It still haunts me, you know, the fact I almost lost Willow in the worst way. It was Cindy all over again. It took us days to find her. Needed Nova's help and expertise in order to do it. When we did, we stormed that damn place, guns firing, fists flying. Then I saw that cunt Crack's knife against her throat and I had to act fast.
I pulled my trigger. I thought I'd saved her, but I was wrong. That damn knife cut across her throat and I knew right then that I'd lost another woman I loved in exactly the same way as the last. I grabbed her throat and held on until the moment the doctor forced me away from her.
I thanked the Almighty that day.
Why?
Because through some miracle, he saved her. The second the Doc came out of that room and told us she was alive, I sank to my hunches against the wall with my head in my hands. Something took over me that day, a determination like I'd never known. Someone was looking out for all of us that day.
Seeing her right now, running past me in tears, something tears inside of me. Everyone's too engrossed in the damn party to even notice her. But from my quiet, dark corner, I see her.
I follow her to the balcony. I can hear her crying before I've even stepped outside. She's slumped forward on her knees, her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking as she cries.
What the hell has happened to upset her like this?
I crouch down beside her, trying hard not to notice how firm her ass looks in those tight jeans.
“Am I hideous, Hammer?”
I smile inwardly at the fact she knew it was me without even looking up.
“Why on this earth would you ask me something like that?”
“Everyone avoids me.” She says almost too quietly. “You avoid me.”
“Is that what this is about?” She shakes her head while looking up and out toward the trees beyond the clubhouse grounds. She brushes a strand of her dark hair away from her face and behind her ear. “Then what is it about, sweetheart?”
“Do you like Jordan, Hammer?”
“I think he's an asshole. But what I think about him doesn't count. Shepard is thinking of patching him soon.”
“That's what I thought.”
“Will, has he done something to hurt you?” She shakes her head erratically before clasping her hands over her face and crying into them. “Tell me the truth, right now,” I say as I clasp the back of her neck. Anger boils inside my gut. If he's hurt her, I'll kill him. Rules or no damn rules!
“Oh, Hammer,” She turns in my arms, her face toward my neck. I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes. It shouldn't feel this right to hold her. But it feels like fuckin' home to me. I can feel her breath on my neck, and it makes me shudder. “He's in there fucking one of those skank whores.”
“He's what?!” I practically bellow. Is that cunt really this stupid?!
“I couldn't tear my eyes away. Why would he do that to me, Hammer? Did he think so little of me because I couldn't sleep with him after what happened? I didn't mean...”
“Don't you dare,” I take her face in my hands. Big fucking mistake. Ah damn, there's that look I've been trying to avoid for the past year. The look that taps at my cold heart. “Don't you ever blame yourself for what he's done.”
“I don't. I just feel like...” She shakes her head and sighs. “I feel like I could have tried harder.”
I'm gonna kill that fucker. I'm gonna fucking kill him in the worst way... If Shepard doesn't first.
She looks up at the sky with her eyes closed and breathes deeply. Breathing the night air into her lungs. I can't help but notice the jagged scar across her neck. The scar she tries so hard to hide with fashionable scarfs. But with her head tipped back like this, it's peeking over the top.
“I'm sorry,” She says with a smile before pulling herself to her feet. “Didn't mean to bawl all over you.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I drag myself up and stand. “I'll deal with Trace, Will. He won't get away with what he's done.”
“I don't want you to be hard on him. It's not his fault the way he is.”
“Why are you always sticking up for him, Will? Even after he's done this to you.”
“Because I know him better than anyone else does. Deep inside of him is a good man, Hammer.” I swear this girl has a screw loose! “We've been over for a long time. I don't know why we stayed together so long when we both knew it wouldn't work. We're better as friends. Yes, I'm angry that he cheated on me tonight when all he had to do was finish things before we came here. I would have been okay. You know?”
“I know that, sweetheart.” That stupid cunt is not getting away with this. I don't give a damn what Willow says. I don't care if they're no longer in love... Wait, they're no longer in love? Damn.
“Can you answer me something honestly?” I nod. “Is he good at what he does for this club? Does Trace deserve his full patch?”
I fold my arms across my chest. I can't lie to the girl and say Trace hasn't earned his bottom rocker because the man is dedicated to this club if nothing else. “Yes. On both accounts.”
“That's good. Can we keep this between us? I don't think it would be right for Shepard to know. He'd probably kill Jordan for cheating on me, but I don't want that. Like I said, he's not a bad man, just misguided.” She thinks too much of people. Too much of Trace. The cunt has no idea what he's just lost.
“Then what do you want, baby?”
“To go home and sink into a hot bath. I want to wash this whole day off my body. Jordan and I are done, and I need to figure out what to do next.” She smiles slightly. “Thanks for talking to me, I missed this.” I open my mouth to say something but she's gone before I can even breathe in.
I find the fucker drinking at the bar with Stryker. My blood is boiling on the hottest level. I don't give a damn about Shepard's rule about us not fighting amongst ourselves. I grab his cut, spin him around, and smack him square in the jaw, knocking him off his stool. “Get up!” I yell.
