by S. Walden
“Let her take one hit, little brother,” Wesley said. “She needs it.”
“Yes, I do,” she agreed emphatically.
Oliver thought for a moment. “It won’t change anything,” he said to her. “Mark will still have been married when you go home.”
Cadence looked shocked. And then she turned pissy and petulant.
“What are you doing smoking weed?” she asked him. “When did you start all this?”
“About three weeks ago,” Oliver replied.
Cadence thought for a moment. “Is that why Kim broke it off?”
“Yep.”
“So you chose weed over a pretty girl who was head over heels in love with you?”
“I didn’t understand why I couldn’t have both.”
“You’re a moron.”
Oliver shrugged.
“Is this, like, your rebellious stage or something?” Cadence asked.
“Yep.”
She nodded. “Yeah? Well, guess what? This is my rebellious stage, too.”
The siblings stared at one another. And then Oliver made a decision.
“As long as we’ve got each other’s backs,” he said quietly.
“Always,” she replied.
Pete lit the joint and passed it around the group. Oliver instructed Cadence how to take a hit. Suck in. Hold it in the chest for a few seconds. Blow out the smoke through the nose. Cadence followed his directions and waited for the few seconds it took to feel a mini high. And then the mini high grew into a moderate one. And then the moderate one turned into a fucking awesome rush.
“Kicking it old school,” she said, passing the joint to Pete.
“That’s how I roll,” Pete replied. “No pipes in my pockets.”
They laughed.
Cadence giggled as Wesley recounted his failed date with Tiffany. Actually, she laughed hysterically, then asked for another hit.
“One more, little girl,” Charlie said. “And that’s all you’re getting. This is strong weed. Don’t want you doing anything crazy.”
“Just gimme the weed,” Cadence said.
“A kiss first,” Charlie suggested.
“No, man. No way,” Oliver argued. He lay out on the one small patch of grass in the skate park with his head resting on his skateboard. “Cadence, if you kiss him, I’ll kill you. Then him.”
Cadence clapped her hands. “Yay!”
The boys burst out laughing.
“What are we cheering for, Cay?” Wesley asked.
“I dunno,” she said. “I dunno!” She laughed hard and rolled over on the ground. “I want more weed!”
“Cay, if I give you more weed, what are you gonna do for me?” Charlie asked.
“It’s not even your weed, dude,” Pete said. “She oughta be kissing me.”
“You have a girlfriend,” Wesley pointed out. He passed the joint to Oliver, who took another hit.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot,” Pete said. The group laughed all over again.
“Gimme gimme,” Cadence said. She reached her hands out to Charlie. He took them and pulled her to her feet.
“Don’t make out with my sister,” Oliver mumbled, eyes closed.
Charlie pulled Cadence close.
“I have a boyfriend,” she whispered.
“Oh, I know,” Charlie said. “I’m just gonna kiss you a little, and you can pretend to resist if it makes you feel better.”
Cadence giggled. Again. She shook her head and smiled demurely.
“Not even one little kiss?” he pouted.
She cocked her head and screwed up her face in thought.
“Fine,” she said suddenly, and kissed him lightly on the lips. Pete passed her the joint, and she took her second and final hit. Charlie grinned from ear to ear. He wanted tongue, but he’d settle for what he got.
The gang sat around and talked about politics, God, women’s breasts, nutritional benefits of fruit versus vegetables, TV shows, and sex.
“I think God is, like, super huge,” Pete said, lying spread eagle on the ground.
“What do you think he looks like?” Wesley asked.
“Just, like, this huge man. With really huge hands.”
Cadence nodded in agreement.
“Is thunder really angels bowling?” Pete asked.
“Yeah,” Oliver replied. “It’s, like, in the Bible.”
“Dude, seriously?” Pete asked.
“I think so,” Oliver said.
Cadence thought for a moment. She’d always heard that thunder was the sound of angels bowling, but she wasn’t sure if it was actually in the Bible. She’d have to look it up when she got home.
“We live in a fascist authoritative state,” Wesley said.
“We do?” Cadence asked.
“I don’t know. I was just putting it out there for discussion,” he replied.
“That’s what all the punk music teaches us,” Pete said.
“This ain’t a democracy,” Charlie said in a deep, scruffy voice.
The group burst out laughing.
“Where’s that from?” Cadence asked.
“The Walking Dead. Hello? Rick’s like, ‘Hey, this ain’t a democracy’. He used the same deep, gruff voice, then laughed. “Or something like that.”
Cadence fell on the ground laughing. She lay on her back and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging her shins.
“Dude, I read somewhere that women’s brains are scientifically designed to share secrets,” Wesley said.
Cadence piped up, “Scientifically designed?”
“Yeah. It’s, like, you can’t keep a secret. Once you hear one, you gotta tell,” Wesley explained. He plucked blades of grass and twirled them between his thumb and forefinger.
“That’s not good,” Cadence mumbled. And then she had an idea. “Hey, let’s try.”
“Huh?” Wesley said.
“Tell me a secret, and let’s see if I can keep it.”
The boys chuckled.
“All right,” Wesley said. He leaned over and whispered something in Cadence’s ear. She grinned.
