by Lara Swann
His breath was hard, and he was distracted by the drag of my mouth over his, kissing me while he tried to talk. For once, I was done with talking.
“Lottie, I don’t…this isn’t a good idea.”
My eyebrow quirked as I nipped at his lip, pulse still beating hard within me.
“Not supposed to sleep with your sources?”
The deep laugh ignited my blood again, and his strong fingers working their way down my sides had my body singing with desire.
“Probably not. But no, Lottie, this will change things. And I don’t—I don’t know how.”
His kisses still tugged at my lips, but they were pulling back even as his eyes gleamed with frustration.
Fuck that.
“Good.”
I pressed back into him, my breasts pushing up against the half-open shirt as my arms closed around him and I captured his mouth again.
“What?”
“I like changing things. I like not knowing. Let’s find out.”
He groaned as I ran my tongue over his lip, and like a switch that seductive danger came back into his expression, narrowing on me with an intensity that had energy curling my toes.
“You sure?”
One last chance - I could read it in his expression. One last barrier holding him back.
I grinned, looking all of him over with a pleasure that wrapped me in warmth.
“Yes.”
He swore as he surged forward, grabbing my legs and hoisting them up and around his waist while his tongue tangled with mine. That pulsing need in my core throbbed hard at the feel of his thickness right up against it, and I let myself be swept up by the force and power of the body holding mine. I’d always hated not being taller, but here in his embrace I realized just how nice it was to be easily held and covered in another’s body.
“Then let’s use this hotel room the way it was intended.”
With that, he turned us around and headed for the bedroom, my heartbeat going crazy as he kept up his attention the whole way there. How he could multitask like that I wasn’t sure, but I was beyond thinking by the time he lay me down, pulling my pants down again while my own hands finished the job on his. He reached behind and unclasped my bra, slipping it off to reveal my needy breasts waiting for his attention. He grinned at me, and I tried to surge up to meet him, to slip between his legs and take what I wanted, but he was done with that.
His body slipped on top of mine, holding me tight against the bed as his head bent and he took whatever pleasure he wanted, mouth grazing and nibbling along my skin until I thought I’d die from the excruciating pleasure, from waiting and needing while everything in me built to a level I could scarcely believe.
I was moaning incoherently by the time that dangerous mouth made its way down to my center, and my hands gripped his shoulders hard while he hovered there, just the lightest breath enough to send shock waves through me. I thought I could sense him smile at my reaction, and I almost cursed him, but then his mouth closed around me - that heat combining with my own to have me shuddering in moments.
“Fuck, Jason…”
His tongue lapped at the moisture there, circling around my clit and making my breath come hard and intense. The heat in my stomach threatened to explode as he alternated between slipping inside me and coming back to tease my hard nub, but with a last kiss he disappeared just before I could get to the peak I so desperately wanted, leaving me grinding my hips hard against him.
His mouth left a wet trail up my body as he settled over me, and I finally felt that divine pressure against my core.
“God, yes, Jason…”
He positioned himself, then paused, making me groan with impatience yet again as he frowned down at me.
“I don’t have…”
My own brow furrowed for a moment, as I tried to understand something beyond the unrelenting desire.
Oh.
“I thought all guys did.”
My response was automatic, my mouth running before my mind again, but his silence was more interesting. Or it would have been if I hadn’t been so done with waiting, my mind finally skipping to the right answer.
“Doesn’t matter, I’m on the pill. You’re clean?”
He nodded, the frustration on his face relaxing into that hot gleam of intent as he slid forward. I smiled decadently, pulling on him as he guided the thick length into me.
I hissed as it burned for a moment, reminding me how tight I was, but he eased in slowly and a heartbeat later that burn turned to sweet friction, my pussy clenching and spasming around his thick cock.
Shit, that’s good…
I moaned as he settled, and then the consideration in his gaze shifted and I had one moment to prepare before he was plunging hard against me, deep thrusts that stroked the fire within me until I was a mindless wreck. His hands slipped between my back and the bed, cupping my body and bringing it up to his as his mouth littered kisses over my neck, my face, my chest.
The tense energy pulsed within me, making me mimic his actions as I cried out, desperate for an outlet. I clutched at his hair and pressed our lips together again while he thrust with unrelenting passion. One hand massaged my breast as he moved and my breath caught in my throat as he drove us both closer and closer to that edge.
I felt him throb and pulse inside me, the jerks of his cock making it clear he was as close to exploding as I was, and I squeezed down against him, wanting more, impossibly more.
He grunted hard and bit at my lip, tongue swirling across it and sending waves of need through me. Just as I thought we wouldn’t be able to stand it any longer, he pulled my head back, meeting my eyes as he thrust once, twice, then froze deep inside me, my own orgasm crashing and rippling inside while liquid heat filled me.
As my body collapsed against the bed and my boneless limbs sprawled, the sight of the small spark of hope and desperation in those dark green eyes shone like a beacon in my mind.
We lay like that for a few moments, harsh breathing punctuating our recovery, as the shudders and shocks eased and I finally started coming back to myself.
