by Jody Hedlund
She made her way down the hallway, following the yeasty aroma of freshly baked bread. At her first step into the kitchen, she froze.
Ryan sat by the window with a towel across his shoulders. And Tessa stood over him, one hand in his hair, the other holding a pair of scissors. Her face glowed, and her eyes radiated excitement. Was she giving Ryan a haircut?
Sharpness pricked Caroline’s chest again, and it only grew sharper when Tessa ran her fingers through his strands like a comb. She was chattering, and Ryan was grinning, obviously enjoying himself.
From the feathery hair clippings scattered on the floor, she could see Tessa had been at work for a while. Four loaves of bread perfectly browned were cooling on the table. An abandoned bowl of apple cores and peelings sat next to a pie that was filled with sliced apples but still missing the top crust.
“Tessa!” The word came out sharply.
Her sister jumped away from Ryan, her face flashing with guilt.
But Ryan didn’t move. His grin only widened at the sight of Caroline. “Good morning, lazybones. It’s about time you got up.”
Caroline was too mortified at Tessa’s behavior to smile back. Instead she scowled at her sister. “What do you think you’re doing?”
The guilt fluttered rapidly from the girl’s face, replaced by sullenness. “You’re not the only one who gets to help Ryan.”
“It’s Mr. Chambers to you.”
“If you can call him Ryan, then I can too.”
“No, you may not. And you may certainly not cut his hair.”
Tessa’s arms at her sides turned rigid, and her face flushed. Ryan’s gaze swung back and forth between them.
Caroline tried to rein in her growing frustration toward Tessa. She needed to pull her sister aside and have this conversation privately, and not embarrass her in front of Ryan.
“Since I used to give Father his haircuts, I thought I could do the same for Ryan.” Tessa’s dark eyes challenged her, her tone defiant. It was all too reminiscent of Caroline’s own defense the day she’d given Ryan a shave.
Caroline’s rebuke died inside her. How could she reprimand Tessa for cutting Ryan’s hair when she’d shaved Ryan’s beard? She certainly hadn’t set a good example for her impressionable sister—not with the shaving or with the flirting.
She would need to try harder not to flirt with Ryan and work at being a better role model for Tessa. Until then, what right did Caroline have to admonish her? She’d only be a hypocrite if she did.
Caroline gave a long sigh. “I thought you were supposed to be watching Hugh and Harry.” She’d assigned Tessa that duty on Saturdays while she caught up on her sleep.
“They’re out fishing,” Tessa replied. “They’re fine.”
Ryan stirred in the chair and tugged the towel from where it was wedged in his collar. “I think we’re done anyway, don’t you, Tessa?”
Her sister angled her head and studied him. Caroline did likewise. Gone were the scraggly, overlong locks. Instead, his sandy hair fell in trim, attractive waves. With several days’ worth of whiskers on his cheeks and chin, he still had a rugged appearance about him. But he’d shed the lost and haunted look that he’d carried. His face was no longer so thin either. The home-cooked meals were beginning to add to his strength.
A bright light shone from his eyes that reached across the room and touched her, filling her with warmth. His eyes lingered upon her unbound hair still hanging in disarray over her shoulders.
Seeing the direction of Ryan’s attention, Tessa glowered at Caroline. “Oh, I see why you don’t want me to cut Ryan’s hair. You want his attention all for yourself.”
“That’s not true,” Caroline retorted, but the guilt washed back through her. Did she want his attention?
Even though Tessa was pouting, her features were unmistakably pretty and her curves all too noticeable. As much as Caroline wanted Tessa to stay a girl, she was turning into a woman. Surely Ryan had noticed. How could he not?
“Tessa, please,” Caroline pleaded, “let’s not argue anymore. Let me finish cleaning up in here, and you go check on the boys.”
Tessa narrowed her eyes. “Admit it. You want me out of the way so that you can be alone with Ryan.”
“Tessa!” Caroline pulled herself to her full height and glared at her sister. It was the kind of glare she hoped proclaimed that she was in charge and that she’d had enough.
