by Clare Revell
“What are you saying?” He frowned. “You want me back but under certain conditions? Do you want me to quit my job?”
“No, I don’t want you to quit your job. I’m making a mess of this. I don’t want you to move out. I want to date you properly. Have you live in the house, after all it’s your house too, and it’s big enough for the both of us.”
Jared put a bandaged hand onto hers. “I’d like that.”
She looked down at their hands for a moment and then raised her gaze to hold his. “I know things are different now, but,” she paused. Color rushed to her cheeks.
“Hon, I’m not asking you to sleep with me until you’re ready. If that means waiting years or never, that’s fine.” He looked at her. “I can wait, I promise.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, a huge burden falling from her mind. It wasn’t just that she didn’t remember the wedding, it was more she didn’t feel married. She was dating this guy nothing more. At least not yet. They’d just have to wait and see what happened, if anything did come of it at all.
“I put dinner in the oven before we left to get you. It should be done when we get back. It’s nothing special, just shepherd’s pie, but…”
“It sounds wonderful.” His eyes creased for a moment, then cleared. “No crutches or splint?”
She shook her head. “Got rid of them yesterday. You mean you only just noticed?”
“Well, you kind of side-winded me with the ‘I’ve cancelled the divorce’ thing.”
“That was afterwards…”
“And I had this really gorgeous woman come and pick me up.”
She smiled. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”
Jared leaned forward and kissed her gently. “Made you smile though. And I happen to like your smile.”
“Like yours too.”
She left her hand in his and rested her head on his shoulder for the rest of the drive home.
****
By the time they got home, dinner was ready. Jared somehow managed to balance the fork and eat despite his bandaged hands. He was grateful Niamh had made something easy to eat. Had she done it on purpose? Either way, shepherd’s pie was one of his favorites. “This is amazing. Even better than mum’s.”
“Seriously? The amount of time you spend raving about your mum’s cooking, I didn’t think anyone could hold a candle to it.”
“You’d be surprised.”
“Do your hands hurt very much?”
“A little, but I’ve been here before. It’s just minor burns. Keep them wrapped for a week, keep them moving to keep the skin supple and back at work in no time. We’re off the next four days anyway, so don’t need any more time off sick.”
Her smile lit her eyes. “Just glad you’re home and OK. Well, relatively OK.” She hesitated for a moment. “Jarrie, I…”
He set his plate down and took her hands in his. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s right. At least I hope it is. I love you.” Her eyes glistened with hope and the fear of rejection.
His heart filled and exploded within him. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tightly. “I love you, too.”
Jared smiled. He could hardly believe he was blessed enough to have her fall in love with him twice. Now he just had to romance her before proposing again. Because he would. Then he would remarry her and they could start over. Just the two of them, the way it should be.
14
Niamh glanced up as Alan came into the office. Glass walled, it had a one way mirror on what looked like a book case in the far corner. Despite the fact it left her on public display, it was bigger than her previous office, and she grudgingly admitted she liked the spacious feeling the room had.
The coffee, or to be more accurate as neither of them had drunk coffee, tea meeting with Miles had left her hackles raised and her sixth sense reeling.
“Hi, Alan. I assume you listened in.”
He nodded. “I heard most of it. I missed the first ten minutes or so because I was on the phone. Duncan from security is making sure Mr. Kingsman signs out and leaves the building.”
“Good.” She looked down at the file in front of her. “Something’s not right. I was expecting him to plea bargain; they always do, but this? There is no way we’ll just drop the charges and he knows it. Add to that the fact he wasn’t happy about delaying the meeting.”
“You had other priorities with Jared in hospital.”
“Yeah, but try telling him that. He’s convinced himself this is a huge miscarriage of justice, and we’re out on a vendetta against anyone connected to Acre.”
Alan raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s what I thought. And those are his words, not mine. That just tells me there is a definite link between Acre and Jankowski, and I’m not going to rest until I find it.” She paused. “Question. Is it illegal to investigate the defense barrister during an ongoing case?”
“You personally can’t do it.”
“Can I ask someone to?”
Alan nodded slowly. “Quietly. If it comes back to bite you, it’ll get messy really fast. Who were you thinking of asking?”
“I have a contact in the security services. I’ve used him before, a long time ago.”
A wry smile crossed Alan’s lips. “It’d have to be if you remember it.”
She tossed a wad of scrunched up paper at him. “Pffttt. I get enough of that from Jarrie and my brothers, thank you very much. I come to work for a respite.”
He perched on her desk. “No, you come here to work.” He held her gaze for a while, making her squirm and glad she wasn’t a witness in the box being cross-examined by him. Intimidating wasn’t the word. “OK. You can make discreet inquiries. Nothing that can be traced back to us, however. We can’t afford to stuff this up.”
“Stuff this up?”
He threw the wad of paper back at her. “I can do street talk with the best of them, lassie. But I’m being serious.”
“He’ll be discreet. He has to be in his line of work.”
