by E. Davies
“Apparently the diner’s where that’s at. See you later, though, handsome.” Ben fluttered his fingers and we headed into the place next door.
I shook my head. “You have something going on with him, too?”
“I hope to sometime,” Ben corrected with a grin. “Can never have my fingers in too many pies.”
We grabbed a window booth as I looked around, and just as I did, I made eye contact with someone walking outside. I recognized his sharp nose and large eyes in a second—Darren.
He raised his hand and doubled back to head inside and join us. “Hey! Charlie, right? Didn’t expect to see you around again.”
“Charlie’s figured out how to be sociable,” Ben broke in before I could say anything, his gaze focused on Darren. “It sure helps when the crowd’s hot.”
Darren didn’t need to be told that Ben was flirting. He grinned and slid into the booth next to me. “Darren,” he introduced himself.
“Ben.” At least he didn’t try to kiss Darren’s hand or anything.
I rolled my eyes. “I dunno if this is where the party’s at,” I advised Darren. “I have… boy problems to talk through.”
“Oh my God!” Darren lit up. “Those are my favorite kind. I thought you were single? The other day you were. Have you met someone?”
Ben gasped and covered his mouth with both hands, and I pointed at him. “Say nothing, or I kill you.”
The owner was coming over, a notepad in his hand. “What can I get you boys?”
“Coffee all around,” Ben said, looking at Darren to confirm that was okay. “Thanks, Jared.” Of course he knew the guy’s name.
Darren smirked. “I don’t need help staying up all night, but the coffee here’s good.”
Even the owner rolled his eyes as he scribbled it down. “Anything else?”
“Uh, yeah. Fries, onion rings, wings,” I listed off, glancing between the others. “That’ll be good to share, right?”
He nodded and scribbled that down, too. “Gotcha.” When he got to the back of the diner, I heard him shout, “Enrique! Look lively for three seconds. I don’t care how late you were out last night.”
I laughed under my breath and turned back to the table only to find both of them staring at me. “What?”
“You need to fill me in pronto,” Ben told me.
“I’m getting there! Sheesh! That’s why I said we gotta talk here and not in that place,” I complained with a laugh.
Darren grinned. “Oh, has it gone into weekend mode already? Damn, it’s later than I thought. So, did you meet him last time we were here?”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again, waving a hand. “Kind of on an app, but—”
“Grindr! You met on Grindr? Nobody ever admits that, dude,” Darren gasped.
Ben nodded. “You didn’t really think I met my last ex at the grocery store, did you?”
“I can’t keep track of them, let alone how you met,” I told him, rolling my eyes. “Now, if you can stop asking me to tell you for three seconds so I can actually get around to telling you?”
I heard a quiet, “Oh, snap!” from Darren, but he didn’t have any sassy comebacks to add to that.
Ben snorted and raised his hands. “Be my guest.”
Coffee arrived, and once Jared had left again, I leaned in. “Okay, so. I met this guy, we hung out a couple times. At least one of those was a date. We… uh…”
“Fucked!” Ben exclaimed, making the owner jump and curse before he got to the counter to slide the coffee pot in. “Sorry, darling!” he called after him.
“If you wanna call it that, whatever. Yeah.” I waved my hand, trying to play it cool.
Ben, more than Darren, knew how big that was for me. He was just staring at me, his mouth hanging open in some combination of delight and surprise.
“Shut your mouth. You’ll let the flies in,” I muttered.
Ben leaned over the table to slap my hand. “No, you shut your mouth! Good job, bro. Was this a date, or a date,” he air-quoted with a smirk.
“A date.” I felt weirdly defensive about it, and I knew it came through in my voice.
Darren grinned. “That’s awesome. You said you wanted to get out more, didn’t you?”
Ben let out a sigh and nodded, looking over at Darren. “He’s needed to get a life. Ever since his boyfriend—” He broke off and looked at me awkwardly.
