Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9)

by Sloane Kennedy

  I instantly felt empty.

  And cold.

  And not just from the cum that had pooled on my belly and chest.

  God, I’d just let a man fuck me.

  In his backyard.

  On the ground.

  I waited for Vincent to say something…anything, that would make those other facts irrelevant, but I knew no such words would be forthcoming when he said, “We should go inside and get cleaned up.”

  Humiliation coursed through me as I nodded and sat up. I grabbed for my jeans, bypassing my underwear, and began tugging them on, not watching as Vincent pulled the condom off. My throat was threatening to close off my breathing altogether, so I quickly stood and put my back to Vincent. My ass hurt like a son of a bitch, but despite the shame rolling through me, the lingering effects of the orgasm were making it hard for me to function. I managed to get my pants pulled up and my shirt on, though it ended up being inside out.

  He didn’t say a thing.

  Not one goddamn thing.

  My fingers shook as I tried to get the button closed on my pants, but I couldn’t manage it. Even the zipper proved to be too much for me, and a humiliating sob tore free of my throat.

  I felt him behind me, but he didn’t touch me.

  “Nathan,” he said quietly as he came around me.

  Nathan, not Nate.

  Not baby.

  I couldn’t swallow, couldn’t breathe. My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my damn chest.

  When he reached for my pants, presumably to help me fasten them, I jerked away from him. “Don’t,” I croaked, because that was all I could get out. And then I was pushing past him, wiping at the tears that had started to fall without my permission. I nearly tripped over Mickey as the cat raced past me towards the house. Minnie hopped off the lounger and headed for the door before I reached it, and both cats followed me up the stairs and to my room. I was oddly grateful for their company as I shut the door behind me and went to the bathroom. I got the shower going and began stripping my clothes off.

  That was when I made the mistake of looking in the mirror.

  I gasped at the sight of myself.

  My hair was mussed, probably from the many times Vincent had grabbed me to demand I give him the answers he wanted. He’d been so dominant, forceful…

  My body began to react to the memory and how much I’d loved the way he’d manhandled me. At the same time, he’d been so incredibly gentle.

  I shook my head as I took in the rest of my appearance. My lips were glistening and swollen from all of Vincent’s kisses, and there were grass stains covering my entire body. There was blood, too, but I knew it wasn’t mine. At some point Vincent’s injured hand had likely started to bleed again, and he hadn’t noticed or cared. The sight should have sickened me, but it didn’t.

  Knowing how badly he’d wanted me…

  Finger-sized bruises marred my skin, too, and I couldn’t help but run my fingers over them. Who would have thought having such an aggressive, dominant lover would have made me feel so safe and wanted…needed?

  My eyes fell to the streaks of cum that my clothes hadn’t soaked up, and I was instantly reminded of the powerful orgasm that had held me in its grip for so long. Even now, I wanted it again. I wanted Vincent to walk into that bathroom and wrap his arms around me.

  God, when had I become so needy?

  Anger surged through me and I stepped towards the shower. I needed to just forget this night had ever happened. It had been a terrible mistake, and now it was over. This whole thing would be over soon and I could go back to my life. I’d spend however many days it took for Vincent to figure all this shit out and get rid of the guy trying to kill me, and then I’d go back to being Nathan Wilder, budding politician.

  Yeah, that’s what I’d do.

  Fuck Vincent St. James, and fuck all this shit he’d made me feel.

  Nothing had changed.

  Nothing.

  Chapter 18

  Vincent

  Jesus, how the fuck had I let this happen?

  I dropped my head against the tile wall as I tried to make sense of what I’d just done. I’d fucked a man…no, a goddamn virgin…in my backyard under the cover of falling darkness, not caring one whit about what had been going on around me. Hell, the whole world had ceased to exist the second I’d buried myself inside of Nathan’s beautiful body.

