Jay shrugged. “Not too much. I know she didn’t think too much of him.”
“Smart girl.” Fred took a long pull of his beer. “My brother was a real, first class asshole. I could tell you stories…” He shook his head in disgust.
Jay turned more toward Fred so he wouldn’t miss a single word. Izzy’s dad had died when she was a little kid, so he wasn’t a huge part of her life, but he still felt like knowing more about the man might make him feel closer to Izzy somehow.
Stupid, he knew.
“I actually met Miranda first,” Fred began. “Took me weeks to work up the nerve to talk to her, but by the time I did, my brother Frank had already cast a spell on her. By the time I knew they were together, she was pregnant with Izzy already.” Fred stared out at the water, lost in the memory.
“Frank was never happy about the pregnancy. I know he felt trapped; surely a wife and child would put a damper on his rock n’ roll image. This was back in the days when the Stone Pony was the place to be, when Bruce Springsteen was showing up unannounced to play a set here and there, and when a little unknown band called Bon Jovi was just getting discovered. Frank thought he had what it took to make it big, and I admit – he probably did, talent-wise. But damn if he wasn’t the cockiest son of a bitch you ever met.” A sour look crossed his face for only a brief moment, and then he relaxed again. He could’ve been talking about his last dental appointment, for all the emotion he was exerting.
“I know it wasn’t exactly noble of me, given my feelings for Miranda, but I could see the writing on the wall and I wanted to be sure she was looked after, so I offered to marry her instead, leaving him free to sow his wild oats or whatever. To give you an idea of my brother’s spitefulness, do you know what he did when I made the offer? Well, first he laughed for about three straight days, and then he packed up his guitar and his pregnant girlfriend and moved them all the way to California – as far away from here as he could get.”
“Where’d they move to? LA?”
Fred shook his head, then lit up his cigar again. “Nah, that would have made a little more sense at least. He could have claimed he was chasing his dream or whatever. But no, he moved them out to some remote random town with literally no chance of being discovered. As soon as Izzy was born, he’d leave for weeks at a time, and drive all the way back to Asbury Park, hanging around like he was a groupie or something, hoping for some scraps. That’s about the time he met Amy.”
“Frank had an affair?”
Fred laughed. “An affair would have been forgivable. No, Frank Delaney had himself a whole ‘nother family. One for each coast. Each complete with one doting wife and one baby daughter.”
Jay tried to let that sink in for a minute. “Does Izzy know?”
“Not yet.”
“What about Miranda?”
“Miranda knows.”
Jay was quiet. He wasn’t sure if he should prompt with more questions, or just let Fred talk if he felt the need.
The two men sat in silence, watching the waves and lost in their own thoughts. Finally Fred spoke again. “I tell you this because I feel like maybe Izzy has transferred some of her feelings about her dad onto you. She doubts you – and it may or may not be based on something you did to deserve her doubt – but she knows what it feels like to be unwanted by a parent, and she’s thinking of Sydney.”
“I did plenty of things to shatter her trust.”
Fred didn’t seem to hear him. “I also thought you should know that Izzy’s about to get a bombshell dropped on her.”
“Miranda’s gonna tell her about that other family?”
Fred nodded.
“Why now?”
“Because Izzy’s half-sister has decided a family reunion is in order.”
Jay blew out a sharp breath through his teeth. “I don’t really see how that can be good for anybody.”
“Maybe not, but she travelled all the way here from California – with you – just for this very reason, and it’s better Izzy hear it from Miranda first before Trisha blindsides her.”
Jay’s eyes flew open wide. “I’m sorry, what? Did you say Trisha?”
“I did.”
“But Trisha’s lived in California for years. How is she…”
“Apparently, Amy – Frank’s other wife - told her daughter about Frank’s second family on the west coast, right around the time Izzy left home. As soon as Trisha found out, she moved out there to find Izzy. I guess she was kind of messed up at the time, wanted revenge or some such shit. For what, I don’t know. Trisha, Izzy, Amy and Miranda were all victims of Frank’s lies. But I guess after your friend died, Trisha decided that hurting Izzy didn’t seem quite as appealing as it once had.”
“Trisha told you all this?”
“Nah, she talked to Miranda.”
Jay shook his head trying to wrap his head around all this. Izzy and Trisha were sisters? They never got along back when Trisha dated Cooper, and now it all made a little more sense. But Fred was right; Trisha must’ve been pretty messed up in the head to leave her home, practically stalk Izzy, then hook up with Cooper just to get close to her. And all the times she threw her friends at Jay. It was almost as if Trisha wanted to antagonize her.
And now, how would Izzy react to this new information? Especially on top of all the other emotional turmoil she was going through at the moment. Because of him.
“You should go by the café, later today or maybe tomorrow. Izzy will need you there.”
“I really don’t think that I’m what she needs. I’ll probably only make it worse.”
Fred stared at Jay long and hard, as if he were trying to figure something out. “You seem like a smart guy, Archer. Don’t be stupid.”
And with that he turned his attention back to his cigar and his dormant fishing pole, and Jay headed back across the beach, the sun just beginning to set behind the houses, and the air turning cold, reminding him that summer was over.
