by Leanne Davis
Nate dropped his hands from behind his head and tilted his chair forward before resting his forearms on the table, right over their work. “I majored in this because it’s what my mom majored in. She chose to practice environmental law. I will plan to do the same. She talked about a lot of this stuff with me before she died, so it seems familiar and makes me feel closer to her. I am genuinely interested because she was so enthusiastic about it and loved to share that with me. So no, sunshine, you had nothing to do with my reasons for studying this, it’s all because of my dead mother.”
Ally completely froze, widening her eyes and feeling trapped by his suddenly intense gaze. Pinning her with his anger, Ally could see his annoyance in the grim set of his mouth and the tight strain in his eyes. His mother? She had no idea. She didn’t even know his mom was dead. She obviously knew his parents weren’t married, but had considered them divorced. Flaming heat filled her cheeks.
“I had no idea your mom was dead.”
“Well, jeez, there’s a shock. What else don’t you know about me? One sexual relationship and you have me completely catalogued.”
Ally ignored the sarcastic comment as Nate crossed his arms defensively over his chest. “Sh-she, your mom, I mean, went to Peterson?”
He continued to glare at her but finally nodded. “Yes, both my parents did. I arrived during their junior year by accident but they made it work. Look, you can judge me all want, but you leave my dad out of your bitchiness. My dad lived in quiet agony and desperation, do you understand me? Agony over losing my mom. Vickie is the first person besides me that could make him smile. She reawakened his will to live. Do I begrudge him that? No. Did I bring Vickie home to share with my dad as you so nefariously inferred? Again, no. I hooked up with a pretty, single, and yes, gasp! an older woman. It was pleasant for both of us and it didn’t hurt anyone. Not even my dad. He met her because I was with her, sure, but there was never any threesome or orgy as you seem so hell-bent on creating in your own mind.”
Ally dropped her gaze and started shuffling the corners of the papers she had collected so meticulously from the various source texts for their research project. They had to cite and include several different forms of research. She’d already gotten started on that. Ally always overdosed on information and research, lest she miss anything in her paper or project. But not so much when it came to using the same strategy with people, which she realized in a rare but bright flash of insight. It was another close look at herself and she sorely regretted hearing Nate’s inflamed speech.
She kept fanning the papers through her fingers. “I, uh, didn’t know that. I just saw…”
“That I didn’t do it in exactly the right steps? I wasn’t as inappropriate as you believe. My parents were dating when my mom got pregnant with me. They didn’t marry until I was five years old. We all lived together and they both finished school; and yet, I’ll bet I was loved more than a whole lot of sons. They were open from the start and it didn’t occur to me that despite omitting some of the traditional steps, we weren’t a complete and happy family. Even though my birth was an accident, they weren’t completely dissatisfied that it happened. Your black-and-white shit isn’t real life, Ally. You’re excellent at school, 4.0 all the way. By being prepared, and studying, as well as the rest of the work you do, sure, you should have perfect grades. But I have a new revelation for you: grades are irrelevant in real life and to real people.”
But Ally’s grades weren’t perfect. The urge to argue with him and say that was almost irresistible. She had to push her tongue against the roof of her mouth with conscious effort to avoid confessing her imperfection. Not to mention, her disappointment. She didn’t dare advertise, to him especially, that she wasn’t what he thought she was. Not at all.
“And guess what? I can maintain a 4.0 too, I just don’t do it the same way you do. I’m not telling you this as a competitor, and I could give a shit what you or anyone else in this class gets. I only care what I get. I’m worn out with you pigeonholing me. As if you know anything about what I do, or what I think, or what I’m capable of. You come here after doing triple the amount of work for a planning meeting on a project we have two months to complete. Two months of work, may I remind you, that we are supposed to do together. That means, you will not be doing all the research and bringing it to me afterwards to show me what you want. For two months, we are supposed to be working together and now you’ve already done one quarter of the work and seem to think that gives you the right to make all future decisions.”
