Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9)

by Sloane Kennedy

  Twelve hours.

  Twelve hours ago, I’d done something I hadn’t done since I’d met the boy who’d become my entire world.

  I’d come in my pants like I had when I’d been fifteen and David and I had fooled around for the first time.

  Since then, I’d learned to control my body and its reactions. Even with David, I’d always been in control of pleasure…his and mine. There were times he’d even joked about it and had made a game of getting me to try and lose it. And while there’d been times I’d come close, I’d never once been in a position where my body had controlled me and not the other way around.

  But that was exactly what had happened last night. Nathan hadn’t even been anywhere near my dick. Neither had my own hand, since I’d been using one to get Nathan off and the other to hold him close to me. All it had taken was the feel of his arms around my neck as he’d clung to me, whimpers bubbling up from his throat as he’d whispered my name, and the sensation of his cum hitting my body as he’d shattered into a million pieces. I’d come at virtually the same time, though I doubted he’d noticed since he’d been so caught up in his own orgasm. A fact I was grateful for.

  What I wasn’t grateful for was the look of shame I’d seen in his eyes. I might have forced him to face the truth about himself last night, but he certainly hadn’t accepted it.

  After he’d left the kitchen, I’d started to follow him…to do what, I had no idea. But then my common sense had returned, and I’d quickly gotten the house secured before I’d gone to my own bedroom to clean up. Once I’d showered, I’d climbed into my bed and pulled the single picture I kept of David from my nightstand drawer, and I’d done what I hadn’t done in years.

  I’d talked to him.

  And I’d started with an apology. Because despite how incredible that moment with Nathan had felt, that was exactly what I’d felt the need to apologize for. I’d been with plenty of men since I’d lost David, but none had held a candle to him. I’d used most as a stand-in for him. But David hadn’t been anywhere in my mind the night before…not from the moment I’d pressed Nathan back against that refrigerator.

  My watch vibrated, distracting me from my thoughts, and I checked the display. Nathan was up, which was a surprise. I’d expected him to hide out in his room all day. He certainly had every right to. Truth be told, I didn’t want to see him because I was clueless as to what to say. Not to mention, I was afraid I’d want a repeat. Only this time, I’d want it in my bed and I’d want to be deep inside of him when his gorgeous eyes went dark with passion.

  “Fuck,” I muttered as I slammed my fist against the bag one last time and then grabbed it to stop its movement. I leaned against it for a moment as I tried to catch my breath. My watch continued to vibrate, indicating Nathan’s movement throughout the house. I stepped away from the bag and began removing my gloves and wraps. The vibrating on my watch stopped and I glanced at it to see there was no number. Which meant Nathan had left the house. A ripple of worry went through me, and I quickly grabbed a towel and my bottle of water and hurried up the stairs.

  I found him standing on the back porch, staring off into the distance, fully dressed.

  “Morning,” I said when I stopped at his side. He didn’t look at me.

  “Morning. I need to contact my office today,” he said, his voice surprisingly even, though it had a certain emptiness to it.

  “What for?” I asked.

  “It’s not normal for me not to check in with them every day. They’ll start to worry. My assistant or Preston will go to my house at some point and when I don’t answer the door…”

  “I told them you were sick.”

  It took him a full five seconds to register what I’d said and then he was turning to look at me. “What?”

  “I told them you had the stomach flu and would be out for at least a few days.”

  “You talked to them?”

  “Not exactly,” I hedged as I wiped at the sweat clinging to me. “You did.”

  “What?”

  Fuck, this was going to be bad. “Go change,” I said as I motioned to his jeans. “Let’s go for a run and then I’ll explain everything.”

  “Explain it now,” he said, his eyes glittering with anger.

  Which, of course, only served to turn me on. “You have three minutes to change,” I said.

  “Go to hell.”

  I hid my smile. I definitely preferred a pissed-off Nathan to an emotionless Nathan.

  “Okay, I’ll be back in thirty. Don’t leave the house,” I said as I began to walk towards the few steps that would take me down to the grass.

  “Wait!”

  I paused and glanced over my shoulder. He was definitely pissed, and I could see he was debating what to do next. “You have two minutes and forty-five seconds.”

  I swore I heard him mutter “asshole” under his breath, but then he was turning and going back into the house. He was back within two minutes wearing sweats, running shoes, and a white T-shirt.

  Probably because the gray one he’d been wearing last night had cum on it.

  I cursed the errant thought and began striding towards the side of the property. I hadn’t had a chance to explain the outside of the property to Nathan the day before so I said, “Your watch will unlock the gates and turn off the electricity to that section of the fence. You’ll know the fence is off because that light” – I pointed to a small indicator light near the security camera attached to the top of the fence – “will be green.”

  I showed Nathan that the fence was indeed off and then walked through the gate. “There are eight gates total, one on each section of the fence. Reentering the perimeter is the same as leaving…the watch controls it.”

  “What if you lose power?” he asked as I opened the gate on the second line of fencing.

  “I have redundant generators. Two of them. They kick in automatically if the power goes out. The generators can only be accessed from within the perimeter, so even if someone manages to cut the power to the fence, the house will still go into lockdown mode.”