“Oh, that’s good,” she said. “That’s really good.”
“What’s the secret, Cay?” Oliver asked.
“I’m not telling.”
“You know you want to,” Charlie urged.
“Come on,” Pete chimed in. “We won’t tell.”
“Nope. See? I can keep a secret.” She rolled over on her stomach and twirled a strand of her hair around her forefinger.
The boys nodded, unconvinced.
“You’re the exception then,” Pete said.
They watched her carefully. She lay on the ground thinking about Wesley’s admission, dying to blurt it. She thought it was just because of the weed and not her brain wiring compelling her to share.
“Give her ten more seconds,” Oliver whispered.
Ten, nine, eight, seven . . .
“Jennifer Parson showed Wesley her breasts in eighth grade!” she cried. “She told him she’d kill him if he said anything! She let him touch them, too!”
The boys cracked up. Their laughter floated on the night breeze, carried up, up into the stars.
“Damnit,” Cadence groaned.
“You held out there for, like, a minute,” Pete said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Cadence grinned. “I think it’s a lie anyway. Jennifer wouldn’t give you the time of day, Wesley.”
“Why do you think she threatened to kill me if I talked?” he argued.
Cadence learned a lot about men that night. Mostly she learned that they were stupid and only really cared about sex and skateboarding. At least this particular group. It wasn’t until someone mentioned needing to go home that she realized she didn’t know how they’d get there.
“Call your man, Cay,” Pete suggested.
“Are you out of your mind?” Cadence asked. There was no way in hell she was calling Mark. He was as anti-drugs as they come and would go ballistic.
“Already did,
” Oliver said.
“WHAT?!”
“Dude, how else are we getting home?” Oliver said to Cadence.
“Don’t call her a dude, man. She’s a dudette,” Wesley said.
“Oliver, I’ll kill you! What happened to having each other’s backs?” Cadence screamed.
“Uh oh. Is someone in trouble with daddy when she gets home?” Pete asked.
Cadence whirled around. “Not funny, dipshit. That’s actually really gross.”
“Totally,” Charlie agreed.
“Stop agreeing with me because you like me!”
“Hey. You kissed me, sweetheart,” Charlie said.
“And don’t call me sweetheart!”
They all turned to look as headlights pulled into the parking lot.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” Cadence breathed. “I’m so dead.”
She watched as Mark walked up to the park entrance and looked at the group through the locked gate.
“How’d you get in there?” he called.
“Hole in the fence around the other side,” Wesley replied.
Mark nodded. “Have fun?”
Wesley wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond. “Uh, yeah?”
Mark rolled his eyes. “Ready to go?”
“Dude, you skate?” Pete asked.
“Yes,” Mark replied.
“Want to?”
Mark considered the offer. He needed time to think, so he figured he might as well brush up on his skateboarding skills.
“Where’s the hole?”
Five minutes later, Mark was doing kick flips. Took him a few tries to get back into the swing of things, but he realized it was like riding a bike. Once you learn, it never leaves you. He showed off a little for Cadence. He wanted her to sit there and think about all the things he planned to say to her when they were alone at home. He knew it was excruciating for her, making her wait like that. She wanted to treat the whole night like a Band-Aid. Rip that fucker right off and be done with it. Not Mark. He was gonna drag it out—make it just the slightest bit painful.
He made Cadence sit on Pete’s lap when they got in the car. She really didn’t have much choice. The car wouldn’t seat all of them, and after Mark learned that Pete was the only one with a girlfriend, he decided his was the only suitable lap. He listened patiently to the boys’ inane yammering as he drove each one home, dropping them off one by one until it was only him and Cadence. She stayed in the backseat, too humiliated and scared to move up front. They were silent the entire drive.
“Hungry?” Mark asked as they walked through their front door.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“That’s one side effect,” he replied, pulling homemade guacamole from the fridge. He made it yesterday to go with their chicken tacos.
“I don’t need a lecture,” Cadence warned. She plopped down in a chair at the dining room table.
Mark brought her the dip and chips and pulled out his own chair.
“Wasn’t gonna give you one. Though you should probably know your brain may move a little sluggishly for the next six weeks or so.”
“Huh?”
“Research. It could take up to six weeks for the drug to leave your system. In the meantime, you may have some issues in class with short-term memory loss and difficulty comprehending the material.”
Cadence shoved a chip in her mouth, leaving guacamole at the corners of her lips.
“That’s rubbish,” she said with her mouth full.
“Is it?” He eyed her curiously. “I’ll bring you the literature tomorrow. You can read for yourself.”
“I don’t wanna read it,” she said. “I wanna sit here and eat.”
Mark nodded. “I get it,” he said gently.
“Get what?”
“The lashing out. I get it. You’re angry with me.”
Cadence snorted. “I’m not angry with you at all. I wanted to hang with my bro and smoke some dope. That’s all that was.”
“You have guacamole all over your lips,” Mark pointed out.
“I don’t care.”
He sighed. “All right. Want something to wash that down?”
“Got any beer?”
He smirked. “Nope, but I can make you a tall glass of ice water.”
He brought it to the table and watched her drink greedily before diving into the dip. It was nearly gone.
