by Marta Perry
She took advantage of the ensuing silence to move the drowsy child to his father’s arms. Grabbing a heavy wool shawl from the peg by the back door, she walked out, closing the door gently behind her.
Mid-November, and it was ser chilly already, a hint of the winter to come. Even the hardy mums on the sheltered side of the house had succumbed to frost. Clutching the shawl more tightly, she walked across brittle grass to the gnarled old apple tree that had once held a tree house when the boys were young. It was a relief to get out of the kitchen, too warm from all the cooking that had been done today for her birthday. This day had certainly turned out far different from the celebration her sisters had so lovingly planned.
She stopped under the tree, resting her hand against the rough bark. No point in going farther—she couldn’t escape her family, and she wouldn’t want to. Soon someone would come out to talk to her, and she would have to explain and justify and try to make them understand. But for this moment she was alone with her thoughts.
The family had one thing right. She did have a gift with children, and she couldn’t deny that gift. But to raise someone else’s children again, to grow to love them so dearly, but to know that she always took second place in their hearts…no, she couldn’t. But when she tried to think how to carry out that brave declaration she’d made, she found she was lacking in ideas.
It was Isaiah who came out to her. Maybe they thought the youngest would be most likely to soften her heart. But Isaiah was a man grown now, married for just a year, and so much in love with his Libby. Not a baby any longer, but he still seemed so young to her with his round blue eyes and his corn-silk hair. The beard he was growing as a married man was as fine and silky as his hair.
He leaned against the tree next to her, his eyes serious as he studied her face. “Are you all right?”
Naomi managed a smile, though it probably wasn’t very convincing. “Ja. I will be, anyway. I guess Daad’s news was a shock.”
“For sure.” Isaiah shook his head. “It wonders me that none of us saw this marriage coming, but we didn’t. I guess we all figured that if Daad had been going to wed again, he’d have done it years ago.”
“Then Betty would have had the raising of you.” Her smile was more natural this time.
Isaiah seemed to shudder. “Ach, I’m sure she’s a gut woman. But I’m glad it was you who brought me up, Naomi.”
For an instant she was surprised almost to tears. “Denke,” she whispered, her throat tight. She’d never say she loved one more than another, but Isaiah was especially dear, both because he was the baby and because of his sweet nature.
She tilted her head, watching him, wondering how he would react to the question she was about to put to him. “What about you, Isaiah? Do you think I’m being selfish not to do what Daadi wants?”
He blinked, eyes wide and innocent. “Ach, Naomi, everyone knows there’s not a selfish bone in your body, no matter—” He stopped, looking as if he’d bitten his tongue.
So that was what someone had been saying, once she’d left the kitchen. Well, she wouldn’t put Isaiah in the middle by noticing.
“I guess the first thing is to find a place for my beehives,” she said, deliberately turning the subject. “It’s not going to be an easy job, moving them all.”
“I’ll help,” he said instantly. “And I was thinking that I should ask Nathan King if you could have them on his farm. With Libby and me living right on the property, I could keep an eye on things for you.”
Naomi hesitated. Isaiah enjoyed working for Nathan King on his dairy farm, and she didn’t want to cause any difficulties between them by asking for something Nathan might not be so eager to grant. Nathan could have plenty of reasons not to want her beehives on his property.
“I wonder if that’s wise,” she said, careful to keep her voice neutral. “Ada and I were such close friends, and Nathan still mourns her so deeply even after two years. He might not want to have me around, reminding him of her.”
Vertical lines formed between Isaiah’s brows. “It’s true he’s still grieving for Ada. But as for reminding him…well, he seems to be thinking about her all the time anyway.”
“Poor Nathan,” she murmured. And poor Ada, gone far too early, it seemed, in such a freak accident, leaving Nathan and two young kinder behind. Naomi accepted it as God’s will, but she couldn’t help wishing it had been otherwise. As for Nathan—well, she doubted he would ever be able to accept his loss.
