by Tara Frejas
“Did you and Pio have a fight?”
“No.”
“Then why? You left the theatre with Pio and yet you came back alone, all drenched and shivering—”
“I don’t think I can see Pio anymore.”
“What happened?”
“You,” she said and let out a soft laugh. Or was it a relieved exhale? “You happened.”
Ramon forgot to breathe for a second. He looked at her, stunned and confused at the same time.
“I think I’ve fallen in love with you,” Erin continued, smiling despite her tears. “When I think about it now, I guess it had been a dormant feeling. Something that’s always been there but never quite sure of what it could be.”
She stared at her clasped hands. “I was so happy when you came to Lakambini. It felt like finding a missing piece of a puzzle I’ve been trying to solve for so long. And even then I didn’t realize which puzzle it was—I just knew you fit perfectly. But the more I see you getting along with everyone else, the more I felt…protective. Jealous.
“Ate Hiraya said I should own up to what I felt, but I didn’t want to. I told her I liked you because you’ve been a dear friend to me, that’s all. That’s a lie. I like you because you’re Ramon Figueroa, period. No excuses or explanations.”
Erin’s voice was clear as crystal when she uttered those words, and yet Ramon could not believe his ears. Erin Javier, falling in love with him? Surely this was a figment of his imagination, stuff his dreams were made of.
“I know...this sounds ridiculous. On the way here, part of me wished you’d gone home so I wouldn’t see your face and I can maybe spend the rest of the night thinking about this a little more. And another part of me just wanted so much to hold you. It hasn’t even been an hour since I left Lakambini and I already missed you.” She sobbed into her palms, leaving Ramon scrambling for something to say.
This was actually happening, wasn’t it? But how? How in the world was this possible when Erin had Pio Alvez tripping on his feet just to be with her?
Unable to come up with anything coherent, he lifted a hand to her face and wiped away her tears. It felt like a reprise to their earlier encounter in the dressing room, but instead of a shared song lingering in his ears, all Ramon could hear was his heart pounding against his chest.
Without second thoughts, he leaned in and closed the space between them with a gentle kiss.
Erin expected him, he could tell. She returned the kiss as soon as their lips touched, the brief contact sending a good shiver down his spine.
“Wait.”
Ramon stared at the hand Erin pressed against his chest to create a space between them again. “We shouldn’t,” she mumbled softly. “You have a girlfriend.”
His brows furrowed. “I—have a girlfriend?”
Erin’s eyes looked like saucers when she met his gaze. “Don’t you?”
“If I do, it seems I missed the memo.”
“But Ga—that girl you talk to on the phone all the time...”
“Ga? My cousin?”
“Your cousin?”
“Yeah. Ga is short for Garnet—she used to not be able to say her name right when we were little kids, so...”
“And what about that—that someone you talked about before? The girl whose time wasn’t yours alone?”
“That was you.”
Clarity seemed to dawn on Erin, and Ramon could swear triumph flitted in her eyes for a second before a look of embarrassment took over. The shift in expression was so quick and so cute he couldn’t help but laugh.
“It’s not funny!” She pouted and swung her arm to hit him. She missed, which made Ramon laugh even louder. “Ramon!”
“Okay, okay...” With care, he schooled his expression to a more neutral one and grabbed hold of Erin’s wrist, letting her hand rest on his cheek. “You can hit me now,” he said, slapping her hand gently against his face. “I won’t dodge it.”
“No, stop,” Erin whined when he repeated the motion a few times, touching his cheek affectionately instead. She smiled through her tears when he pressed a kiss into her palm, and soon she laughed too, perhaps at the silliness of it all.
Ramon gathered Erin in his embrace, and with his nose buried in her hair, he said, “I’m sorry for making you wait. I should’ve told you sooner. I was ready, I rehearsed my lines and everything, but...”
“But?”