“What the hell, Serge?!”
I'm suddenly crowded, knew I would be, but it won't stop me kicking the shit outta this cunt. “Stupid fucker!” I kick him in the ribs with the steal end of my boot. “Stupid fuckin' cunt!”
“Calm the fuck down!” I pull against Tank and Ghost as they try to hold me back. “What the hell is going on, brother?” Tank hisses down my ear.
They can hold my fuckin' arms all they like, I've still got the use of my fuckin' feet. And I'll make damn good use of them, stamping that fuckers face in!
I didn't see the fuckin' fist flying at my face, but I damn sure felt it connect with my jaw. “You stupid fucker!” The Prez yells in my face. I can't seem to tear my eyes away from Trace. Stupid motherfucker!
“Look at me right now!” I grit my teeth together and turn to look at the Prez. His face is contorted in anger. Ah shit. I know better than to attack another brother like this without good cause. I have good cause but the Prez doesn't know that. “What the hell do you think you're doin'?”
“He asked for it!” I watch the stupid fucker pulling himself up against the bar while trying to hold his ribs at the same time. Don't think I broke any, just bruised 'em. Mores the pity.
“What the fuck am I supposed to have done?” He winces and knocks back the whiskey Tammy, our bartender Red's wife just handed him.
“Damn good question. Start talkin', boy.”
“How many daughters do you have, Prez?”
“Three. But what the fuck does this have to do with anythin'?”
“Three.” I nod while yanking my arms away from Tank and Ghost. “Two of them grown, right?” He nods with narrowed eyes and arms folded. “And if Tank or Trace did somethin' to hurt either of them, what would you do?”
“You better get to the damn point, and soon.” He hisses at me.
“I found Willow on the balcony cryin'. It seems she'd been watchin' this cunt fuckin' one of the club whores.” Dickheads eyes widen with both shock and fear, his face pale.
Did he h
onestly think he could fuck one of the whores in the damn clubhouse and no one would know? And at a goddamn party?!
All eyes are on him, brother's and whores alike, and I don't know who looks more murderous, Jett or Shepard. “Is this true?”
“I... um...” Fucker mumbles. I never liked this little bastard, he's never treated Willow the way she deserved. There's been many a time I've seen her upset, upset and trying to hide it from everyone. I don't care what she says or how many times she sticks up for him, he was never any good for her.
I haven't been any kind of friend these past months. I should have been. From what she said outside, I can tell he's only gotten worse.
Don't get me wrong, he's never hit her, don't think the man has that in him. But there are worse ways to hurt a woman than to hit her. Believe me. Cunt wasn't even there the day we rescued her. He was, and I quote, “busy” That alone should have told Shepard he was a no-good motherfucker.
Maybe I'm being harsh, he was with his family. His grandfather died. He came to help search for Willow around being there for his family. But in my eyes, he should have paid his respects to his grandfather and stayed with us to help search for the woman he supposedly loved. I don't care who says what, that's what he should have done.
“She didn't want me to say anything, Prez, but if you'd have seen how upset she was. She thinks it's all her fault because she's scarred. Because she hasn't been well enough to give him what he needs!”
“That's bullshit! I would never...”
“He treats her like shit anyway.”
We all turn our eyes to Coral, Stryker's old lady. A beautiful woman, tall, blonde, blue-eyed, supermodel kind of woman. And one of the most fierce and loyal women I have ever known. My Cindy's big sister. How that girl can still call me her friend I'll never know.
“Care to tell me what you're talkin' about?”
She stands beside Stryker, her arms folded around her body, making that ultra-short white skirt of hers ride up her toned thighs even more. “Well, he was a jerk to her before she was hurt, since then? My god,” She sighs sarcastically while laughing. “He's a bastard to her. He had better things to do than help search for her when she was taken. Better things to do than try and help find a way to bring her back when you realized who had her. Better things to do the day you all saved her life.”
“That's bullshit! You damn well know where I was those times. With my family because my grandfather had passed away!” This is true. “I did search for her, don't even make out like I didn't!”
He did. I can't say he didn't. But he was torn between what was going on with Willow and his family mess.
I hate the motherfucker, but I won't lie and make out he was so uncaring that he didn't look for Will, that he didn't hurt that she was taken, because he did. Fuck, he sobbed like a damn baby when she was found, when he thought she'd die. I suppose he does love her in some way. Just not the right way. If he did he would never have cheated on her.
“Whatever!” Coral yells. “But don't make out like you didn't have better things to do than be a loving boyfriend while she recovered. Better things meaning other women. All the time Will was recovering he was out fucking anything that moved.”
“Why you...”
“What?!” She screams at him while coming to stand directly in front of him. “You don't get to speak to me like that, asshole. You think I haven't heard the comments you make to her? The nasty way you make her feel like a freak? Just as you did tonight. You walked in here, walked away from her without one word, and then avoided her all night like she had the damn plague! You're an asshole and you don't deserve her. And one day soon she's going to see you for just what you are, and maybe Hammer will finally grow a set and take her from you!”
What the fuck?
