Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9)

by Sloane Kennedy

  “So close,” I choked out as I desperately reached for the orgasm that was just beyond my grasp. Vincent’s teeth closed over the sensitive lobe of my ear, and then the hand from my hair disappeared and suddenly wrapped around my painfully hard cock.

  “Come for me, Nate,” he said softly, his voice so very different from the brutal way he was claiming me.

  My name on his lips was enough to send me over. I cried out in relief as I came. My body jerked and bucked uncontrollably beneath his as he stroked me through the climax. Seconds later, he roared in my ear and shoved ruthlessly into me and held there. I moaned as the heat that began to burn my insides set off another orgasm.

  It was then that it finally registered that he’d taken me without a condom. That the warmth I was feeling was his release filling me up. The knowledge had me shuddering in disbelief.

  And excitement.

  Vincent’s body continued to jerk against mine for several long moments before he finally relaxed and settled all his weight on me. But it didn’t take long before he was pulling free of me. I was too exhausted to move. I sensed rather than saw him standing just behind me, and it took every bit of strength I had to turn my head to seek him out. His eyes were on my ass.

  And I knew why.

  Even now, I could feel his semen seeping out of me and down my thigh.

  Vincent lifted his eyes to mine and I saw the confusion there. He reached down to quietly pull his pants up, and then he was gone.

  I managed to get myself to my feet. As I pulled my sweats up, I shook my head at the sight that greeted me.

  Broken dishes and half-eaten food on the floor, a pool of olive oil spreading over the tile. Vincent’s discarded gun still sitting on the island next to the watch I’d broken.

  My body continued to tremble as I stepped around the mess and left the kitchen. Part of me said to give Vincent some space, but I couldn’t do it. That look in his eyes as he’d stared down at my ass had scared me.

  Like something big had been happening in his head as he’d watched me.

  Something I wouldn’t like.

  I hurried up the stairs and went directly to his room. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head hung. His hair was damp, and I suspected it was because he’d washed his hands and then run them through his hair at some point.

  “Not now, Nathan,” Vincent ground out.

  I ignored him and went to stand in front of him. “Yes, now,” I said.

  He shook his head and then got up to step past me. But he didn’t leave the room. Instead, he went to the set of glass French doors that led out to a small balcony. “Do you have any idea what you put me through?” he asked quietly.

  Too quietly.

  I was used to pissed-off, reactive Vincent.

  Emotionless Vincent.

  I knew how to handle him. This Vincent…this Vincent was a different story altogether.

  “Do you have any idea the things I thought were happening to you? The things I was thinking about if I couldn’t get to you in time?”

  In truth, I hadn’t given it much thought. I’d been pissed and scared, and I’d reacted in the only way I’d known to get him back here. Guilt tore through me as I remembered the story he’d told me about his brother.

  Never in a million years would I have thought he’d be feeling that same terror…not for…me.

  “I’m sorry, Vincent-”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he interjected. “Go pack your shit. You’re getting your wish.”

  Heat washed through me. “What…what wish?”

  But he didn’t answer me.

  And he didn’t need to, because I already knew the answer.

  Chapter 20

  Vincent

  “So that’s it?” Nathan murmured. “You get to decide this, too?”

  I wasn’t deciding anything. I was doing what I needed to do to keep my fucking sanity.

  I still couldn’t believe what I’d let happen downstairs. I’d fucked the man like an animal on my kitchen table, and I’d done it without a condom. The only other man I’d ever gone bare with had been David, first as dumb kids who hadn’t known any better, and then as grown men who’d been in a committed relationship.

  I wasn’t either of those things with Nathan, yet when I’d realized I hadn’t put another condom and packet of lube in my wallet after the previous day’s encounter, instead of stopping the whole damn thing, I’d grabbed a bottle of fucking olive oil, ignored the voice of reason in my head, and buried myself inside his perfect body before he or God or anyone could have stopped me.

  And I’d fucking loved it.

