Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9)

by Sloane Kennedy

  “What I want is irrelevant,” Vincent returned as his eyes slid over my body. Jesus, was he…was he checking me out? I barely heard him say, “What I’m doing is getting ready for bed. What you do is up to you. Take the other side, the floor, no skin off my nose.”

  “We can’t share a bed,” I said as I quickly climbed to my feet. “It’s not…appropriate.”

  “Fine,” Vincent said easily as he shucked his pants and tossed them over the end of the bed. He snagged one of the pillows and threw it at me. “Enjoy the floor, Nate.”

  Nate?

  No one ever called me Nate.

  I ignored his attempt to irritate me further and reached for the top blanket.

  “Nuh-uh,” Vincent said as he put his hand on the blanket to stop me from moving it. “I get cold at night in just my skivvies.”

  Ass.

  I knew he was just messing with me, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his shit. Mostly because it was exactly what he wanted.

  “By the way,” Vincent began as he got settled underneath the covers. “Not all of us fudge-packers are interested in every hot piece of ass we see…especially straight, uptight asses that already have sticks shoved so far up them that they could probably spit up a decent amount of lumber.”

  There were so many parts of that statement that warranted a response, but I was still stuck on the beginning of it.

  “You’re gay?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Yep.” He cast me a glance and said, “But I’m sure you don’t have a problem with that, seeing how progressive you are.” His snide tone had me stiffening my spine. “I mean, you’re all for equal rights and all that shit now, right? Gay pride, love is love,” he added, pumping his fist slightly.

  “You really think daring me like a ten-year-old is going to work?” I asked.

  “Yeah, you just proved my point,” he said before reaching over to turn off the light next to the bed. He hit the button that controlled both the lamps on either side of the bed so we were pitched into darkness. Part of me told myself to leave it alone, but I told that part to fuck off and hit the switch to turn the lights back on.

  “What point?”

  Vincent sighed and rolled on his back. His hand came up to absently stroke over his chest. At least, it looked like just a casual move, but as I watched his fingers glide over his pecs and down his muscled abdomen before moving back up, I had to wonder if he wasn’t doing it on purpose.

  “Don’t worry, Nate, people will buy it,” he said as he turned to look at me. That damn hand kept up its movements and I struggled to keep my attention on him and not those calloused fingers.

  “Buy what?”

  “Your story. Good ol’ Southern boy goes against the grain and stands up to his rich, conservative daddy. You spout off all the right bullshit to get the votes you need…gays, minorities, immigrants…promise them exactly what they want to hear, and then fuck ‘em the second you sit down in that fancy office on Capitol Hill.”

  “You think that’s what I’m doing?” I asked in disbelief. His words had done what my brain hadn’t been able to do and taken my attention off his roving hand. I was completely focused on him now.

  “That’s what you do,” he said simply. The inflection as he said “you” had me realizing he really wasn’t talking about me at all.

  “So, it really is all politicians, then,” I murmured.

  I barely noticed him stiffen. He reached back over to flip the lights off. Before I could even think to turn them back on, he growled, “Turn them back on and see what happens.”

  God, the guy really was an ass.

  I went to drop the pillow on the floor, but then thought better of it and tossed it on the bed. Fuck him if he thought he had me all figured out. And why the hell should I be uncomfortable all night long? He’d already made it clear that he had no interest in me sexually.

  Which didn’t bother me, by the way.

  No, not in the least.

  Right.

  I let out an internal curse as I crawled under the blanket. Yeah, when I’d been younger I’d believed that bullshit I’d been fed about gay people trying to lead good Christians astray with the lure of their bodies, but I most certainly didn’t believe that crap now. And contrary to what the asshole next to me thought, I did believe in equal rights for everyone. Sure, it had taken me time to figure that out, but it wasn’t just some elaborate scheme to get votes. Hell, I’d practically been assured of the Senate seat under my father’s tutelage. After all, South Carolina was and had been a red state for a long time, which meant I was fighting an uphill battle as a Democrat. I’d managed to win the primary in a surprise landslide, but the general election was a whole different thing. I was going up against the incumbent who’d held his seat for more than thirty years. His original plan had been to retire so I could take over the reins, but when I’d changed parties, he’d decided to run for another term.

  As I lay there waiting for sleep to come find me and get me the hell away from Vincent for a few hours, my thoughts inevitably drew me to the exact subject I was trying to escape. I’d met plenty of people who were skeptical of politicians and I couldn’t really say I blamed them, but Vincent was downright hostile about the subject. Of course, he didn’t seem like the most open-minded of guys. Hell, what did I know? The man was a complete enigma, and I knew next to nothing about him.

  Except that he was dangerous.

  And moody.

  Unpredictable.

  Disinterested.

  I could have gone on with the negative characteristics, but I kept going back to one thing.

  He was also the reason I was still breathing.

  Because Vincent felt a certain loyalty to his friends. Enough that he’d risked his life to save someone who wasn’t even directly linked to them. He’d saved me for Beck Barretti so that the young man wouldn’t have to watch my brother suffer through losing me.

