by CeeCee James
“Do you have an idea who this belongs to?”
“Yep. Time to go to the house.”
* * *
Luke parked the car at the top of the driveway. He cracked his neck and took a couple deep breaths before getting out. Cassie watched him through the passenger window. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the house from under lowered eyebrows. The thick overcast clouds brought a gray gloom. The sky looked ready to open up and grieve with him.
Cassie grabbed her jacket from the back seat and followed him. When she got next to him, she laid her hand on his arm, hoping to give him strength. He gave her a small smile, and they slowly started through the thick grass.
From next door, the dog’s barking began in a fevered pitch. “My old friend,” Cassie said with a wry grin at the dog. Turning, she gestured to where the screen still sat tilted against a remaining block of foundation. “That’s where I found it.”
The rain had caused the remaining dirt to cake on the surface of the screen like adobe. Cracks lined the mud from where it had dried out. She picked off a corner of the mud and crumbled it softly in her hand.
Biting her lip, she watched Luke carefully. His forehead creased and his eyes shifted quickly as if in fear of what he might see. He took a deep breath and reached for her hand.
“This is the first time I’ve been back here sober.” He swallowed, his gaze holding hers as the silence between them grew. Cassie nodded. The silence was filled with words only two grieving hearts could hear.
Softly, she stroked the back of his hand. “I’m here.”
His hand, so much bigger than her own, gave hers a gentle squeeze. “I know, Principessa.” Releasing her, Luke wandered into the remains of the house, until he stood where the kitchen had once been. “Ahh, Jennifer.” The word came in a low whisper. He laced his fingers against the back of his neck and squeezed his eyes tight. “I want to cuss so bad, to tear every remaining piece of this building apart,” he whispered in a strangled voice. “But I can’t. Because that would disrespect her. Be disrespectful to her love for me. To what happened here that day.”
The clouds let loose a light rain, making the forest leaves rustle around them. Cold drops hit her bare legs below her shorts. Cassie pulled up her hood and tucked her hands deep into her pockets. She could barely speak around the lump in her throat. She shifted uncomfortably, her emotions warring between wanting to make it better for him, and the sharp way that his pain nipped at the heels of her own gnawing grief. “I’m so sorry, Luke.”
“I’m okay.” His red-rimmed eyes caught hers again. “I’ll be okay.” With a deep sigh, he rolled his shoulders to release tension. After a moment, he rubbed his hand over his face, pulling at his jaw line. When he looked up again, his face was emotionless.
Cassie knew it was a lie. She’d hidden behind that mask so many times herself. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but knew just a touch could crumble the whole facade.
“I get the mess of emotions.” Cassie paused to take a breath. “For the longest time, there’s been a hollow spot where Leif was. Empty, like I can’t take in enough air. Sometimes, even now, I still suck in a big lungful of air to see if I can fill it.”
“I understand.” He hung his head before pointing to the blackest part of the ash. “They found her over there.” He stiffened as he spoke. “The fire was so intense that I know her death was quick.” He pushed over a piece of lumber over with his foot. “Seems like yesterday. Seems like an eternity ago. When Jennifer died, I swore to myself I’d never forget. It was my job to protect her. I wanted to die too.”
“You came awful close to succeeding.”
“And now I owe you one.”
Cassie tried to lighten the mood. “Don’t worry, I’ll figure out a payment plan.”
Luke studied the backyard, his gaze taking in the old barn and surrounding trees. “One of the last times I saw her, she was telling me to uproot the entire lawn.” A hint of a smile played at the corner of his mouth. “She had some big idea to plant a garden and be self-sufficient. Poor thing couldn’t even keep a house plant alive.”
“Sounds like we had something in common because I’ve got the same green thumb.” She zipped up her jacket against the rising breeze. “Funny how powerful those last memories are, that seem kind of meaningless at the time. One of the last times I saw Leif, he was challenging me to a polar bear dive. I mean, really? It was twenty degrees that day. Do I look like someone who likes to get cold to you?” Cassie burrowed her face into her jacket. “I should have taken him up on it. Made him go first, and then just declared him the winner.”