  Even now I was getting hard just thinking about how good it had felt. How much hotter and tighter he’d felt gripping my dick. The moans that had fallen from his lips, the way the table had creaked under our weight as I’d pinned him to it…

  Jesus.

  I willed my dick to settle down as I tried to make plans. I’d call Ronan and tell him to get one of his guys to meet me for the hand-off. When Ronan had talked to me earlier this year about Ethan’s broken phone, he’d mentioned having operatives in D.C., Virginia, and Maryland, so any one of them should be able to meet me and take over Nathan’s case.

  I ignored the panicked feeling that went through me at the prospect of not having eyes on Nathan anymore.

  He wasn’t my responsibility, damn it. He was a fucking favor, nothing more.

  A favor that had gone wrong from the second I’d met him.

  “Go pack your stuff,” I murmured again, not daring to look at Nathan. I was sure that if I did, I’d be dealing with a repeat of the encounter in the kitchen. Only this time I could finally fuck him in a soft bed.

  It shouldn’t have surprised me that instead of following my order, Nathan stomped to my side and grabbed my arm. Hell, I’d pretty much been expecting it.

  Because the man never did what he was told.

  Unless he was naked beneath me.

  “I’m sorry, Vincent,” he said, his voice going calm and even. “I didn’t think about what might be going through your head when I broke that watch. I was thinking about what was going through my head.”

  Even though he was standing right in front of me, my mind still went back to the vision that had been tormenting me from the moment I’d received an alert on my phone that his signal had gone offline.

  Nathan bound to a chair, blood running down his body and pooling on the floor beneath him. His beautiful head hung with sheets of blood clinging to his light hair.

  I’d tried calling, of course, as soon as I’d gotten the alert, but there’d been no answer either from Everett or Nash, who I’d finally agreed to let into my house so that Nathan would have someone protecting him in my absence. It wasn’t that I completely trusted the man, it was that I’d feared for Nathan’s safety more than the prospect of having the armed agent in my home. When they hadn’t answered, I’d checked the security cameras one by one, using my phone, until I’d gotten to the kitchen one which had been dark.

  And just like that, it was the room that had become Nathan’s torture chamber.

  I’d barely even given much thought to Everett and Nash, because my entire focus had been on what the assailant had been doing to Nathan. Had he been finishing what he’d started with that knife, or had he simply put a bullet in Nathan’s brain and moved on? Or had he taken Nathan somewhere that I’d have no hope of ever finding him?

  I’d probably broken every single traffic law getting back to the house at that point. Luckily, I’d only been about an hour from the house and with the speed I’d been going, I’d made it in half that time.

  Only to find Agent Nash calmly waiting for me in the driveway.

  But even then, I’d needed to see Nathan. My brain had processed what the agent’s presence had meant, but it hadn’t meant a goddamn thing until I’d seen Nathan for myself. And as pissed as I was at Nash and especially Everett, I’d been glad they’d left, because after seeing Nathan, the most important thing had been
getting my hands on him.

  “You’re not the only one who was scared, Vincent,” I heard Nathan say. “Who is scared.”

  “Nathan, go-”

  “Right after I realized you’d broken your word about me being an equal participant in this, I started seeing things…”

  His voice cracked, and that had me turning to look at him. His eyes were on the ground. “I kept seeing your body on the floor in some fucking motel room in the middle of nowhere, and I knew I was too late.”

  “Nathan-”

  “And don’t ask me to fucking explain why I even care, since you’re such a complete and total asshole.”

  I wanted to smile at that. Not the words themselves, but the way he said them. Like he truly was exasperated by the whole thing. Yeah, well, he wasn’t the only one. I could count on one hand the number of guys I’d been with more than once and I’d only need one damn finger.

  Well, two now.

  “And you’ve fucked up my entire life…” There was still no anger in his voice as he lifted his eyes. “Tell me I’ve fucked up your life, Vincent. Tell me that what happened down there” – he pointed towards my bedroom door – “wasn’t just because you were pissed.” He sucked in a breath. “Tell me that leaving me this morning was hard for you…that lying to me was hard for you.”

