by B. N. Toler
“Do you want me?” he asks.
“Yes, please,” I beg.
“Wait right here. I need to get a condom. Do. Not. Move.”
“You don’t need one,” I say, breathless. “Unless you think you might have something,” I add.
“I’m clean. Are you sure? Are you on something?” he asks as he runs the head of his cock over my entrance.
“Yes,” I moan as I push back. So it’s kind of a lie, but I’m pregnant with his child, so in theory I am on something, and if he had anything the first time we hooked up, I’d already have it.
He uses one hand to guide the head of his dick to my clit where he rubs back and forth. With the other hand he squeezes my ass, hard. “Fuck, you are so wet,” he breathes. “You ready for me, princess?”
Again with the princess bullshit. Turning my head, I give him a glare that should make his hard-on shrivel, but as soon as my eyes meet his, he bites his lip and thrusts inside of me. The desk bangs against the wall as Parker slams into me, over and over, his hands holding my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh. I’m so close to coming, my fingernails dig into the wood of the desk as I hold on for dear life.
Then, he slaps my ass again and I let go, moaning out as he grunts and stills behind me. I remain plastered to the desk, trying to catch my breath. Parker gently rubs my back as he breathes heavily, but doesn’t pull out. After a few moments, he leaves me and picks up a shirt from his suitcase on the floor and begins cleaning me.
“It’s clean,” he tells me as he holds up the shirt. When he’s done, he takes me by the hand and leads me to the bed. Pulling the blankets back, he climbs in and backs up so I can join him. I bite my lip, unsure of what I should do. It would be easy to lie down with him, but there is the huge, life-changing information I need to tell him. I suddenly feel guilty.
“I should probably get dressed,” I say, as I search for my clothes.
“Get your fucking ass in this bed, Nicole. Now,” he demands, still holding the blanket and sheet up so I can slip in beside him.
“Parker, I—”
“Now,” he interrupts me.
Groaning, I flop in the bed and back my ass up to him. He quickly covers me and pulls me closer so that we’re spooning. “What are you doing to me, Nikki?” he mumbles into my neck. My stomach flutters as he continues to whisper how beautiful I am. He tells me how he’s thought about me every day since our time together in New York.
His words scare me; I don’t want to care for him. Caring for him means opening me up to him in a way I’ve never done before. It means letting him in. His lips brush over my skin, his hand running up and down my thigh.
“Parker, I—”
“Shh,” he hushes me. “Just know . . . I don’t do this.”
“Do what?” I ask.
“Cuddle.”
My body tenses. Shit . . . we’re cuddling. “We did this the first time we were together.”
“I know,” he answers simply. What does he mean? That I’m the only girl he cuddles with?
“We don’t have to,” I say.
“Yes . . . we do,” he whispers as he pulls me hard against him.
The evening has been a whirlwind. I didn’t mean to sleep with him. But with my hormones out of whack and my very recently sated libido, I find myself relaxing and my eyes fluttering closed as I lie in the warm, strong arms of Parker Hayes.
My uncle always says, ‘Expect the worst and hope for the best.’ So tonight, I expected Nikki to ignore me and not give me the time of day. I’d hoped I’d end up balls-deep inside her with her bent over in front of me. I’m glad my hopes came true. She managed to ignore me most of the party, but every so often I’d catch her looking at me from across the room before she’d quickly dart her gaze away. She looked worried or concerned. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something is different about her.
As I watch her drift off to sleep, it feels exactly the way it did our first night together. Calm. Peaceful.
The night I spent with Nikki in New York months ago is something I’ll never forget. The image of her body in the tub with me, the sheen of her skin, all wet and soapy, sitting on top of me, riding my dick, makes me hard every time I think about it. That was the second time we had sex.
