Her mum nodded. “Why didn’t you talk to him?”
Ava gritted her teeth. “I know I should’ve. But, do you know, Mum, I was crazy about him. He cared for me so sweetly when I wasn’t well, and I knew he was capable of love. And oh, you should’ve seen him with his nieces and nephews. A real family man. I dared myself to feel something for him. When I discovered he neither believed in, nor wanted love, it was too late. I was…hell, still am, in love with him.” A lump in her throat stopped her from talking and she took a sip of wine to loosen it.
“That night under the stars was truly magical. I didn’t want to spoil it by saying goodbye, to have him try to persuade me to stay. Or even worse, not try. I was foolish, but it was my one big romantic gesture, to leave him when he was sleeping. I didn’t know how it was going to turn out. How could I? I didn’t know how I was going to grieve for the love I had thrown away. I had thought I could go back.” She stared at the print of Milford Sound and her eyes started to fill. “Anyway. That’s neither here nor there.”
Her mother reached over and drew her into a hug. “Aw pet, I’m sorry.” She pulled back and resolution replaced softness. She sighed. “You know, one of my main concerns about your dad and I living together—or apart—the way we did, was how it would affect you.”
Ava summoned up the strength to smile at her mother. “Oh, Mum, this isn’t your fault.” She laughed. “I can blame a lot on you, but not this.”
Her mother smiled back, apparently knowing she wasn’t serious. It quickly faded though. “Saying goodbye to your father all those times he went off climbing and exploring was hard, very hard. I remember times holding you close, willing myself not to cry until you had gone to bed.”
Ava and her mother both stared at the photograph of her father on the mantelpiece, standing triumphantly on top of Mount Everest. Her dad’s name was a household one, bringing the wilderness into people’s living rooms on a regular basis. But his programs and his desire to conquer the world had resulted in him not being around for long spells of time. To a small child, the spaces in her life without her father around seemed interminable. She did—then and now—worship her father, but there were times when she resented him for not being there. From first day at school, right up through graduation day. The longest absence Ava could remember was the eight months he had explored the Amazon. Once home, he had become ill, something which took him several more months to conquer. Finally, she learned to accept him the way he was. It had just taken time.
Her mother broke into her thoughts, “But you know what made it easier? The knowledge that he loved us and was coming back. Every step he took away from us was actually a step closer to coming back. That’s what he thought, the moment he said goodbye, he was actually on his way back to us. The upshot of what I’m saying, I guess, is it seems like you’ve grown up thinking it’s easy, or probably normal, to leave the ones you love.”
Ava stared at her mother, shock sharpening her senses. She had likened herself to her father before. After all, he was primarily an explorer who happened to be on the television, she a presenter who loved to travel. Those similarities were there to be seen by anyone. But the hidden ones?
Her mother squeezed her hand and let it drop.
Ava scrutinized the depths of her wine, dragging herself away from thoughts of her father and steadying herself for the final installment. “I went back too, you remember?” At her mother’s nod, she continued, “I was going to tell him I was pregnant. In hindsight, I was a fool, but I was actually excited about sharing it with him. Then I saw his engagement picture in the paper. I turned and left.”
Now that she had finally told him, the weight she had been carrying around since that day started to break up. No longer was she solely accountable for the up-bringing of one little girl. There was someone else in this world who could shoulder some of that responsibility. Who knew if he wanted to be a part of Bella’s life, but for now, she was relieved he knew. Her shoulders felt lighter already, despite the new knowledge that the father of her baby hated her for what she had done. Combined with the fear of what he was going to do, she was in danger of being weighed right back down again. But this time she had the security of knowing she had done the right thing.
“Is he married?”
“He says not. That he doesn’t believe in love or marriage. He had said that to me before. I don’t know why it came as such a surprise hearing it again.”
“Do you think you could—”
“Don’t say it, Mum. You haven’t seen the way he looks at me. I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me for running out on him and not telling him I was pregnant. Even if there was some mutual attraction there, it would never work. He lives in Argentina, remember? He’d never live here, nor could I ask him to. He belongs in the mountains.”
“Well maybe you do too.”
Ava’s thoughts ricocheted from what her mother had intimated. “No, I belong here. Close to you and Dad. My job. My life.”
Her mother nodded slowly but with raised eyebrows. “Maybe. What did he say when you told him about Bella?”
Ava sniffed, rubbing her fingers under her eyes to clear the mascara. “What do you think? The normal machismo reaction—are you sure Bella is mine?”
Her mum reached for her hand. “Ah darling, I’m sorry. That must have been rough.”
Ava smiled lightly before frowning. “Funny, I’m cool with that. I understand it’s only a knee jerk reaction. He’s already done a DNA check and knows Bella is his, so I guess we have to see what he does next. But one thing is for sure, I can’t stay in the dance program. My nerves would be run ragged wondering when I’d bump into him.”
A snippet of her conversation with Daniel on the first day they met came to her. He had said the dancers stay in the show as long as the public vote for them. “If I dance badly enough to not receive any public support, I’ll get voted off.” Ava sat up straight. “I know I’ll have to see him at other times, but at least the possibility of bumping into him every day won’t be there. I need as much space as I can get. Sure, we’ll have to meet as arranged with Bella. I’ll deal with that as it comes. But at least I’ll have some modicum of control there. I don’t have any in the dance competition.”