Tessa huffed, dropped the scissors onto the table, and stalked from the room.
After the front door banged shut, Caroline let her shoulders slump.
“Sorry for causing problems,” Ryan said, tipping back on his chair. “I wouldn’t have agreed to her offer if I’d known it would bother you.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said, crossing to the broom, mortified that Ryan had just witnessed her interaction with Tessa. She busied herself by sweeping the hair clippings into a pile, hoping to hide her embarrassment.
“Tessa’s just growing up too fast,” she said, the inadequacy of her situation falling upon her. Tessa needed both a mother’s and father’s wisdom to guide her during these years of transitioning from a girl to a woman. Instead all she had was an older sister who scolded her whenever she misbehaved.
Caroline had been doing her best to take good care of her brothers and sisters, but it never seemed to be enough.
“You’re doing a good job, Caroline,” Ryan said.
She paused in her sweeping. How did he always know what she needed to hear? “I wish she had Mother.”
“She’s got you. You’re working tirelessly in training her to be a godly young woman.”
“And she hates me.”
“Nay, she’s stretching her wings. Pushing against the limits a little. Getting ready to fly. She may not recognize the blessing you’ve been to her right now, but someday she will.”
Caroline leaned on the broom handle. “I’m worried that she’ll do something completely reckless just to spite me.”
“She’s a good girl.” Ryan sat forward, the front of his chair clunking against the floor. “She’ll turn out all right. Just like you have.” He grinned, his eyes taunting her.
She smiled back, unable to resist the bait. “I’m just ‘all right’?”
“You’re more than all right,” he whispered.
Her stomach fluttered. “What about wonderful? Incredible?”
His grin stretched wider. “I’ll only admit how wonderful you are if you admit that you want my attention all for yourself.”
She started to sweep again, furiously but blindly. He was altogether too close to the truth, yet she couldn’t admit it to him.
He gave a soft chuckle as if he’d guessed the truth, though she hadn’t confessed anything. Then he rose. She thought he’d be on his way out of the house, but instead his footsteps brought him closer until his fingers closed around her arm.
At his touch, she sucked in a breath. Her body stilled so that all she could hear was the rapid beating of her heart.
He leaned in, and she could feel his breath against her hair. “So is it true that you wanted to be alone with me?”
She wanted to sway against him, to feel the hardness of his chest and the strength of his arms. Maybe Tessa was right with all of her accusations. Maybe she was simply a jealous big sister who wanted Ryan all to herself.
A scream from outside jarred Caroline. She sprang away from Ryan at the same time he did.
“Caroline! Caroline!” Tessa’s shouts were filled with a panic that pummeled into Caroline.
She raced through the house and out the door. Ryan ran close behind her, and when she reached the front lawn of the house, he was beside her.
Tessa stood on the rocky shore, screaming and pointing to the lake. “Harry and Hugh! Their boat is sinking.”
At the sight that met Caroline, her airways closed up and her knees buckled. Ryan caught her before she collapsed.
At least a hundred feet from the shore, Harry and Hugh were scooping water out o
f the rowboat, which was quickly sinking. They were already knee-deep in water, with the boat growing heavier by the second and nearing the level of the lake.
All Caroline could think about was the image of her father clinging to the bottom of the cutter, clutching the boat with one hand and the doctor with the other, the heavy, dark waves crashing against him and dragging him under.
Against her, Ryan’s body tightened. He lowered her to the ground. “Stay here,” he said. Then he kicked off his boots and shed his shirt and trousers so that he was down to his underclothes.
He cupped his hands and called to the boys, “Keep bailing! I’m coming!”
Caroline cried out but could barely get out a wheeze. She struggled to her feet. She had to go out there too. She wouldn’t sit back and let her brothers and Ryan drown before her eyes. She’d had to watch her father die, and she wouldn’t do that again.
Ryan sprinted into the water. Once he was in up to his waist, he dove and began to swim against the waves toward the boys.