“But my insecurities ate me alive,” Ramon confessed, his voice laced with regret. He pulled away from the hug and looked into her eyes, sighing when he saw himself in them. He imagined this moment for so long, he never thought it could ever be real until now. All choked up, Ramon smoothed Erin’s damp hair and smiled. “At the back of my mind I always thought that someone who shone as vividly as you deserved someone equally stellar, or even more.”
“But you were my star.”
Tears stung his eyes. “I guess I just never saw it that way.”
She clicked her tongue. “How is it that you see so much potential in other people but acknowledge so little in yourself?”
“I have no idea.”
Truth was, he did, and he had no one else to blame but himself. He allowed himself to be defeated by every roadblock life threw his way—the failed auditions, the criticisms, his alopecia and the subtle bullying that came with it—and by the time he realized it, he already gave up on dreams he could’ve chased. He always took the easy way out, never really stepping out of his self-imposed limitations, never really taking challenges that may have changed his life.
Until now.
Smiling, Erin placed her hands on his shoulders, fingers twisting lightly around the fabric of his shirt. “It’s all right. You have me. I’ll show you and the whole world just how brilliant you are.”
“That’s…not necessary,” Ramon declined, for the moment simply entranced by her nearness. He relished the way she looked at him with so much yearning and fondness. He was certain he’d be dreaming of her tonight. If this wasn’t already a dream, that is.
“Oh shush,” she said and pulled him close. With the slightest tilt of her head, Erin’s lips brushed against his, feather light and inviting.
This time around, he didn’t keep her waiting.
* * *
Three consecutive message notifications roused Ramon, who was just drifting off to sleep. He couldn’t bring himself to feel annoyed upon seeing Erin’s name pop up on his phone.
ERIN: You have this bad habit of erasing too many things, you know.
ERIN: I want to know what it says in the text you crossed out.
ERIN: Ramoncitoooooo~ Are you sleeping?
RAMON: God, Erin. We have rehearsal in 8 hours, let me sleep.
ERIN: Well if you sent these letters sooner...
RAMON: I only meant to send one. You found all the fricking drafts.
ERIN: You are so cute.
ERIN: I never thought I’d say that about you.
RAMON: Yes, because I’m a huge lump of awkward.
ERIN: Correction. Younger Channing Tatum.
ERIN: Except when you’re dancing, because you’re a million times more guwapo when you’re dancing.
Ramon was convinced what he felt right now could only be summed up in one word: kilig. He read the message over and over, laughed, and buried his face in his pillow before realizing he should be sending a reply.
RAMON: Thank you. Can I please go to sleep now?
ERIN: Yes. Good night, Ramon.
ERIN: Labyu.
RAMON: Good night, Erin.
RAMON: Erin? This is not a dream, is it?
The next response arrived seven hours later, Erin’s version of a good morning text. A better one, no doubt, that said:
ERIN: No it’s not. We kissed last night and I liked it.
Twenty-Two
A gentle touch on Erin’s wrist diverted her attention from Juliana’s morning company call. She glanced at Ramon, who was seated beside her. He flashed her a timid smile before willing her with his eye
s to look at what he held in his hand: a silver charm bracelet.
“For me?” she mouthed, surprised.
He nodded, tilted his head back and whispered near her ear. “I forgot to give it to you last night.”
As Juliana essayed the day’s schedule to the rest of the company, Ramon put the bracelet on Erin’s wrist. Running her fingers on the chain, she examined the dainty charms with a smile. There was a G-clef, an eighth note, a star, a heart, and a round charm with her initials engraved on it.
“It’s pretty.”
Ramon dipped his head and kissed her on the shoulder. “I’m glad you like it.”
Erin let out a giggle. A short-lived one, because Juliana’s tone now sounded clipped, and Erin mistook it for the director noticing they weren’t paying attention. But as it turned out, it was Pio’s absence that ticked her off.
“Sorry direk, I tried calling him earlier but he’s not picking up,” Erin heard Mark say. “I’ll try again.” The stage manager made his way out of the theatre, phone pressed to his ear.