It was the only thing she could do if she stood a chance of maintaining an emotional distance from him. If she admitted her attraction to Matthias, she would enter dangerous ground and end up making disastrous decisions like last time. No, it was for the best, limit their meetings, and only in public areas.
Worst case scenario was Matthias wanting to take Bella to Argentina.
Even the thought of spending time on the show made her sad to be away from her. She could only imagine what it would be like if they were on different continents. Fear, like a rabid dog, bit down hard on her heart. That must never happen. She would die a little death every day being so far away from her baby.
But she now had a plan. Never be alone with him again. Put barriers of steel around herself. Her heart deflated, tossing out an errant thought. Can I not give my love a chance?
She snapped at the legs of that thought, driving it away. Ideas like that would get her in trouble. Emotions were a luxury at this crucial time. Time to be a grown-up, ignore her love and do what’s best for her child.
She inhaled deeply and held her glass to her mother. “Thanks, Mum.”
Her mum smiled, and picking up the wine, refilled Ava’s glass.
“What are mums for?”
Ava nodded, jaw clenched, resolutely ignoring the pain of something vital being hacked from her.
Chapter 6
Despite knowing she was going to throw the competition away on Saturday night, Ava put her all into learning the waltz. She forgot, for long stretches of a time, the reason she wanted to leave. Only to remember with a fresh droop of her heart.
Well, if she couldn’t leave with her head held high, she could depart with something learned. She worked hard to dance well, enjoying the physical work that drove o
ther thoughts away.
Luca became increasingly excited, convinced they would win the competition. In moments of down time, he would throw ideas at her for the next week’s music.
Ava scurried into the studios every morning, head low, convinced that today was the day Matthias would come to monitor their progress. The week progressed with no sign of him, and if anything, she grew tenser in her anticipation. Yet a little part of her died each evening he hadn’t appeared, and she told herself it was a good thing. He could never be hers, therefore the more emotive parts that died, the easier it would be to handle in the long term.
Come Thursday afternoon, when Luca was driving her mad yet again with his incessant chattering about Matthias, she realized she could just send him to find out where Matthias was. Maybe it would put her at ease to discover he had headed off somewhere for the rest of the week. After turning off the music during a break, she knelt on her haunches by Luca who lay flat out on the ground. “Luca, honey?”
“Yes?”
“Why not ask Daniel where he is? That way you can relax if he’s not around, and you can look forward to when he will be.”
“What happens if he’s left the show?”
Yes! Result—she could try to win the competition in earnest.
No! Without saying goodbye to her?
“I don’t think that’s a possibility, to be honest. It’s nearly time for a break. Why don’t you head to the canteen and see who’s there?”
“Okay, I’ll go gossip and let you know.” He air kissed her and danced out the door.
Coming back, he was in a much better mood. “Apparently he’s only on a part-time contract to the show so he can deal with work related affairs in London.” Luca twirled. “There’s a big racehorse deal going down at the moment but he should be in tomorrow.”
Ava heard his words, and her heart lifted as though the sun had come out on a rainy day. Once realized, it winked out in a cloud of rain.
No good could come of it.
“Great. Right then, if he’s around tomorrow, we need to practice like demons to ensure he won’t find fault with our routine.” And so he won’t have any excuse to dance with me.
Luca nodded, foot tapping. “It’s time we started dancing to ‘Love Me Tender.’ It’s Thursday, and we’re live on Saturday.”
He played it, and a prickling of nostalgia tugged at her heart. She remembered watching the old Elvis movies when she was young and a little bit in love with him. Every girl was.
“Come on, lady, get those marvelous legs of yours a-dancing.”
Concentrating on the new music, Ava hadn’t even realized Daniel was in the room, until he coughed discreetly.
“Oh, hi, Daniel.” She reached for a towel to dry the perspiration from her face.
“It’s coming together nicely, good, Luca, very good. Ava, you’re taking to it very well.” Daniel smiled with a glance reminiscent of one her Granddad used to direct at her. Bless, he had no idea what was going to happen Saturday night. Just how she was going to ensure she was voted off, she hadn’t decided.
“How are you?” Ava kissed him on the cheek.
“Good, thank you. The press office wants a bio to air before you dance. Felicity will be coming around to get your thoughts on it today. I was thinking something along the lines of ‘Ava Whittaker, breakfast news presenter, traveler extraordinaire and mother of one.’ Pad it out a bit, but you get the gist.”
“Ah okay, that should be fun. Although, Daniel?”
He glanced up from the notes he was writing.
“I’d prefer it if we left out that ‘mother of one’ bit.”
Daniel frowned. “Why? Most mums are delighted to tell the world about their offspring.”
“I’m not like most mums, and oh, I don’t know, I would just prefer if we kept my daughter totally out of this. We don’t know what’s going to happen with the media and the ensuing publicity from the show, so I’d rather keep her under wraps. Is that okay?”
