by J. Bengtsson
“Did you shame the family name?” Grace eyed me mischievously.
“Probably,” I said pulling her into a hug and then attacking her side with my fingers. “Would you expect any less?”
“From you?” She giggled, squirming away from me. “No way.”
I stayed home for a few days, hanging out with the family, but I wasn’t planning on staying long. I was itching to get back to the tour and Jake. Returning to a normal routine was what I needed to get my mind off the show. It was all I could think about. I missed the island and Dale and Carl and hell, even Marsha, but most of all, I missed Kenzie. And that pissed me off. It was easier to hate her than to miss her. I just needed to get away. The fast pace and excitement of touring would take my mind off everything.
The plan was for me to join the tour in Amsterdam, and then the busses would roll into Denmark to begin the Scandinavia portion of the tour. Because Jake had a concert the night I arrived, I was picked up by one of our security guys, Dominic, who’d worked for Jake for years and had become a good friend.
“You’re all they could part with?” I insulted, as I walked up lugging my bags.
Dom smiled and opened his arms as if to say, Yeah, I’m it.
“I’m hurt. I’m not even worth getting an escort from Vadim?”
“Nope. You’re lucky they didn’t send Beau to pick your sorry ass up.”
“Beau?” I laughed. “Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel.”
“Exactly. So aren’t you happy to see me now?”
“I guess. And on the bright side, at least I got the pretty boy of the group,” I complimented, although we both knew he was anything but. With body-covering tattoos that climbed up his neck, his shiny bald top, and his near-continuous, badass grimace, Dom was as far from a pretty boy as you could get.
“Yep, I’m trying something new with my hair. You like?”
“Love,” I said, wrapping my arm around his shoulder in greeting. I’d watched this guy single-handedly handle entire crowds with his dominating roar, but off-duty, Dom had a funny bone that, when tickled, would induce the funniest damn giggle I’d ever heard. Get him going on some joke and I swear the guy would be bent over in hysterics, gasping for breath.
Like the old friends we were, Dom and I chatted the entire length of the drive to the stadium. Fans lined the sidewalks on the street that led to the bus entrance of the arena. As our car was stopped by stadium security, screams erupted from the crowds.
“They think you’re Jake,” Dom laughed, shaking his head. “Idiots.”
I rolled down the window just enough to stick my hand out and wave. The roar that immediately went up was deafening. I continued my greeting until Dom started rolling the window up on my hand.
“Really?” he questioned, eyeing me in amusement.
“What? I was being friendly.”
“No. You were lying to hoards of Jake’s fans.”
“Oh, please. You’re always so detail-oriented. You need a vacation.”
“Yeah, well, unlike you, I have to work for a living.”
His words hit me. I knew how the crew viewed me – hell, we even kidded about it, which was clearly what Dom was doing now – but I wasn’t entirely sure I liked that distinction anymore. We sat in silence for a minute. I could feel Dom evaluating me.
“I was only kidding. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, of course,” I replied, trying to appear unaffected by his words. Was I just a fucking joke? In an attempt to steer the conversation away from my shitty work ethic, I asked, “So did you meet Casey?”
“Yep. Nice girl. Everyone loved her.”
“And Jake seemed happy with her?”
Dom glanced in my direction and then looked away.
“Really? You’re going to be a stickler with me?”
“I don’t talk about Jake’s personal life with anyone – not even you, Kyle.”
“Fine, I’ll ask him myself,” I grumbled.
“You do that,” he smiled. “And leave my name out of it.”
Dom dropped me off at the bus. The door was locked, so I knocked lightly. After a moment, Lassen opened it.
“Hey,” he said hastily, and then scooted his big, old body back into his space up front.
“Nice to see you again,” I called after him.
“Yep, I can’t talk. I’m watching a soccer game right now.”
“Since when do you watch soccer?”
“Since it’s the only sport on television in all of Europe.”
“Where’s Jake?”
“In his room.”