Guilt compelled Erin to pick up her phone and dial Pio’s number. Before Ramon dropped her off at her apartment building last night, she told him about the unfinished conversation between Pio and herself. Ramon encouraged her to get in touch with him before going to bed, but the actor hadn’t answered her calls either.
It wasn’t until after everyone had gone on to work on their daily tasks that Pio arrived, surprising Erin backstage with a huge bouquet of pink and white tulips. A thing of that size was bound to be noticed, whether or not anyone was paying attention. It was obvious the actor had no intention of being discreet.
“I’m sorry about last night, Erin,” Pio apologized as he handed her the bouquet.
Erin’s vision seemed to blur all of a sudden, heat rising from the pits of her stomach to the nape of her neck. Under different circumstances, she would have swooned over how stunning the tulips were, but her growing anxiety pushed every other sentiment away. She heard people whispering.
She held Pio by the wrist and quickly led him into a vacant dressing room. She closed the door behind her. “Pio…it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t have to do this.”
“I upset you, I know. Let me make it up to you.”
“This is too much.”
“Are you still mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Why won’t you accept this, then?”
“Because there is no reason for you to apologize, Pio. If anything…I’m the one who’s sorry.”
Pio frowned and put the bouquet away on a nearby chair. “Why would you be sorry?”
“Because I chose Ramon,” she said, eyes welling up with tears. “Because I didn’t know what I wanted when we started and I thought…”
“You thought you liked me.”
Erin nodded. “I’m sorry.”
For a torturously long moment, Pio only stood there and looked at her. Through misty eyes, Erin watched him quietly make sense of it all, and her heart ached and trembled seeing the perpetually happy actor look incensed.
“So when you asked me to give Ramon a show…” he began, scratching his brow. “What was that? You didn’t just keep dating me so you could ask me for a favor, did you?”
She shook her head. “No, Pio. It’s nothing like th—”
“…because I can give him a show if you want. I can give him all the shows!”
“No, no. I was wrong to ask that of you.” Erin buried her face in her palms. “I’m so sorry, Pio.”
Pio let out a heavy sigh but said nothing else as he went for the door. She tried to keep him from leaving, but his hand had already twisted the knob. A bunch of people scurried away from the door when it flew open, and Erin’s heart dropped seeing Ramon left standing there, an inscrutable expression on his face.
* * *
The rest of Erin’s day turned to shit.
For one, Ramon wouldn’t spare even a glance at her the entire time they shared a breathing space. She tried talking to him during the designated breaks, but he acted as if she wasn’t even there. During lunch, she bought him a cup of coffee and left it in the dressing room where he usually stayed. He never touched it.
Her productivity was at an all-time low too. Instead of properly sorting and cataloguing costumes for every character in the show, Erin ended up mislabeling and misplacing them. Kai, who was in charge of costume and make-up, got upset but still managed a polite tone when she told Erin to take a break.
Later, Hiraya found her crying her heart out inside the third floor ladies’ room. The playwright pulled her out of there and into the empty war room.
“Tell me,” she demanded. “Did you really ask Pio to give way to Ramon?”
“Yes.”
Hiraya let out a long, disappointed sigh. “Oh, Erin. Why did you do that?”
“I just felt so sorry.” Erin burst into tears again. “I made Ramon think he had a chance at lead, but all he got was understudy. And we all know understudies get little to no chance at performing, especially for a run this short.”
“But that’s how it’s always been, Erin. Have you forgotten?” Hiraya sounded exasperated. “When you were a rookie at Lakambini, you didn’t get lead like you wanted the first time, did you?”
“No.”
“Did anyone spoil you and say you can take their spot instead?”
“No.”
“Did that make you quit?”
“No.”
“Then why are you treating Ramon like a child?” Hiraya asked. “He’s a grown up. He can take care of himself. I’ve seen him work with the other members of the company, and he’s doing just fine...”
