Nothing could have prepared her for what had happened today. Yes, she had been dreading it, but if she had known how it would impact her, she wouldn’t have had the courage and would’ve run for the hills. Instead, from the moment she saw Matthias with Bella in his arms, she had wept inside.
She’d seen Bella start to love the man who was her father and Ava’s heart had slowly descended into her boots. It was the beginning of the end for her and Bella and the way they had been, an independent twosome ready to take on the world. Now she could not shelter her from any trouble that surely would arise. If Bella loved her dad, then she would want to spend time with him, but she would miss her mother. Back with Ava, she would then miss her dad. Whichever way, heartbreak was in store for both child and mother.
Now both were committed to working this through.
Bella seemed smaller and sweeter in her dad’s arms, while Matthias appeared to grow visibly until he became a seven-footer cradling his child. After Bella rode a pony with Matthias beside her, Bella’s transformation was complete, a Daddy’s girl, giggling and smiling, putting out her chubby hand to stroke his cheek.
A shift had occurred inside Ava. A lightening, a lessening, but something had happened. For those short hours, she reverted to being herself again, not a single mother, solely shouldering the responsibility of her two-year-old daughter. Here was someone else with as much responsibility for Bella as she had. It was instinctive, visceral, an unknown, therefore, unexpected reaction, and it was similar to the sun coming out for a brief moment to warm her. She had raised her face to it and basked in it. Now they were in the shade and her shoulders ached anew with the burden.
Bella was already clamoring to see him again. The day had been a success.
The start of the end.
Matthias was smitten, for sure. What was he going to do now?
The timer on the oven beeped, time was up.
Chapter 11
Sometimes Matthias wished his hair was long like it had been when he was a teenager. Right about now he would shake it into the air streaming past. Instead he crouched lower over Jacob’s neck, encouraging him further and faster. Vast expanses of clear blue sky flickered through the russet colors of autumn trees and the cold air raced through him, cleansing him.
The loam scent of the ground underneath was heightened under Jacob’s thundering hooves and for a brief second he was primal, instinctive, going where the prey led. Jacob broke through the trees into a meadow and made like a bullet for the opposite side. Matthias let him have his head and cast his thoughts to the wind.
Seconds, moments or even hours later, Jacob halted, breath steaming in the air. They had reached the end of the path, any farther would bring them dangerously closer to the cliff edge. He dismounted, looped Jacob’s reins over his arm and walked toward the sea.
The kind of mood he was in, he could’ve ridden for days as he did at home on the ranch. Pack a few basics, get on Reina and disappear. Just him, his horse and nature. The days would elongate into strange stretches of time and when he returned home, life would begin again, his thoughts having been sorted and compartmentalized. With the one obvious exception.
The reason he was here. He couldn’t escape her in Argentina, those imperative days out amongst nature denied to him. He was shuttered, caged, deprived of his life line.
He couldn’t run away to examine his thoughts. They were right here, right now.
Deal with them.
Bella. His daughter. His beautiful child. Even thinking of her caused his heart to expand in pride, unfurl in love. He had been unprepared for the gravity of his feelings for his child. Was it similar to how every father felt, or only him, because he suddenly wanted to make up for lost time? Would he ever know?
The morning had been very special. But in putting aside his grievances with Ava, a warm feeling had climbed inside him to curl up inside his heart. Brief moments had passed where happiness landed upon him, causing the knots inside him to loosen and let go. It had been like a small holiday until clouds started to gather once more and he became aware that the three of them were not, indeed, a family.
He stood on the cliff top, gazing out at the shifting colors in the sea, slate grey to sparkling blue, his only companion a gnarled, weather beaten tree, bent low by the constant sea wind. Was that what the shifting emptiness inside him was about? It was searching for a base, a family, something to love.
Ava had robbed him. Those magical two years of his daughter’s life, seeing her enter this world, watching while she took her first breath, smile, hear her first word, take her first step. All of it. Missed, and never to be regained again.