When I could finally bring myself to tilt my head and look at him, the deep satisfaction there gave me another thrill. I gave him a lopsided grin and twisted around to kiss him again, taking my fill of that intoxicating mouth - and giving a clear message.
No regrets.
I still couldn’t tell whether he’d end up feeling the same, but for the moment at least he seemed to echo it, responding with only a little less enthusiasm than he’d had in the throes of passion.
I finally shifted off the bed and slipped into the bathroom to clean myself up, unable to help glancing at the clock by the bed.
Shit, it’s late - even for you.
I worked quickly and came back to find him propped up on the bed, eyes running over me. I wished I could crawl into that bed and settle into his arms for what little was left of the night, especially as he had one of those arms deliciously tucked behind his head, exposing the firm muscle of his pecs. But hot sex was one thing, and cuddling was another entirely - whatever I’d seen in his eyes just now, they were slightly clouded now, uncertain, and I didn’t want to risk it disappearing entirely. Besides which, it really was getting too late.
Too late to run my tongue along that muscle, more’s the pity.
Ignoring the instinctive thought, I gave him another grin as I started picking up my clothes, pulling them on.
“It’s late - I’d love to stay, but…leaving in the morning isn’t exactly discreet, right?”
His mouth quirked as he watched me, but the shadow returned to his expression and he got up from the bed. I stilled at the sight of that open shirt, the fly of his suit pants still open, his whole look screaming sex.
My heart jumped again, but the frown was back across his brow as he stepped up to me, cupping my chin again. I lifted for the kiss, but it didn’t come as he spoke.
“I meant what I said, Lottie. You don’t have to do this - you can back
out any time you want—”
It was my turn to frown, and shrug.
“Just because I was scared didn’t mean I wanted to quit it, Jason. I was just telling you what was going on - I’ll adjust, it’s fine.”
The thought of everything waiting for me outside this hotel room had my stomach clenching again, for far less pleasant reasons, but I felt a hell of a lot more relaxed now.
You should have casual, hot-as-hell sex with intriguing, dangerous guys more often…
Sure, because that’s all this is…
I stopped the internal monologue as he shook his head, the echoes of his earlier tension back.
“You’re brave as fuck, Lottie, and I’m not quite sure how you’re doing it.”
I laughed and kissed him lightly, dismissing it.
“Lots of people don’t give into fear, Jason.”
He shook his head, eyes serious as they met mine.
“Because they can’t deal with what that says about them. You admit it openly, and continue anyway - I don’t know many who can do that.”
Not knowing what to say for once, I paused, looking up into eyes filled with an odd light, and a hint of honest admiration. It warmed me inside, that I could finally see something of the man I’d guessed at, and that he seemed to see something in me. Smiling, I leaned in for another deep kiss, and wished I could stay and enjoy the feeling.
Instead, I finally withdrew and gathered up both the phone he’d given me, and my bag. When I got to the door, I turned around to look at him watching me, wishing I could understand everything I saw in that expression.
“Same time next week?”
I didn’t know whether I was arranging our next meet or more explosive sex. From the look on his face, neither did he.
“Next week.”
Chapter Eight
Jason
I pushed harder, ramping up the speed of the whirring treadmill under me, taking the faster pace in my stride as blood pounded in my head. Sweat was streaming from me now, my t-shirt soaked as I pushed beyond even my usual military-fit routine.
Today, I needed something more than a workout. I needed a fucking miracle.
Her cries echoed in my head, even as the thunder of my blood tried to drown them out. It wasn’t good enough. I felt her under me with every movement.
What the hell were you thinking, you fucking idiot?!
She was off limits. A disaster even if she wasn’t the source I so desperately needed within Jorge’s gang.
“You’re a good man, Jason.”
“Maybe you have no idea who you are.”
Those misguided, fucked up words. I wanted more than anything to call them a shot in the dark, a wild guess - but her eyes were too knowing, too bright and they saw far too much.
My stomach twisted again. I’d thought I could deal with it - with her.
I’d made my decision, accepted the danger I was going to put her in, and resolved to stick firmly to business.
To Xero.
Fuck.
Even with the promise of finally confronting him…guilt plagued me - and I couldn’t quite hide from that deep sense of wrong inside me.
I’d done fucked-up shit to so many people, but I’d never touched a woman - never harmed a girl. I couldn’t.
Images of another time filled my mind, a younger girl on the cusp of womanhood laughing and playing with me, dragging our mother into the game as I pretended at exasperation. And then, an instant later, those light-hearted memories were painted red, the pictures of what had been done to them seared in my mind.
I slammed my hand against the treadmill, turning it up yet again. My body couldn’t handle much more of this - not for as long as I’d been going - but my mind refused to be tamed.
I forced myself away from that horror yet again. I couldn’t think of them or that time - that life didn’t fit with who I was now. What I’d become. And I was so far down this path, that Lottie…the danger I was asking of her was a risk worth taking.
I’d known it would affect me, but I’d been determined to see it through regardless, and live with whatever that did to me.
What I hadn’t counted on was her.
The things she saw, what she said, who she was…or how deeply that got under my skin.