“OK then. Keep me informed. And keep it out of the office. What you do in your own time is your business.” He pushed up and headed to the door. “Oh, while I think of it, move the rest of your things in here. This is your new office.”
“Sure.” She scrunched her nose at his retreating back. “Just chuck me some fish flakes and call me Nemo.”
Alan laughed as he shut the door, his voice floating through the crack. “But I know where you are, lassie.”
Niamh threw her pen at the closing door and slid her phone from her pocket. She pulled up Patrick’s name then hesitated. What if someone was the other side of the one way mirror, listening to her every word? Changing her mind, she cancelled the call and sent him a text instead. She’d have this conversation out of the office, just to be on the safe side.
****
Niamh sat opposite Jared, menu in hand, trying to decide what she wanted.
Patrick slid into the seat next to her. “Hey, sis. What gives? You said it was urgent, and it looks as if you’re having a cozy lunch with your husband.”
“He’s my cover.” She grinned at him. “I need your professional services on the quiet. It’s in the menu.”
Patrick picked up the menu. “I see.” He opened it and read the cover sheet quickly. “The steak looks good, but I’m kind of snowed under right now. I don’t have much free time.”
“Nor do we. This is important, Pi.”
“Is it?”
Jared set his glass down with a thump. “It could be related to the death threats.” His low, urgent tone startled her. As did the incredible depth of emotion contained in the husky voice. “Just in case you need an additional incentive.”
The two men exchanged a long hard look, before Patrick turned his piercing gaze on his sister. He slid the paper from the menu, expertly folding and sliding it into his pocket virtually unseen. “Consider it done. What’s your time frame?”
“Soon as.
It’s an active case. Nate, one of the elders from church is the other interested party.”
He nodded and turned back to the menu for a moment. “Egg and chips. With a mug of tea.”
Niamh smiled. “That sounds good to me.”
“Ditto.” Jared got up. “I’ll go order.”
“Thanks, Jarrie.” Niamh grinned as he blew her a kiss before hooking his thumbs in his belt hooks and easing his way across to the counter.
Her heart did its usual pounding, her breath caught. He was all man and he was hers anytime she wanted. But what made him all the more special was the fact he was prepared to wait for her. Either until she remembered him or until she was ready. But until then, she had his hand in hers and kisses that drove her wild.
“Earth to Niamh. Come in Niamh, your time is up.”
Jerked out of her thoughts, she looked at her brother. “I’m sorry, I was miles away.”
“I noticed.” He winked. “You haven’t looked at him like that in a long time.”
“I was a fool. But at least I have a second chance. The car crash gave me that.”
“Yeah, and speaking of car crashes? You need to be careful.”
She turned her coaster over and over. “I am. I have a police escort and everything.”
“You do?” Patrick raised an eyebrow and glanced around the room. “Where? I can normally spot them a mile off.”
She jerked her head to the left. “Over there. The blonde supermodel and the stud who looks like a movie star.”
“I bet Jared loves that.”
“Actually he hasn’t said anything.”
“I haven’t said anything about what?” Jared slid back into his seat and playfully trod on her foot as he did. “Unless you’re talking about Tweedledum and Tweedledummer over there.”
Patrick coughed. “That’s not a nice thing to say. Are you tarring us all with the same brush?”
“You’re not a cop. You’re a spook. There’s a difference.”
Niamh laughed. “Yeah, spooks are scary.”
Patrick pulled a face at her. “Oh, ha, ha, ha.”
“Food’s just coming.” Jared winked. “Now play nice, children.”
“We always do. I was just saying to Ni how nice it is to see you two getting along again.”
Jared smiled, his smile sending a blaze of joy through her. “Yeah, it is. Things are going to be different this time.”
She nodded. “Different in a good way.”
Jared took her hand and kissed it, her skin warming under his lips. His gaze held hers. “This time we make it work and don’t give up.”
****
Later that week, Niamh stood in the grand hall of the mayor’s chambers, a glass of juice in her hand. She’d declined the champagne as she was driving for the first time since the car crash. Never mind the fact that the mere smell of alcohol made her queasy and had ever since the accident.
Jared had received the Queen’s Gallantry medal, for saving the life of two of his colleagues in the warehouse fire. He was doing the rounds, talking politely with the brass that had come down for the occasion. A sense of awe filled her that this incredibly good looking, courageous man wanted her, loved her.
Had she felt like this the first time? That sounded so strange. The first time.
Somehow she thought love would only come once in a lifetime, if you were graced enough to find it at all. But she seemed to have found it twice.
Not that she remembered the first time. Her life with Jared began when she woke up in hospital after the car crash she didn’t remember either. Before then she didn’t exist. At least not as she was now which was scarred and broken. OK, the doctor’s had fixed her, and put her back together again as best they could, but some things would remain broken. She just had to accept that now and move on. So long as Jared was there, she could do that.
“Hey, Niamh,” a voice said, startling her out of her thoughts.