Daniel’s gaze sharpened. His intelligent brown eyes suggested he thought there was something more, but to her relief he let it drop. “If that’s what you want, I won’t mention a thing.”
“Thanks, Daniel. Have you any tips for Saturday?”
Her reprieve gave her the added impetus to practice late into the evening. It was important to Luca, of whom she was growing increasingly fond. She could at least give him a week of hoping they’d do well. Her mum was staying overnight due to a tube strike the next day and she and Luca put the extra hours to good use. Come nine that evening Ava’s feet were ready to fall off.
Calling it quits, Ava waved goodbye to a tired but wired Luca. If she was honest, she too had butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing Matthias tomorrow. Don’t be such a twit. He probably won’t come to see us dance.
* * * *
Matthias walked out onto his balcony, glad of the space to be able to gaze into the distance. Living in a city wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Late evening and sounds of revelers carried clearly across the calm Thames water from the brightly lit party boats making the rounds on their short allowance of river.
He took a sip of his twenty-five-year-old Chivas Regal, a present from the horse traders, and savored the firewater flaring down his throat. He needed the clarity it brought. Perhaps a clear head would chase away the soft images of Ava residing within him. It was crazy, the way his thoughts were beyond his control. His fanciful imagination had convinced him there was such a thing as one love, a soul mate. He shook his head slightly, surely it was just lust. Nice and simple. Plus—and possibly more to the point—lust he could act upon. Love? He snorted aloud. Not for him.
For his sanity, he needed to get Ava out of his system once and for all. If he could have her in his bed again, perhaps leave her sleeping this time, then they could meet on a level playing field, discuss the child they had made together, calmly and with consideration.
Deep within, the thought of leaving Ava in bed hurt his gut. He ignored it, damned if he’d submit to his desire to hold her, not hurt her, because he couldn’t have one without the other. If he were going to bed Ava again he certainly wasn’t going to put himself in the firing line by becoming vulnerable to her once more. He was Matthias de Romero. He had a name to protect.
The tumbler was cool against his cheek and he pursed his lips. She was wary of him, skittering like a thoroughbred stallion whenever he was near. Slowly does it, regain her confidence. Then take her out, away from London, woo her and leave her where she lay. The part of his heart that had shriveled on her departure started stirring.
* * * *
Attired in a swirling green dress found at the back of her wardrobe, Ava brushed her hair until it crackled. The day before they went live, she needed to feel good about herself. The green dress worked well, better than it ever had, in fact. She twirled in it. This dancing malarkey was doing wonders for her figure.
Running downstairs, she picked up a piece of toast from the breakfast table.
“Sit down to eat.” Ava recognized her mum’s not-to-be-denied tone from early years.
“Okay, but I only have five minutes.” She poured herself a cup of tea. “Thanks for staying last night. We got some great work done.” Bella clapped her hands and they both laughed. Ava swung her into her arms and snuggled her close.
“You don’t know how much I miss you, bambina.” She blew a raspberry on her neck and Bella rewarded her by chortling and squirming for more, then pulled her top up to give Ava better access to her little Buddha tummy. “You, young lady, need to do more exercise.” Bella had a wide beam on her face as she twisted back and forward, giggling. “Is there a nicer sound in the world than that of a child laughing?” Ava asked her mum, gazing down at her child.
She slipped off Ava’s knee and tottered around to her high chair, fell squarely back onto her bum and, giggling at her mum and granny, hauled herself up to continue on her journey across the kitchen floor. Seeing something on the floor, she sat on
her haunches to inspect it. Finding a Cheerio, she breathed wow and held up her trophy, then popped it into the bin with a huge self-satisfied grin. Ava smiled back at her, forgetting for a brief blessed second the predicament she was in.
“I’ve got to go.”
Her mum gave her a sharp glance. “Darling, you sound sad.”
“I am. It’s weird, you know, Mum, my love for Bella sometimes scares me. Just when I think I love her with all my heart until there is no room left, my heart seems to grow an extra chamber or something. It’s incredible. But I miss her.” The fifth day in a row she had spent apart from her child, her love was sore from lack of expression. “Thanks again, Mum, at least it’s you caring for her.”
“Anything for my girls, you know that. And as you said, it’s only until tomorrow evening. I can’t wait to see you dancing on TV.”
“Wish me luck.” Ava kissed them goodbye, smiling at Bella’s “bye-bye” and blowing a kiss. Her mum had reminded her anew of something she had shoved to the back of her mind in light of the mess she had made with Matthias. Soon, she would be on national television making a fool of herself. To be followed by playing happy families in the park.
How complicated was her life right now?
A couple of hours into training and Ava was in the zone, focusing on her change step to get it perfect. “I need some water.” She walked over to the water machine to fill a glass when the door swung open after a perfunctory knock. Hidden by the door, she could tell it was Matthias from Luca’s love-struck appearance.
“Hi, Luca, how are you getting on?” His tone sounded almost pleasant and Ava nearly dropped the water in surprise.
“Good thank you, Mr. de Romero.” Luca’s eyes grew even wider and he smiled a shaky grin. Ava took a sip of water, happy not to be within range of Matthias’s searing looks. She could stay behind the door all day, in fact.
Taming the Tango Champion Page 6