Her off-the-wall comments, the knee-jerk objection and defiance to things I’d lived with for so long - they spoke to a part of me that I’d thought was dead.
I’d never known anyone like her. The hard-fought purity and honest-to-god goodness there took my breath away.
It barely made sense - I’d always hated the self-righteous types, that kind of asinine purity that came from a privileged life and an ignorance of what the world was really like. I’d faced enough of those snide observations as they subtly insulted everything I’d done when fighting for my country and people. Stupid comments from those that liked to point out all the wrong that others did, while wishing helplessly that the world was different and doing little or nothing to fix it.
No, that wasn’t Lottie.
She was righteous, yes, but in all the right ways. Knowing and understanding the evil she saw around her, but refuting it with all the fury and power associated with that word. An unconscious grace and belief that had somehow seduced my very soul.
I’d lived in darkness and covered myself in filth until I’d thought there was nothing else there. No way back. But everything she said promised otherwise.
Those earnest eyes sparking with light and an understanding that terrified me.
I wanted so badly to believe that what we’d done had been a reckless moment of lust and passion - built up from a year of avoiding anything to do with women. A natural reaction, just blowing off steam as any guy would.
But I couldn’t fool myself. It had been those words that had tipped me over the edge and replaced all my resistance with an urgent need - an impossible desire to be that reflection I saw in her eyes.
She’d spoken to something I couldn’t control, and suddenly every confused reaction I’d had before to her words, her comments, her actions and fire - it had all turned into liquid heat. Desperate need. I’d been washed away by it with no hope of coming back - that spark exploding into some of the best sex I could remember having.
Damn it all to hell.
I couldn’t deny what she’d done to me - or that if I walked into that hotel room next week, it would probably happen all over again.
It was more than blowing off steam, this was playing with fire, and it was fucking dangerous.
I couldn’t afford to go back to that time. That deep, forgotten part of me needed to stay that way. Buried. Gone.
I had a job to do and nothing could get in my way - not even the girl right in the center of that job.
For one brief moment, I considered asking Valentini to get someone else to deal with her - someone who wouldn’t be so susceptible to everything she did. But my mistrust there was too strong - I couldn’t risk it.
And the idea of someone else going near her…
I forced that away - those feelings were far too dangerous. No, I wouldn’t go back to Valentini, and for one reason only - Xero.
For once in my life, that name brought me calm.
Xero.
My focus. My priority. Somehow knowing that made it easier and relaxed my confused, conflicted feelings about Lottie.
I slapped the emergency stop on the treadmill just as I thought my heart was about to burst in my chest, jerking to a stop and gasping hard as I clutched the handle.
So long as I focused on him, I’d be alright.
I couldn’t help what Lottie did to me, but my focus on Xero hadn’t wavered since I’d come home - it wouldn’t now.
Maybe there was some foolish part of me that still wanted to believe in what she said, but it wasn’t enough to worry about. I knew better, and both my past and the life I led now overshadowed one naive girl’s ideas.
As my breathing and heart rate started to settle, muscle stiffness beginning to s
et in, I adjusted the controls more calmly this time, starting a light walk to cool down.
I might not be able to deny the electric heat between us - or the way her fanciful thoughts pulled at me - but whatever temporary madness existed between us would remain just that: temporary. Confined to those brief meetings, with the knowledge that it gave me a lead on Xero to keep me grounded.
And if I could blow off some of the tension that followed me at the same time, I’d take that. I was just going to have to be careful.
I couldn’t confuse the red-hot lust her fiery nature created for anything more. I wouldn’t allow myself to get confused about what she meant to me.
Chapter Nine
Lottie
Despite everything I’d tried telling myself, my heart sped up as I approached the hotel again, warmth stirring in anticipation within me.
I’d spent the last week replaying those hot, intense moments - wondering what on earth had happened, and what it meant - Jason’s touch and heat driving me crazy even in my mind. I’d had plenty of fun with guys before, but it had never felt like that. The power and intensity of his thick, muscled body, with the way he’d taken me over and given me things I hadn’t even known were possible.
I’d wanted to text him a dozen times this week and ask about what had happened - check that he was still going to meet me now. But it didn’t count as an emergency, and if I wanted to see him again, acting like it was worth mentioning was probably a bad idea.
I didn’t even know if it was worth mentioning. One random, hot-as-hell encounter. An energy neither of us could resist acting on. But lust and heat didn’t mean much, especially compared to everything else we were dealing with. And I didn’t even know whether I wanted it to mean more - he intrigued and captivated me, but at the end of the day he was a mobster. I was fundamentally opposed to everything he stood for.
I couldn’t stand him.
I shouldn’t be able to stand him.
The desire that was already raging inside me said otherwise.
The man who escorted me up didn’t phase me this time, but getting one step closer to confronting Jason again had me biting my lip as we headed up. I glanced down at the thin skirt that flowed around my knees and couldn’t help feeling like some ridiculous teenage girl, recalling the way I’d changed with care before I came out tonight. Only, interestingly, I’d never acted like this for my actual teenage flings.