“Yeah, that sounds like my cuz.” Luke gave a small smile back. “He was always a knucklehead.”
Cassie laughed out loud, and the sound startled her. Her smile slipped. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I’m here to support you, but I’m not being that much help.”
“You’re allowed to have memories too, you know. You don’t need my permission. I’m sure as hell not going to tell you to get over it.” He wiped his face clear of the drops of rain. “Ah, Jennifer. I’ve got the rosary now. I don’t know how, but I’m going to figure out what happened here that day. And I’m going to make them pay.”
Sunlight broke through the clouds, shining a brilliant shaft through the blackened trees and wreckage. The burned house sparkled all around them with a million points of light as the raindrops caught the sun’s reflection.
“Luke, do you see that?”
“Yeah.”
“I think that might be your sign, buddy. I think she’s saying she’s doing all right.” Cassie turned to smile at him. “I think she’s saying, Now it’s your turn.” Luke’s breath hitched as she continued. “Your turn to be all right.”
His eyes drew her in as he walked toward her until he was by her side, towering over her. Swallowing, she broke the eye contact. What am I doing? Don’t open your heart up! Cass, tell me it’s not too late.
Luke cleared his throat. “You keep saying all the right stuff. It’s disarming.”
Together they turned and headed back to the car. He unlocked the car door for her before gently caressing her arm. “Come here.” His voice was low. Her warning alarms fired, soon silenced by excitement ricocheting inside like a couple of wild racquet balls. She slowly leaned toward him.
The rain lightly sprinkled their faces, but neither let it break their eye contact. He tipped her chin up, resting his forehead against hers. He paused, his lips a hairsbreadth from her own. Gently, he breathed out. The warm air brushed her lips and sent shivers down her back.
“Do you feel that?” he asked.
Her pulse raced.
“That empty space inside of you filling?” Softly, he pressed his lips against hers. Her heart jumped even as she melted into him. Slowly pulling away, he whispered, “We’re both going to be all right.”
Chapter 14
The next night found them standing outside the Freymere high school at nine o’clock in the evening. Cassie couldn’t wait to dig into the story behind the crucifix, but it would have to wait. There were more pressing issues they had to address.
Luke wanted to stay sober. And tonight there was an AA meeting being held at the school.
“I’m not sure I need to be here.” Luke’s lips tightened. His hands remained rammed in his jeans pockets rather than reaching for the door handle.
“Don’t go, then. I’m not going to make you. You need to do this for yourself,” Cassie answered, as she rummaged through her purse for her pack of Life Savers.
He leaned to peer through the rectangular window of the school entrance. Fluorescent light spilled out, making his face appear paler than it really was. His knuckles shown white as he grabbed the handle.
Time ticked quickly, marked by the pulse in her throat. Is he going to do it? Is he ready for this? Come on, buddy, you’re worth it. Fight for yourself!
Rolling his neck, he cracked it on both sides before yanking open the door.
The bright light framed his silhouette as he looked back. “You coming?”
“You want me to?”
His lip curled at the corner. “Who else is going to kick me into gear if I’m not honest?”
Cassie glanced down at her feet, clad in run-down cowboy boots. “I do have the boots for the job.”
Luke opened the door wider. “Come on in then, tough girl.”
Slowly, he reached out with his other hand and grabbed hers. She wanted to tell him he’d be okay, but he had his take-no-crap face on. He’d be insulted if she said anything. So, instead, she curled her hand around his even more and squeezed gently. His response was immediate. The grip tightened until it felt like he was drowning in a sea and she was his lifeline to shore.
She loved the way it felt. Fear flickered inside. This is starting to go too far. Pull back, Cass. You’re opening up too much, and you know what happens then. Like one of those cartoon angels perched on her shoulder, she argued against herself. He needs me. Maybe I need him?