  I saw him shake his head, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Try to keep up,” I quipped as I started off with a simple jog. The run was a cooldown for me, but I knew Nathan needed to warm up.

  As we ran, I enjoyed the quiet of the forest around us. I’d bought nearly a hundred acres of the land surrounding the piece of property I’d built my house on, so I was assured that I wouldn’t be stuck with any nosy neighbors anytime soon. I’d see signs of the occasional hiker, but it wasn’t often since there weren’t any public access points nearby.

  Nathan managed to keep up with me, but I could tell he was struggling, so I slowed my pace and shortened the run so that we were heading back to the house after a mile. By the time we reached the deck, Nathan was breathing hard and covered in sweat.

  And I wanted him more than fucking ever.

  I wasn’t surprised when he grabbed my arm, though he didn’t hang on to it for long. I was learning to temper my instinctive reaction to him touching me.

  “Now tell me what you meant earlier!”

  “Go shower and change and meet me in my office. Coffee is in the kitchen.”

  “No! You tell me now!” he snapped, and then he was in my face.

  “You really want to do this again, Nate?” I breathed as my body reacted to his nearness.

  My words were like dumping ice water on him. He quickly let go of me and took several steps back. I was moving forward before I even realized it, and I barely managed to stop myself from snagging him around the back of the neck and pulling his mouth to mine.

  “Shower, change, coffee, my office,” I bit out. “In that order.”

  I didn’t wait to see what he would say in response, because I suspected it would just piss me off and I’d either hit him or kiss him.

  Although I knew it was the latter and not the former.

  I went to my own room and quickly showered and predictably jerked off to images of
Nathan coming apart in my arms. I cursed the fact that I had so little control that I’d even had to do it in the first place, but it was better than being tempted to bend him over my desk.

  Who the fuck was I kidding? I was going to be imagining that anyway.

  My watch told me Nathan had beat me and was already in my office, so I took my time getting some coffee and willed my still-raging dick to settle down. The little shit would have to just get used to my hand because Nathan’s gorgeous ass was definitely off limits. It was one thing to jerk the guy off in the heat of the moment, but to fuck him…no way. Hell, he was a fucking virgin.

  Even the idea of me being the first man to touch Nathan like that, to bury myself inside of his luscious body, had my cock twitching in excitement. Fuck, at this rate, I’d be spending most of my waking hours in the gym or the damn shower.

  I was pleased to see Nathan had grabbed himself a coffee. I went around my desk and tried to ignore the sight of him with damp hair and those damnably tight jeans. I absently wondered if he’d had to clean the proof of his release the night before off the jeans in the sink or something. I took a sip of coffee and then set the mug down on the desk as I began mentally preparing myself for yet another battle with the man.

  Chapter 11

  Nathan

  Even being this close to him was bringing back all the feelings from the night before that I’d been trying to convince myself hadn’t been real. From the moment I’d gotten to my room, ripped off my clothes and climbed into my shower, I’d been letting myself fall back on my father’s teachings.

  That I’d somehow been lured by the devil.

  But I knew it wasn’t true. Yeah, Vincent was a lot of things, but he hadn’t been responsible for what had happened the night before. I’d had the chance to walk away…several chances. I’d just wanted him more. If anyone was the devil in this scenario, it was me.

  Because I was the one standing in front of crowds and going on TV saying one thing and believing another. I’d been telling people for months now that I didn’t see my brother and people like him as anything but equal, but I’d refused to acknowledge that I was one of those very people. Somewhere along the way, I’d decided it was better to be someone with some sexual hang-ups and a poor track record with women than face the truth.

  I didn’t want to dwell on why that was.

  So I focused on the man in front of me. I didn’t even bother telling him to explain himself. He knew what we were here for and I was tired of being on unequal footing with him. Which meant I had to force myself to be patient as Vincent messed around with his computer. When he finally did look at me, the stern expression had me struggling not to squirm in my seat. Because I knew what that look meant. I wasn’t going to like what he had to say, and worse, he expected me not to argue with him about it.

  Well, he was in for a big-ass surprise because I was tired of all of it – the orders, the secrecy, him always being a step ahead. I was on the cusp of losing everything, and I’d be damned if I let him take anything else from me.

  “After Beck’s uncle asked me to help you, I began tracking your movements. I also hacked your accounts.”

  I stiffened, but managed to stay calm as I said, “Which ones?”

  “All of them.”

  The way he said it, like it was an everyday thing, had me grinding my teeth together. “Why?”

  “Because I needed to know what I was up against. Subjects often withhold information because they think it isn’t of value or they’re too embarrassed to share it. Or they have something to hide…”

  “What gives you the right-” I began, but not surprisingly, he cut me off.

  “Your life,” he said. “Your life gives me the right, Nathan. Because it means something to someone else, even if you take it for granted.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I snapped.

  I saw only the slightest narrowing of his eyes, but he didn’t respond to my outburst.

  “So you read my emails…”

  He nodded.

  I shook my head in disbelief. “And all that crap about asking me about them yesterday?” I asked. “Why bother if you knew what they already said?”