Ally had no idea how to reply to his statement. Her breathing became shallower and her palms grew sweaty. She’d not heard Nate talk to her like that before. His tone was so cool, it was chilling. She didn’t realize he had this side.
What shamed her most was her astonishment at learning he had a 4.0 GPA? In all honesty, she was green with envy to learn he held the thing she most coveted. Never, ever, at least not in this millennium, could she have guessed he earned good grades. How did he manage to do it? He missed a lot of classes. Okay, maybe not that excessively, but he certainly did not have the perfect attendance record that Ally did. She never observed him vigorously taking notes or asking questions about the material. He didn’t even speak up in class. Ally knew he partied a lot and also dated; so how could he maintain a 4.0 GPA?
To Ally, it felt like he just stabbed his freshly sharpened pencil directly into her chest. It hurt. She was overcome by ugly, pervasive jealousy.
“I don’t have a 4.0, Nate. So you see, I’m not perfect and you are. I have no intention of making all the decisions. I just thought I’d pull together the basics to start out with.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, right. You don’t have a 4.0. Such modesty. You are not usually shy about flaunting that fact.”
Was she that blatant about it? She didn’t mean to be, and hadn’t been aware of it until now. Feeling humiliated, she had to admit the truth. “I did have one.” Slowly drawing in a breath, she tried to keep her tone casual, lest it betray her and show how much it really affected her. “I failed to ace the last test in geology, so, bye-bye 4.0. And my congrats to you. You got me. I’m just a bitchy perfectionist who deserved your comeuppance.” With dramatic effort, she threw the pile of research at him and it scattered around the table before fluttering to the floor all around them. Instantly feeling ashamed for doing such a childish thing, she stared at her mess in disbelief. Never mind that she spent over an hour organizing it just to undo all of her painstaking work in a reckless moment intended to prove her stupid point?
She was too embarrassed to lift her head and see what Nate thought of her inappropriate response.
Instead of a bitingly sarcastic remark, which she fully expected, he began to laugh. “Did you actually just throw your homework at me?”
Her lips started to twitch, but she finally lifted her eyes and looked into his. Drawing in a long breath, she met his gaze with hers. Something odd, weird, and different passed between them. His dark, mysterious eyes were riveted on hers, holding her captive, while he smiled, and she saw the dimples in both of his dark tan cheeks. A weird, unique ripple began inside her head and soon traveled throughout her entire body. Awareness. Attraction. Interest. Understanding. Of Nate? Ally nearly shook her head to banish the strange moment and all that preceded it. The conversation and sharing, including her outburst, were all unprecedented between them. Finally, her lips twitched again and she said, “You deserved it. You’re always goading me.”
“Only because you constantly look right through me, and past me, and over me, as if I’m no more than an imbecile you can scold eternally because I did something that you think is naughty.”
The spell broke. Yes. That was definitely their relationship. That was how they always spoke to each other and interacted. Back on the familiar ground of bickering, Ally smiled and bent down to gather the loose sheets of paper on the table. She got out of the chair to collect some that were scattered on the floor, and Nate got down to help her. “You know
, there is such a thing as a computer nowadays. Why the hell do you print everything? Tree killer.”
“Because I like the texture of real print on paper. It makes me think more clearly, and I work better,” she snapped. Snatching the pile Nate collected, she added it to her own before tapping the entire bundle on the floor to arrange all the edges together neatly.
“You got some serious control issues.”
“Maybe.” Once the pile was tidy and straightened, she stared with displeasure at the uncollated, non-sequential mess. Putting it back in proper order appeared daunting.
“You really don’t have straight As anymore? Just from one geology test?”
“Yes. You agreed how hard it was.”
“It was. I just assumed…”
“And you aced it?”