I snort-laughed. Ben had never been awesome about thinking before he let words come out of his mouth. “I told him before,” I said, shaking my head. “But you may as well go for it.”
“Oh, right!” Darren winced and looked at me. “Sorry.”
“Ever since then, he’s been like the thirty-something virgin,” Ben sighed. “I offered to set him up with some big dick, too.”
Darren chuckled. “Sometimes it’s not big dick you need, it’s a big heart.”
That’s exactly it. I sat up straighter, a smile just starting to form on my face, before the two of them burst out laughing. I was disgruntled now, folding my arms over my chest.
“Like anything beats good dick,” Ben said, and Darren high-fived him.
It was Darren who first noticed me and blinked, his expression shifting into concern. “Wait, you meant that,” he said.
And it was Ben who knew what that meant. “Oh, shit.”
“I know.” I buried my face in my hands. My chest seized up as butterflies danced in my stomach. I was so not ready for this conversation—or any of these feelings.
“It’s good,” Ben said softly. I felt him wrap a hand around my elbow. “Charlie, he would have wanted you to be happy. Don’t hold yourself back now.”
“It’s not that,” I insisted. Sure, a bit of it was, but I still didn’t know what the real problem here was. He was right—I should have been happy Kev was interested in seeing me again, but instead I was… waiting for something to go wrong.
“What is it, then?” Darren asked. It already felt like we’d known each other for months, the way he seemed to care. He was a good guy. At least after all this, I’d accidentally made a friend, it looked like.
“He doesn’t want to date me.” That was a good bit of the truth, but nowhere close to all of it. Still, it was enough to give them both pause.
Ben leaned in. “Oh, shit. Like, he’s only in it for the sex?”
It had been so long since this kind of confessional, gossiping about boys and figuring out how to navigate the social waters of dating. I felt like I’d been dumped in the deep end without a life preserver. “No…”
Ben looked confused. “Why do you say that, then?”
“Cause we’re going on a date on Saturday.”
Jared came over to deliver our food, sliding plates in front of us and refilling the coffee with what seemed like more hands than one guy should have available. “Word of advice?”
Oh, God. I hadn’t realized he’d been listening in, too. Then again, it was slow so far—everyone was heading straight into the club at this hour, not stopping for food yet. I sighed and looked up at him. “Sure. Throw in your two cents. Between you all, you’ll have a betting pool.”
While Ben laughed, Jared sobered up, bracing a hand on his hip. “Find other guys you like. Figure out your type. Flirt again and relax. See if it’s him, or if you’re just learning to love again. It’s rough being through that kind of stuff—I’ve seen a lot of guys go through it later in life. Not a lot who are around my age like you, but still.”
“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Darren gasped.
“Shut up and eat your fries,” Jared told him, pretending to cuff him upside the head as we all laughed. He headed back to the counter with the coffee pot.
“No, thanks,” I said after him, and only received a grunt and shrug in reply.
It was a great idea—if I didn’t feel so damn defensive about my attraction to Kev. I didn’t want to challenge or test it, or compare it against anyone else. I didn’t want to flirt with other people.
I sure as hell didn’t want to get over him. I just wanted him to like me back. Was that too much to ask?
“He’s got it bad,” Ben murmured, taking my hand. “Oh, man.”
“I don’t even know him that well, really. We’ve been talking, like, a couple weeks.” I was purposely vague, not wanting Darren to put together the pieces—although the way he was watching me, God only knew what he already suspected. “Hung out a few times. And slept together once. That’s it.”
“Is he single, at least? Looking?”
“Single but not looking. He’s got a lot of changes going on in his life.”
Ben’s eyes lit up. “So it’s not hopeless. Not even close, dude. It just means he’s not sure how to handle this yet. You take it slow, keep showing him that you’re there for him.”
Darren grinned. “And you show up on time for your dates and woo him. You don’t make him uncomfortable or anything, but you show him what he can have with you.”