  I’d met Beck only once, but I’d found myself drawn to the young man, especially after I’d seen him with my brother and their other lover, Quinn. To discover that my brother was in a threesome had been a shock, to say the least. As I’d made my way to Montana to talk to Brody, I’d fully prepared myself to find him with a boyfriend. But two? No, there’d been no preparing for that.

  I hadn’t even known that was a thing…I’d heard of polygamy as part of those weird religions where a guy had multiple wives, but from what I’d seen of Brody’s relationship with Beck and Quinn, it wasn’t anything like that. For starters, I hadn’t seen even a wisp of jealousy between the three. While my knowledge of men with multiple wives was limited to some news articles and shows I’d seen, I’d always gotten the sense that the relationship revolved around the husband. The wives were there to serve him and give him children, but they weren’t in a relationship with each other, at least not a romantic one. And I certainly never saw stories about a woman having multiple husbands in the same context. I couldn’t throw my support behind a relationship that was based on the needs of one member of the family being met while the needs of the remaining ones were ignored.

  I could get behind Brody’s relationship, though, because he’d finally found what he’d been looking for his entire life.

  He finally fit.

  I’d seen that in the few minutes I’d spent with my brother. I’d felt it in the way Beck had hugged me when he’d thought I was Brody. I’d seen it when Beck and Quinn had looked at Brody with concern and fear in their eyes.

  I was happy for my brother.

  Beyond words.

  But inside, deep down where it wasn’t dangerous to acknowledge, I was envious, too. I’d never have what he had.

  I’d accepted that a long time ago.

  But I could make sure that my brother and people like him had the right to love whoever they wanted. Vincent could believe whatever the hell he wanted, but I knew the truth.

  Thoughts of my brother had me wishing I could hear his voice again.

  “Vincent,” I sai
d quietly as I stared at the ceiling above me…the ceiling that had a fucking mirror on it. I would have laughed if it didn’t feel like my heart was bleeding inside of my chest.

  There was enough light coming from the parking lot through the gap in the curtains to see the outline of Vincent’s body in the mirror above us. He was lying on his side, his back to me.

  “What?”

  “Never mind,” I muttered when I heard the grumpiness in his voice. No way he wouldn’t be a dick about what I wanted to ask him.

  “What?” he repeated. I wanted to believe his voice held a slightly gentler edge to it, but I knew it was wishful thinking.

  “Is there a way to get my brother’s messages off my phone without risking it being tracked?”

  Vincent was silent for so long, I was certain he wasn’t going to answer. But he surprised me by flipping onto his back. I couldn’t actually see his eyes in the reflection, but I sensed them watching me via the mirror just the same.

  “Does your phone sync to a cloud account?”

  I shook my head. “No. Preston said it wasn’t a good idea to keep recordings on those kinds of sites…leaves them open to hacking by rivals.”

  “Of course it does,” Vincent responded snidely.

  I shook my head. “Just forget it,” I muttered, and flipped onto my side so I wouldn’t have to look at him anymore.

  I felt the bed shift and assumed it was him turning over again, but to my surprise, I felt his hand on my shoulder. Even through the fabric of my shirt, the contact burned and I tried to quell my fluttering stomach.

  God, this could not be happening to me.

  Not now.

  Vincent pushed me onto my back and I held my breath in anticipation of what was coming. I had no idea why I wasn’t getting my ass out of the bed.

  Except I did know.

  I just wasn’t brave enough to admit it.

  Even here, in the darkness of this room.

  Vincent stared at me for the longest time and I had to wonder if his night vision was somehow better than mine, because I had no clue what he was thinking. He just hovered there, braced on one elbow.

  Not touching me in any way at all.

  Even though it felt like he was.

  All over.

  “We can’t turn the phone on, Nate,” he finally said. “Not even long enough to get the messages off.”

  I nodded in understanding, even as disappointment and humiliation went through me. I began rolling back over, but Vincent put his big hand on my shoulder again, and this time he held it there. The weight of it felt so fucking…good.

  “Most phone providers store their customer’s voicemails and texts on their servers, sometimes for up to six months. I can’t let you access the account the normal way, but I can probably get the messages for you without anyone knowing.”

  I felt Vincent’s fingers press into me for the briefest of moments before he said, “Tomorrow, okay?”

  I nodded. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I know it doesn’t make sense…”

  I was shocked into stupefied silence when Vincent’s thumb came up to press against my lips to silence me. “Get some sleep, Nate.”

  I could barely breathe as he caressed my mouth briefly. Then he was pulling away and turning back over. I couldn’t move as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.

  “Good night, Vincent.”

  He didn’t respond.

  Not for several long seconds.

  And when he did, it was simply to stun me with a few quiet words.

  “Happy Birthday, Nathan.”

  Chapter 6

  Vincent

  At the least, the heavy weight pressing down on my chest should have had me shoving the offending object away, since being trapped in any kind of way was a danger, but even as my brain teetered back and forth between sleep and awareness, I knew what – or who, rather – was pinning me to the bed. And I also knew why I was actually reluctant to do anything about my predicament, despite the inherent danger of it.