“Yes.” He got onto his feet, towering over her. She stood up and set the papers down on the table. How could she have known him for three, going on four, years and not realize his mother was dead and his dad was miserable? And Vickie. Dear God. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when Vickie, of all people, managed to save the day, but perhaps she had. She seemed to revitalize Nate’s dad and help him get over his grief. Nate’s reason for majoring in the same subject Ally chose had nothing to do with her. No, it was a kind of testament or tribute to memorialize his dead mother. And Nate had a 4.0 GPA.
Ally realized they rarely, if ever, were alone in a room together except maybe at Christmas. That was when he followed her into the Lindstroms’ guest bedroom. So their shallow acquaintance wasn’t totally her fault.
“Hey, it isn’t all my fault I didn’t know very much about you. We only see each other in classes or at one of the family get-togethers when we are one of at least twenty relatives… and Vickie. Sorry, but it’s just so glaringly obvious for me whenever Vickie is there.”
“What are you saying? Now that you know I also earned your coveted grade point average, I am suddenly elevated? So now I might be worthy of your precious time? What a warped sense of reality. My 4.0 is my pass with you? Now you feel obliged to give me a chance?”
“Maybe,” she said, smiling. “Depends on how badly I want an A. I guess I didn’t have any basis to assume what kind of grades you earned, did I?”
“No, Ally-cat, and you could be a little less rude to me and a lot nicer.”
“You insist on calling me names. How can you say I’m being rude and not nice?”
“Sunshine? Some people would consider that a loving endearment.”
She scowled up at him. “Not when it comes from you.”
His grin lit up his face again. “No, not coming from me. But it is fun. You’re more like a thunderstorm, but that would be an odd nickname, wouldn’t it? The irony is, sunshine is just the opposite.”
“You could just call me Alissa if you really don’t like Ally.”
“Alissa? Is that your real name?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t know that.”
She sighed, glancing up at him and then away. She felt puzzled why she was almost, maybe just a smidgeon, uncomfortable with Nate. “Seems there was and is a lot we both don’t know about each other.”
“Look, Ally, we could call a truce since we have to do this project together. We’ve already established we both want an A on it for the same reasons so let’s work together, okay? Instead of always getting into a pissing match, and competing for dominance and superiority, maybe we should look for common ground and find the things we both like. Perhaps we’re much more similar than you think we are or could be. So… truce? Let’s get an A for each other.” Nate stuck his hand out to shake on it. Ally hesitated but eventually shook his hand. When their fingertips touched, a sharp zap bolted from her fingers, into her hand and right up into the nerve endings of her arm. She nearly recoiled at the strange shock that short-circuited her nerves.
“Okay. Truce.”
“Good. Now, what you have there, in that messed up pile, is great. I think we can use most of it. But we have to agree on how we use it, and also, who does what. We can both delegate, and we can also work together. I promise to do my share, and be on time, when we want it finished, not at the last moment. Okay? You can trust me.”
Oddly enough, Ally believed him. “Can I ask you something?”
He was slipping on his dark-colored jacket. “What?”
“How old were you when your mom died?”
Pausing, he seemed to physically wince at her question before he glanced up at her. “Fifteen. Three weeks before my sixteenth birthday, and halfway through my sophomore year in high school.”
“Oh, my God. Nate…”
He shrugged. “Yeah. Pretty sad, Ally.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I never asked. I just assumed…”
“Maybe you should just assume a little less and ask a little more.”
“Were you very close to her?”
“Extremely. So was my dad. And I’m close to my dad. You regard this attraction between him and Vickie as a joke. The mild flirting that offends you so much isn’t what you think it is. It feels easier to just acknowledge the elephant in the room; I slept with her. So what? She’s my stepmom now. But it’s not a sick relationship at all, just the three of us doing our best to make it work. My dad deserves happiness and he found it with someone. It doesn’t matter if she is one hundred and eighty degrees opposite my mother’s personality. In so many ways, it makes sense to me and that makes it easier. So I firmly support them. I applaud their union and my dad having the courage and strength to move on with her. I’m also eternally grateful to Vickie for making my dad smile again. Yes, I was very close to my mom, and yes, I’m also very close to Vickie. But only as a friend and family member. She’s not my lover, just my stepmother. And most of all, my friend. If you weren’t such a snob toward her, you might appreciate some of her positive traits.”