44
I was ready to tear at my own skin. After a very emotional and draining night, listening to Trisha’s confessions and unloading my anger and hurt on Miranda for not telling me any of the unseemly details of my dear departed dad’s last years on earth, I was completely spent.
We got through the morning rush at the café, which of course was never-ending due to Chowder Fest just getting underway. Miranda and I were civil to each other, but there was more conversation that we needed to have, and I didn’t feel like I was up to the task.
Around three, just before Sydney came home from school, I told Miranda I needed a few hours, and asked her stiffly to watch the café and get Sydney settled. I walked out to the jetty where I could cry and scream without having to be quiet. Only now the tears wouldn’t come.
I stubbornly stayed out on the shore way past dark, despite the fact that the temperature had dropped below freezing, and my clothes were soaked through from the sea spray. I didn’t care. Not about the cold, not about how worried my mother would be, and not how I had responsibilities to get back to. I didn’t care that I suddenly had a sister, or that Jay had gone home to California. I was numb, and if I had the presence of mind to really think about that, it was quite scary.
I walked in the back door, and if Miranda’s expression was any indication, I must’ve looked frightening. I half-heartedly patted my wet hair down, then tucked the bedraggled strands behind my ear. I started shivering as soon as the warmth of the building enveloped me.
“Jesus, Izzy! Your lips are blue.” She grabbed her own coat from the rack and wrapped it around me, rubbing my shoulders. “Sit down, I’ll get you some tea.”
I nodded, my teeth chattering. But instead of sitting down in the break room, I walked out to the cafe. The place was full of customers, every couch and table had occupants. My eyes roamed the room, trying to work up some pride at how well our business was doing, or drum up some excitement over the success of the first day of the Festival, but not succeeding. Then my eyes settled on Sydney, and my heart thaw
ed a bit.
Until I saw that she wasn’t sitting alone.
Jay was with her and they were playing checkers. Sydney was laughing at something he said, and he was smiling. Jay Archer, smiling, can you imagine? Well, he may have been having a rip-roaring time, but this was not a scene I had been expecting. I had a knee-jerk reaction and marched over.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, not even looking at my daughter.
“Mama?” she asked. A small part of my brain registered that I shouldn’t be doing this in front of her. And it probably wasn’t wise to make a scene right in the middle of the crowded cafe either.
I felt Miranda’s gentle touch on my arm, but I shook her off. “I thought you went back to California.” There was a twinge of nastiness in my voice. I was pissed.
“I was… no, I didn’t,” Jay said.
“Well you should. Go home, I mean. And don’t come back.” I lifted my chin as if I’d just scored a point, but I didn’t feel victorious. I felt empty. My hands were starting to shake, and my head felt really fuzzy. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Miranda gesture to Jay to move toward the back, and I felt her ushering me out of the cafe. Then I heard her tell Sydney to stay put.
The door to the break room closed and Jay and I were alone. He stood facing me. I refused to look at him. Instead I focused on a spot on the wall over his shoulder.
“We need to talk about this. Maybe now isn’t a good time.” His voice was calm and that just made me angrier. I couldn’t stop shaking and he was standing there perfectly poised.
“Just tell me what you want. I don’t want this to go to court. I don’t want Sydney to have to go through that.”
Jay looked as if I’d slapped him, and the twisted part of me felt satisfied that he wasn’t so calm anymore. “You actually think I would sue you for custody?” He ran his hand across his face and took a breath. “How could you… Oh, never mind.”
He paused for a minute. “I would never do that,” he said softly.
I nearly collapsed with relief. I hadn’t realized until just then, that in addition to the earth shattering revelation that Jay hated me and would never forgive me, I was terrified that I would lose Sydney, too.
Jay reached out and touched my arm. I snatched it away like he’d burned me and backed up a step. “Don’t,” I said, because being in the same room with him was bad enough. Touching him was out of the question.
“Don’t you have things to get back to? Shouldn’t you be heading back soon?” I rubbed my arm absently where he had touched it. It still felt tingly.
“I’m not leaving here until we work stuff out. I’m not going the lawyer route, but I want to get to know her, Izzy. I at least deserve that.”
I nodded absently. He did deserve time with his daughter. And Sydney deserved it too. But all I could do was selfishly think about the impact of having Jay nearby for any longer. How was I supposed to handle that?
“Can we meet this weekend, maybe for dinner or something, and talk?”
“That depends. Do you have any more love songs to sing to me?”
I glanced at him briefly in time to see him grimace.
“Listen, I’m sor…”
I held my hand up. “No need. You were only being honest.”
“No, Izzy. I was just mad. I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t.”
I backed up a little more so that I was against the wall. I needed something to hold me up. My head was spinning now, and I may or may not have been seeing spots. I couldn’t think straight. I knew this conversation was something I should really be paying attention to, but I couldn’t.
“Izzy.” Was it my imagination, or had Jay just stepped closer to me? I blinked a few times and shook my head once, trying to clear it. My eyes refocused on the opposite wall. Oh, God, I think he took another step. All the oxygen was now cut off from my brain. I felt my knees buckle and my legs give up the fight to hold me upright. I heard a foggy voice yell my name right before I fell and everything went dark.