The third time was in the bed and I took my time with her. I eased into her slowly, but pressed myself against her so I could go as deeply as possible. She clawed my back and squeezed my ass as she moaned and mewed in pleasure. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The last time, I took her hard and fast. I tied her hands to the bedpost with my tie and fucked her like my life depended on it. Afterward, she collapsed in my bed. I’ve never liked the after-sex part—holding each other and lying in bed together. But with her . . . I didn’t hesitate. I pulled her to me and she rested her head on my chest and slipped one leg over my thigh. And as her breathing slowed, and her body relaxed, a part of me relaxed, too, for the first time in a long time.
When I woke up the next morning, she wasn’t in the bed with me. She’d already returned to her and Edie’s room to pack. And that was the end of it. There were no playful smiles or wanting stares . . . there was nothing. She’d gotten what she wanted and was fully prepared to go home. The last little glimmer I got from her was at the airport before she and Edie left to board their plane. She’d been looking at anyone and anything but me. But as she said good-bye to me, holding her hand out like we were going to shake after a business meeting, I smiled. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Parker,” she’d said stiffly. Taking her hand, I leaned down and kissed it softly, lifting my eyes to hers, her gaze fixed on me and her mouth parted slightly.
“It was lovely meeting you, Nicole.”
She took a sharp intake of breath, but quickly composed herself and pulled her hand away. Then, John and I watched her and Edie disappear into the airport.
As I close my eyes with her body next to mine, I want to talk to her about us. I know there isn’t an “us.” I know we live far away from each other, but we could try . . . right? Either way, this shit where she ignores me is going to stop. But before I can speak, calmness settles over me. Sleep never comes easy for me. My mind always runs; never resting. But right now, there is peace. I go with it and let it pull me in. And my last thought before my mind shuts down is we’ll talk in the morning.
I’m walking down the hall as if the floor is made of eggshells, carrying my strappy heels in my hand. I couldn’t find my bra in the dark and I knew my panties were destroyed so I didn’t even bother doing a blind search for them. Edie will love discovering those when she cleans the room after Parker leaves. I can’t wait for that conversation. Quickly and quietly, I managed to slip my dress back on and get it zipped up most of the way without waking Parker. I don’t want to wake anyone. I’ve just made it to the doorway into the kitchen when I hear, “Walk of shame?”
I nearly jump out of my skin. “What the fuck, John?” I hiss. “You scared the shit out of me!”
I hear a few footsteps and then I’m blinded when the kitchen light comes on. “Fucker,” I mumble under my breath. I wince and clench my eyes closed.
“You say good-bye to him?” John asks as he sips from a glass of water. He’s wearing a pair of cotton pajama pants, but no shirt. He’s a good-looking man, muscular and broad shoulders, but right now after scaring me and trying to blind me, he seems like the spawn of Satan.
“You’re just sneaking out on him?”
“No,” I lie. “I said good-bye.” I had a backup plan for tonight. I knew there was a chance I would chicken out and not tell Parker about the baby. So, preparing for the worst, I wrote him a letter. Moving past John and into the utility room, I grab the bag I brought with me. Pulling the envelope out, I walk back to John and smile. “Would you give this to him, please?”
John’s eyes dart from mine to the envelope and then back again. With a curt nod, letting me know he’ll give the letter to Parker for me, he sets his glass on the counter as he stands up straight
and takes the envelope. “Thanks.” With a nod, I head toward the front door.
“Hey, Nik,” John calls and I turn back to him. His brows are furrowed as he takes a step toward me. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I laugh. “I hardly drank tonight.” Another lie. I didn’t drink anything.
“Not what I meant. I know this might sound weird, but you’re like a sister to Edie. And that makes you important to me, too. I hope you know we’re both here for you if you need anything.”
Stepping to him, I hug him and smile. “Thanks, John. I really appreciate that.” Then in an attempt to swallow my emotion, I say, “The party was beautiful.”
“Yeah . . . it was,” he agrees.
“You were a hit,” I commend. “Holly Springs is lucky to have you.”
He snorts. “And so is Edie,” I add. “I’m glad you came back for her. I know what you gave up to do it.”