Walking to the back of the bus, I dropped my bags and then made my way quietly to the bedroom door. It was ajar, so I nudged it open with my foot. Jake was on his stomach on the bed, sleeping, I assumed. I decided to announce my arrival in the most obtrusive of ways, by jumping on his back.
“What the…” Jake grunted, earphones flying out of his ears as he flipped over and smacked me in the face with a pillow. “Don’t do that! Goddammit!”
“Sorry. Sorry,” I said waving my hands. I took in Jake’s wild, crazy eyes and instantly felt bad.
“Fucking dick,” he protested. “You scared the shit out of me.”
I never could control my impulses around him. It was as if I reverted to the annoying little brother role as soon as we were together. I seriously had no idea how he’d put up with me for so damn long. “That was stupid. I’m an idiot. Sorry.”
My sincere apology seemed to ease Jake’s ire. His body relaxed, and his eyes returned to their normal ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ look.
To ease the tension I’d created, I opened my arms and plastered on a shit-eating grin. “I’m back!!”
Jake exhaled loudly. “Lucky me.”
“I know. Now accept my apology and get up. Entertain me.”
“I’m trying. Get off me.”
I stood back up. “What are you doing sleeping in the middle of the day, anyway?” I grabbed the pillow and struck him with it for good measure.
“You’re pushing it, Kyle,” he warned. “And I wasn’t sleeping, I was texting Casey.”
“Oh.” I nodded, a knowing smile forming on my face. “You were sexting Casey.”
“No,” Jake corrected, with the tiniest grin. “I was texting her, like I said.”
“Uh-huh, right. If you prefer, I’ll just wait out there so you can finish beating off.”
“Six seconds, Kyle. That’s all it took for you to get on my nerves.”
“I was going for four, but I’ll take six.”
Jake got off the bed and pushed me out of his way.
“What, I don’t get a hug?”
“You don’t deserve a hug.”
“Fine,” I pouted.
“How’d the show go?” Jake asked as he walked into the kitchen. I followed after him, as I always did.
“I discovered a lot about myself, actually.”
Jake scanned me with his eyes, no doubt trying to determine if I was messing with him or not. “Really? Like what did you discover?”
“I don’t like shitting in the woods.”
Jake shook his head, smiling. “No one ever does.”
“And, on a more wussy note, I like the sunrise.”
“Now that is noteworthy. That means you woke up before noon at some point during your time away.”
“Yep. That’s what happens when you sleep on a bamboo stalk in the middle of a jungle.”
“Sounds fun. So were there any hotties in the jungle?”
“Oh, yeah, this one, you would have loved her. Long pigtails, overalls, no bra.”
“Sounds…” Jake hesitated, confused by my less-than-flattering description. “Interesting, I guess.”
“Oh, yeah, and she was smart too. She knew a little about everything and spent hours teaching us all these interesting facts about… well, about fucking nothing.”
“I’m getting less interested for every word you speak,” he said.
“And
she was a cougar… a really old, goddamn cougar. She was always grabbing my ass.”
Jake nodded his head in approval. “Well, she sounds amazing, Kyle. Congratulations.”
“Thank you. We really are happy together.”
“So no island romance, then?”
I hesitated, and Jake picked up on it right away.
“What? Did you meet someone?” Jake’s eyes lit up. “Was she from a religious cult?”
“No, but she was from a really small town. So small in fact that they have pie baking competitions and dress up like frickin’ dairy cows.”
“What type of people did you meet on this show?” Jake asked, appearing not only highly amused but perplexed as well.
“Oh I’ve only just begun, Jake. Wait until you hear about the seven foot, ginger-haired giant who had a total fat, fangirl boner for you.”
“Okay,” Jake’s said putting his hands up to stop me. “One thing at a time. You are feeding me way too much information at once. Let’s shelve the giant – for now – and get back to the cowgirl. Was she hot?”
“Yeah. I mean, she’s cute-hot.”
Jake raised his eyebrow, questioning my word choice.
“You know, kind of sweet and innocent but still fun to hang with… not like the ladies we’ll meet tonight.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m not meeting any ladies tonight. Casey wouldn’t appreciate that.”