The reason why cut through him, a knife through butter.
Ava hadn’t thought he was good father material. So obvious, he nearly smacked himself in the forehead. She didn’t deem him fit to be in her daughter’s life. Why else would a woman not tell a man about the child they had made together?
He welcomed the clarity his anger brought. Confusion was shoved aside in favor of this overriding, powerful know-it-all anger. Heat flooded his veins.
The wind picked up and he welcomed it. Fan the flames. Ava thought she was too good for him, did she? Not forgetting the fact of her having walked out on him, not once, but bloody twice. Dio. So what he told her he hadn’t wanted children—a man could change his mind, too, couldn’t he? She hadn’t even given him the choice before making it for him.
His mind whirled, finally hatching a plan. First, he was going to revisit his idea for personal revenge. Sex between them was great. She wouldn’t be able to deny that. The chemistry would easily bring them together. He would sleep with her, perhaps in some olde English hotel, then leave her where she lay. See how she liked it for once. More images flashed. Him taking Bella away to Argentina—for a minimum of two years anyway. Again, see how Ava liked being left.
The niggling voice at the back of his mind finally got his attention. He couldn’t take the child away from her. It would kill her. Not to mention what it would do to Bella. Why couldn’t he just leave things as they were? Head back to Argentina, find some other woman and have children with her instead? Easy. Maybe after he’d loved and left Ava.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to see his sister calling.
* * * *
Darkness had fallen, thick and velvety by the time he had returned home. Wasting no more time, he called Edwina. He wandered up to his bedroom while waiting for her to pick up and began throwing clothes from his wardrobe into his suitcase.
“Hi Matthias, are you calling because you’ve read the reviews?” Her voice was high with excitement.
“Hi Edwina. No, I’m not actually. Were they good?”
“Good? Excellent is more like. Seems like you got away with your comments last night. I guess we need a nasty judge to help the ratings.” Matthias could hear a smile in her voice, softening her words.
“I’m glad. Anyway, I have some bad news. I’m sorry but I need to fly home for a family wedding and will be gone until next Monday.”
“Ah okay. I know you’re only part-time on the show.” The delight in her voice was replaced by tiredness. “Who else can we get at such short notice though?”
Matthias ran his hand through his hair, staring unseeing out the window. “Let me see if I can find a suitable replacement.”
“A replacement? Who?”
“I’ll call you in a while.” He hung up and sat on his bed. Rumpling his hair absentmindedly, he wandered through the contacts on the phone. Eyes lighting on one, he smiled. It would work out fine.
Just before he left his apartment, he called Edwina back.
“Right, Edwina, I’ve got you the current Tango champion of Argentina—is that okay for you?” He smiled, knowing she would hear it in his voice, for he knew she wouldn’t be able to turn him down.
“Santino Vidal? Are you serious?”
“Si, he flies in tomorrow and will stay here with his partner in my apartment until I get b
ack. I gave him your number and told him to call you when he was ready to meet.”
“Brilliant. Well done. I hope you’ll still be welcome when you get back!”
“Trust me, Edwina, Santino will be good, but nowhere as good as me. I must go.”
“Adios, Matthias. Safe trip. We’ll see you back to judge next week, if not before, to help mentor?”
“Yes. Goodbye, Edwina. Have a good couple of weeks.”
He shut his phone, tapped his cheek gently with it. It was good to know he had found a worthy stand-in. Vidal said he was available for the foreseeable future, so if Matthias did decide not to come back, he wouldn’t be leaving the show in the lurch.
He shot his cuff back to check his watch. Dammit, he had spent far too much time sorting this out. His plane departed Heathrow in four hours.
* * * *
Ava sat with Bella feeding her breakfast, and with a sigh of relief, heard her front door clatter open. Finally, she could talk to someone about the crazy thoughts circling, the ones keeping her from sleeping. Someone who would tell her not to be daft, Matthias wouldn’t take Bella from her.
