by Ashley Jade
Then again, that’s part of the appeal. It’s the one place on campus that isn’t bustling with students and obnoxious people talking over each other.
The one place I can hear my own thoughts when the world gets too loud.
“My fiancé, Stone, told me about this place last semester,” I continue. “He suggested we eat lunch out here because he’s not too fond of being around people.”
Which is strange, I’m now realizing because he’s going to be a doctor. Interacting with humans is kind of a requirement.
“His schedule changed this semester though, so we don’t see each other as much as we used to,” I explain. “He’s in the premed program. Things are kind of hectic for him.”
That turmoil is back in his eyes when I look at my new friend again, but he remains silent.
Weird.
I fiddle with my engagement ring. “I’m supposed to be getting married in August.” I mentally kick myself when I catch my blunder. “I mean, I am getting married in August.”
August eighteenth to be exact.
Exactly two years after my accident.
Stone picked the date. He said we should turn a tragedy into something positive since it brought us together.
The guy looks at me then, studying me intently. I have no idea what he sees, but it has him frowning before he peels his gaze away and focuses on the lake.
“Are you married?” I ask but then realize that’s a stupid question because he can’t be much older than I am and he’s not wearing a wedding ring.
Keeping his eyes trained on the lake, he shakes his head.
“I never planned on getting married so young,” I confess because for some strange reason I’m unable to keep my mouth shut.
“Actually,” I amend. “I’m not really sure what my plans were because I was in a car accident and I have something called retrograde amnesia.”
Beside me, he stiffens.
“I know,” I carry on. “It sounds like a big deal, but—I don’t know. I think it was a blessing because the old me was a really shitty, awful person.”
“What makes you say that?” he utters unexpectedly. “If you can’t remember who you were, how do you know what kind of person you used to be or what might have shaped you to be that way?”
I think about this for a moment and realize he would be right.
If it weren’t for the few glimpses of my former self I’ve had.
“Well, they don’t happen often, but sometimes I get these little memory flashback things. Bits and pieces of who I was…but not enough to form a whole picture.”
Just enough to tell me I was a horrible human being.
“It’s kind of like a puzzle,” I whisper. “A broken puzzle with tons of missing pieces.”
Which means there’s no way I’ll ever be whole again.
It’s something that should bother me, but I’ve learned to come to terms with it.
I have a great life with some wonderful people in my corner.
Two brothers who love me, a father who’s trying to be a better parent, Dylan and Sawyer who feel more like sisters than friends…
And a fiancé who loves me more than the air he breathes.
But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a small part of me that feels like something major is missing.
A vital piece of my heart that’s gone for good.
And if I’m really being honest with myself…I’m scared shitless I’ll never find it again.
I flush with embarrassment when a tear rolls down my cheek.
I don’t even know why I’m being so dramatic and crying right now. Hell, if anything I should be saying all this to my psychiatrist Dr. Wilson instead of some random guy.
But I won’t.
Being a psych major myself, I know the inner workings of things. And whenever I’m truly honest, you can bet he’s writing something important down on his paper. Like assessments and diagnosis.
Either way, his judgments will have an impact on my life.
Because it will label me.
Talking to a stranger candidly like this feels safe…because even if he’s judging me, I doubt I’ll ever see him again, so what I tell him doesn’t matter.
“I don’t know why I’m so sad,” I choke out as another tear makes its way down my cheek. “All I know is something feels wrong.”
Like my universe is out of balance.
His blue eyes fill with worry as he turns to face me. “Bianca—”
My chest caves in.
Not only does the stranger know my name, he says it like it has a deeper meaning to him…
As if he knows me.
However, I can’t focus on that, because someone is shouting a slew of obscenities behind us.
Less than a second later, my brother Jace comes into view, looking like he’s ready to tear someone’s head off.
I’m not sure why, but his angry glare is directed at the guy sitting on the bench with me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
For a second I think he’s talking to me because why in the world would Jace be so livid with some random guy.
Gaping at him, I get off the bench. “Eating lunch—”
“You have two seconds to get the fuck away from her or I’ll beat your face in right here, right fucking now.”
Good Lord. Why the hell is Jace acting like such a psychopath?
The guy on the bench should be scared—my brothers are terrifying—but he merely stands up and says, “I’m leaving. And just so we’re clear, I didn’t intentionally go out of my way to find her. It just happened.”
He’s not wrong. That’s exactly what occurred.
However, I don’t see what the big deal is about us having a freaking conversation.
“What’s going on?”
“Right,” Jace scoffs, ignoring me. “You seriously expect me to believe that?” He gets close to his face. “I know you, motherfucker.”
That’s news to me. “Well, would someone mind filling me in because—”
“Then you know I didn’t say shit,” my new friend bites out. “We were just—”
“Stop it, Jace,” Dylan screams before she starts running down the hill.