“So you guys are exclusive, then?” I asked, surprised. I’d never known Jake to be serious about any woman and was still having trouble wrapping my head around it.
“She’s my girlfriend, Kyle. So yeah, very exclusive.”
“Geez, first Keith, then Quinn, and now you. Am I the only McKallister boy without a girlfriend?”
“Quinn has a girlfriend?” Jake’s voice rose an octave.
“Yep.”
“He never told me that.”
“Yeah, her name is Lacey, or Lucy… no, maybe it’s Lexi.”
“Which one is it?”
“I don’t know. She came in wearing a crop top and a really shiny belly button ring. She was sixteen and half-naked, so obviously I was trying not to make eye contact.”
“Good call. I bet Mom just adores her,” Jake said sarcastically.
“You have no idea… it really is heart-warming to see them interact.”
“I’m sure,” Jake grinned. “Well, way to go, Quinn. I didn’t know he was so popular with the girls.”
“Are you kidding? Jake, our little brother is quite the stud now. After two rounds of braces, he’s grown out of that awkward beaver-tooth stage.”
Jake laughed, shaking his head. “You’re such a jerk. Okay, so back to that girl. Do you like her?”
“Not anymore.”
“Why?”
“’Cause she screwed me.”
“Literally?”
“No, figuratively. She kicked me out of the game to have a better chance at winning.”
“No?” Jake questioned, in surprise.
“Yes.”
“Damn. That’s cutthroat.”
“Yep. And now I hate her, so that’s that.”
He eyed me skeptically. “If you say so.”
“I do. And I want to get drunk tonight. You in?”
Jake contemplated his decision for longer than seemed necessary. “I’m in.”
Before the concert, I passed a few bills off to Beau, the stagehand roadie whom no one wanted to pick them up at the airport, and told him to make a party happen.
“No problem, dude. Are we talking kickback or rager?”
“Whatever that wad of cash buys me,” I said, slapping his shoulder. “Don’t let me down.”
“Have I ever?”
He wasn’t the smartest of dudes, but when it came to parties, Beau Beckley was like an idiot savant. No one could outdo a Beau-sponsored soirée. Hand the guy a few hundred bucks and within an hour he’d have a keg and a couple of strippers delivered to the door. He was just that good.
Later that night, I stood on the side of the stage and watched with amazement as my brother played for the sold-out crowd. There was something different about him that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was almost like he had a renewed purpose in life. We hadn’t yet had a chance to talk about Casey, but she’d clearly had a profound effect on him. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who’d changed in the past two months. I had an overwhelming feeling that life as I’d known it would never be the same.
After the concert, the band and crew made their way into the underground parking garage. Some local women who’d been invited backstage earlier in the evening were also now at the party. Liquor was freely flowing, and the women were hot. For the first time since the Kenzie takedown, I was feeling no pain. Jake hung with the crowd for a while, but I could tell he wasn’t feeling it, and he excused himself soon after, and Vadim and Dom escorted him back. I guess I should have followed, as I normally did, but tonight I wanted to let loose and relax.
After Jake’s departure, a beautiful, raven-haired woman named Dunya made her way over to me. My eyes examined her enthusiastically. She’d be the perfect antidote for a backstabbing square dancer. Of course, Dunya was more interested in asking when Jake was coming back than getting to know me. I expertly deflected her questions, but damn if that woman refused to give up. My usual techniques for redirecting the conversation just weren’t working. She wasn’t falling for any of my bullshit. Maybe I was rusty. Although it also could have been the fact that, in my inebriated state, I kept mispronouncing her name, which caused her mood to sour.
“Dunby?”
“No. Dunya.
“Dunyah?”
“No, Dunya. Ya…can you say ‘ya’?” she tried, irritation thick in her accent.
“Yeh. Ya. Yo. Yum,” I cackled, really feeling the effects of the alcohol. She swore something in her native tongue.
“Do you like me, Dunby?”