  He’s not David, I reminded myself as the warm breath skittering across my nipple had shivers of excitement flickering just beneath the surface of my skin. As I forced my eyes to open and acknowledge the truth of the situation instead of the hopeful wish that I was once again lying in bed with David splayed across my chest, I fisted my left hand into the bedding so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach for Nathan, either to push him away…or pull him closer.

  Because despite the familiar pain that came racing back every time I remembered David really was gone, I still liked that feeling of warm skin against mine. I liked the fingers that were pressing into my skin just beneath my armpit. I liked how the soft blond hair tickled my chin.

  Once my vision cleared, I looked up at the mirror above the bed and felt my throat constrict at the sight that greeted me.

  At some point Nathan had kicked the covers away and his sweats had slid up enough to reveal his calves, one of which he’d tossed over my right leg. The blanket had stayed put enough to keep our lower bodies from actually touching, but Nathan’s shirt had ridden up so that his muscled abdomen was pressed against mine and I could see the gentle slope of his lower back. His ass was just gorgeous, even in the loose sweatpants, and if my right arm hadn’t been pinned beneath his body, I probably would have been reaching for it before I could have stopped myself. I was gripping the blanket with my other hand to keep from doing exactly that.

  Nathan’s head was tucked up just beneath my chin and his arm was thrown over my chest. His other hand…

  Fuck, his other hand was beneath his body. And I didn’t need to see it to know what it was doing.

  Because I could damn well feel it and I just couldn’t believe it.

  His hand was linked with mine. It was a crazy position for him because it couldn’t have been a comfortable angle for his arm, but that clearly hadn’t stopped him.

  But the part that still had me floored was that I’d completely missed the moment he’d turned into me. As light a sleeper as I was, I should have noticed the move. The only thing I could think was that my traitorous body had somehow mistaken Nathan for David. But I knew it was a stretch. David had been gone for more years than we’d been together. Just like the night before when I’d wanted it to be David in the shower with me, my brain had chosen reality instead of memory.

  Nathan stirred against me, but didn’t wake up. I inwardly cursed when his lips briefly pressed against my skin as he adjusted his head.

  I suspected Nathan was gay, but either in complete denial about it or so deep in the closet he’d need a compass to find his way out. I had a feeling it was the former because of the way he’d reacted to my touch the night before when he’d asked about getting to the messages on his phone.

  I had no clue what had possessed me to touch him like I had, but he’d made it a hell of a lot easier when he hadn’t moved away. A straight man would have been making a run for it the second I’d hovered my body over his. And touching his lips…instead of pushing me away, he’d held his breath.

  And waited.

  It had taken every ounce of control I possessed to pull away from him. Everything about Nathan Wilder turned me on. Just because I hated what he did for a living didn’t mean I couldn’t fuck him. God knew I’d fucked guys for all kinds of reasons. But I’d heard that damn vulnerability in his voice as he’d mentioned his brother, and that had sealed the deal for me. As interesting as it would have been to show the guy he was most definitely into cock instead of pussy, I wasn’t going to take advantage of someone who was struggling emotionally.

  Even I had my limits.

  Nathan shifted again, but when his hand suddenly began skimming down my side, I was done and I pushed him none too gently off me. By the time he woke up, I was already pulling my pants on. I glanced over at him just in time to see him looking at my side of the bed in confusion. His eyes shifted to me and I could see the question there. But I didn’t say anything as I went to the bathroom to piss and brush my tee
th. By the time I returned to the main room, Nathan was sitting on the edge of his side of the bed, his head in his hands. I was glad to see his bandage didn’t have any blood seeping through it, meaning my stitches had held. When he lifted his gaze, I saw a slight discoloration on his jaw, but it wasn’t bad.

  “We’re leaving in five minutes,” I said as I went to the door to remove the stun grenade.

  “Good morning to you, too,” he muttered as he stood. I watched him long enough to see that his movements weren’t hampered, which meant his side was likely bruised, but his ribs probably weren’t fractured.

  Nathan grabbed his bag on the way to the bathroom. I began packing up my own bag and within the five minutes I’d allotted him, Nathan was out of the bathroom and heading for the door. I stepped in front of him to keep him from leaving first. Energy charged the air around us as my arm brushed his chest briefly.

  Fuck, how the hell was I going to keep my hands off him for however long it took to figure out who was after him?

  I unlocked the door and left the room first, holding out my arm to Nathan to make sure he understood to wait behind me. Once I was sure there was no threat, I motioned him outside and went to my car.

  “Wait here,” I said as I pointed to the front of the car. I quickly walked around the car and then dropped to the ground to check the undercarriage. The engine was next.

  “What are you doing?” Nathan asked.

  “Checking to make sure it wasn’t tampered with.”

  “Tampered with?”

  “Brake line cut, explosive or tracking device attached,” I said simply.

  “Jesus,” Nathan whispered. I glanced at him long enough to see his eyes had gone wide. If he only knew this was my normal.

  “Get in,” I said, motioning to the passenger door. He moved reluctantly, but I didn’t say anything. He’d either learn to trust me or he wouldn’t.

  Once we were on the road, I found a fast food place with a drive-thru window.

  “Tell me about the emails,” I said once Nathan was done inhaling the first of two breakfast sandwiches he’d ordered.