by Cora Reilly
I could feel myself falling into his eyes again. “But you treated me like them.”
“I didn’t know how to act around you. I…I was confused.”
“Confused? You?”
He smirked. “Because it was you. And because you were my first virgin. I never wanted the burden of having that kind of important place in a woman’s memory. And then that virgin was you.”
Ouch. I stepped out of his grasp. “Sorry about having burdened you like that,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“No,” he said in a low voice that sent a sweet tingling down my spine again. I was utterly screwed. “I have to say I like being the only one.”
“The only one would imply that there will be no others, but as we’re not even dating, there will eventually be someone else.”
Xavier’s face darkened. He gripped my hips. “I don’t want there to be someone else. Not Blake, and not anyone else either.”
I shook my head. “Then we’re at an impasse.”
“Evie,” Xavier said in a pained voice.
I drew back from him and he dropped his hands from my hips. “No. Xavier, there’s only one way you can have me, and that’s in a real relationship and not as an affair.”
He didn’t stop me when I turned on my heel and walked off. My heart was thudding wildly in my chest, and I felt hot and flustered. When I found Blake at the bar, nursing a drink, trying to ignore the crowd of females who were attempting to catch his gaze, a wave of guilt washed over me. “I’m sorry,” I told him.
He smiled but it was less bright than before. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry for what Xavier did.”
He stood, frowning. “It’s not your apology to hand out. Do you want to leave?”
“Yes, I’m not in the mood for partying anymore. Please don’t be mad.”
He shook his head. “I’m not. It was a lovely evening up until Xavier barged in.”
“It was,” I said with a small laugh. My eyes were drawn to a scene behind Blake where Dakota threw her drink into Xavier’s face, whirled around and rushed off.
Blake followed my eyes. “You and him?” There was no judgment in his voice, only a hint of resignation.
“No, it’s not like that,” I said quickly.
“Okay,” Blake said, but I could tell that he didn’t believe me. We headed out of the club and on our way back to my home, he engaged me in polite conversation but I could tell that he was more cautious than before.
When he stopped in front of the house, I turned to him. “It was a lovely evening and you are a wonderful guy.”
He grimaced. “I’ve heard those words before,” he said bitterly. “Women always fall for the asshole type. Xavier is living proof.”
I wanted to protest but snapped my lips shut. “I’m sorry,” I said eventually. “It wouldn’t be fair to you to keep seeing you. Right now, it isn’t the right time for me to look for someone.”
Blake nodded. “It’s okay. Thank for the evening.”
With a last smile, I got out.
Fiona was expecting me in the entryway like an eager puppy. One look at my face and she frowned. “Don’t tell me he turned out to be an asshole too.”
“No, he was a gentleman.”
“Then what?”
“Xavier shoved Blake when he tried to kiss me.”
“He did what? Has he lost his mind? You are his assistant, not his girlfriend. I’m going to kick his ass tomorrow.”
I touched her arm. “Don’t. Just let it drop. I don’t want any more drama. I’ve had enough for a lifetime.”
I met my brother in our favorite pub, where they had a new selection of craft beers on tap every week and the best fish and chips in town. Marc was already in our usual booth when I stepped in. I waved at the owner of the pub, who never made a big deal when I came over. This was a place where I didn’t have to worry about paparazzi taking a photo of me. They had done enough of that last night. I didn’t buy the tabloids but I’d caught glimpses of their headlines, and all of them included me. Most of them with Blake and Evie, some with Dakota when she threw her drink in my face. The latter I didn’t mind. The former made me raving mad because I knew the pictures would bother Evie.
“Fifteen minutes late,” Marc commented as I slid into the chair across from him. “For before Evie-Xavier that would have been good, but now I expect better.” He had already ordered two glasses of a dark amber beer. I raised the glass to my lips and took a generous gulp.
Marc scanned my face. “What’s going on?”
“I fucked up,” I said.
Marc gave me a look. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he joked, then sobered. “It’s not about Evie, is it?”
He sounded like this would crush him. What was it with Evie and winning over everyone she ever met? The coach, my teammates, my family…Blake. I still wanted to punch his face for dancing with Evie, for having his hands on her hips, for trying to kiss her. He wanted her, wanted what I wanted for myself. What if Evie decided to go out with him again? Or someone else?
“I slept with her,” I muttered, setting the glass down and waiting for the tongue-lashing to begin.
Marc shook his head once, disapproving, then took a long sip from his beer, all the while assessing me like I had admitted to committing murder, and not sex.
“Can you stop that disappointed older brother look? I’m feeling shitty enough.”
“Why?” he asked. “You slept with almost every single one of your assistants and you never felt shitty about it, or about any of the other women you slept with and disposed of like a dirty rag.”
“Evie isn’t just any woman. She’s…”
Marc leaned forward, curious. “She’s what?”
I frowned. Evie was important. Important to me. “Never mind.”
Marc pulled away with a sigh and sank back in his seat. “Okay, so you slept with her…but I assume you didn’t throw her out of your apartment right after?”
He was starting to piss me off. “I didn’t throw her out. She left the next morning before I could say anything.”