Isaiah straightened, pushing away from the tree. “Let me talk to Nathan about it, anyway. I won’t push. I’ll make it easy for him to say no, if that’s what he’s of a mind to do. But he might well say yes.”
She was still doubtful, but she nodded. “I guess it can’t hurt to ask.”
“That’s right. And if he says no, we’ll find someone else.” Isaiah put his arm around her shoulders. “You’re cold. Let’s go inside.”
She hung back. “That’s not a gut idea. Daadi will just start trying to persuade me again, and I don’t want to provoke a family quarrel on my birthday.” Although maybe she’d already done that very thing.
“He won’t say a word.” Isaiah sounded confident. “Betty told him it was best to let you think about their marriage and get used to the idea of moving out without him pushing you.”
“And he agreed to that?” It didn’t sound like Daadi at all. Once he’d made up his mind, he was like a rock.
“He did.” Isaiah grinned, blue eyes twinkling. “Seems like Betty can manage him better than the rest of us put together. So don’t lose heart. This is all going to turn out for the best, you’ll see.”
Naomi nodded as they started toward the house, not wanting to lay her burdens any more heavily on Isaiah. But she doubted this situation could possibly turn out for the best…for her, anyway.
Nathan King slid the harness over the back of Coal, the sturdy pony standing patiently between the shafts of the pony cart. He’d promised Joshua and Sadie a ride in the cart this afternoon, and he’d best get at it. Days grew short in November here in Pleasant Valley.
His father moved out of the shadow of the barn door, glancing up at the weak sunlight. “Giving the kinder a ride, ja? Are you sure you don’t want me to stay around to help you with the milking?”
Nathan shook his head, feeling an inward pang at the stiffness with which Daad moved. It was impossible to keep him from helping on the dairy farm, but Nathan tried to spare his father as best he could.
“You go on home before Sarah is scolding me for keeping you late.” Since Daad was living with Nathan’s sister, she could be tart with Nathan about Daad doing too much, but he’d noticed she didn’t have any better luck getting Daad to slow down. “Isaiah said he’d be back in time for evening milking.”
“They were having a birthday party for Naomi, ain’t so? I must remember to wish her happiness.” Daad shook his head, the wind ruffling his beard, more gray now than brown. “I can’t see her without thinking of your Ada, that’s certain-sure. They were gut friends, ain’t so?”
Nathan nodded, feeling his face stiffen. He didn’t like talking about Ada, not that he ever stopped thinking about her.
He glimpsed movement from the corner of his eye, and his heart jolted.
“Joshua!” He snatched his small son from under the pony, where Joshua was reaching for the harness strap. “What are you doing?” He held the boy close for a moment and then set him on his feet. “You know better than to mess around the horses.”
“But I can help, Daadi. I watch you and Grossdaadi all the time. I know how to harness Coal. She likes me.”
“Whether she likes you or not isn’t the point. You are too young to be harnessing her.”
Nathan could sense his father’s gaze on him, no doubt disapproving. Joshua stared at him with changeable hazel eyes so like Ada’s that it cut to the heart to see disappointment in them. But keeping Joshua safe was more important than anyone’s approval.
“But, Daadi…”
“Go back to Grossmammi. I will bring the cart up to the house in a moment.”
Joshua pressed his lips together. Then he turned and walked back toward the farmhouse, his small shoulders drooping.
“The boy is six already,” Daad commented. “When you were his age you were doing more than harnessing a pony.”
Nathan’s jaw set. “He’s too young. When he’s older I’ll show him how.” He turned to the patiently waiting pony and fastened the straps.
Daad put a hand on his shoulder. “Just because you lost Ada to an accident…”
“Don’t.” He was instantly sorry for the harshness of his tone, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t listen again to someone telling him that it wasn’t his fault Ada died trying to get the horses out of the blazing barn. Or telling him, as people seemed to want to do, that after two years it was time he started living again.
He couldn’t get over Ada. He couldn’t undo the past. All he could do now was protect the children she had given him with all his strength.
“I’m sorry, Daad.” His voice was tight.