“Hi, darlings.” Her mother kissed them both and put the kettle on.
“Hi, Mum.” Ava gave the last loaded spoonful of oatmeal to Bella, who insisted on feeding herself this morning. “Come on, honey, eat up.”
“What’s up?” Her mum took the teapot from the cupboard and leaned against the counter, watching her.
“Is it that obvious?” Ava threw her mother a tired smile, already feeling her throat constrict with tears.
Her mum simply nodded, her bright blue eyes showing sympathy and love.
Ava inhaled sharply in an attempt to clear her throat to be able to speak. Bella stopped drinking her milk to stare at Ava, surprise in her brown velvet eyes.
“It’s okay sweetie.” Her mum unfastened Bella from her chair and let her out. Bella waved and gave her chubby palm a big kiss in an approximation of blowing them both a kiss, and tottered off to her playroom.
Ava sat back in the chair, the weight of her thoughts pushing her there. Damn and blast and every other thing she could think of. Putting her hands to her face, she lightly stroked her closed eyelids.
“We had a great morning yesterday in the park. Really great. Too great. Bella was babbling away about Matthias and horses all day yesterday and he was the first thing she mentioned when she woke.”
“Well, that’s only to be expected, honey. It’s a novelty for her, and you know how she loves meeting new people and figuring out how to wrap them around her little finger.”
“It goes beyond novelty, Mum. I really think some part of her knows Matthias is her father. You should’ve seen them together. It was almost like a missing part was put into place. They were complete around each other. In a way I’ve never before felt with Bella.”
But I have with him.
“Ah now, you’re being silly. Of course you’ve never felt that before with Bella. You’re constantly around her and never see her when she’s not with you. Believe you me, you complete her in a way unlike anybody else.”
“I’m not sure, Mum. I could practically see Matthias falling in love with her too. He turned into a doting father within seconds of her smiling at him. I’m worried—” Her voice rose until she had to stop speaking before she started to screech.
Her mum sat in the opposite chair and covered her hand with both of hers. Ava smiled, feeling her lips tremor and bit down hard on them. “He’ll try to take her away from me.” Her throat constricted and the tears leaked, a silent stream down her face. She lowered her head to gently massage her forehead and wished she could stop crying.
Her mother poured them a cup of tea, and getting up to go to the cupboard, put one sugar into her cup before pushing it before her. Ava sniffed and grabbed a tissue from the box on the table.
“He wouldn’t. I’m sure you wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone who could do something as despicable as that.”
Despite herself, Ava smiled through the tears. Only her mother could call someone despicable.
“Who’s to say what he’s going to do.” Now that the first flurry of tears were out, she was feeling better, despite knowing the tide had only been dammed for a short while. “He’s a family man, you know, despite the rubbish he told me. I saw him with his own extended family and have no reason to believe he won’t want his daughter with him in Argentina.” She lifted her cup to take a sip, only to put it down when her shaking hands threatened to spill the hot liquid. She stroked her palms on her thighs.
“But you would get custody. You’re Bella’s prime caregiver.” Her mum’s lips disappeared into a thin line.
“I know, but I doubt the courts would consider me favorably because I didn’t tell Matthias about Bella. And oh, do you remember what happened to my friend Tina?” Her mum frowned and shook her head so Ava went on. “When she and Steve split up, he fought Tina for full custodial rights of Alex. Tina had to quit work to care for Alex and she didn’t stand a chance against Steve. He kept taking her to court, and she didn’t have the money to continue paying her lawyer. Result? She lost Alex.” Ava kept her eyes level with her teacup.
“Sweetie, I understand your worry, truly I do. But you can’t guarantee the same thing will happen. Who knows, maybe—”
Ava stood abruptly, her chair falling over behind her. “Don’t say it, Mum, don’t even think it.” She walked to the sink and opened the blind over the kitchen window, cursing herself for signing up on the stupid show in the first place. She was in an impossible situation.