They walked down the hallway, past a wall of peeling yellow lockers. The school’s smell brought her back to her high school years—a cross between antiseptic cleaner, old books, and dirty gym shoes.
The heels of her boots made confident thumps on the worn white linoleum. A mop bucket sat outside one of the rooms, alongside a trash cart. A janitor, rigged out in a green jumpsuit, emerged from the room. His gaze swept over them as they walked by, before he turned to lock the door with his giant ring of keys.
Luke gave the janitor a wary look before jutting his jaw forward. Cassie could feel his guarded attention at every doorway. Once a cop, always a cop.
Taped to the wall at end of the hallway was a paper sign, emblazoned with the initials AA, a red arrow pointing to the right. Without hesitating, Luke dragged Cassie along.
Another sign indicated the room where the meeting was. After taking a deep breath, Luke flung open the door.
It slammed against the wall.
Conversation cut off inside the room at the sharp noise. At least twenty people waited in there, some sitting at the desks, others standing in small groups. All eyes turned in their direction, and Cassie felt her face heat. Luke cleared his throat before giving a small nod in the group’s general direction. He quietly shut the door behind them.
Gripping Cassie’s hand tighter, he led her to a pair of empty seats in front of a long table, its top scored with names, curse words, and hearts. Cassie sat down and grabbed her necklace, running the pendant across her lip. Her eyes itched to look around the room. Where are you going to look, Cass? What if you catch someone’s eye? She focused on her boots instead.
“Good evening, everyone! Welcome. My name is Dave,” a male announced from a few seats away. She guessed from his fading blond hair that he was in his early forties. His white Oxford shirt stretched tight over his round stomach, before being tucked into gray business pants. “There’s some coffee over there. I think we have creamer, too. Betty? Did you pack creamer?” He addressed a middle-aged brunette sitting across from him. She folded her hands in her lap and nodded.
Luke’s leg jittered under the table, and he reached for Cassie’s bare knee below her skirt. She jumped under his tight squeeze and shifted her leg to look. “Sorry,” he whispered. Seeing her leg, he cringed and rubbed at the red fingermarks.
“Also, we have some doughnuts that Cecily made. And they’re awesome. Not that I would know.” Dave patted his stomach and laughed. Light chuckles sprang out in the room.
“There you go, Luke. You like doughnuts, don’t you?” Cassie nudged his hand. “Don’t be shy. I’ve heard all about how cops like them.”
His eyebrows slowly raised, and he frowned at her. Uh-oh. Have I gone too far with my teasing? “Fine.” She held her hands up. “I’m just saying, I’ve watched Wreck-It Ralph. I know how it works.”
“Wreck it what?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t watch cartoons. You had a box of Cap’n Crunch sitting on your counter.”
“I’m not following the logic,” he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.
Dave loudly read from a bulletin.
“Everyone knows a big bowl of Cap’n Crunch can only be eaten in front of cartoons.”
Luke rolled his eyes and moved his hand, but not without giving her leg a little pinch first.
Cassie chanced a glance around the meeting. Several people held books. One woman sipped from a Starbucks cup, her slim form clad in a cream-colored tailored suit. She caught Cassie’s eye and smiled, crossing her leg and showcasing an expensive leather high heel.
Most of the people looked like soccer parents, including one fit man who could have been a clone of her old soccer team coach.
None of them looked like alcoholics.
Luke leaned back in his metal chair and entwined his fingers behind his head. He looked more relaxed already.
“All right, let’s call this meeting to order,” Dave said, as he crossed his legs. “I’ll go first.” His voice deepened. “Ready to pray?”
Dave took in the nods around the room before nodding back.
Cassie gulped and bowed her head, closing her eyes.
“Oh God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other.”
* * *
At the end of the meeting, Luke stood and stretched. He reached out a hand to help Cassie up, giving a fake grunt as he pulled her to her feet. She rolled her eyes. “Puh-lease. If you think I’m that heavy, the next stop is the gym.”
“I better do something, after the doughnut addiction you accused me of having.”
She smiled and ran her hand down his arm. “What did you think of the meeting?”