“It’s all right. You must deal with grief as best you can.” Daad cleared his throat. “Have you settled on who is to take care of the kinder when Ada’s mother is away?”
Worry settled on Nathan like a wet, heavy blanket. “Sarah will komm a couple of days a week. She offered to have Joshua and Sadie stay with her every day, but I don’t want them away from home so much. I’m still trying to find someone to watch them here for the rest of the time.”
He could hardly fault Ada’s mother for going to help Ada’s middle sister with her new baby, but how was he to get along without her? She’d cared for the kinder every day of the past two years.
Realizing that his father was looking at him with concern, he shrugged. “I will find someone. You best get on home. Isaiah will be here soon.”
“Isaiah is here now,” a voice announced, and Isaiah Esch walked toward them with his long, loping stride. With his lanky body and wide grin, Isaiah still looked like the boy he’d been when he first came to work for Nathan instead of the married man he was now.
Daad nodded to him. “You had a gut birthday party for your sister, ja? Give her my best wishes when you see her again.”
“Ja, denke, I will.” Isaiah still smiled, but Nathan thought he detected something at odds with the smile in Isaiah’s normally open face.
“I will be off now,” Daad said. “No need to make Sarah fuss more than she already does.”
He walked toward his buggy horse. Nathan knew better than to offer to help him. Daad resented any implication that he couldn’t do what he’d always done.
Nathan turned toward Isaiah. “Was ist letz?” What’s wrong? He knew Isaiah well enough to realize when something wasn’t right.
“Ach, you’re not going to believe it.” Isaiah patted the pony absently. “It’s my daad. He’s going to marry Betty Shutz. Can you imagine? Announced it right in the middle of Naomi’s birthday party.”
Somehow the timing of the announcement didn’t surprise Nathan as much as it seemed to have Isaiah. Sam Esch had always struck him as someone who put his own wants ahead of everyone else’s.
“So Betty said yes to him. Well, if anyone can handle him, she can.”
Isaiah blinked at this way of looking at his news. “Ja, you might be right about that. But it doesn’t help Naomi much.”
“No, I suppose not.” It hadn’t occurred to him how this change would affect Naomi, and it should have. “Maybe it will be all right. With Betty taking over the house and your daad, Naomi will have more time for her job and her beehives.”
“If only,” Isaiah said, the Englisch phrase a hangover from his rumspringa years. “Daad expects Naomi to move out. He acted like it was all set without even asking her. He said she should move in with Elijah and Lovina to help with the kinder. And he’d even set up for someone to buy the beehives.”
A vague idea drifted through Nathan’s thoughts. “And will she?”
Isaiah shook his head, his expression one of surprise. “She says not. Says she’ll decide for herself what she’s going to do. Mind, it’s how I’d have felt if Daad did this to me, but I didn’t expect it from Naomi. Nobody did.” He grinned. “Least of all Daad.”
“I can imagine.” Sam wasn’t used to his children refusing his ideas. “So what is Naomi going to do, then?”
“She says the first thing is to find a place for her beehives. Then she’ll worry about herself.” Isaiah’s forehead wrinkled.
“She can’t keep them at your daad’s place?” Surely not even Sam would be that unkind just because Naomi didn’t like his plans for her life.
“Apparently Betty’s allergic to bee stings. Not that she’d be likely to get stung, not with honey bees, unless she poked a stick in the hives. But there it is. Naomi has to move the hives.” Isaiah came to a stop and looked at Nathan. Expectantly.
So that was where this conversation had been headed. Isaiah hoped he would offer to have Naomi’s beehives here.
Well, why not? He had plenty of available land, and the beehives wouldn’t have to be close to the house. The only deterrent was that he would be brought into closer contact with Naomi, with her inevitable reminders of Ada.
Still, as he’d thought when Daad had mentioned something about their friendship, he didn’t stop thinking about his Ada anyway. And Naomi…the whole valley knew how gut Naomi was with children. He made a quick decision.
“Have Naomi stop by to talk to me about it. Maybe we can find a solution to that part of her problem, at least.”