  And God, that orgasm…

  I shook my head. I could still feel the aftereffects of the damn thing. I was physically exhausted, and the pleasurable sensation that lingered beneath my skin warred with my mind about how incredibly stupid the whole thing had been. Nathan was a client. A goddamn favor!

  I winced as I remembered the sob that had torn free of his throat when I’d tried to help him do up his pants.

  I’d been such an ass just to pull out of him like that and pretend the whole thing hadn’t happened. Or that the orgasm hadn’t done something to me I’d never felt before.

  Not even with David.

  Guilt tore through me at that, and I sent David yet another silent apology.

  I’d never felt particularly guilty for sleeping with guys after losing David, because it had just been cheap sex that hadn’t meant anything. Hell, it was the same thing as when I jacked off on my own. I’d been taking care of a biological need and nothing more.

  I shook my head because none of that shit mattered. Even if I wanted to start something with Nathan – and I didn’t – it wasn’t even an option. Not with the life I led.

  And most certainly not with his.

  The man stood for everything I hated.

  So why wasn’t that enough to have me calling up Ronan and telling him to get someone else to figure all this shit out? It certainly would have been the smart thing to do.

  I placed my hands flat against the tile and let the water slide over my back. My skin stung where Nathan had scratched me as he’d clung to me. It hadn’t been enough to draw blood or anything, but I’d seen the angry red marks up and down my back and even on my ass where he’d grabbed onto me. The man was incredibly responsive, but damn, when he wanted something…

  I cursed the smile that crept across my mouth.

  I was so preoccupied that I didn’t even notice the cool air at first. When I did, I knew where it was coming from and I knew there was no threat to me.

  At least not the kind that I knew how to handle.

  I looked over my shoulder and saw Nathan standing just outside the shower door, his hand still on the handle. His eyes were plastered to my back. He was still a mess with his hair sticking up all over the place and his body covered in stains. I should have been horrified to know I’d gotten some blood on him, but the sight turned me on.

  God, I was a sick bastard.

  I waited to see what he would do, because truth be told, I was stunned to see him standing there, completely naked and very much turned on if his hardening dick was anything to go by. His eyes shifted to mine and I slowly turned around. I’d already been hard, but seeing him standing there with the proof of how well I’d loved him still lingering on his body, sent me to a whole other level. I was certain he’d run when he got a look at me, but the hunger in his eyes had me second-guessing myself. I’d been so sure he’d go hide out in his room like I was, and we’d pretend this whole thing had never happened.

  We both hung there for several long seconds and then he was stepping into the shower, a look of determination in his eyes that had all my cylinders firing.

  The shower door snicked into place as he held there for a moment and then he was pushing into my arms, his mouth seeking out mine. Despite the promise I’d made to myself that I wouldn’t touch him again, I instantly wrapped my arms around him.

  “Everything’s changed,” he whispered against my mouth. “Can’t go back…don’t want to,” he added, and then his tongue surged past my lips. I kissed him hard and pulled him flush with my body.

  I didn’t care what he was saying or why he was
there or that I should be sending him back to his room. I didn’t listen to my brain warning me that doing this would just cause more problems between us.

  No, I let my hands slide up and down his body, trying to memorize the feel of him as if I hadn’t just spent the past hour lost in his body.

  Hell, I’d need a lifetime to get my fill of him.

  Except I didn’t have a lifetime. I barely had tonight. So I needed to make use of every second. I let my hand slip between our bodies and then I was taking us both in hand. I kept kissing him as I gripped our dicks in my fist and brought us to a quick and pleasurable end. Nathan cried out against my mouth as he came, and I followed mere seconds later. I reveled in the way his arms went around my shoulders as we rode out our orgasms. At some point, his fingers gently began toying with one of the large scratches on my shoulder blade.

  “Sorry,” he murmured against my skin.

  “Unless you’re sorry they’re not deeper, shut up,” I said softly as I kissed him and then gently pushed him so his back was flush with the wall. I reached up to adjust the showerhead so most of the spray was hitting him and then I took my time washing his body. Most of the blood and grass stains washed away instantly, but I was shocked to find I’d left bruises all over his body where I’d pressed my fingers into him just a bit too hard. I didn’t even remember being that rough with him.

