by Tia Siren
“Chip, this is Grant,” she said, finally introducing me. I held my hand out for him to shake, which he did with his huge hands, nearly crushing my own. “What are you doing here?”
“Just a work meeting. I’m in construction, and the company I work for wanted to spend a little extra. Didn’t know snails and frog legs cost so much,right?” And again, he erupted with boorish laughter.
Surely, that should have been the last straw. Surely, such a silly, juvenile joke would have turned Kendra’s smile to a frown? But no, she laughed with equal enthusiasm, even slapping him on the arm as she did. And as I watched the sickening display, my stomach turned.
I had never hated anyone in my life more than I hated Chip in that moment. Forget about his actual personality. He was loud, obnoxious, and the complete opposite of the type of person I would ever talk to in the real world. He was the kind of guy that used to bully me in high school, then act like it was all some joke and that I was the one that needed to ease up. He was, as far as I was concerned, public enemy number one.
And if it was just that, then maybe I wouldn’t have been so irritated. But the history that he and Kendra shared was what really had my insides burning. He was the sole harbinger of the most tragic moment in my young life. I had spent hours, days even, thinking about what I would do if I ever came face to face with him. The ways in which I would hurt him.
And even after all that, I wouldn’t have felt the way I did if it wasn’t for the way that Kendra was acting around him. She was fawning in the most obvious fashion. She was laughing at his shitty jokes, batting her eyes, and staring at him like he was the quarter back and she was the cheerleader. After all we had been through and after what I thought was a hurdle that we crossed, now this great hunk of meat was barging in.
“Well, I’ve got to go,” Chip suddenly said, standing up. I hadn’t even realized that the two had been talking, so lost in my own thoughts. But it was definitely a relief to see him go, even if he did kiss Kendra on the cheek again. “See ya, Grant,” he offered, winking at me. And then he was gone, making the floor shake as he strode back to his own table.
There was a very pronounced moment of silence between the two of us after Chip left. There was me, staring at Kendra, waiting for her to say something, anything really. And then there was Kendra, staring in the direction where Chip disappeared. She wore a glazed look over her face, like she was just snapping back from some sort of dream.
“Well, that was unexpected,” she finally said, ever so casually as if she hadn’t just been flirting in front of me.
“That’s one way of looking at it,” I replied, careful to hide my temper. I really didn’t want to snap. I really didn’t want to ruin the night. All I wanted was to pretend that nothing had never happened. I just didn’t know if I could.
“You know in college he was everything,” she said, sipping her drink as she still watched the space where he was.
“I’ll bet,” I replied through gritted teeth.
“Seriously. Every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be him.”
“Yep,” I said, feeling the rage bubbling over. Was she dense or was she purposefully testing me? Did she want to see me snap? Did she enjoy it?
“But that was then and this is now. God damn he’s changed. I can’t believe I was ever with him, to be honest.” And then the mood changed. Her face suddenly scrunched up in disgust, her tone became one of self-loathing, and she looked away from where he was, as if her eyes had suddenly caught fire.
“Really?” I asked, feeling my own mood turn around.
“Of course. The man is a pig. Where you not listening to what he was saying?” Her face still scrunched at the very thought.
“No, I was... I was in my own head,” I said, without admitting just how far in my head I’d actually been.
“Be glad that you were. Seriously. I can’t believe I was ever with him. The stupid things girls do?”
“The stupid things grown men do,” I said, unable to suppress a smile as I reached across the table and took her hand again. “Let’s just agree that we’ve both made some pretty horrendous mistakes. How about that?”
“Deal! Now, what were you going to say before the oaf interrupted?” she asked.
What I was going to say was a platitude. I was going to tell her what I knew she wanted to hear. It was going to be nonsense about how beautiful she was and how lucky I was and all of that. About how I wanted forgiveness, how we were starting again. But after seeing Chip and after feeling what I had just felt... while also seeing her reaction to the man that I had spent so many years hating, I knew that those words were not going to be enough.
What I needed to do was speak the truth, finally. No more games. And so I did.
“I wanted to tell you,” I began, making sure to keep her hand in mine as I stared into her perfect green eyes. “That I love you.”
Chapter 34
Kendra
He loves me? I never thought he would say that. There was no way I could have seen such a huge confession coming. What’s more, if I knew that it was coming, if I had been expecting it, then I probably would have freaked out. In fact, I knew that I would have. I would have made an excuse to go to the bathroom, maybe slipped through the window? I mean, who knew what I was capable of?
But the fact that he dropped it so suddenly and casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, caught me off guard. The words hit me but were allowed to sink in. They were allowed to settle over me and between us, giving us both a chance to see how such an emotion would fit. And the truth was, that it fit pretty damn well.
It just felt right. There was no awkwardness or oddness to the statement. It didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or strange. It didn’t make me want to run for the hills and never look back, or to go and leap into Chip’s arms in an act of self-destruction. No. None of that. It felt good and because of that, I knew that from then on, the two of us would be okay.