In fact, maybe he’d found a way to solve both of their problems.
Naomi discovered that her stomach was tied up in knots when she drove her buggy up the lane to Nathan’s place the next day. The lane was both wide and well-kept, since the milk truck came in to pick up milk from the dairy operation. Nathan had made a thriving business from his dairy farm, but Ada wasn’t here to share it with him.
Thoughts of Ada and Nathan plummeted her right back to an incident she tried to hide, blocking even her own memory of it.
She’d been sixteen, of an age to start her rumspringa years, but shy and uncertain, unlike Ada, who hadn’t been able to stop talking about it.
Ada had been everything Naomi wasn’t…pretty, lively, full of laughter and eager about life. But it was Naomi whom Nathan had approached that Sunday after worship; Naomi who’d heard Nathan asking if he could take her home from the singing that night. She had looked into his golden brown eyes and felt herself sinking into their depths. She would have done anything to be able to say yes.
But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t be going to the singing. She’d be staying at home to take care of the young ones, and so she’d had to say no.
Nathan had taken Ada home from the singing that night, and they’d tumbled into love with a suddenness that made it seem inevitable. Certainly Ada had never had any doubts.
She had confided in Naomi, of course. They were best friends. And Naomi had suppressed whatever envy she’d felt and encouraged her friend. When the time came, she’d been the one to help Ada’s mother with the wedding, she’d been one of Ada’s side-sitters, what the world would call a bridesmaid, and she’d rejoiced when Ada started her new life with Nathan.
It was as it should be, Naomi reminded herself now, stopping the buggy horse at the hitching rail by the back porch of the farmhouse. Nathan loved Ada with single-minded devotion and still did, even two years after her death.
Other people thought Nathan should move on, that he should marry again and give his kinder a mammi, but he wouldn’t. Naomi understood that. Nathan would never betray his first love.
Naomi slid down from the buggy seat, shaking her skirt to straighten it, and turned toward the porch to discover Nathan and Ada’s two children standing there, watching her.
“Joshua. Sadie. I am ser happy to see you.” She bent to give each of them a hug, her heart touched as always by their resemblance to Ada.
Joshua had hazel eyes just like his mother’s, while Sadie, almost five now, had her pert, lively expression, with a smile always tugging at her lips.
“How are the bees?” Sadie held on to her for an extra second. “Did you bring us some honey?”
“You shouldn’t ask,” Joshua chided. Then he darted a glance at Naomi, eyeing the basket she carried.
She laughed, and he grinned back, knowing she’d caught him. “For sure I brought you some honey. I would not forget you.” She handed the basket to Joshua. “Do you think that’s enough?”
He peered at the three jars of amber honey. “For a while,” he said, making her laugh again. “Daadi says he will be out in a minute, and we should keep you company.”
“I can’t think of any better company,” she said. She sat on the top step, and the children sat on either side of her, Joshua holding the precious basket of honey jars on his lap.
“So what have you been doing? Do you have your sled ready for the first snow?”
Joshua nodded, studying the sky earnestly. “I wish it would snow. Do you think it will soon?”
“Well, November is a little early to get much snow,” she said, careful not to promise what she couldn’t deliver. “But it is gut to be ready for when it comes.”
Sadie leaned against her. “Grossmammi says I am ready for a saucer all my own this year.”
“If Grossmammi says it, it must be so,” Naomi said. She put her arm around the little girl, irresistibly reminded of sitting on the back step, heads together with Ada, exchanging secrets.
“Grossmammi is going on a trip,” Joshua informed her. “She is going to stay with Aunt Elizabeth for a while, and she says we must be very gut while she is away.” He sat a little straighter, as if accepting that responsibility, making her think how like Nathan he was in temperament.
“I don’t know why she has to go away.” Sadie sounded a bit fretful. “I want her to stay here.”
Naomi knew why Ada’s mother was headed for Ohio. Elizabeth, Ada’s next younger sister, was about to have her first baby after several years of trying. Naturally she’d want her mamm there.
