I hid my smile at that. I knew he was smarting over what I’d heard in the shower. I leaned back and studied him for a moment and said, “Rabbits.”
“Rabbits?” he asked, shaking his head in confusion.
“I’m fucking terrified of rabbits,” I admitted.
“Shut up,” he muttered in irritation. He reached for his fork.
“God’s honest truth,” I said as I raised my hand. “Scout’s honor,” I said.
“Were you even a Boy Scout?” he asked.
“I was. So you know I have to respect the Boy Scout pledge.”
His lips quirked up before he said, “Rabbits.”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“My brother had a rabbit when we were kids. It was a mean little shit…used to bite me all the time. Anyway, Pierce made me watch this scary movie once about giant rabbits that ate people.”
“How old were you?”
“Six or seven, I guess.”
“And your brother? How old was he?”
“Fourteen.” Even the brief mention of Pierce had my stomach cramping, but I pushed the sensation aside and focused on the man in front of me. “So that night after I went to bed, I couldn’t sleep, of course, because that movie had scared the hell out of me. So I’m lying there, debating whether or not I should get up and go ask Pierce if I can sleep with him, when I see this shadow on my wall. I’d left a light on in the bathroom,” I added. “The shadow was of this big-ass rabbit and it was moving towards my bed. I started screaming and then Pierce is there, standing in the doorway, laughing his ass off with his goddamn rabbit in hand.”
Nathan laughed and I felt it ripple through my entire body, easing the sting that had accompanied the brief memory of my brother.
“Oh, wow,” he said.
“Yeah…I got him back, though.”
“How?”
“I snuck into his bed every night for three months. I even accidentally wet it once or twice when that fucking rabbit of his would move around in its cage.”
“No you didn’t,” Nathan scoffed.
I held my hand up again in silent deference to my time in the Boy Scouts.
The sight of Nathan’s lingering smile did something to me I didn’t want to think too hard about, and I reached for my drink to swallow the rest down in a healthy gulp. The burn in my belly had nothing on how hot I felt all over as I watched Nathan resume his meal.
“Better?” I asked.
“It’s no crying like a baby in the shower, but I’ll take it,” he said.
I chuckled at that and watched him eat the rest of his food. When he was done, he pushed the plate away. “There’s more in the fridge,” I said.
“No, thank you,” he responded. “That’s more than I’ve eaten in a while. It was delicious.”
He could use a lot more meals like that, but I kept that thought to myself.
“So, what’s the plan?” he asked.
It was a question I’d been waiting for, but I was reluctant to answer. Maybe because I knew what would happen as soon as I did. Whatever these few minutes had been between us would be gone. It shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did.
“I try to figure out who wants you dead, I find them, take them out, you keep breathing,” I said simply.
“That easy, huh?” he said doubtfully.
“Never said it would be easy. I just told you what’s going to happen.”
“And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?” he asked.
“Whatever I tell you.”
Predictably, the answer had all the tension leeching back into his system.
“So, I just put my life on hold? Give up everything I worked for?”
“Would that be so bad?” I asked. “After all, one less politician-”
“Fuck you, Vincent,” he snapped. “You have no idea how hard I’ve worked-”
“I don’t care,” I cut in. “Spare me your speeches about how you just want to make this world a better place. You want your brother’s forgiveness for whatever you did to him, be a fucking man and ask him for it! While you still have the chance.”
The last words left my mouth before I could call them back, and I quickly reached across the table to snatch Nathan’s plate just so I’d have something to keep my hands busy.
“What does that mean?” Nathan asked, and I wasn’t surprised when he followed me to the sink where I began rinsing the plate.
“Nothing,” I bit out.
Nathan’s voice quieted as he said, “You don’t know a thing about me.”
I laughed at that as I quickly put the plate and silverware into the dishwasher and then wiped my hands on a dishtowel. “You’re such a fucking cliché, Nathan. And the fact that you’re working so hard to prove to yourself you’re doing all this just for Brody and other people like him makes the whole thing that much more pathetic.”
“What thing?”
“Nothing, never mind,” I said as I turned away from him, since I had no desire to get into this with him.
Not surprisingly, Nathan forgot all my previous warnings about not touching me and grabbed my arm. I spun him until his back hit the fridge.
“I told you-”
“Tell me what you’re talking about!” he interrupted. His voice had jumped several octaves and I actually felt sorry for him. God, how far in the fucking closet was he really?
“This,” I said as I pressed my lower body against his and felt his hardness graze mine.
Nathan gasped and then struggled to get away from me. I used my heavier weight to keep him pressed up against the refrigerator. Our bodies were flush and he was breathing hard.
So was I, for that matter. What had started off as a lesson in reality was quickly turning into something else.
“You’re wrong,” he whispered. “I’m not…I’m not…”
“Can’t even say it,” I murmured as I shook my head. The fact that he was blatantly lying to me and himself had me moving his arms above his head so I could pin his wrists to the refrigerator with just one hand. I slid my free hand down his body and felt a violent shudder wrack his entire body, even as he tried to seek out more of my touch.