45
“Mama?”
I opened one eye, not anxious to be awake from whatever wonderful dream I was having. The images were already fading as I returned to consciousness, only to find my daughter’s face barely an inch from my own.
“Hi baby,” I said. My voice was hoarse with sleep.
“Ew, Mama, you have morning breath!”
I smiled, pulling her close for a hug. “That’s not morning breath, silly. There’s a fire-breathing dragon in my belly, and he’s trying to get out.”
She giggled.
“And do you know why he’s trying to get out?” I teased. “Well, do you?”
“No!”
“That fire-breathing dragon wants to get out of my belly so he can tickle a little girl.” I squeezed her belly, and she squirmed to get away. “Oh no! Look out, he’s escaped!” She squealed with laughter, and the sound was like music to my ears.
I tickled her mercilessly, then finally gave in to her pleas, and rested my head back down on the pillow with a deep sigh. She calmed down and we lay, face to face. Her laughter faded and she reached out and laid her little hand on my head.
“I don’t like it when you’re sick, Mama.”
I tucked her hand in my own and held it against my heart. “I’m okay, baby. Don’t worry, okay?”
She nodded, then went quiet as if she was thinking really hard.
“Mama, what’s custody mean?”
I licked my dry lips and raised my eyebrows. “Where’d you hear a big word like that?”
She looked embarrassed. “I heard when you were talking to Jay. Last night before you fell down.”
“Well,” I started, hoping to God the words would come to me. I had no idea how to explain this to her. I wasn’t ready to tell her about her daddy just yet. “You know it’s not nice to listen to other people’s conversations.”
“I know. But you looked really mad, and I thought Jay was your friend. I wanted to…”
“Sydney…”
“Well, look who’s up!” Miranda walked into the room with a tray. There was enough food to feed an army piled on there, and it reminded me of how hungry I was. My mouth watered.
Sydney jumped off the bed. “I’ll go tell Jay you’re awake. He’s downstairs on the couch.” She was out the door before I could stop her.
“He stayed here?” I asked Miranda. Suddenly the food didn’t seem all that appealing anymore. “I don’t want to see him right now.”
“Too late.” Jay appeared in the doorway and all the breath left my lungs in a whoosh. Sydney came up beside him, bouncing on her toes, and his hand rested absently on top of her head. Seeing them together like this was almost more than I could take; two identical pairs of emerald green eyes staring at me expectantly. This emotional roller coaster I was on, was speeding out of control, and I just wanted to get off.
Miranda walked over and took Sydney by the hand. “Come on, love. I need your help at the shop. Let’s let Mama rest a while longer.”
Sydney looked from me to Miranda to Jay, not quite sure what to do. Then she shrugged and let Miranda lead her away.
I followed Jay with my eyes, my head frozen in place against the pillows. He walked around to the side of the bed and sat down. “You should eat something. Your mother said you haven’t eaten or slept in days. No wonder you collapsed.”
“I didn’t collapse. I’m just…” I sighed. “I’m just a little tired.”
He nodded, as if that answered everything. Then he picked up a fork, speared a piece of pineapple and held it out to me. I took the fork from him, careful not to touch his hand.
“She likes you,” I said, allowing myself to glance at him, but only briefly. He made no indication that he’d even heard me. He just picked up my discarded fork and held it in front of me again. I choked down the fruit and he calmly forked another one.
“She never asked. I don’t know
why, maybe she’s just too young yet, but she never asked about why she doesn’t have a daddy.” I was rambling, and pretty sure that what I was saying was coming out all wrong. “I just want you to know. I never lied to her. If she asked me, I would… well, I would have… I don’t know what I would’ve said.”
I slumped back and turned my head away from the food he was offering. I couldn’t eat it. The lump in my throat was enormous now, and my eyes were filling to make matters worse. I didn’t want him to see me cry, to see me so weak.
He sat there for another minute. I knew he wouldn’t say anything, and I wasn’t wrong. His silence was welcome this time. What was there to say?
I felt the bed dip as he stood to leave. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the tears spill over. When I felt his lips brush my forehead, I let out a sob and clamped it down, hoping maybe he didn’t notice.
“Sleep,” he said as he straightened and turned to leave.
“Jay?”
“Yeah.”
I rolled over and rummaged through my nightstand until I found what I was looking for. Silently I handed him the stack of letters rubber-banded together, each one addressed to him. He stared at them for a second then took them from my hand. He nodded once and walked out.
46
Miranda forbade me from working in the café, but then Miranda never really did have a handle on authority over me. Besides, I was only a little shaky on my feet, and I needed to keep busy.
So despite her protests, I got up at dawn, showered and dressed, and made it over to the café shortly after she unlocked the door. Uncle Fred was working behind the counter, a rare occurrence indeed. I watched from the back doorway as he patiently told Grumpy Gloria that he doubted any of the offerings in the bakery case were gluten free, but that he would certainly convince Miranda to consider making that a daily choice for customers such as herself. He complimented Mrs. Makool on her beautiful hand-knit sweater, making her blush, then started talking to Abe about fishing, all while he clumsily operated the cash register.
The Duet Page 20