“Which was probably for the best because you probably wouldn’t have made things better with words.”
“Probably,” I conceded, taking another sip. I wasn’t sure what I would have said, but not what Evie wanted to hear, that was clear.
“If she left, maybe things aren’t that bad. Maybe she’ll at least agree to keep working as your assistant.”
“I was her first, Marc.”
His brows drew together. “First what?”
“You’re awfully slow for a lawyer,” I muttered. Then sighed. “Evie was a virgin.”
Marc put his glass down and stared. Suddenly anger took over his face. “You slept with her knowing she’d never been with a guy? That’s low, even for you, Xavier. Fuck. Even your dumb ass must have realized she’s got feelings for you and that’s why she wanted you to be her first.”
For Marc to say fuck, he must be really pissed on Evie’s behalf, and he reached his goal. I felt even worse, which had seemed hardly possible. Every woman I’d been with since I’d slept with Evie had made me feel more guilty. They hadn’t been the distraction I’d hoped for. All they’d done was show me that Evie was one of a kind.
“I didn’t know…at first. And when I figured it out, it was too late.”
Marc shook his head again. He grabbed the empty glasses and rose. “I’m getting us another round. I’ve got a feeling we’ll both need it.”
He returned with two glasses filled with an almost black concoction. “Dark Ale. Chocolate and malt notes,” he said as he put a glass down in front of me and sat down.
“I assume she quit her job.”
I nodded.
“That leaves her six months to find you a replacement.”
I nodded again.
Marc sighed. “Mom will be really sad, and Willow, too. And Milena and the kids as well.”
I scowled. “I get it. I ruined this for ever
yone. We all love Evie and I fucking lost her.”
Marc tilted his head in that annoying attorney way, like I had just revealed a crucial hint. “We all love her?”
“It’s a figure of speech, Marc. Get off my back,” I said, getting angry.
Marc sat back and was quiet for a long time. “Maybe it’s not too late. Go to her, tell her how you feel. Evie seems like a woman who doesn’t hold grudges. Maybe she’ll give you another chance.”
“For what? A relationship? You know I don’t date, Marc. Have never, will never.”
“I love Milena,” Marc said quietly, and I braced myself because that voice rang all my alarm bells. I knew he was going to address a topic I hated. “There was a time when I thought like you, when I thought the world was better off with me not dipping my toes in the dating pool, but with her I could not let her get away. I’m not like him. Sometimes I get angry and I yell, and Milena yells back, but not once did I call her names, threaten her or consider raising my hand to her. And not only because I don’t want to lose her—because I would lose her if I treated her like that—but because I don’t want to treat her that way.”
“Good for you, because I’d run you over with my fucking car if you ever treated Milena and the kids like shit.”
Marc smiled. “I know.” He sighed. “You and Evie seemed perfect for each other. I’ve never seen you laugh so much around a woman.”
“Evie is the funniest and smartest woman I know.”
“What’s the problem then? Is it because she doesn’t look like the supermodels you usually parade around?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Evie’s hot, and I don’t give a damn if she’s supermodel material or not.” The press was a different matter. They would descend on her like vultures if word got out that we were dating.
“Then what?”
I sighed. He didn’t get it. “There’s always that one messed-up puppy in the litter that’ll chew your face off when you’re sleeping. We both know you and Willow aren’t that kind of pup.”
Marc shook his head. “You won’t chew anyone’s face off, Xavier.”
“You never know. I don’t want to fuck up Evie’s life.”
Marc snorted into his beer. “You’re doing an awful job so far.”
Nothing like an older brother who made you feel like the biggest asshole in the world. He and Fiona would get along well if they ever met.
Evie still did everything she was supposed to do. She was responsible and took her job seriously, but now she made sure to keep her distance. Our banter was gone, and she never got close enough so we could accidentally touch.
“Xavier, are you listening to a word I’m saying? Can’t you at least pretend to give a shit?” Evie said. My eyes were drawn to her where she was perched on the barstool, tablet in front of her, scowling at me.
I hadn’t listened. I was still working up my courage to say what needed to be said.
She sighed. “I’m done with the first draft of the job announcement. You don’t have to worry about anything going public. I contacted a recruitment firm who will discretely look for possible candidates. If you like I can go over the announcement with Marc.”
“I don’t want another assistant, Evie,” I said firmly.
Her green eyes met mine, and the look in them was a punch in the balls. Fuck. I’d never meant to hurt Evie. “I told you I won’t keep working for you. It’s not going to work. After what happened…” She swallowed. “It just won’t work.”
I straightened from where I’d leaned against the fridge and moved closer to her but stopped when she tensed. “Evie, listen, I know I acted like a major asshole.”
“You did, but I can’t blame you for it. I knew how you treat women.”
Ouch. Another blow. “You aren’t like other women.”
“For sure,” she muttered, scanning the length of herself, then frowning down at her iPad.
Screw it. I closed in on her and she jerked her head up in confusion. “I don’t want to lose you.”
She pursed her lips. “I’m not going to become your assistant with benefits.”