“You know nothin', bitch!” He yells at her and all hell breaks loose.
Stryker grabs him and punches him. Jett grabs Stryker and pulls him away from Trace. No one so much as looks at Coral without Stryker flipping out. Good. I hope he tears the cunt limb from limb.
“Enough!” The Prez yells so loud every person is suddenly silent. “I'll deal with this. Take him out back.” Jett and Ghost lead Trace out back.
“Want me to go too?”
“No,” No? I'm the fucking punisher, if anyone's going to deal with that little prick, it's me! “I'm going to have a little word with him. When I have, I'll speak to Willow. Once I hear her side of things, I'll call a meetin'. We'll have church tomorrow.”
“That's it? You're gonna have a word with him? I think Willow catching him in the act is concrete enough that's he's no good for her.”
“Go home, Hammer. Don't cross me right now, son.” I tip my head slightly. I'm not about to get into it with the Prez. No matter how pissed I might be.
“You wanna hope you can make Willow understand why you broke her trust, brother.” I don't answer Stryker, just knock back my whiskey. I need a damn bottle to help tamper down the fire burning inside of me. “You shouldn't have done this, you know. You should have left it to Willow.”
“Right. I'm outta here.”
Not in the mood to listen to this!
I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me, that's for sure. But I don't regret smacking that cunt in the face. Next time, I'll rip his fucking head off his shoulders and bury him in acid!
I don't give a shit how angry Willow will be with me for telling Shepard what Trace did, she can be as angry as she likes, it won't change a damn thing. There is nothing I won't do to protect her, and that includes from a man who treats her like Trace does!
Chapter Three
Willow
“Oh my god, Nova! What goes on between me and Jordan is no one's business but ours.”
“It's everyone's business when Hammer is poundin' his face in because he's hurt you!” She yells back at me.
My sister had asked me to come over to her new house this afternoon, she and Tank moved into this three-bed place a couple weeks ago. She said she wanted to see me, her and some of the other girls belonging to the club. Had I known she called me here just to rag on me about what happened with Jordan last night, I wouldn't have come. Hammer had no damn right to go behind my back the way he did!
Even Coral, Stryker's old lady, and Cindy's big sister is here giving me hell about Jordan. I just don't need it right now. I feel so guilty. Not about Jordan, it was never going to work in the end, I know that. I feel guilty about Hammer and what I feel for him. Cindy was my best friend. I miss her every day, and I feel twice as guilty for loving the man she adored.
I don't even know how it happened. One day he was my best friend's man, the next her fiancé, and I was happy for them. Then she was killed, and then came the grieving period where I tried to be there for him, to be a good friend. I think I was. A good friend, I mean.
But somewhere along the way, I began to feel more for him. Okay, I always felt more than I should for him. But I tried to push it away, to not let it show. Hammer was angry with the world and didn't need me coming along with my stupid crush.
I never said anything to him or anyone else about the way I felt. I never showed it at all. I kept it deep inside of me, never believing he'd feel anything other than friendship for me. Until that awful day when my throat was cut and he begged me not to let go, I believed he felt nothing.
I don't know if it was because I was so close to death, but I heard something in his voice that told me I meant more to him than he ever wanted me to realize.
Of course, I haven't said anything to him about it. First off, I'd be too embarrassed. Secondly, maybe I imagined it all. Thirdly, I totally feel like I'm disrespecting my best friend and her memory by loving her man. Because that's how it feels in my heart, that he's still her man, that he always will be.
I know one day he'll move on from the woman he loved. He'll fall in love again, but I know he'll never love anyone the way he loved her.
I don't know what's worse, him falling for someone else and me watc
hing from the sidelines, or him falling for me and me always wondering if he was wishing I was Cindy. I hate the way I feel right now. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm in love with a man I can't have, and I'm seriously pissed off with the man that was supposed to be mine.
How many times has he cheated on me exactly?
Three years we've been together. Three damn years, and it was all for nothing. I should have realized that once a man cheats, he never changes.
Yeah, he cheated on me once. Well, once that I knew about at the time. We'd been dating six months when this girl came up to me one day and randomly told me not to trust Jordan Raina. He was a dog who used women, and sadly for me, I was the one loving him.
I thought she was just some jealous girl who couldn't handle the fact he was with me and not her. She told me that one day I would see the light. Boy, have I seen it now.
I confronted him that day. The first time he cheated on me. Asked him if it was true. He cried like a little girl and begged me for another chance. He didn't mean it, he said. He loved me, he said. I was too young to really understand what a lying bastard he really was. Now I'm stuck not knowing what the hell to do.
I'm not in love with him, that part of me died a long time ago, but I don't know who the hell I am without him. I want to hate him so badly, but there's a part of me that just can't.
No one will ever understand the friendship Jordan and I had. I'm not stupid by any means, but I understand him. He has a great family, he was well brought up, but Jordan has scars that you can't see on the outside. Scars that will one day ruin him if he doesn't face up to them. I wish I could have been the one to help him. But I wasn't.
All For You (Snakes Henchmen MC Book 2) Page 3