“So this,” – I slid my hand over his groin and squeezed his erection – “doesn’t mean anything to you?” I asked. My lips were just inches from his.
He didn’t say anything, and I felt a moment of guilt when his eyes slid shut, and not from pleasure. I removed my hand and lifted it so I could clasp the side of his face. “Open your eyes,” I commanded.
He did as I said. His amber eyes were heavy with confusion, lust, and shame. “Lie to me, lie to your brother, lie to the whole goddamn world, but stop lying to your fucking self, Nathan.”
I released him and stepped back, putting a good foot between us.
“You should take your own advice,” he said just as I began to turn away. He straightened and whispered, “Was all this really about teaching me a lesson? Or was it you wanting to make sure I knew you were in control…that you have all the power here?”
He was the one to close the distance between us this time and I held my breath as he got in my space, but didn’t touch me. “Or maybe you’re trying to convince yourself you’re still in control,” he murmured. His eyes fell briefly to my lips before lifting again. “Maybe it isn’t about me at all,” he ventured.
His words hit just a little too close to home. I stepped forward, forcing him backwards until his back once again hit the fridge.
“It’s most certainly about you,” I said coolly. “And that control you’re so worried about is the only thing keeping me from bending you over that table” – I pointed to the kitchen table – “and fucking you so long and so hard that once I’m finished, you’ll be shouting to anyone and everyone who will listen that you’re all about dick now.”
I could see it on the tip of his tongue…his pride getting ready to force my hand. “Don’t,” I whispered right before he opened his mouth. “I’m too close,” I said h
uskily. “Do you really want your first time with a guy to be on a fucking table, Nate?”
I knew I was making an assumption about him never having been with a guy before, but everything was telling me he wasn’t the kind of closet case who’d come out long enough to test the waters at any point in his life.
It took an inordinate amount of time for him to shake his head. We were so close I could feel his chest rising and falling against mine. At some point, his hands had come up to settle on my waist while I’d plastered mine on the fridge along either side of his head. I needed to step back. I needed to tell him to go to bed. I needed to escape to the safety of my room so I could call up an image of David and ease the painful throb in my cock with my own hand. But I didn’t move.
“Go,” I managed to get out.
But he didn’t move. His eyes held mine and then I saw it. The slightest shake of his head.
“Jesus,” I whispered and then I was closing my mouth over his.
Chapter 9
Nathan
Even though I’d known it was coming, had asked for it even, I couldn’t have begun to fathom my reaction to it. I’d kissed a few women in my time, but I’d passed off my lack of interest in the act as just not being that guy.
But even if Vincent hadn’t forced me to confront the lie head-on a few minutes earlier, the feel of his mouth slanting over mine certainly would have done it.
I most definitely was that guy.
Because kissing Vincent, or being kissed by him, rather, since I wasn’t doing anything but trying to survive the onslaught, was unlike anything I could have even perceived. My entire body came alive the second his hard lips ground over mine, and I felt tears stinging my eyes as an emotion I never would have ever considered bombarded me.
Relief.
Humiliation went through me as Vincent gentled his kiss and then pulled back just a little. “Nate?” he whispered, and then the rough pad of his thumb was swiping through the silent tears that were skimming down my face.
I shook my head and tried to keep myself from completely breaking down. Because I really wanted his mouth back on mine. “I’m sorry,” I said as I shook my head.
“Why are you sorry?”
He tipped my head up, forcing me to look at him. I felt like a foolish child instead of a grown man. I shook my head again. No way I could tell him.
His lips brushed over mine tenderly. “Tell me,” he urged.
I laughed as he held me there like that, and I knew he was going to strip me raw without even trying. I didn’t recognize my own voice as I whispered, “It’s like I can finally breathe.” I released one of my hands from his waist long enough to wipe at my eyes. He didn’t move his own hand away. “I know that doesn’t make sense,” I stammered as I struggled to keep looking at him. When he didn’t say anything, I tried to pull away so I could escape the humiliating moment.
But he held me firmly in place and then his mouth brushed over mine again. “It makes perfect sense,” he said softly, and then he was kissing me again. The onslaught was devastating and all I could do was cling to him. When his tongue sought entry into my mouth, a voice in my head told me I needed to stop this, that I had already crossed a line that would be hard enough to come back from, but I didn’t listen. I opened for him and eagerly let him angle my head however he wanted.
I nearly stopped breathing when his tongue stroked over mine in greeting. I’d hated kissing girls like this. But I could never explain why.
Now I knew.
The texture of their lips, the softness of their mouths, the hesitation as they’d demurely returned my kisses – it had all been wrong.
This…this was right. And at the moment, it was the only right thing in my whole goddamned life.
Vincent wasn’t just kissing me. He was taking, he was owning, he was consuming. I had no control, but I also had no fear as I tried to kiss him back. My body was thrumming with excitement and need and I quickly wrapped my arms around his back and tucked them over his shoulders, ignoring the pain in my injured hand. I couldn’t stop shaking as I began rubbing up against him like a cat in heat. Whimpers were falling from my throat and when he pulled his mouth from mine, I tried to follow. Instead, his hand slid into my hair and tightened so his hold was bordering on painful. But even that just stoked my lust instead of easing it. Teeth scraped over my exposed throat as he forced my head back.