Caroline stumbled to the shore after him. She bent to unlace her boots, but her fingers twisted in the strings. She yanked at them harder and only made a knot. A frustrated cry slipped from her lips.
Tears streamed down Caroline’s cheeks as she called to the boys over and over to hang on, to scoop faster. But soon the lake water began to pour into the boat faster than they could bail it out. The boat dipped lower until the edge disappeared underwater altogether, and fear filled the boys’ faces.
The panic in Caroline’s chest was paralyzing. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t even speak. Once again she could only watch in horror, her soul screaming but her voice silent.
Ryan shouted at them as he approached, and once they saw him swimming steadily toward them, they fixed their attention upon him and began to follow his instructions. They climbed out of the sinking vessel and started to swim toward Ryan. Fortunately, Father had made sure his children learned how to swim at an early age. Even so, Caroline knew the big lake was no match for two young boys. A current or a strong wave could pull under even the strongest of swimmers.
She released another wheeze when the boys finally made it to Ryan. They were gasping and spitting out water, but they’d managed to stay afloat. They clung to Ryan as though he were a lifeline.
Caroline shuddered, and when Tessa sidled next to her, Caroline slipped an arm around her sister. No matter their differences, she loved Tessa, and they needed each other at that moment.
With the weight of the two boys holding on to him, Ryan sank underwater, his head disappearing for several long seconds. When he popped back up, she began to shake. She didn’t want Ryan to die either. In fact, the very thought of life without him filled her with an aching hollowness. Tessa’s steady strength at her side was the only thing that kept her on her feet.
They watched wordlessly as Ryan began the swim back to shore, one twin on either side gripping his shoulders and paddling alongside him. When they finally reached shallow water, Tessa let go of her and rushed into the water to meet them. Sobbing, Tessa grabbed Harry, relieving Ryan of one burden.
At the sight of Harry shivering violently, Caroline plunged in. The bitter cold of the water chilled her to the bone and seemed to wake her from her stupor. She floundered toward Hugh, lifting him off Ryan and dragging him the rest of the way back to shore.
She sank to the rocky ground next to Harry and Tessa, pulling them both into her arms, letting her tears mingle with theirs.
Panting, Ryan crawled out of the water. He sank into a heap, his face pinched in agony, his injured arm cradled against his side.
For a long moment, Tessa’s sobbing, Harry’s and Hugh’s sniffling, and Ryan’s labored breathing filled the air. A distant call of a migrating goose and the lap of waves couldn’t bring peace to Caroline’s soul today.
With teeth chattering, Harry wiped his sleeve across his dripping nose. “I’m freezing.”
Caroline turned toward Ryan, wanting to thank him, needing to know he was okay. He lifted his head wearily. “Take the boys inside,” he said. “Get them dry and warm before they catch a chill.”
She nodded and stood to her feet with Hugh. She reached a hand toward Ryan. “Come inside too. You need to get warm.”
“Take care of the boys first,” he rasped, letting his head drop, almost as if the pain was too much for him to bear.
She hesitated, but when Hugh shuddered again, she nodded and rushed him toward the house.
Ryan leaned against the boathouse and wrapped the wool blanket around his torso. Even though he’d warmed long ago, his entire body still trembled at what had almost happened earlier in the day.
Hugh and Harry had almost drowned.
If Tessa hadn’t gone outside when she did . . .
He whispered another prayer of thanks that God had seen fit to give him the strength to make it back to shore. There had been a time or two he’d wanted to cry out from the bite of the piece of shrapnel in his arm. It had been so agonizing, he’d had to fight not to black out. But somehow, by the grace of God, he’d made it in spite of the pain.
Maybe God was trying to tell him that he could do more than he believed he was capable of doing. Maybe he’d assumed that with his injury he’d never be able to shoulder real work again, that he’d be useless and half a man the rest of his life.
But like with so many other things, he was realizing he’d been mistaken, that perhaps he could do more than he’d ever thought possible.