His gaze drops to the floor before meeting mine again. “I have no regrets, Nik. Nothing that I could achieve in life would be worth shit without her.”
I kiss his cheek. I love this man for the way he loves my best friend. In that way, John and I are bonded. We love Edie James and would do anything to see her happy. “I’ll see you later.” With that, I leave Edie’s house and cry all the way home.
We’re halfway to the airport and the car is silent. Edie rode with us, insisting I sit in the front with John. When I woke up this morning, I was pissed. Nikki was gone. Why does this woman keep running out on me? It’s fucking infuriating. I thought about demanding to John to give me her address and storming over to her place, but thought better of it. A man has to cut his losses at some point. It’s not like I haven’t tried for months to connect with her. This is the last straw. She doesn’t want me. I need to man up and move on. But even I know it’s not that easy. Nikki’s not a girl you just forget. I have no doubt that I’ll always compare every woman I touch to her.
“Here, man,” John says, pulling me away from my thoughts as he slips out an envelope from his jacket pocket.
I snort as I take it from him. “Aw, sweetie. Did you write me another love letter, John? You shouldn’t give it to me in front of Edie. She might get jealous.”
“No, didn’t write a letter this time. It’s a poem,” he laughs. “It’s a poem about how soft your skin is and how your eyes sparkle when you come.”
“That’s some deep shit, man,” I laugh.
“You two are ridiculous,” Edie giggles from the backseat.
“You didn’t know you had some competition, did you, Edie?”
“I’m shaking in my boots back here,” she plays along.
“Nah, man . . . all kidding aside, this is from Nikki,” John says. My eyes narrow as I stare down at the envelope in my hand. I’m so frustrated, I want to crush it like an old beer can. “She gave it to me last night before she left.”
“You saw her?”
“Caught her . . . more or less.”
I glance back at Edie and she’s biting her lower lip. “You know what it says?” I ask her.
“I think I do,” she says, ever so quietly. “You need to read it.”
I glance at John and he shrugs. Apparently he doesn’t know what it says. Fuck it. Tearing it open, I pull out the letter and unfold it. What the fuck could she have to say to me in this letter that she couldn’t say to my face? Must be a brush-off—bon voyage, loser. This is what I’m bracing myself for. I twist my neck from side to side till I hear it crack. Let the rejection commence.
Parker,
This letter is my backup plan in case I can’t say to your face what I need to. Just know I never meant for this to happen and I expect nothing from you, but I think it’s the right thing to do to tell you. You deserve to know.
I’m pregnant.
Ten weeks, to be exact. I’ve already been to the doctor . . . it’s the real deal.
I know your life is in New York and you have a new job. As I said, I expect nothing from you. I can take care of this baby by myself. And I won’t judge you or resent you if you choose not to participate in the child’s life. Neither of us planned for this.
I’m sorry, Parker. I really am.
~Nikki
My face goes numb as all the blood drains from it.
She’s pregnant.
With my child.
I’m going to be a father.
“Turn the fucking car around,” I say, as calmly as I can muster, as I fold the letter and shove it in my pocket.
“What?” John asks.
“Turn the fucking car around and take me to Nikki’s,” I demand, louder this time.
“Dude, you’ll miss your flight.”
“Parker—”
“Turn around,” I interrupt Edie before turning to face her. “Did you know about this?” I ask, anger and shock evident in my hard tone.
Edie lets out a long breath. “Of course I did,” she admits. “I was there when she found out.”
“What are we talking about?” John asks.
“You didn’t know?” I throw my head back and laugh like a crazy person. This is all so surreal. I’m going to be a father. What the fuck, man?
“Nikki is pregnant, Suit,” Edie says.
John’s brows rise to his hairline as he whips his head in my direction. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Fuck,” I agree, running a hand through my hair.
“Parker . . .” Edie begins. “This isn’t easy for her. Nikki’s family isn’t the best and this pregnancy hinders her ambitions. Just . . . when you see her . . . please keep that in mind.” Right. Because this only affects her.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I ask no one in particular; I’m really asking myself. I’ve been chasing this girl for months, one who won’t give me the time of day and now she tells me she’s pregnant in a letter. Really?