“Oh, God,” I grated out as he gently bit down on the sensitive skin where my neck met my shoulder. His tongue was sliding over the spot a second later, soothing it. He took his time working up the other side of my neck, licking, biting and kissing as he went. At some point, he’d wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me so tight against him, there wasn’t room for even a wisp of air between us.
When his mouth covered mine again, all bets were off and I knew he was done gently easing me into my first kiss with a man. And I’d never been more grateful for anything in my life. I was also done being a passive participant. I sifted my fingers into his hair and held on as I pushed my tongue into his mouth. I didn’t care how awkward it probably was. All I cared about was getting as close to him as I could. All I wanted was more of his hands everywhere.
“Touch me!” I demanded as I kissed him with no finesse. In theory, I knew what I was asking for, I just didn’t know how to ask it.
But luckily, Vincent knew what I wanted, and the second his hand closed over my cock through my pants, I began humping his palm. I couldn’t breathe, so I had to stop kissing him. His mouth latched onto my ear as he began murmuring things into it. How hot I was, how good I felt. Didn’t matter what he was saying. All I cared about was his voice urging me on and his hand giving me the pressure I needed. But it wasn’t enough and when I told him so, he kissed me again as his fingers fumbled with my pants.
The sound of my zipper being drawn down set off warning bells in my head, but my body was too far gone to care.
“Nate-”
“Don’t stop!” I demanded as I searched out his mouth again. I knew that even if he gave me the chance to stop, I wouldn’t take it, despite my brain trying to remind me how wrong all of this was.
“I don’t care,” I told myself, unconcerned that I’d said the words out loud.
As soon as Vincent’s hand closed around my shaft, I could feel my orgasm taking over.
Although it wasn’t like any orgasm I’d ever known. I wrapped my arms around Vincent’s neck and buried my face against his shoulder as I ruthlessly fucked his hand. My body was in complete control and my mind was only along for the ride. The pleasure began rolling over me in building waves that weren’t quite enough.
“Vincent,” I cried out desperately, willing him to fix this…to fix me.
“I’ve got you, baby,” he whispered, and then his hand began stroking me in earnest, the roughness of his skin heightening the sensation. Definitely a man’s hand…no mistaking it for anything else.
I was being jacked off by a man.
And I couldn’t think of any place I’d rather be in this moment. I felt Vincent’s heat seeping into my body as he held me tight against him, his free hand splayed across my back. I couldn’t even imagine the picture we made…locked in a tight embrace, me humping his hand as I clung to him like he was my lifeline.
Because that was exactly what he was.
I was thirty years old with a successful career, money in the bank, and a future most men my age could only dream of, but I’d never felt more small and insignificant than I did in that moment. The only thing holding me together was this man.
This man who made no effort to hide how he really felt about me.
This man who’d been so certain he could make me admit something to myself I’d been denying for years.
God, he was right. He was so very, very right.
That was my last cohesive thought as the orgasm shot like a rocket from my balls. Explosions cascaded throughout my body as the pressure in my dick came to a head and I began shooting into Vincent’
s hot, tight grip. I wept with joy as the insurmountable relief washed through me and my whole body began to float. I absently wondered if I’d died in that moment because everything I was seeing, feeling, had to be inspired by something greater than myself, than the man in my arms.
I felt wrung out as my knees threatened to buckle. The euphoria continued to blanket me in heat and tingling pleasure as awareness began to return. Vincent was practically the only thing holding me upright and I was having trouble catching my breath. I could feel warm lips pressed against my neck. I felt hot and sweaty all over, but all I really wanted to do was lie down.
That lasted only until I felt my dick being released from a warm, wet grip. Reality returned and I locked my knees so I wouldn’t fall. I felt the moment Vincent either returned to reality himself or realized I had, because he stiffened in my hold and then he was putting space between us. I almost didn’t want to look down at myself, but the temptation was too great. Sure enough, my softening dick was covered in cum, as was Vincent’s tanned hand. All the pleasure leeched out of my system as I realized what I’d done. I let my eyes slide up Vincent’s body. He was still fully clothed, but I could see a wet stain on the front of his jeans and another one on the lower part of his shirt.
Shame crashed over me as I realized I’d come all over him like some teenage boy. I’d had no control, while that was all he’d had.
I didn’t say anything…I couldn’t. I merely tucked my dick back into my pants and then I pushed past him. He might have called my name as I left the kitchen, but I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t care, either.
Because that crippling weight that I’d carried on my shoulders my entire life was back, and heavier than ever. And I had no one but myself to blame.
Chapter 10
Vincent
My body ached, and definitely not in a good way. But I refused to let up on the weight bag as memories from the night before kept bombarding me, despite my best efforts to will them away.
Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9) Page 9