“How long do I hold on?” I asked, pressing my lips together to deal with the unexpected surge of emotion in my chest. The idea of pining after Kev for weeks, months, or even longer, seemed crazy when we’d only just met, but I could all too easily see it happening.
Not even considering the unique circumstances—first guy I was dating in years—I fell for people rarely. That was why Ben was on the edge of his seat, and so was I. Darren might not know me well enough yet, but I couldn’t just fake attraction until I made it, or force it with someone who wasn’t genuinely interesting. And I sure as hell would never date anyone just for the sake of being in a relationship.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Ben finally answered. “Wanna go out with me after this and dance it off?”
I shook my head and offered him a crooked smile. “By the time we’re done with these, it’ll be getting late. I wanna be up in time for the date tomorrow.” Darren and Ben exchanged smug looks, and I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up.”
Ben snorted. “I’ve earned some teasing rights.”
I was glad when the conversation moved back to Darren and Ben flirting outrageously. It gave me a good opportunity to excuse myself. Sure, tonight hadn’t turned out anything like I expected, but I had something of a plan now, and some advice to follow.
Kev didn’t not want me. He just didn’t know how to deal with it, I reminded myself as I stared out the Uber window for the drive home. All I had to do was show him that it was going to be okay with me—that I’d keep his heart as safe as I knew how.
But did I really know enough to make that promise?
18
Kev
I nearly flung the covers off as soon as I opened my eyes. I was normally perky in the mornings, but this was the most excited I’d been to wake up since moving day.
It was Saturday, which meant I had to get up, showered, dressed, and over to the bridge park by eleven. My sleep schedule was still not back on normal working-world time, so I hadn’t been able to sleep until one. It was going on nine now. I didn’t have a moment to waste.
“Shower’s mine!” I called when I heard rustling in the kitchen. The shitty wall the landlord had added was never thick enough to keep out the sound of Adam rummaging for all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms.
I knew damn well that was what he was doing, and the guilty tone of his, “Okay!” only confirmed it.
Whatever. I rolled my eyes. I was going to have something a lot better than stale marshmallows today, if all went well. And I didn’t begrudge him them, either. For all he pretended to be a lazy jerk, he actually cared in his own way, and he worked damn hard. No guy kept as many part-time jobs as him without caring about his work somewhat. He deserved a treat here and there. I just had to rib him about it, or he’d get insecure about his manhood.
I raced for the shower and scrubbed myself clean, not even stopping to clean the pipes first. A risky decision, but after having had sex once with Charlie, I figured there was a good chance of getting some again. I wanted all the stamina possible available to me, just in case.
“You going anywhere?” Adam called through the bathroom door.
Good thing I hadn’t tried to jerk off. Even after all my practice, I had my limits about what I could do, and keeping it up while my roommate interrogated me was a step too far. “Yeah. A date.”
“Oh. Date?” He repeated the word as if trying to figure out what that meant.
I shut off the water. “Honest-to-god, legitimate, no money being exchanged, only subtle and unwritten rules that everyone seems to follow about reciprocation.” I wasn’t even cranky enough to add some sass into the words. “Not like arranged dates.”
“Okay, okay.” His footsteps receded as I toweled dry, and then they came back again. “How long will you be out?”
God. What did he want? I wrapped the towel around my waist and yanked the door open to roll my eyes at him. “That obviously depends how the date goes. We’re walking around Brooklyn Bridge Park. Probably Pier 3, but it’s not like there’s much privacy anywhere there, sooo…”
“Oh yeah.” He blushed. “Duh.”
“Why?”
“I had someone coming over, is all…”
“Strawberry? Watermelon? Gimme a clue,” I said, sprinting to my bedroom to find clean clothes to change into. My clothing rack was full, luckily. I thanked the gods for the wash-and-press. Lower income or not, that would be the last amenity to get sacrificed. I knew money would be tight until the course was over, but I was going to the college on Monday to sign the last of the paperwork. It was pretty much official now. They didn’t even seem to care about my lack of a high school diploma.