“It, uh.…”Across the room, one of the men caught Luke’s eye and waved. “Be right back,” Luke said as he walked over to him.
Cassie tried to be inconspicuous as she watched, smiling to herself when she saw a grin spread across Luke’s face. At the end of the men’s conversation, Luke shook the man’s hand warmly. When he returned, his eyes had lost their wariness.
“Who was that?” Cassie asked.
He grabbed her hand. “Let’s get out of here.” On the way out, he hooked one of the doughnuts off the tray.
“Bite?” He offered.
Cassie shook her head. “Did you know that guy?”
“How could you tell?” He crammed half the doughnut into his mouth.
“Usually you have your guard way up when you talk to people. You looked comfortable.”
He swallowed, their footsteps echoing in the hall. “Geez, I’m that easy of a read, huh? So much for my detective skills. Yeah, he’s a colleague. An old colleague. He offered to be my sponsor.” His face flickered with bemusement. “I never knew he used to drink. He was really glad to see me.”
“Luke, you’re a great guy. I have a feeling you’re going to be getting more of that reaction. I know people have missed you since you decided to become a cave-dweller.”
He opened the door that led outside, his hand resting on her back. The moon was brilliant in the clear night sky. “I’ve been checked out for a while, that’s for sure. Lost a few battles.”
Pulling her close, he kissed her. She ran her fingers through his hair as he deepened the kiss. Let me have this. I don’t want to think any more.
“And you,” he murmured against her lips, the pad of his finger tracing along her cheek, “have reminded me that sometimes life isn’t about the battle we face. It’s how we win the war.”
Chapter 15
-Coffee 7am no excuses
-ps I’ll bring the doughnuts.
Cassie read the texts from Luke one more time before falling back onto her pillow with a groan. She’d gotten the texts late last night, and had reluctantly set her alarm for six. A sober Luke was turning out to be a hyper Luke. A driven Luke.
Hello, the sun isn’t even up. She rolled to face the hotel’s black-out curtains
. They betrayed her by showing a brilliant strip of light. Barely up.
She’d been awake until after two in the morning rushing to complete the next article set for Celebrity Blog. Patricia had been encouraging of the last two columns, sending Cassie a note: “Something’s changing! You’re turning the corner. I knew you could do it!”
Cassie’s eye lids grew heavy and slowly closed. Just one more minute….
Her phone rang, blaring out Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, the tune she’d assigned to Luke. Whimpering, she flapped her hand around the table for the phone.
“I’m up! I’m up!” she complained, forgoing the hello.
“You want glazed? Jelly-filled?”
“I want another hour of sleep. But I’ll take an old-fashioned instead.”
“Another hour? Please. It’s getting late!”
“Actually, I want three hours, but I’m willing to compromise.”
“Come on, Principessa. I’ll have a cup of coffee waiting to perk you up. Time to figure out where that rosary came from. Bad guys don’t wait.”
“See you in the lobby in an hour,” she grumbled, and rubbed at her eyes.
“Forty-five minutes. Hurry, or I’ll eat your doughnut.”
Cassie tossed her phone on the counter. The happy flutter inside faded into a wave of heaviness. Emotions were getting too real. Cass, what are you doing with him, seriously?
Feeling confused, she jumped in the shower. The shampoo bottle only had an inch left at the bottom, and even more disturbing was the empty conditioner container. Beautiful. My hair is going to puff like a freaking dandelion.
Afterward, she eyed the hotel hair dryer before deciding against it. Instead, she quickly twisted her hair into a bun.
Cassie applied a thin coat of mascara and dabbed on her favorite lip gloss. She checked her phone for the time. Fifteen minutes left.
Hands on her hips, she surveyed her suitcase. What do I have left to wear that Luke hasn’t seen yet? Not much. With a sigh, she shook out the wrinkles in her blue t-shirt, and then reached for her jeans. Dressed, she shoved her feet into her cowboy boots, grabbed her purse, and searched for her pack of Life Savers.