  “Nate, I’m sor-”

  His finger came up to press against my lips. “Unless you’re sorry there aren’t more of them, shut up,” he said with a smile.

  I chuckled and then leaned in to kiss him. He took his turn cleaning me up and by the time we were done, we were both hard again. When Nathan’s fingers tentatively searched out my dick, I showed him exactly how much pressure to exert as I closed my hand around his throbbing length. This time I came first and Nathan was the one to follow. When we were once again clean, we got out of the shower and dried off. Nathan hadn’t brought any clothes with him, so he wrapped a towel around his hips. I didn’t bother with a towel or any other clothing. Nathan’s body flushed a pretty shade of pink as he took in the sight of me, and then he swallowed hard and turned to leave the bathroom.

  He hesitated once he reached my bedroom, and I didn’t miss the way his eyes settled briefly on my bed and then the door to the room. Considering the balls it had taken to walk into my room and then my bathroom uninvited, I fully expected him to head for my bed. But insecurity must have taken over because he began heading towards the door. It would have been easier to just let him go, but I wasn’t interested in easy…at least not tonight.

  I snagged his hand and led him to the bed. I heard the tiniest sigh of relief escape his lips as he followed me, and when I pulled back the covers and got rid of his towel, he crawled between the sheets.

  A momentary twinge of guilt went through me at what I was about to do, but I quelled it and climbed in after him.

  I hadn’t shared this house or even this bed with David, but I’d also never spent the night with another man since his death. And since I’d only ever been in a relationship with David, that meant I’d never actually slept with another man. And here I was about to do it for the second time with Nathan.

  I didn’t know what that meant, but none of it was good for me…or him.

  God, this was so fucked up.

  But that didn’t stop me from pressing my front to Nathan’s back as I curled my body around his. My arm went around his waist and I didn’t relax until his fingers covered mine where they were resting on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding beneath my hand. My dick was lodged against his ass and though I was turned on, my body had finally had enough and my cock remained only half-hard.

  “Did I hurt you?” I asked as Nathan played with our fingers where they were linked over his chest.

  He was quiet for so long that I was sure he wasn’t going to answer. But then he whispered, “I think you broke something inside of me, Vincent.” I felt my insides clench at that until he lifted my uninjured hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss against my palm. “Thank you,” he said so quietly, I barely heard him. He clenched my hand with his and then he was out, his breathing evening out to indicate he’d found some peace in sleep.

  Lucky bastard.

  Because those few words had pretty much ensured I wouldn’t be as fortunate tonight.

  Chapter 19

  Nathan

  A cold, wet nose was pressed against my neck while a soft, hairy tail was flicking against my mouth. It wasn’t the best way to wake up, but certainly not the worst, either. The best would have been to feel Vincent’s lips on the back of my neck and his thick cock buried deep inside of me. Despite my sore ass, I would have welcomed him sliding into my body again. Less than twelve hours had passed since he’d pushed his thickness inside of me, and I was feeling the loss. I’d come more in the last few hours than I had in the last year, but it wasn’t enough. Even if he’d just gotten me off with his hand like he had in the shower or in the early morning hours as he’d slid his dick between the crease of my ass and humped against me as he’d jerked me to completion, I would have been more than happy. But it had been far too long since I’d felt that sense of satisfaction come over me.

  I knew without looking that Vincent wasn’t in bed with me anymore. I used my hand to push Mickey’s tail out of my face so I could check the clock on the nightstand. It was barely after nine in the morning. Not particularly late, but late for me. I couldn’t allow myself to get used to this – the long nights of pleasure, the sleeping in, the not needing to answer Preston’s endless calls or prepare myself for the next interview or speech.