  I knew what he wanted, and I knew no matter what I said, I was going to end up hurting him. I could lie and tell him every kiss, every touch, every second I’d spent lost inside his body was nothing more than me getting my rocks off with someone who represented all the people who’d ruined David’s and my life.

  Or I could tell him the truth and then try to explain to him why none of it mattered…why it changed absolutely nothing.

  So I settled for something that had served me well in the past.

  I kept my mouth shut and turned away from him and let him believe whatever the hell he wanted. It was the coward’s way out, but for once, I didn’t care. I kept my eyes on the expansive view of my backyard. I ignored the urge to look at the spot by the pond where everything had changed…where I’d slid into his body for the first time and had been certain it had been made just for me.

  But of course, that was exactly where my gaze took me.

  And all the while, Nathan remained where he was. I wanted to scream at him. To tell him to look around him…that this was my life. A life I couldn’t condemn him to.

  Or myself.

  That was the crux of it.

  Even if I thought there was something between us worth exploring beyond the intense chemistry, I couldn’t go through even another minute like the thirty I’d spent in my car racing back here. I couldn’t obsess over Nathan’s whereabouts every second of every day and wonder if today was the day my enemies made the connection…that I finally had a vulnerability I couldn’t protect.

  The mere thought of putting Nathan in danger had me forcing coldness into my voice as I said, “Nathan, go pack. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

  He didn’t respond and I didn’t dare look at him. But it wouldn’t have mattered because he was pushing into my arms a moment later, his strong fingers reaching up to clasp the back of my neck. “No,” he said firmly. “You broke our deal when you left me. I don’t take orders anymore.” He yanked me down for a hard kiss. I tried to keep from kissing him back, but it was like trying to stop the coming tide. But it wasn’t until he whispered, “Only place you get to order me around is in that big bed of yours, Vincent” and nipped at my lips and then licked over them with his tongue, that I knew I wasn’t going to win this one.

  “What do you want?” he asked huskily.

  I knew that physically, he was no match for me. But that didn’t matter, because he’d said the right words. He’d flipped that switch inside me that had lain dormant since I’d lost David.

  David, who’d been the only one I’d ever trusted enough to show him what I needed.

  Until now.

  “Get on your knees,” I growled.

  Nathan’s breath came out in a rush and his eyes went dark. He slowly sank to his knees in front of me. I could tell he knew what I wanted and that, despite everything I’d done to him, he was nervous. It was exactly the reason I’d given the order.

  But I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to go.

  Or stay.

  He made the decision for me when he lifted his eyes to meet mine and waited. His hands were resting on the outside of my thighs.

  “Open my pants. Take me out.”

  His fingers shook as he did what I said, and it took him longer than it probably should have. But all that did was turn me on. I loved this side of him…this side where he confronted his fear, despite the fact that it made him so open and vulnerable.

  I let out a groan as his fingers grazed my skin as he carefully worked my dick free of my pants. My eyes were fastened on him as he stared hungrily at my cock. His fingers were gently gripping my base. I could see my own juices still clinging to my dick since I hadn’t had a chance to clean up after the encounter in the kitchen beyond washing my hands.

  Nathan didn’t even wait for my next order. Instead, he leaned in and pressed his nose against my groin and inhaled deeply. His thumb toyed with my skin briefly, and then his warm breath wafted over my flesh as he tentatively licked the shaft. He’d already tasted himself the night before when I’d shared the essence of his release with him, but he lingered over my flavor for a brief moment before taking another lick.

  And another.

  Over and over he tongued my shaft, licking up the remnants of my cum. Then his mouth was closing over the head and he gave me a gentle suck.

  “Harder,” I groaned as I let my fingers slide through his soft hair.