“I don’t see many of those. Why don’t you ask Julia, her daughter, how positive her traits were when she was raising Julia.”
“But you’re not her daughter. Why would you get mad for someone else? Or be so disgusted because of our former relationship?”
“Are you trying to sell me on the virtues of my own aunt?”
Nate shook his head and let out an audible sigh of frustration. “I swear, the chances of you changing or becoming even a smidgeon less rigid are totally nil. Just when I started to think we could be—”
“We could be what?”
“Friendly. Polite. Courteous to each other. Your holier-than-thou act doesn’t go very far with me, and I don’t want to be any of those things with you when you do that.”
“You dislike me?”
“Isn’t that your goal?”
“Well… no.” She lowered her head in puzzlement. She didn’t care about what Nate thought of her. She was a tad too busy deciding what she thought of him. Finding out he didn’t like her, felt odd. It was easy for her to be callous towards him because of her judgmental attitude derived from his association with Vickie. In Ally’s head, she had created a completely different scenario than what Nate described. Especially the part about his grieving dad. “I’ll try harder, Nate. I’ll try to be less critical. Could we start again? Tomorrow?”
He stared at her for a long, drawn-out moment and nodded. “Yes, we can.”
****
Ally shut the apartment door after Nate left. This afternoon’s revelation seemed almost impossible to her. Nate’s mother died tragically? That kind of changed everything for Ally; how she interpreted Nate’s actions, and erroneously judged him, and even her own feelings for him. He was right, of course; Ally used the Vickie affair as her sole criteria in her assessment of him, which was pretty asinine and short-sighted. Surely she was more sophisticated than that? She honestly didn’t realize what she’d done. It was just so easy to bicker with Nate that she didn’t take it any further than that. It was a habit of sorts, and she had no reason to change it.
Good grades? Not good, the best; he had her c
oveted GPA. A tragically departed mother? Parents he was very close to? A dad he chronically worried about? No, none of those things were considerations to her. She truly had no idea how deep Nate was. Maybe she did owe him at least a chance to play more of a role in her life since they were legally connected as family members. However, Ally could not change her mind about her aunt Vickie. Vickie and her were like oil and water, although that might’ve been an exaggeration. They were more like milk and water: they had the ability to blend but why would they want to? Vickie had five marriages, and didn’t really devote much time to raising her daughter, flaking out on most of her responsibilities. She was a sober alcoholic. Ally could, albeit grudgingly, give her that. Vickie had managed to stay clean for almost nine years now, which was pretty heroic. That was Vickie’s only accomplishment that Ally could name. Vickie’s ex-husband, Donny, had left her to marry Ally’s mom. Ally didn’t fault her mom… or Donny. In Ally’s opinion, who wouldn’t have preferred her mom over Vickie? Ally’s mom was tolerant in her acceptance of Vickie, as were Kylie and most of the damn family for that matter. But not Ally. She had no patience for the sniveling, whining, gold-digging, flaky, phony, and annoying woman who couldn’t seem to ever stand on her own two feet.
Ally had no other family member who would have first slept with a man that she later married the father of. That was a perfect Vickie story. But did she live happily ever after? Ally nearly scoffed out loud, as if. Nate was sadly mistaken if he believed Vickie would stick around for any indeterminate length of time.
Of course, Ally assumed it was more like an orgy and less innocent than Nate described. But maybe her version arose from her assumptions about Vickie. It seemed logical, although Nate could’ve been a little better in the scenario than she originally cast him. Considering his taste in women, however, he almost deserved her discourtesy.