  Even though certain parts of my life could never go back to the way they’d been, I still had a life to get back to. It had just become a hell of a lot more complicated in the past twenty-four hours.

  I let my fingers slide through Mickey’s fur for a moment as I thought about the young man who’d likely named the cat and his sister. I still hadn’t seen any pictures of David, but I was more than curious now to know what kind of man had held Vincent’s heart for so long. Of course, part of me didn’t really want to know, because I’d never be able to compete with what they’d had.

  And the fact that I was even thinking about it that way – like I was competing for something that belonged to a dead man – was too fucked up to consider for too long.

  I carefully sat up, forcing the cat to move away. He gave me an irritated look and then jumped off the bed and stalked from the room, his tail high and proud. I glanced around the bedroom, admiring it in the light of day since I’d barely noticed it the night before when I’d stormed into Vincent’s room, not caring about his privacy in the least. I still couldn’t believe the sight that had greeted me in that shower.

  I could feel the color rising in my cheeks as I once again saw all the scratch marks I’d left on Vincent’s back…and farther south.

  I chuckled to myself as I remembered how Virginia used to always accuse me of being cold in bed.

  If she only knew…

  Vincent’s room, like the rest of the house, had a certain sterility about it. Mostly because it lacked anything personal. It was done in mainly white and black colors, and there were no pictures on the walls or any of the furnishings. He had a huge bookshelf along one wall that was stocked full of books to the point it almost looked messy. I got up and went to look at some of the titles and then smiled to myself as I realized what they were.

  Children’s novels…old ones. The classics.

  There were endless copies of books from the Hardy Boys series, Nancy Drew, and The Black Stallion. They were carefully organized in order and most of then looked old and worn, like they’d been read dozens and dozens of times. There was a shelf with some more modern mystery and horror books, but most of the bookcase had the older, children’s collections. I carefully pulled one of the Hardy Boys books out and flipped it open. The inside cover had a short missive scrawled inside of it.

  For David.

  Always
…Vincent.

  My heart broke at the short note and when I checked a few more books, I saw the same message. Not in all of the books, but in many of them.

  I quickly returned the books as they’d been. What had started off as simple curiosity left me with mixed feelings, and I hurriedly made my way back to my room to get dressed. I could smell the telltale signs of bacon cooking and coffee brewing, so I pulled on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt from my bag. I’d really need to do laundry soon, because most of my clothes were either covered in grass stains or the proof of my sexual awakening.

  I smiled to myself as I hurried to the bathroom to use the toilet and brush my teeth. I still looked a mess, but in a well-used kind of way, and I had no particular desire to change anything about my mussed-up hair or flushed skin. It wasn’t like Vincent didn’t know what he’d turned me into. God knew he’d had me begging for release often enough in the past few hours as he’d jacked me off while spewing his cum all over my ass. I hadn’t even been functional enough to participate in him cleaning me up with a washcloth.

  But the second I stepped into the kitchen, I realized I most definitely should have taken the time to get cleaned up. Because standing at the stove was not the dark-haired, hard man who’d somehow wormed his way beneath my skin in the span of a matter of days.

  Nope, I was staring at the now familiar back of my idol.

  “Ah, Nathan, good morning,” Everett said when he turned around. He was wearing a simple black apron that was protecting his dress clothes from the bacon that was sputtering in a pool of grease on the stove.

  “Mr. President,” I said as I quickly ran my fingers through my hair.

  “What did I tell you about that Mr. President nonsense last night?” Everett chided as he began searching out a couple of plates.

  Two plates.

  Damn. Where was Vincent?

  “Where is he?” I asked before I could think better of it.

  Everett’s sharp eyes held mine for a moment. “He had some things to do this morning and asked me to stop by and keep you company.” Everett’s eyes went past me and I turned to spy Nash standing in the hallway leading towards the garage. The younger man’s eyes met Everett’s, but I couldn’t discern the expression in his gaze as they stared at each other. My eyes fell to the gun sticking out from Nash’s jacket.