“She doesn’t expect anything from you,” Edie snaps and John’s eyes narrow. Clearly my reaction is not what she hoped it would be. “You don’t have to do anything,” she adds.
“Edie,” John begins.
“He’s freaking out,” Edie points out. “He doesn’t have to storm over to her place. She has absolutely no expectations of you, Parker.”
“And how the fuck should that make me feel? Does she think I’m some kind of fucking deadbeat lowlife that wouldn’t want to be a part of my kid’s life?”
“No,” Edie’s voice rises. “She understands that this wasn’t a part of your plan.”
“Edie,” John begins again.
“Of course, it wasn’t!” I shout. Why the fuck am I shouting? This news hit me like a freight train and before I’ve even had a chance to digest it, Edie is up my ass.
“Well, if you’d found out and never spoke to her again it wouldn’t be a shock,” Edie yells back, her voice cracking with emotion. Seriously. She needs to get a grip. I’m sort of having a moment of panic here. “You wouldn’t be the first deadbeat dick-dad she’s come across!”
Suddenly the car swerves and comes to a screeching halt. “Get out. Both of you. Now,” John orders.
Edie and I glance at one another and John shouts, “Now!”
We both climb out and meet him on the driver’s side of the car. Edie’s arms are crossed over her chest as she leans against the car. I shove my hands in my pockets, fisting the letter in my right hand.
“Edie,” John begins calmly. “Baby, you are jumping to conclusions. Parker literally just found out less than five minutes ago that he’s going to be a father. And in a car on the way to the airport, no less.”
“I know, but—”
“You have to give him time to digest. If he’s appears freaked out, I think he’s entitled.”
Edie purses her lips and moves her gaze to the ground. After a beat she drops her arms. “You’re right.” Then she looks at me, with tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Parker. I’m a jerk.”
“It’s okay,” I say, and nod. She genuinely looks sorry, too. Edie James is someone you can’t stay m
ad at. She’s just too . . . nice.
“I’m just worried about her.” Her voice trembles with palpable emotion again. “I feel very . . . protective of her,” she explains.
“I don’t want to hurt her, Edie,” I say, sincerely. “I don’t know if she’s told you, but I’ve been trying to talk to her for the last two months. She keeps blowing me off.”
Edie sighs. “She doesn’t trust men, Parker. She didn’t have a very good example growing up.”
“Aw . . . it warms my heart when you kids play nice,” John jests. “Now hug and make up,” he orders.
Edie flies toward me and wraps me in a strong embrace. When she pulls away, she stares up at me. “Nikki won’t make this easy for you,” she warns.
I snort. “Not surprised by that.”
“I’ll help in any way I can,” she promises.
“Me too,” John adds, giving me a hard pat on the back.
“Just remember . . . her life has taken a drastic turn. She’s trying to cope, just like you. She’s just doing it with the extra side effect of pregnancy hormones.”
I nod once before we all climb back in the car. As we head to Nikki’s, I call the office and leave a message stating I’ve caught the stomach flu and may be out for a few days. My absence won’t go over well, but Nikki and I need to work a few things out. When I hang up, I lean my head back and close my eyes, trying to rein in my feelings. I’m scared shitless, if I’m being honest. Having a child was something I thought wouldn’t happen for a long time. I’m also mad as hell. No wonder she looked off last night. She was scared to tell me. She has no trust in me.
Taking a deep breath, I tell myself, “Man up, Parker.”
Pounding bangs at my front door, making me open my heavy eyes. I’ve only slept for a few hours and I’m exhausted. As soon as I walked in my door, I slipped my dress off, pulled on my fluffy terry cloth robe and fell into bed.
More pounding at the door.
I close my eyes, deciding to let whoever it is leave thinking I’m not home. But the pounding persists and then I hear the lock pop.