“Dunya. And I like that you’re Jake’s brother.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, I might like you better if you weren’t making fun of my name.”
“I’m not making fun of your name. I just can’t pronounce it.”
“Yeah, you can. You’re just not trying.”
She was right. At first I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I mean, those five sequential letters in her name were tough to get a handle on. But the more annoyed she got with my mistakes, the more I enjoyed poking the bear.
“So let me ask you this. If I was some random American dude that you met at the concert, would you still want to hang out with me?”
Dundee flashed me a dubious look, and to her credit, actually seemed somewhat apologetic. “I mean, you’re not the worst guy here.”
That wasn’t the compliment I’d been fishing for. Glancing around the room at some of our roadies, I was, at least, comforted by the knowledge that there were shoddier looking guys in here than me. Still, her words bothered me. “What exactly are you thinking is going to happen here tonight?”
She remained silent for a moment, perhaps contemplating her response. “I’d be willing to do a three-way.”
Trying to remain cool in the face of great confoundment, I managed to reply, “And by three-way you’re meaning, you, me, and that brunette over there?”
Her eyes followed in the direction I pointed, but then zeroed back in on mine. “I think you know what I mean.”
Once the shock wore off, I actually laughed in her face. She didn’t care for that, but I couldn’t help myself. Just the thought of it cracked me up. I had half a mind to bring her back to the bus just so I could see Jake’s horrified reaction.
“Just take me to him, Kale,” she sighed, deliberately mispronouncing my name. Clearly she’d had enough of my antics. “I’ll take care of the rest.”
Maybe it was my newfound self-awareness, or the shock of the offer, or maybe I’d just finally hit my breaking point; whatever it was, that was the moment I decided I no longer wanted to be the means to an end.
It had taken surviving on my own to open my eyes to what I’d been allowing to happen for so long. I was not a goddamn runner-up. I didn’t blame Jake, or Dunlop, or any of the other women who’d used me as a stepping-stone. I blamed myself. Suddenly it became clear that I was a master at self-sabotage. How could I ever become my own person if I was hiding behind a superstar? And why had I spent so much damn time being okay with this shit?
“You know what, Dunbar, thanks for the enticing offer, but I think I’ll pass.”
Things changed after that day. I asked Jake for a real job on the security crew. He never asked why, but he immediately turned me over to Vadim, and I was put to work. There were days that being employed really sucked and I would have preferred to go back to the bus and play video games all day long, but I stuck with it because I knew if I wanted to be taken seriously that I needed to stop acting like a teenaged mooch. For the first time in my life, I was actually making an honest day’s pay, and with it came a renewed sense of pride.
In addition to the job, I stopped courting the Jake-obsessed ladies. They weren’t here for me, and I wasn’t playing the game anymore. Just because I could have them didn’t mean I should. Jake had found a balance with life on the road, even before meeting Casey, and I was determined to have the same self-control.
And finally, I got serious about working out - something I’d always hated. Instead of my usual approach of lifting weights for three minutes and then going off to take a nap, now I worked out with Jake for at least an hour every day. Not only was my body changing and getting stronger, but also Jake and I had a lot of time to talk. We still avoided the heavy issues, but he was more open with me than he’d been in years. I noticed a difference in the way Jake treated me, too. It was definitely with more respect. The fact that I was trying to improve myself was not lost on him. He seemed proud of the changes I’d made, and that, in turn, filled me with a renewed sense of purpose. I liked this new Kyle a whole lot better than the old, and apparently so did Jake.
I thought a lot about the island and my friends, and although I hadn’t forgiven Kenzie, I still missed her way more than I wanted to admit. The show would be airing the season premier in the States the week after we arrived home from tour, and I’d have been lying if I said I wasn’t worried about how I would be portrayed. A positive edit could make or break a person. Would I be seen as some playboy, leading on the innocent American sweetheart? Grace’s words played over and over in my mind. I really hoped I wasn’t about to sully the McKallister name, because honestly, I wasn’t sure how much more it could take.