“I dunno until they come over, man.”
I paused and grinned to myself. He’d conspicuously avoided using pronouns most of the time, but the occasional they had slipped in over the past few months. I was pretty sure he was experimenting, but he wasn’t comfortable enough with himself to tell me. He still called himself straight, so…
Not my place to question that yet.
“Text me as soon as you know, then,” I told him.
“You’re not bringing him back here, are you?”
I could hear the curiosity in his voice, and I didn’t blame him. I’d never done that before. I wasn’t about to start now.
“No, but I might not actually stay out all night with him,” I muttered. “Shocking, I know. Brooklyn Man Doesn’t Fuck On Third Date, news at eleven.”
I chose clingy black jeans and a thin t-shirt, a thin but warm merino sweater, and a little silver chain with a star on it. When I reached for a bracelet, I pulled my hand back and reminded myself of that cardinal rule: always take off the last thing you put on.
I looked elegant but casual. This was a pretty standard date outfit for me, and I knew I’d look good on his arm.
God, that worried me more than it should when this was just a date. Nothing more than that. Not at the speed we’d agreed to take this relationship.
I yanked open the curtains and headed to the kitchen for toast, then pocketed my phone and wallet while I tried to find my keys. Wisely, Adam stayed out of my way until I was out the door.
“Have fun. Stay safe,” he called out.
“You too!”
I was sprinting down the stairs of our building, taking them two at a time until I burst out onto the street. I had somewhere to be, and I wasn’t going to miss this date.
One thing was clear: seeing Charlie was fast becoming the highlight of my week. Way too fast.
“Hey! You made it!”
“I did!” I exclaimed as I threw my arms around him.
God, hugging him was wonderful. I buried my nose in his neck and breathed in that scent of comfort and solid, self-assured confidence. “I’m glad,” he murmured, and I felt his voice rumble through me. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. Just woke up.” I’d barely even had time to style my hair, but he didn’t seem to notice or mind. Or at least he was good at pretending.
Suddenly,
all my doubts about us had vanished. All it took was holding him for a few moments, and suddenly I was dangerously liable to say yes to whatever the hell he proposed. Even if that meant dating. Who was I becoming, anyway?
“How was your week?” He pulled back and took me by the hand as we walked along the waterfront, our gazes straying to the Manhattan skyline now and then.
“It was all right. Busy setting up school. I’m in, I just have to pay tuition.”
He grinned. “Awesome! Did you have to fuck around with transcripts and all that stuff?”
That just reminded me of how little education I had compared to him, and I winced. “No. They didn’t seem to mind my, um, situation.” We wandered down to the coffee shop to grab a to-go cup each, still talking the whole way like nobody else was around.
Charlie didn’t falter, though. He squeezed my hand and beamed at me. “That’s great news.” Despite never seeming to say much, whenever he did give praise, I knew damn well he meant it. That made me blush all the more at what sounded a lot like congratulations in his language.
“Um, thanks.”
“You’re gonna do great. Are you excited for the new life direction?” Charlie asked, and I didn’t even get the sense he was just making conversation. He genuinely wanted to know, which kind of put me on the spot, but only in the best possible way.
“I am,” I had to admit. “I’m scared as hell that I chose the wrong place, that I’ll do the wrong course, that I’ll end up in debt and alone forever, but… millennial problems,” I laughed, suddenly self-conscious. I tried to let go of his hand and fiddle with my hair, but he only squeezed tighter.
“There’s no such thing as alone forever,” he promised. “As long as you reach out.”
There was so much more he wasn’t saying. He was clearly trying to respect me and not push the issue of dating, and I felt bad for a moment. This was a date, but if I didn’t have relationship intentions, was it fair to keep leading him on?
I swallowed and shook my head. “You’re a good guy.”
“Nah,” he chuckled. “Just like you, that’s all.”