He glanced through the grimy boathouse window to the place where his leather satchel sat with the rest of his belongings. He’d refused to take more whiskey from Simmons. He’d given up his pain pills. All he had left was one little tin flask in his satchel. There was no sense in getting rid of it. Such a tiny thing would be easy to resist. In fact, keeping it would force him to grow all the stronger in his resistance.
The door of the keeper’s cottage squeaked open. In the gray light of the afternoon, Caroline came striding toward him, a steaming mug in her hand.
His pulse quickened at the sight of her. Maybe he hadn’t had enough faith in himself. But Caroline had never doubted him. Not once. She’d believed in him all along.
She stopped several feet away and held out the mug.
He took it and wrapped his good hand around it, letting the warmth seep into his skin.
“How are you?” she asked.
Somehow he knew she was asking about his arm, that she’d known the incredible effort it had taken to rescue the boys. “I’m in some pain,” he admitted.
She nodded at the mug. “Maybe the birchbark tea will help a little.”
He took a sip of the bitter brew.
“Thank you for saving their lives.” Her lower lip trembled.
“How are they?” The hot liquid made a trail down his throat to his stomach.
“We gave them both hot baths, fed them warm milk, and snuggled them under piles of quilts. And now Tessa’s reading to them.”
“Then they’re not too shaken up?”
“I think they’ll be just fine. They’re sturdy little men.”
“Good.” He breathed out the pent-up anxiety that had settled in his chest since they’d disappeared inside the house.
“Tessa feels guilty about not watching them closer.”
He nodded gravely. “She can’t be too hard on herself. Boys are boys, and regardless of what anyone does to protect them, they’re bound to make some mischief.”
“They said the water came in through a small hole in the side of the boat.” Wisps of hair floated around her face, which was still pale.
“They didn’t notice the hole before they set out?”
“Apparently it was plugged up. The plug pushed out once they were in deeper water and started fishing.”
His mind scrambled to make sense of Caroline’s words. Had someone tampered with the boat? Cut a hole and then plugged it in anticipation of the boat’s sinking?
“Do you think someone in
tentionally cut a hole through the hull?” Her voice was raspy with the effort to speak, her lips still shaking.
He wanted to reassure her that no one would do such a thing, but he couldn’t lie to her. “We won’t know for sure what really happened unless we get a good look at the boat.” But the boat was down at the bottom of the lake. They’d likely never see it again.
“What if the same person who did the other things did this . . . ?” But Caroline couldn’t finish the thought.
The fear and worry in her beautiful blue eyes made him long to pull her into his arms, to wrap himself around her and promise her that he’d take care of everything, that she’d never have to worry again. But he couldn’t make such an extravagant promise, even though he wished he could. “We’ll have to keep a better watch out for anyone snooping around the place.”
Maybe he’d stay up the next couple of nights and keep a lookout for anyone or anything suspicious. He was having a hard time sleeping in the bed anyway. Every time he lay down, thoughts of Caroline tormented him and only stirred his yearning for her. And of course his slumber was tortured by other, less pleasant, thoughts too.
Sometimes he couldn’t help wondering if he’d been too hasty in giving up his pain pills. There were still too many times when he wanted to escape, to sleep without any nightmares of the war and of the slain boy.
Aye, telling Caroline that night in the cellar had been freeing. But he knew he wouldn’t be truly free until he returned to the family and paid them the debt he owed, and asked their forgiveness for his standing by and doing nothing.
Caroline stared out over the lake, the waves ebbing with a steady rhythm, the gray water reflecting the low, dark clouds. “I think it would be safest for us to leave. It’s becoming too dangerous here.”
“Nay, you can’t leave. Not yet.”
“Someone is clearly trying to force me out,” she said, glancing to the woodpile, then to the well, as if someone were lurking nearby and waiting to spring out at her.
“We don’t know for sure—”
“Ryan, look at everything that’s happened. They can’t all be a coincidence.”
“Do you have any idea who the culprit is?”