“I don’t want you to be an assistant with benefits…” Fuck, was I really going to say it? “I want you, all of you. I want to give this dating thing a chance. I want to give us a chance, if you’ll let me.”
Her eyes widened then narrowed. “You don’t date. You said it yourself.”
“I know,” I said quietly, leaning closer to Evie until I could have counted the freckles on her nose and cheekbones. “But I want to date you.”
There it was. I’d said it, and despite the burst of panic, fucking panic, I didn’t want to take the words back. If dating Evie was what it would take to keep her, I’d give it a try. I was pretty sure I would have done anything right then, just to keep her.
These words were too good to be true. “What exactly do you consider dating?”
Xavier was still close, so close I had a hard time focusing on more than the curve of his mouth and manly scent.
“Go on dates, spend time together, sleep together. I’m not an expert when it comes to dating, Evie.”
“Me neither,” I said. I regarded Xavier. He looked earnest, and I knew he wouldn’t lie about something like that, certainly not to get me into his bed again. My heart wanted to jump at his suggestion, but my brain pulled the brakes. “Last time we talked about it, you said people expect certain things from you. That didn’t change. The press will be all over us once word gets out that we’re dating.”
A flicker of worry passed Xavier’s face, and my stomach tightened. “See, that look tells me all I need to know. You’re worried about being seen in public with me.” I tried pulling away, but Xavier braced himself against the counter to both sides of me.
“That’s bullshit, Evie. We’re seen together all the time.”
“Not as a couple, and you know it.”
“I don’t give a fuck what the press writes about us, but last time they threw shit at you, you were upset and I don’t want that, and it’ll only get worse. The Blake incident was already a wet dream come true for the tabloids.”
“You’re worried about me?”
“Fuck, yes. Of course I’m worried about you. I know the nasty shit the press likes to throw at me, and they won’t go any softer on you once they find out you’re my girlfriend.”
I swallowed. “You said the g-word.”
Xavier chuckled. “I’d rather find your G-spot.”
I shoved Xavier’s shoulder lightly. “You’re impossible.” But I wasn’t angry or annoyed. I was confused and happy and scared, though. “Xavier, this is a big deal, for me, for us. If you’re doing this because you feel guilty or want to settle unfinished business or don’t want to lose a good assistant, then I’d rather you say it now.”
Xavier pulled back slightly, looking like I’d slapped him. “I wouldn’t mess with you like that just to settle unfinished business. I thought you’d be happy.”
“I’m happy, but I’m also worried. You were always so adamant about not dating and now you change your mind. A few days ago you were still screwing Dakota, and now it’s me you want. That doesn’t add up.”
Xavier sighed. “I never wanted Dakota. She was meant to distract me from you. I felt guilty after I slept with you, and when I realized I was going to lose you forever that just scared the shit out of me, but I was being a stubborn fucker and thought I couldn’t date anyone, least of all you.”
“Least of all me,” I repeated. “Yeah, I can see how dating the chubby redhead would be a blow to your image.”
Xavier grabbed my hips and stepped between my legs, bringing our faces close. “Don’t twist my words in my mouth, and don’t let your insecurities over your body be mine.”
I snapped my mouth shut. Xavier had never been truly angry at me, but now he looked mad. He leaned down slowly and brushed his lips across mine. I held my breath but he didn’t deepen the kiss; instead he pulled back a couple of inches. “What I meant is,” he said firmly, “
I never wanted to date because I didn’t think I would be good at it.”
I huffed. “If you’ve never tried it, then you can’t know.”
“My father was a major asshole, Evie,” Xavier said suddenly, and I became still. Except for that brief mention after the women’s shelter, he had never talked about his father, nor had anybody else from his family. His gray eyes held apprehension and pain at a memory from his past. I touched his chest, trying to encourage him without words to go on. “An abusive asshole, physically and mentally. He beat my mother and later Marc and me. He was a horrible human being, but Mom stayed with him for a long time. He could be charming if he tried, and he always managed to convince her that he would change, that he wouldn’t beat her again. She tried protecting us and got beaten up for it all the time. He punched her and kicked her, tore at her hair, called her horrible names…”
He fell silent.
“So,” I began. “You’re worried you’ll be like him?” It was a ridiculous notion. Xavier wasn’t violent or cruel. He was a womanizer, and while he had certainly broken a few hearts, that was a far cry from being an abusive asshole. Most women knew exactly what they were getting into when they slept with Xavier. He was all over the news with his sexual endeavors. Even I had known.
“I look like him,” Xavier said. “And I have his charm. Women want to believe whatever I say. I can be convincing.”
“Let me stop you right there,” I said. I jabbed my finger into his hard chest. “I don’t know your father but I know you, and you aren’t abusive, Xavier. You are funny and cocky and caring. You take care of your family, you protect them, you love them. You would never hurt someone you love or care about. You are not your father, trust me.”
He still didn’t look convinced.
I took his hand, strong and rough. I curled his fingers until they formed a fist, then I raised it between us. “Can you imagine punching me?” I asked, bringing his fist to my cheek.
He tensed, his eyes wide and horrified. “No.”
A small smile tugged at my lips. I brought his fist to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Not even when I annoy you?” I teased.
