smell them.
When she turns, her smile widens and her eyes are glistening as if she’s on the verge of full blown tears. “Jordan, what is all this?”
“I was just thinking what a shame it was that while I was here, I never had the chance to dance with you.” Alex giggles and presses her hand to her mouth as if trying to suppress the geyser of emotion threatening to erupt from her. I pull her forward and we start dancing around the garden together. Alex smiles and gently presses her lips against mine, before asking, “You arranged having lunch with me today, the forget-me-nots, a garden full of gardenia, and Love Dream, just to dance with me?”
“No, not just to dance with you, but I think dancing with you is a good enough reason.” Alex pulls us to a stop and is biting her bottom lip with an anxious excited smile. “Alex, I won’t say I can’t imagine life without you, because I know what that life was like and I know now I wasn’t really living. It took losing my life to gain the life I was meant to live with you. You once asked me if I could be any animal what I would be and I picked an eagle so I could soar above the world and see everything. Do you remember what you told me about eagles?”
“Yes, I remember.” Alex’s cheeks and lips slightly tremble with emotion as she smiles and bites her bottom lip, while slightly bouncing on her feet.
I get down on one knee and Alex presses her hand against her mouth again and lets out a small happy laugh and sob sound. I pull out a little black velvet box and open the lid to her. She gasps. I had the ring specially made for her and I’m very happy with how it turned out. Even with as intricate as the design is, it came out very delicate and feminine.
“Alexis Morgan Shaw, will you soar above the world with me for the rest of our days? Will you continue with me in sharing of ourselves and uniting as one as we have been doing since I was reborn into your arms? Will you continue to discover with me the extraordinary in even the simplest of moments? Will you be my forever companion on the many journeys and adventures of life? Alex, will you marry me?”
Alex breaks down in happy tears and kneels down wrapping her arms around me.
“Yes, I’ll marry you. Jordan, I love you so much.” After a couple moments, she pulls back and let’s go of me so I can present her with the ring. “Jordan, this is so beautiful. This is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. How did you find this?”
“I actually designed it and had it specially made for you. Good thing you said yes.” I smile and she laughs in a happy way. I pull the ring out and point to the sides. “The band is symbolic of the unseen, but unbreakable threads that I imagine connecting your heart to mine. They form a delicate beautiful braid like strong tree roots that grow deep into the earth so the storms can’t tear the tree down. These small diamonds on the sides, at the top of the roots, are you and me. The center is a gardenia, our symbol of love, strength, and dreams. And wrapped in the gardenias delicate loving embrace is you and I united forever. I chose round cut diamonds because they symbolize eternal love, abiding hearts, and enduring strength.” I turn the ring over and point inside to a small gold plate under the center diamond. “Engraved inside is the Chinese symbol for yin and yang to represent the perfect balance that is us when we are together.”
“Jordan, that is so beautiful. The thought and love you put into this, it’s perfect.” Alex wipes tears from her eyes and presses her lips against mine holding them there for several moments. When she pulls back, she lets me slip the ring on her finger and I’m ecstatic to see it fits perfectly. I had to guess her ring size.
Alex pulls me into a kiss, and a couple moments later, I hear clapping behind us. Alex pulls back and looks over her shoulder and starts laughing and crying harder. Katie, Sonya, Daria, Dr. Hamlin, Dr. Sharif, Callie, and my parents are all standing inside the door to the garden watching and clapping. A few of them, including Callie, have their phones out and are recording the moment and snapping photos. Alex turns back around and pulls me into another intense, beautiful kiss.
After a few moments, Alex pulls back smiling. “Jordan, I love you so much. Can we honeymoon in Hong Kong?”
“I love you too, Alex. And yes, we are definitely going to Hong Kong. And for each anniversary after, we’ll pick a new place. By the time we’re old and gray, we’ll have traveled the whole globe together.”
About the Author
Amy DeMeritt is a lesbian romance author and poet. Check out her other published works. Love Triumphs Pain is a young adult coming of age romance, She Became My Water is a romance of two women that find love and healing in each other from past loses, and Poems to Sketches is a book of poetry guided sketching exercises.
You can also follow Amy on Twitter @Amy_DeMeritt and check out her website www.AmyDeMeritt.com for news on upcoming novels and blog posts.
Next project:
Keeper of My Heart, will be released soon.
Everyone does stupid, selfish things, but learning how to forgive yourself for doing something so against your character that you disgust yourself can be harder than trying to mend a heart broken by the love of your life.
Four years ago, Riley was only an intern at the zoo she is a keeper at now. She fell in love with her mentor, and after a three-year relationship, her heart was left broken. She vowed never to allow love into her heart again and she coped in ways that would only send her spiraling down the self-loathing whirlpool.
A year later, the tables have turned. Riley is now the mentor and has to take on an intern. With one smile from a sweet innocent face, Riley’s resolve to never love again starts to crumble. While learning how to love again, and forgive herself for her indiscretions, Riley has to find closure with her past so she can move on and finally be happy.