“You don’t understand. Ramon’s got a lot of insecurities...I just wanted to help.”
Hiraya shook her head. “Do you think this helped at all? If anything, I think you bruised his ego.”
Burying her face in her palms, Erin mumbled, “What am I going to do? He doesn’t even want to talk to me.”
“Try again,” Hiraya suggested, taking Erin in her arms and rocking her gently. “Talk to him before he leaves. I can stall him for you if you want.”
“We haven’t even talked about us yet, and here we are—” she sobbed.
Hiraya pulled away from the hug and stared at her. “Wait, what do you mean ‘us’?”
Erin had been meaning to tell Hiraya about last night, but that confrontation with Pio happened and everything fell apart. “I came back last night to talk to Ramon about how I felt about him.”
A gasp escaped Hiraya’s lips. “Finally! And?”
“I accidentally found his letters to me when I got to the dressing room...”
A louder gasp. “What did the letters say?”
“That he loves me.”
“Erin Javier!”
“I know ate, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I was supposed to, but—”
“Later. Tell me all the details later. Now, you need to talk to him,” Hiraya insisted. She pushed stray locks of Erin’s hair away from her face and wiped her tears. “If he really loves you, he will listen. If he’s still hurt, give him time. But let him know how you feel now. Now, before he leaves.”
* * *
Ramon was already preparing to leave when Erin found him inside the dressing room. He shoved some clothes into his backpack, zipped it shut, and pulled it over one shoulder.
“Ramon, please...can we talk?”
He looked at her and said nothing, but she could see hurt in his eyes. It was unnerving how he regarded her so coldly now, when he looked at her with so much love just the night before.
Ramon avoided her when she stepped into the room, but she was quicker to shut the door behind her before he could slip past. Erin drew in a breath when their bodies ended up pressed against each other for a second. As though the contact burned him, he stepped back just as quickly.
“So talk,” he sighed, breaking the silence.
Back pressed against the door, Erin caught the
clenching of Ramon’s fist around the bag strap over his shoulder. She ignored the stinging in her eyes, and the ache in her throat when she tried to keep in a sob. “I’m really sorry. I just wanted your hard work to pay off.”
“I get to build this show with all of you, Erin.” She could tell Ramon still cared how the words left his lips even as he spoke through gritted teeth. “I told you before. I’ve been learning new things every day. I’ve met new people, made new friends. What part of this experience isn’t a pay off? What were you thinking—ruining this for me? Why would you do that?”
“Because you made things happen for me!” Erin cried, his words a slap to her face. “And I wanted so badly to be that person for you too.”
Ramon scoffed. “By begging Pio to give up shows for me.”
“I didn’t beg!”
“Okay, fine. Let’s say you didn’t. But do you know how it sounded like to me? It sounded like you didn’t trust me enough to earn something out of my own merit. That’s why you had to resort to asking Pio for a favor.”
Erin let go of the door knob and sobbed into her palms. It wasn’t her intention to undermine Ramon’s abilities, but she realized now how her actions made it look that way.
“Do you know how I feel right now, Erin? I feel like whatever work I’ve done so far got flushed down the drain, like I’m back to square one. I feel so fucking small and insignificant. What’s worse is that it was you—a person I trusted so much—who did this to me.”
Reduced to a mess of tears, Erin could do nothing else but mumble apologies.
Ramon seemed to decide he was done with the conversation and stepped forward, holding her firmly by the shoulders. Without another word, he moved her away from the door and stepped out.
Twenty-Three
“All right, that’s it. As your stage manager, I now forbid you to drink another bottle,” Mark declared, snatching an unopened bottle of beer Ramon pulled out of the ice bucket.
“I can hold my liquor, Mark.” Ramon held his hand out, a silent demand for his choice of poison.
“Nope, nope...” Mark cleared the table of the bucket. “You don’t want to show up hungover at Lakambini tomorrow. Juliana will murder you.”