“No,” Jace roars. “The asshole just couldn’t stay away from her.”
I’m getting really tired of him talking about me like I don’t exist.
But even more tired of not knowing why he’s so riled up.
I don’t miss the way Dylan’s eyes do a quick sweep of the guy when she reaches us. “What are you doing here, Oakley? And why are you dressed like that?”
Oakley?
I briefly recall Cole telling me he used to have a friend named Oakley, but that was all he ever said.
“My dad got me a job as a janitor,” the guy—whose name is apparently Oakley—answers.
“Oh. That’s go—” Her face pales when she catches her boyfriend’s furious expression. “Shit.”
I blink in confusion. How the heck do they know each other?
“You guys know—”
“What the fuck is this?” someone who sounds a lot like Cole shouts.
Holy shit. For an area that’s usually serene, it seems awfully overpopulated with my irate family members.
“I caught him talking to Bianca,” Jace explains.
Cole’s eyes narrow into tiny slits. “You motherfucker—”
“Everyone, stop,” I shout because I honestly can’t take it anymore. “What is going on? Why is everyone so mad?” I peer up at the guy who looks like he wants nothing more than to escape this shit show, and quite frankly, I can’t blame him. “How do you know my name?”
Oakley opens his mouth to speak, but Jace beats him to it.
“Say one word, asshole, and I’ll lay you the fuck out.” His eyes narrow into tiny slits as he shoves him. “She’s happy now. And the last thing she needs is you coming back to fuck up her life again, so you better stay the hell away.”
Fuck up my life again? What does t
hat mean?
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Oakley holds up his hands. “Despite what you think, I’m not here to stir up any shit or cause problems.”
“Then leave,” Cole chimes in. “Now.”
“No,” I protest when he starts walking away. “Who are you?”
The look he gives me makes my heart clench. “No one.”
And then he’s gone…trekking up the hill that leads back to campus.
While I’m left trying to figure out why the dull, uneasy ache is back in my chest.
And why it disappeared when he was here.
“Someone better start talking,” I tell them. “Right now.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jace says. “It’s taken care of.”
If that was the case, this unsettling feeling wouldn’t be burrowing in my gut.
I look at Cole because I want to make sure I have the few facts I know straight. “You once said you had a friend named Oakley. Was that him?”
Cole’s jaw works. “Yeah.”
My gaze bounces between my brothers. “Then why do you two hate him so much?”
They stay silent…which pisses me off.
I look at Dylan next because she’s always been honest. “Dylan?”
I can tell she wants to cave, but the death glare Jace shoots her has her mouth clamping shut.
“Fine,” I say. “If no one is going to tell me what’s going on, I’ll just find him and ask—”
“Bianca,” Jace starts to argue as I walk away, but I’ve had enough.
“Screw you,” I scream. “One second I was eating lunch while talking to a nice, innocent guy and the next you attacked him like a crazy person yet refuse to tell me why.” Frustration rises in my throat. “You guys are clearly keeping something from me—”
“He’s not a nice, innocent guy, Bianca,” Jace seethes. “He’s the piece of shit who drove drunk and high with you in the car and almost killed you.”
Chapter 5
Oakley
Right break, left clutch—I remind myself as I straddle the Harley and stick a helmet on my head.
It’s been a while since I’ve ridden one, but it’s not long before it all comes back to me and I’m cruising down the highway.
I had no intention of ever driving again, but it turns out my dad was right the other day…the buses don’t run past seven in this town.
Given my shift ends at eight and the walk home to my new apartment is over two hours…I had to come up with a good solution that didn’t involve putting other people’s safety in jeopardy.
Just mine.
Fortunately, my dad’s favorite hobby was the answer.
Before he married Crystal, he was a big motorcycle fanatic who used to take his Harley out every weekend.
Hell, he loved his baby so much he taught me how to drive a bike well before he taught me how to drive a car. Therefore, asking to borrow one of his Harley’s was a no brainer.
The way I see it, if I crash into someone while I’m riding a motorcycle, the only person I’ll potentially kill is myself.
Ergo, it’s the perfect resolution.
Too bad I can’t seem to figure out one for how to deal with the Covingtons.
Or how to help her.
Jace says Bianca’s happy now…but she didn’t look very happy the other day.
Then again, her new life is none of my business.
Because it’s not my ring on her finger.
It’s his.
My chest coils as I speed down the highway, heading toward the campus.
She might love him now…
But she loved me first.
Even when I hated her.
Past…
Baby shower.
Showers for babies.
So fucking stupid. What kind of baby needs a shower when they aren’t even born yet?
A surge of pain permeates my chest.
A baby that isn’t mine.
Stumbling out of my car, I feel around my pockets for my house key but come up empty.
Fuck it. I’ll break a window and tell Mr. Covington a bird flew into it.
How could I ever love you? You’re such a screwup.