“Hey, do you mind if we go back to my place instead?” I asked as we made our way from the restaurant. The rest of that night had gone perfectly. The food was amazing, and Grant had even organized for a violinist to play for us during dessert.
“Your place? You don’t want to go to mine?”
“I would, but I’ve got work tomorrow, and all my clothes are at my place. It doesn’t make sense to stay at yours and then have to rush to mine tomorrow morning. Don’t worry, I don’t think we’ll be doing much outside of the bedroom anyway.”
For a moment there, I thought he was going to argue. It definitely looked as if he had something on his mind. But if he did, he decided against it as he offered me a curt nod. I smiled, giving his hand another squeeze. In response to this, he brought it up to his lips, kissing the back of my hand. “I do love you,” he said again, only this time more seriously.
“I know you do.”
--
The only alcohol I had at my place was half a bottle of vodka that I was able to pair with a bottle of warm tonic water. But, as it was still early, I poured each of us a drink.
“Ah, fancy,” Grant joked as he took the mug of vodka tonic from me.
“I try to be,” I said, sipping from my own ceramic mug.
“It’s funny,” he said as he walked around the apartment. “I can’t believe I’m back up here, in such cordial circumstances.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, truth be told, I thought that the two of us.” He shook his head. “I just didn’t think that we would ever be able to work it out. So many times, we got close only for something to happen. For something to mess it up.”
“I know what you mean,” I said, putting down my mug. As I did, I walked up behind Grant, wrapping my arms around him. I loved the way he smelled and the way he felt. Everything about him. I just wanted to hold him forever. And better yet, I was sure he wanted the same.
“You do?” he asked, turning around in my arms so that the two of us were face to face. He gave me a peck on my
nose, and I wriggled it for him.
“Of course. All wanted was a second chance to prove that I could be trusted. I was starting to get worried that I wasn’t going to get it.”
“Well you got it, and you passed with flying colors.” His hands ran underneath me, lifting me into the air. As that happened, I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him deeply.
“Hey, Grant,” I said, as I pulled myself from his lips.
“Yes?” he asked, as he kissed my neck and chest.
“I love you, too.”
He didn’t say anything. Instead, he smiled with glee as he carried me over to my bed, laying me down on it. From there, the two of us became locked in each other’s arms as we kissed and fawned over one another. It was an odd sensation, but I was craving the feel of him inside me, or the feel of his cock in my mouth. I was enjoying just kissing and holding him as much as I ever had having sex with him. And I could tell that he was, too.
Maybe that was how you knew that you were in love? I had certainly never been before, and therefore, had no stick by which to measure it. So that’s what it must have been? Love.
“Hey,” Grant suddenly said, pulling his lips from mine. I was on my back, and he had one arm under me and the other on my thigh. “I need to tell you something. In the interest of second chances, and getting everything out in the open and all of that.”
“Sure thing,” I said, leaning up and kissing his neck. He was infectious, and I couldn’t keep myself from him.
“Now that you have me, I want you to know that what’s is mine is yours. You never have to worry about anything ever again.”
“Okay...” I responded, not sure where he was going with this. He looked a little nervous, truth be told.
“And because of that, you know that you don’t have to work at Luscious anymore—wait let me finish,” he hurried, seeing me about to interrupt. “It’s just that I feel like you’re too good for that store. It’s beneath you. And now that you have me, there’s really no need for you to work there ever again.”
“You want me to quit?” I asked, sitting up now. I had stopped kissing him, and he me. Right in that moment, I couldn’t have imagined anything I felt less like doing.
“Yes, I do.” His voice was serious, and the look he gave me told me that it wasn’t an option. Not to him anyway.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I protested. “It was only a few months ago that you came to me, pretty much begging me to take the job. And now you think it’s beneath me? What’s changed? Why are you—”
“Everything has changed,” he interrupted. As he did, he got to his feet, towering over me. Gone was the flirtatious, romantic mood that he was in before. He was getting angry. “We’re with each other now, and I don’t want you in a store where men spend the whole day staring at you, trying to fuck you.”
“I thought you said that you were done getting jealous,” I said, getting to my feet, the anger also washing over me. “I thought I proved to you that you didn’t need to be anymore?”
“Even if that is the case, I shouldn’t have to worry about you in my own store. You deserve better than that.”
“Don’t act like this is about me. It’s about you. It’s always been about you.” I was yelling, and I didn’t even care. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe how selfish he was being. It was insane. After all that we had been through that night.
“Fine, it is about me! Happy?” he admitted. “I don’t like seeing you there, and because it’s my store, I don’t want you working there anymore. Understand? Is that simple enough for you?”
“Wait. Are you firing me?” I had stopped yelling, and my voice descended into a low whisper, as if saying the words any louder would only make them come true. I didn’t want to believe that he would do such a thing, but I knew what he was like.
“Take it how you will,” he said firmly.
“I want you to leave.”