  “I needed to see if you were going to tell me the truth about them.”

  I was surprised by the hurt that lanced through me. I knew it was ridiculous to be upset by something as insignificant as him trusting me, but I was. Maybe if last night hadn’t happened…

  I shook myself free of the errant thought. Last night had been about sex and nothing more. I needed to remember that.

  “So, you took it upon yourself to email my office? Preston? As me?”

  “I’ve seen enough of your email habits to see you’re in regular communication with your assistant and Preston. Which means they would have noticed if you hadn’t checked in. I emailed them that you were sick yesterday while you were sleeping. I told them you’d be in touch via email, but you wouldn’t be answering your phone. Your assistant hopes you feel better soon, by the way.”

  His nonchalant attitude ate at my insides, and I found that I no longer cared what he had to say to me. All I felt was numb. I’d let this man do things to me that I’d spent a lifetime avoiding. I’d told him things…

  I barely managed to stifle a sob as I climbed to my feet. As I left the room, I had only one thought.

  Escape. I just needed to fucking escape.

  I began walking, not even caring where my feet were taking me or if Vincent followed.

  He didn’t.

  My feet bypassed the stairs that led to the second floor and took me right out the front door. I quickened my pace once I got outside and quickly spotted the gate Vincent had mentioned. Once I reached it, the watch unlocked it, as well as the next gate on the second fence. As soon as I reached the driveway that wound through the dense trees, I took the watch off and dropped it on the ground. I didn’t care that I didn’t have my phone. I didn’t care that no one knew where I was. I didn’t care about anything except keeping moving.

  Anything to escape the man in the house behind me.

  To escape those few moments last night where I’d finally been allowed to be the real me.

  Where I hadn’t needed to be the perfect Nathan Wilder anymore.

  I’d been Nate. His Nate.

  Now…now I had no clue who I was. I didn’t know if I could go back to being the man I’d been. I didn’t know if I even wanted to.

  I heard the roar of an engine coming up fast behind me, but I made no effort to escape it since I knew who it was. But it wasn’t Vincent’s car that flew past me and then rolled to a stop a half dozen feet in front of me.

  I watched Vincent lean back on the motorcycle after turning it off. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, though I could see one dangling from one of the handles on the bike. I knew nothing about motorcycles, but I suspected whatever model it was, it was designed for one thing and one thing only.

  Speed.

  And Vincent looked perfectly at home sitting on it.

  “Let’s go for a ride.”

  Was he fucking kidding?

  “No. You said I could leave whenever I wanted.”

  “And you can,” he said. “I’m not here to stop you. When we get back, if you still want to leave, I’ll give you a ride wherever you want to go.”

  Wherever I wanted to go.

  Where the hell was I supposed to go? Back to my old life? Even if by some miracle I could get it back to where it had been before Vincent had stepped through my shattered window, was that even what I wanted?

  Neither of us moved as we stared each other down. And then he did it. He held out his fucking hand.

  His touch…it was like a goddamn magnet. I didn’t understand it.

  But I was also too tired to fight it. There was no logic to what I was doing. Not in going with him. Not in continuing on my own. But I kept going back to that moment the night before when I’d wrapped my arms around him and finally felt safe…and free. Would it be so wrong to have a little mor
e of that?

  I stepped forward and put my right hand in his. His grip was gentle on my injured hand as he helped me settle on the back of the bike. He reached behind my left thigh and pulled a helmet free from some kind of clip and handed it to me. I worked it over my head, mindful of my hand, and waited until he put his own helmet on. Then he was reaching behind him to grab my arms and wrap them around his waist. Logically, I’d known I’d probably have to hang onto him like this, but actually doing it was causing a maelstrom of emotions to go through me. I wanted to both jump off the bike and lean into him at the same time. I settled for in between and held myself stiff as I gripped his hips. But as soon as the bike got moving and picked up speed, I knew it wasn’t going to work, and I gave up and leaned against Vincent’s back. I tried to tell myself it was purely for safety purposes, but I was tired of lying to myself. There would be plenty of time for that later.

  The ride took about an hour, and by the time we reached our destination, I found that I didn’t really care anymore where we were going. It wasn’t until Vincent turned off the bike and rubbed his hand over where mine were joined together on his abdomen that I snapped out of my daze and straightened. I’d been admiring the view during the entire drive and hadn’t realized at first that we were going higher up in elevation until we’d gotten out of a particularly heavy section of forest and I’d seen the valley below us. The place Vincent had stopped was an overlook of some kind. I climbed off the bike and set my helmet on the seat after Vincent dismounted.

  I watched Vincent loop his helmet over one of the handlebars of the bike, and then he was moving towards several large rocks that were just a few feet from the edge of the overlook. There were no other people around, so I didn’t have to worry about being recognized. I followed Vincent, but when he leaned against the rocks and just studied our surroundings, I held back. It would have been easy to move to his side and pretend we were there for different reasons than we were.

  “The bike belonged to my boyfriend,” he said as he glanced at me and then looked at the bike. “One of his favorite things to do was come up to these mountains when we were on leave.”