Crystal’s last words to me infiltrate my head.
Fuck that whore.
I loved her. Gave her everything I had left to give, but it wasn’t good enough.
She used me.
Then left me.
Just like my mother.
Frustrated, I pound my fist on the front door of the guesthouse, the world around me spinning like my own personal cyclone of hell.
Every woman I love ends up betraying me.
And I have no one to blame but myself.
I turn the knob, surprised when it opens. I must have forgotten to lock it when I left.
Staggering inside my apartment, I dump the contents of my pockets onto my kitchen table.
A lighter, my favorite orange bowl, a bag of Mary J—the only bitch I can trust—and some pills.
Without a second thought, I pop one in my mouth and swallow.
It’s only ecstasy so it’s not enough to fuck me up the way I need right now, but it will do.
Anything to take the pain away.
Anything to get me back inside my safe room.
The place where everything is all Gucci, baby.
The place where my demons can’t find me because I locked the door and threw away the motherfucking key.
It’s only then I notice a small figure buried underneath the covers on my bed.
I scan my brain, wondering when I invited Morgan to come play, but I honestly can’t recall.
Half a bottle of Jack and some E will do that to you.
I undo my belt and step out of my jeans, fisting my dick through my boxers.
“Hey, boo,” I greet her as I slide into my bed.
She doesn’t respond, but it’s okay.
I know a great way to wake her and my cock up.
Closing my eyes, I drape my arm over her body and cup one of her tits.
They’re firmer and bigger than I remember. Shit.
It’s not Morgan…
It’s Hayley.
The only girl in my life who didn’t leave me.
Because she didn’t have the chance. I kicked her the fuck out before she could.
But every so often—on nights where I’m really fucked-up—I rope her back in just to remind myself how my life could have turned out.
That I could have had a sweet girl.
That I could have been a good boy…
Just like my mom told me to be before she left me forever.
Groaning, I roll on top of her.
I need to get lost inside her so I can forget myself.
Her skin is so soft and creamy. A sweet apple scent invades my nostrils as I kiss down her neck.
She smells different—my brain registers, but I don’t care.
With the way I’m feeling, I’m liable to fuck the seventy-year-old lady who sells me my black and milds at the gas station.
She utters a low moan, her chest heaving as her hips buck against my cock.
Hayley’s not usually so forward, but I’m glad she’s not scared to take what she wants.
That makes two of us.
I tease one of her nipples through her bra.
Arching her back, she digs her nails into the back of my scalp.
Christ. That’s what I’m talking about.
I trail my tongue along her cleavage. “You’re giving me that ass tonight.” I bite the top of her tit. “You hear me?”
She freezes and the disappointment in my chest feels like a brick.
There’s no doubt in my mind it’s Hayley now.
My innocent angel.
It took me almost six months of dating her exclusively before she gave it up…but I liked the chase.
However, things turned stale between us shortly after I took her virginity, and it became apparent we were on completely different playing fields.
S
he wanted it sweet and gentle while I…
Wanted to fuck.
Show her my scars.
But Hayley wasn’t interested in seeing them.
No one is.
Everyone in my life just wants the funny jokester who’s always there to make them feel better.
And I do it without protest…because I don’t want the people I give a shit about to abandon me.
Giving Hayley what she wants, I squeeze her tits gently even though I really want to flip her over, grab her hair, and feed her ass my dick from behind.
Make her bleed for me.
Burn her from the inside out so I leave my mark.
Ensure she’ll never forget me.
“More,” she rasps, her voice huskier and needier than I’ve ever heard it before.
I work my way up her body and crash my mouth against hers as she wraps those long legs around me.
Only they don’t seem quite as long as I remember.
The thought alone should be enough to stop me, but the way she’s kissing me…
Jesus fucking Christ.
This girl can’t get enough. It’s like she’s sucking my damn soul into her body.
The moment she nibbles my lower lip, whatever thread I was hanging on to snaps.
Our kiss turns messy and I shove my tongue inside her mouth, devouring her.
My hand goes to her throat, threatening to squeeze. “Turn around and spread that pussy so I can eat you.”
She opens her mouth, but I shove my tongue inside again, giving myself one more taste.
Her greedy tongue meets mine thrust for thrust, fighting for control.
She’s so different tonight—wicked, even, but I fucking love it.
Hell, I’m so hard right now I’m surprised my cock piercing doesn’t shoot across the room like a slingshot.
Maybe I was wrong to cheat on her with Crystal.
Maybe I was wrong to break her heart…even though letting her go was the right thing to do.
Maybe things can work out between us.
Maybe we had to break apart to find each other again.
Maybe…
“Oakley,” she whimpers.
Her voice feels like poison pumping through my system.
No.
When I open my eyes, my worst fears are confirmed.
Wicked indeed.
I jump off the bed like my balls are on fire.