She glanced up and smiled. “Hi, Phil. That was a lovely ceremony. I wondered if Jared’s smile could possibly get any wider.”
“Knowing him, it probably could.” He jerked his head in Jared’s direction. “You’ve got a very brave husband there.”
Niamh glanced over at him, bursting with pride. “Yeah, just wish his job didn’t terrify me so much at times. I don’t resent him doing it. It’s just the thought of what might happen every time he goes out on a call.” She paused. “Shame it’s not all cats up trees.”
Phil smiled wryly. “That would get boring after a while. Seriously, Niamh, Jared is one of the most capable firefighters on the watch. He’s methodical, careful, and resilient. Sure he’s a risk taker, but we all are to some extent.”
“Not sure what I ever did to deserve someone like him. If half of what I’ve been told about the past couple of years is true, even I’d have left me.”
“He loves you,” Phil told her. “He stuck by you. Even when it didn’t look like you’d make it, he was there, holding your hand, begging you to come back.”
She looked at him. “That’s the first thing I remember. Waking up in ITU, with this totally drop dead gorgeous bloke holding my hand.” Then she blushed. “Sorry, you’re his commanding officer I shouldn’t talk about him like this.”
Phil smiled. “It’s fine. I’m also his friend. My wife says the same thing about him. In fact, most of the single women I know are jealous of you.”
“Me? Why? I’m no one special.”
He nodded. “Yes you are, and not simply because the best looking firefighter at the station comes home to you every night.” He looked at her. “Probably shouldn’t say as much, but he never lost hope, never strayed.”
Niamh looked surprised. “Never?”
“No. He’s never once looked at another woman since I’ve known him. He’s a one-woman man and totally devoted to you.”
She smiled slightly. “Thank you.”
Jared came back over to her and she slid her free hand into his. “Hey.”
“I think this is my cue to go find the wife. Nice talking to you, Niamh.”
“And you, Phil.” As he left, she turned to Jared. “My hero.”
His eyes twinkled and the dimple in his cheek shone as he smiled. “Why, thank you.”
Holding her glass steady, she extended her index finger to slowly trace the medal on his chest. “You take too many risks, but it’s who you are. I wouldn’t change it or you for anything.”
He kissed her cheek. “I could say the same about you.”
“Being a lawyer isn’t dangerous. OK, maybe it is when someone wants me dead, but so long as you love me and are here for me, even that doesn’t seem so frightening.”
“Speak for yourself. The thought of someone wanting to hurt you scares the living daylights out of me.”
She tilted her head and winked at him. “Maybe I should try scaring the dead nightlights out of you instead then?”
His deep chuckle thrilled her. “I’d like to see you try.”
****
The following evening she sat in the kitchen with Liam, talking about a dozen different things at once. Jared was working the night shift and didn’t want her to be alone. According to him, two cops parked out the front of the house didn’t count. He wanted someone in the house with her.
“It just feels, oh I don’t know, wrong to wear the ring,” she finished. “And wrong not to, if that makes any sense at all.”
“So why not just wear the ring and be done with it?”
She shook her head, pulling the chain out from around her neck. “But that would imply too much.” She ran her fingers over the ring. “To wear his wedding ring would be an invitation back into my bed, and I’m not ready for that.”
She paused. “I can’t believe I just told you that. You’re my brother and here I am discussing whether or not to sleep with a guy.”
“You’re my twin. I know what you’re thinking before you do. Besides, we always have talked about everything. You know that.”
She nod
ded.
Liam sipped his coffee, studying her over the cup. “Anyway, back to the subject of sex.”
Niamh blushed, hiding her face as Liam roared with laughter.
“You started it. Look, I’m sure he wouldn’t assume you wanted to sleep with him if you wore his ring. Why are you so worried about it, though?”
“Because we’re not married,” she said slowly. “I love the guy so much, my heart beats faster or just plain skips a beat every time I see him. The sound of his voice fills me with butterflies and to be in the same room with him is more than I could ever hope for. But I put his ring on my finger and that changes everything.”
“But you are married.”
“According to him, and you, and the photos, and the marriage books in church, yes but...”
“But what?”
“I don’t remember it,” she whispered. “Or feel it. It’d be like living in sin, and I can’t do that. And before you say God thinks we’re married as well, it’s my conscience that’s getting in the way here. I’m trying so hard to make things right…with God and with Jarrie. I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize that. Am I making any sense at all here? Or spouting utter nonsense? Again.”
Liam nodded. “You’re making perfect sense. I feel the same way and so does Jacqui. Sex is for marriage only. Sometimes saying goodnight and leaving, or even breaking off a heated kiss before we go beyond the point of being able to stop is almost too much to bear. But we do it, because it’s the right thing to do. Which is why Jacqui and I aren’t living together.”
“Yeah.”
“Jared’s a good guy; he won’t push you into doing anything you don’t want to.”
“I know. Just not sure this is fair on him. He’s been through so much.”