“Oh, it’s such a mess, Mum. You should’ve seen her yesterday, like all her Christmases come at once. It was beautiful to watch.”
“Well that’s something totally different. The three of you as a family, not Matthias and Bella as a little unit without you.”
“Which will never happen. Matthias has a partner and a son.”
“Are you one hundred per cent sure?”
The wild flowers beyond her window danced lightly in the breeze, a shaft of sunlight highlighting the pinks, blues and purples. She turned to her mother.
“Well no, but—”
“Yes, yes, I know what you think. What did he say when you asked him?”
“I haven’t had a chance. I’m trying to figure out how I feel about him before I hear his answers.”
“Trying to persuade yourself you don’t love him, you mean? And, therefore, it won’t matter how he replies. Ah Ava, darling. There’s nothing wrong with showing him your vulnerability. A man needs to see your softer side.”
Ava heard her mother’s words and knew she was right. Heck, what did she have to lose? Bella? This way, she might actually get to keep her little girl. Turning around, she gave her mother a nod and picked up her tea. She took a sip, savoring the unexpected sugar.
“You’re right. It needs sorting out. Today, if possible.” She summoned energy to smile at her mother, knowing it fell flat when she saw the compassion on her mum’s face. It was time to throw the dice, see where they land. But by god, it was going to be hard, opening herself up to the man she loved. A man she was sure didn’t love her.
Before she left for the studio, she walked into the playroom and stopped by the door. Bella was by the window playing with her farmyard animals, her brow furrowed while she figured out what noise to make for which animal. A shaft of sunlight peeked from outside to fall on her unruly black curls. Hearing her mother at the door, Bella peeked over and waved. Ava’s heart clenched. She had always said she would go to hell and back for her little girl. Now it appeared she had just gotten herself a one-way ticket.
* * * *
That evening, she walked the Thames path. Battersea Park was on her right and nostalgia pinged when she passed the bowling green where she and Matthias danced a few short nights ago. The band was there practicing and she stopped to listen. The notes soared around her, but it was no good. They hadn’t the ability to soothe her jangled nerves.
&nbs
p; Heaving a sigh, she moved onwards, feeling the full weight of each leg as she walked, or rather dawdled, down the path. She rounded the last corner to see the lights softly shining from Matthias’s first floor balcony. Despite her fear of what he would say, her heart lifted at the thought of seeing him and, yeah, okay, at finally being free of the constant waxing and waning of hope.
A shadow moved past the open balcony doors and she could hear a low baritone voice, a sexy accent murmuring in Spanish. He sounded strange, voice even deeper than normal. She couldn’t concentrate though, for her heart was in her mouth, disabling her breathing.
She was here.
He was there.
Dear God, please help me get it right.
She walked around back, only to freeze when she heard another voice. Again impossibly sexy, but this time it was a female’s. And okay, she was speaking a different language, but there was no mistaking the promise the low tone carried. There was a deep-throated giggle, followed by silence.
They were kissing.
No, please no. No doubt what they were doing, judging by the low murmurs and giggles. Which were getting louder. They were coming out of the living room above her. Forcing herself to move, Ava ducked under the balcony, thanking her lucky stars for the path leading away from the main one.
She walked.
When she got onto the main road, she turned right to head over Battersea Bridge and rolled her collar up against the biting wind whistling down the Thames. The tears coursing down her cheeks left ice cold trails that had nothing, whatsoever, to do with her thoughts. It was the fault of the wind coaxing them from her eyes.
Halfway across the bridge, she stopped. The railings held her weight while she stared back at his apartment building, wanting to confirm what her ears had already told her. A couple, the man’s arm around the woman’s shoulder, pointing toward the Houses of Parliament. As one, their heads turned in her direction and Ava had to quell an instinct to duck.
Boy did she want a break. For her beleaguered brain to stop its constant search for an achievable, heck any, answer.
Taming the Tango Champion Page 11