“You know I love you and care about you,” Mark said, watching her.
She blinked and kept eating.
“I’m not gonna give you a lecture about drugs because I know I don’t need to. You’re smarter than that.”
“Don’t pull that reverse psychology bullshit on me,” Cadence said. And then she laughed.
Mark rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s not reverse psychology, but whatever.”
“You’re appealing to my need to feel smart,” Cadence said. “You’re using it to convince me drugs are bad.” She looked at Mark through bug eyes. Where the hell did that come from? She was still high as a kite but managed to say something pretty damn intelligent. She clapped for herself.
Mark ignored her. “I smoked weed for a long time, and it got me nowhere. I’m surprised I’m still functioning at any kind of intellectual level.”
“Then it must not be that bad,” Cadence said.
Mark stared at her. So this is what resentment looks like. Hard. Unyielding. Defiant. Distant.
“Okay, Cadence,” he said softly. “You want anything else to eat?”
“A pizza,” she replied.
“I’ll order a pizza.”
There was no more conversation after that.
***
Avery stared at Cadence from across the table.
“What?” Cadence snapped.
“Smoking weed with your brother and his lame ass friends?” she asked, arching her eyebrow.
“You’re gonna lecture me on ethics and morality?” Cadence replied.
Avery shot her a warning glance. “Yes.”
“You’re the one who turned me bad,” Cadence muttered.
“Seriously? How old are you?” Avery said. She bit into her turkey sandwich.
“Whatever.”
Avery swallowed and continued. “I know I put you in a compromising position last year. I didn’t realize things would blow up the way they did. I just thought you’d have a regular secret boyfriend to sneak around with. How the fuck was I supposed to know you’d date your teacher?!”
Cadence propped her elbow on the table and rested her cheek in her hand while she half-listened to Avery.
“Furthermore, I didn’t realize you’d end up living with your teacher boyfriend because your dad’s a complete jerkface asshole. To top it off, I’d no idea that Mark was previously married, and that you’d be dealing with all these feelings of betrayal and resentment.”
Cadence rubbed her forehead.
“I know you’re hurting, but this is so unlike you,” Avery said gently.
“Is it?” Cadence asked. The Valentine’s Day random sex night flashed in her brain.
“Cadence, I’m not your mother—”
“Thank God.”
“—but God knows you need one right now.”
Cadence snorted. “And I suppose you wanna take on that role?”
“Well, who else is gonna do it?”
“Are we done here?”
Avery tried a different approach. “Do you even have a clue why I sought you out last year?”
Cadence shook her head.
“I . . . I was lonely, yes. I knew what had happened with you, and I knew you were lonely, too.” Avery bit her lip and thought a moment. “I needed to be around a good person.”
Cadence furrowed her eyebrows.
“I know what I’m like,” Avery whispered. “I’m not saying I didn’t want to be sneaky and have an alibi for going to visit my boyfriend. I’m not saying that. I wanted to do all those things we did last year.”
Cadence listened intently.
&n
bsp; “I’m just saying that I hoped maybe you’d rub off on me. Because you’re a good person with a sweet heart,” Avery explained. She paused and smiled. “You’re a sweetheart.”
Cadence grinned.
“It makes me nervous when you act like this,” Avery went on. “It’s a reflection of me, and I’m not sure I like it.”
Cadence was shocked. She watched Avery take another bite of her sandwich, like her most recent words weren’t a mind-blowing revelation.
“You’re the coolest person I know,” Cadence said. And then she giggled at how silly it sounded. Avery giggled, too.
“I know. I know it. It’s just, me doing those things is normal. You doing those things is scary. And anyway, I don’t do drugs because I’m not completely self-destructive.”
Cadence nodded.
“My vices are alcohol and sex.”
“I don’t think I really have any vices.”
“Exactly,” Avery said. “So why start now?”
Cadence chuckled as she watched Avery finish off her sandwich.
“You’ve gotta forgive him at some point, Cadence. You can’t stay angry with him forever. If you do, you two will eventually break up.”
That thought was alarming. Cadence hadn’t thought of it—that if she couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive Mark, then they wouldn’t make it as a couple. Where would she go? What would she do? He took care of her. Sure, she pulled her weight, but it wasn’t his weight. His weight was heavier.
Avery cleared her throat. “Now, who are these yahoos you’re hanging out with? ‘Cause I’m not sure I approve.”
“They’re just school friends.”
“They’re losers, Cadence, and I don’t trust them.”
“Hey! They’re my friends. Back off.”
“I don’t trust them,” Avery repeated.
“This is rich coming from you.”
“Excuse me? Are you implying that I’m not a trustworthy friend?”
“No! You’re totally trustworthy. I just mean, in general, you’re sneaky and self-serving. You’re gonna do what’s best for you,” Cadence clarified.
“Excuse me?”
“Um, Avery? Are you serious right now?”
“You little bitch,” Avery said. “I’ve never been selfish with you.”
Cadence burst out laughing. “You took me to Gavin’s garage the day Mr. Connelly humiliated me in front of the class. You did it so you could see him. Didn’t really have anything to do with being there for me because—”