  His eyes lifted to mine even as he took me back into his mouth. He sucked harder, then harder still, carefully gauging my reaction. I’d intended to use the encounter to test how far he was willing to go, but I had my answer pretty quickly because within a minute, he was eagerly trying to take me to the back of his throat. It didn’t work, of course, but my body didn’t give a shit about his inexperience. Nor did he seem embarrassed by it, because despite the fact that he couldn’t figure out how to deep throat me, he kept working my dick between his mouth and his hands until I was ready to blow.

  I tried to warn him, but the orgasm was on me before I could stop it and then I was unloading down his throat. He sputtered and jerked his mouth in surprise, causing some of my cum to hit his chin and neck. Just as quickly, he drew my dick back into his mouth and swallowed as much of my release as he could. By the time the orgasm had started to wane, his skin was glistening from my release and his pupils were blown. I yanked him to his feet and crushed my mouth against his, and then lapped up every drop of cum I could find as I walked him backwards towards the bed. His back hit the mattress as I shoved him down, and in one move, I was on my knees and pulling his sweats down. I swallowed him down before he could say anything, and when he came in my mouth moments later, he cried out my name.

  We were both breathing hard by the time I flopped down on my back on the bed next to him. I had no clue where to go from here, because I hadn’t yet managed to catch up to the fact that Nathan was blowing all of my expectations out of the water.

  He rolled over on top of me and then his mouth was on mine. I managed to kiss him back, though in truth, my limbs felt like jelly.

  “Was that okay?” he asked, a hint of insecurity seeping into his voice. It would have been the perfect time to feed into that insecurity with the intent of driving him away, but when his amber eyes met mine, I couldn’t do it.

  “Perfect,” I whispered.

  “Liar,” he said with a grin. He kissed me and said, “But practice does make perfect.” He waggled his eyebrows at me in such a way that I had no choice but to laugh. The emotion felt foreign to me, as did the way Nathan looked longingly at me as soon as my chuckling died down.

  “Don’t end this yet, Vincent,” he murmured, all humor gone now. I couldn’t help bu
t reach up to cradle his cheek with my hand. My throat felt too tight to speak.

  It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because I couldn’t have told him the words I should have said, anyway. I couldn’t have given voice to the truth that this would never work and that he was only going to get hurt in the long run.

  No, I couldn’t do any of that because I was a selfish fucking asshole who wasn’t ready to let go yet.

  So I didn’t answer him at all.

  Well, not with words, anyway.

  But I did let my lips do the talking as I pulled him down for a searing kiss that would let him know he wasn’t going anywhere.

  Yet.

  “Here,” I said as I handed the bottle of beer to Nathan. He was sitting on the far end of the lounger on my deck, staring off into the distance. The sun was just starting to fall, so the sky above us was lit up with swirls of fiery orange and red. The air had turned cool, and while I’d pulled on a long-sleeved shirt after my shower earlier, Nathan was still wearing a T-shirt.

  “Why don’t we go inside?” I said as I let my fingers drift over his cheek.

  I hated how quiet he’d gotten since this morning. After the encounter in my bedroom, we’d each gone to our own bathrooms to get cleaned up. I’d joined Nathan in the kitchen to clean up the mess we’d made…that I’d made. There had been an awkward tension between us ever since then, and Nathan had spent most of the day in his room with one of my laptops. When he’d tried to show me the emails he’d written to get my approval before sending them, I’d waved him off because I trusted him not to put either of us in danger by revealing his location.

  I’d spent the day in my office trying to track down Nathan’s assailant, but hadn’t had any luck. Whoever the guy was, he was good at not leaving an electronic footprint behind.

  “Not yet,” Nathan murmured. I liked how he leaned into my touch.

  I swung my leg over the lounger just behind him and then sat down. I settled against the lounger’s back. “Come here,” I said softly as I closed my fingers over Nathan’s elbow. He glanced over his shoulder at me and then got up. He settled himself between my legs and pressed his back against my chest. The intimate embrace should have felt awkward, but it just felt…right.