“Kendra don’t—”
“Get out!” I screamed, suddenly erupting. I had never been so angry. Not when he had tricked me into being his gummy model, and not even when he all but used me for sex before spitting me out the other side. This was something else. This was the man I thought I loved, all but confirming that my love would never be returned. At least, not in the way that I had hoped. That hurt more than anything else ever could.
“I’m going,” he said, staying calm. “But I want you to know that I still meant everything else I said tonight. Every word of it. Don’t let this one thing get in the way of what I know will be great, okay?” He took a few steps toward me, as if trying to decide if he should kiss me or not, but then he decided against it. That was probably for the best because I was staring daggers at him.
Instead, he turned and made his way to the front door, walking through it and closing it behind him. And he was gone.
I believed him when he said that he meant every word of what he said. Of that, I had no doubt. But to me, it made no difference. To me, his love was poison at that point. He didn’t love me for me, but because of the way it made him feel. He didn’t give a shit about me, not really, anyway. If he did, he would have known that my job was more than a paycheck. I loved my work, and for him to all but threaten me was disgusting.
I went to bed without shedding a single tear that night. Without crying, without curling into a ball and weeping. I wasn’t going to waste any more tears on Grant Marcus. I loved him. That much was true. I told him that, and I was more than willing to prove that for the rest of my life.
But that was then. A lot can happen in a few minutes, and as I closed my eyes that night preparing to go to sleep, I wasn’t so sure if I loved him anymore.
Chapter 35
Grant
Split Bean was the same as always. It was a consistency in my life that I didn’t even realize I needed. But as I sat in that crummy little coffee shop, surrounded by mobs of angry, tired, and rude customers scrambling for their coffee, I realized that that was the reason I always went back. Life was so god damn hectic all the god damn time. Nothing was certain, and every time that I thought it was going to be, the rug would be pulled from under my feet.
I was still reeling from the previous night, of course. It was eight in the morning, and I had done nothing for the past ten hours but think about the events that took place in that little apartment. A part of me was sure that I had done the wrong thing. That part thinks that I should have waited until afterward. Maybe given it a day or two before broaching the subject?
But the other part of me knew that I did the right thing, despite how it may have turned out. It was an issue that had been flitting around my mind for some time, and one that I had to get out in the open. I just couldn’t have Kendra working there anymore. Whether we were together or not, she had to go.
If we were together, then seeing her in that store would have torn me apart every time I went in. Seeing her sell dildos and cock cream to people was something that no boyfriend should ever have to deal with. And if we weren’t together, well, the same thing really. Either way, she had to go.
I knew it was going to be a hard point to make, and I knew she wasn’t going to take it well. I just had no idea how bad it was going to be. I knew we would fight. But I didn’t think she would throw me out. I thought that I would be able to explain, and then she would understand. But no, and as a result, I honestly had no idea where the two of us stood anymore.
“Here’s your coffee, Mr. Marcus,” Sally said as she brought me my order. As always, she looked good, with those big brown eyes and warm smile. It was odd to think that she was as nasty and dirty as Jack had claimed.
“Thanks, Sally.” As I reached into my wallet to pay, I suddenly had a little premonition. I had been thinking a lot about lying lately and how people aren’t always what they seemed. It made me wonder if it was Sally or Jack who was the one hiding something. “Ah, do you mind if I ask you something?”
“Sure thing,” she beamed, taking the very l
arge bill that I handed her.
“It’s about Jack—” I began.
“Oh, he didn’t ask you to ask me to call, did he?” She scrunched her face up, and I caught her eyes darting around the café, as if she were expecting Jack to be there, lurking around somewhere in the shadows.
“What? No. Why?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. He’s a nice guy. Really nice. Just a little, I don’t know. He was a little clingy.”
“Really?” I asked, eyebrow raised.
“We had two dates. Both pretty casual, and then he started texting me just all the time. And when I didn’t respond, he turned up here, at my other job, at my college. You get the picture. It was a little odd, but no big deal. I haven’t heard from him in a few weeks so I figured he sent you to talk to me. Oh sorry, you wanted to ask me something?”
“Oh, never mind,” I said, trying to hide my smile as she bustled away. How interesting. It seemed that we all spun ourselves lies to make reality a little easier to deal with. But Jack, though? Who would have thought?
As I stepped out of the coffee house, I checked my phone–8:30 a.m. exactly. She would be calling me any minute. With that in mind, I crossed the road and headed into Central Park. Not only was it a little quieter there, but it was also a short cut to Luscious. I was pretty certain that following the call, I was going to need to be at the store.
It was just as I entered the park that my phone rang. Checking it, I wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Kendra’s name on the screen.
“Hello,” I answered.
“What the hell is your problem?” she exploded in the exact fashion that I thought she would. “Are you really that much of an asshole?”
“Kendra, what’s done is done. I’m sorry, but I told you that I can’t have you working there anymore. No matter what.”
“And what? Now I’m supposed to just leap into your arms, am I? Is that what you thought? How can you possibly think that?” She spat venom at me through the phone.
